Devotion

The phone rings at six pm, jostling her from her spot at the stove and startling her hard enough that she bites her tongue. She was in something of a trance as she stirred the pasta sauce for dinner, imagining the warm skim of her husband's hands up her sides, and so the trill of her phone makes her feel brittle and unguarded.

She glances over at the living room, sees her eighteen month old in his bouncer. He seems to be quite content playing with the assortment of things that hang down to entertain him, so Kate swipes her phone from the counter and moves to sink into the couch.

"Hey babe."

"Hey." Her husband's voice is crackly and far away sounding, miles between them, but she lets her eyes slip closed and imagines that he's right beside her. "I'm sorry to interrupt dinner, but I'm supposed to be getting an early night and it's past eleven already."

Huffing a laugh, Kate slips down onto the floor and brushes her fingers at her son's cheek. It's been difficult these past couple weeks, the constantly shifting differences in their time zones making it hard to carve out a moment to check in.

Despite that, they haven't missed a single day. So even if the loft does seem cavernous without him, even if she feels immensely guilty for needing her father to take care of her son almost every day, it's been alright. Bearable.

"It's okay. Good to hear your voice."

"Whoa, hey, sweetheart. What's wrong?" Rick sounds immediately desolate and it makes her eyes flood with stupid tears.

Drawing her knees up to her chest, Kate presses her eyes into the apex of them to stem the flood of emotion, ignoring her son's indignant squawk when she takes her hand away. "I'm okay. Just. . .missing you. We both are."

"I miss you, too." He says quietly, and Kate wants to curse at herself. It took so much persuasion to get him to do this, fulfil his obligations with Black Pawn. He didn't want to leave his family, especially not now, but she was adamant that they'd be just fine without him.

Really, she had no idea just how hard it would be. "I'm coping, it's fine. I'm just really looking forward to you coming home."

"I can't wait. How's Jack?"

"He's good." Kate laughs, bringing the phone away from her ear and pressing the button to put it on speaker. "Hey, sweet boy. Say hi to Daddy."

Her son cranes his neck, trying desperately to look behind him as if he expects his father to have suddenly materialised. "Where Daddy?"

"On the phone, baby." Kate hums, settling her cell on the coffee table so she can use both hands to free her little boy from the bouncer and cradle him close.

Castle's voice rings out, even less clear now that the phone is on speaker but still so familiar, so good to hear. "Hey there, Jackson. I hope you're being good for Mommy, my man."

"I good, Daddy. I soooo good." Her son giggles, splaying both hands at his cheeks and burying his face in the crease of her neck. Kate gets a hand at the back of his head, her other arm pressed against the length of his spine to keep him somewhat still.

He's a wriggling little thing, but he loves to cuddle; without Castle here to hand him off to she's had to figure out a way to corral him somewhat. "He's great. But he misses you, Daddy."

"How's baby girl?" Her husband says, and she can hear the curve of mischievous delight in his voice.

"You don't know that it's a girl. But the baby is fine." She murmurs, letting her son go when he starts to fuss at still finding himself trapped in his mother's embrace. Kate's pregnancy was the main reason her husband didn't want to leave for Europe, so she's kept him up to date every day, cataloguing the slightest changes in her body for him.

"I'm so glad." There's a pause, a rustle of sheets, and she imagines him settling down in the too-cold hotel bed. He never takes the middle on his book tours, always leaves the left side of the bed empty in deference to her. "Hey Kate? I was thinking maybe when I get back we could head up to your father's cabin for the weekend. Take a little time away from the demands of our lives."

"That sounds wonderful." She breathes, startling a little when the baby kicks. Spreading her palm out at the spot low down on her right side, she closes her eyes and revels in the feeling of her youngest child making her presence known.

And yes. She's using the damned female pronouns for the baby, even though they don't find out the sex for another month. Castle's quiet too, and for a moment she wonders whether he's fallen asleep on her. It wouldn't be the first time in the past couple of weeks that she's had to hang up their call, woken up the next morning to an apologetic text from him.

"I wish you were here. I miss you so much. I miss kissing you, and sleeping next to you, and raising our son together." He grits out, his voice thick with anguish and more than anything she wants to be there, carding her fingers through his hair to soothe him.

All she has to offer are her own words in return. "I miss you too, Rick. I had no idea just how much. How hard it would be to do this without you."

Before her husband gets a chance to respond, their son is running full tilt towards the coffee table. Kate watches as if it's in slow motion as her little boy fails to stop and smacks right into the solid oak, falling onto his bottom and staring up at her, shell-shocked.

And then he screams. "I'm gonna go. Let you deal with that. Love you both."

She can deal with it. Three more days.