Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my ideas. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Author's Note: I realize that it was yesterday, but happy birthday to J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter! 3 thank you so much for reading, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! xx
Chapter Ten: In My Head
"Mummy! Look at me, Mummy!"
Hermione smiled as she looked at Isobel and Faith's sandcastle. The two girls were wearing matching black and white polka dot bathing suits - the ones they had picked out for themselves in Australia. Ron was next to them, watching and helping them build their sandcastle.
The beach wasn't much compared to the ones the girls had been used to in Australia, but it was sand and water and enough to please them. Hermione looked over at Bliss who was seated in a lounge chair next to her, her hands on her stomach as she stared over at the kids behind her sunglasses.
The kids, or Ron.
"Bliss." Hermione said, her lips turning up in a smirk.
"Hm?" Bliss said, turning her head to look at her.
Hermione looked back at Ron, making sure he was definitely out of earshot. "You like him."
Bliss gasped, looking back at Ron to see if he had heard. "I do not!"
"Bliss."
"God, I'm pregnant."
"Pregnancy does not stop you from liking someone."
"I don't like him."
"Bliss."
Bliss groaned and looked back at the kids - and Ron - a pout on her lips. She let out another anxious moan, putting her sunglasses atop her blonde hair and looking at Hermione.
"Is it really that obvious?" she moaned.
Hermione shrugged. "No. I just know both of you very well."
"I'm sorry... is it weird if I do?" Bliss asked. "Because you two..."
Hermione shook her head immediately. "No. God, no. Not at all. I may have felt that way in the past, but... you know who it's always been for me."
Bliss nodded softly in understanding. "Right."
"Besides, I think that you two would be great together." Hermione complimented.
She watched Bliss' cheeks turn pink as she smiled shyly. "Thanks."
A few minutes later, Harry walked up the beach towards them. He had gone on a walk almost an hour ago. Hermione knew that he was trying to clear his head. She could have sworn that last night he had been about to kiss her, or at least considering possibly kissing her. She had wanted it so badly. She had almost told him just how she felt about it, but when Isobel had come in, she had come back to her senses.
She had already dumped one life changing thing on him - did he really need another?
Harry sat down on his chair next to Hermione, only nodding at both of them in greeting. Immediately, Isobel ran up to him, hopping onto his lap and into his arms. She watched as a genuine smile came across his face, bringing pure happiness into his saddened eyes.
"Hello, monkey." he said, kissing her forehead.
"Hi, Daddy." she whispered.
Hermione sighed, looking back at Ron who was still playing with Faith. Everyone else - possibly even Faith - on their trip to the beach knew that Harry was Isobel's father. Apart from Ron, it didn't have to be a secret. She wanted to tell Ron. But could she do that before Harry or herself told Ginny?
Ron hardly had a right to be mad - apart from the fact that they hadn't told him sooner. Of course, he could be mad about what happened in the tent because both Harry and Hermione had known about how Ron had felt about Hermione at the time. Then again, Ron had left them all alone.
"Hermione."
Hermione looked up, snapping out of her thoughts. Ron had said her name.
"Yeah?" she answered.
"Are you alright?" he asked, narrowing his eyes together.
He got up, sending Faith off to Bliss and making his way towards her. She nodded her head quickly, but his expression remained unchanged. He held out her hand, helping her out of her chair.
"Come for a walk with me." Ron said.
Hermione turned back to look at Harry, who was already nodding at her to indicate that he would keep an eye on Isobel. Ron didn't say anything until they made it to the edge of the water, letting their toes get wet as they strolled along the shoreline.
"What's wrong?" Ron asked.
Hermione shook her head, plastering on a fake smile. "Nothing's wrong."
"Bollocks. Don't lie to me, Hermione. It's pointless." he sighed.
Hermione sighed, looking out at the water. She really wanted to tell Ron just what exactly was going on - but she didn't know if she could do that without consulting Harry. She didn't want to do anything else wrong that would make Harry any more angry towards her. She knew that he was still angry at her for keeping Isobel away - and she didn't blame him. She wouldn't ever blame him for that - not if he was angry for the rest of his life.
"I..." she started quietly. "I just don't know what to do."
"About what?" he asked.
She just shook her head. She didn't know what to say, or how to say it. Ron sighed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they walked. It was nice being with Ron like that - a nice, friendship. Just like the one they should have always had.
"You know..." he said, stopping and standing in front of her. "I always thought that if you'd stayed, we could have been amazing together."
Hermione's heart dropped. She did not want to talk about that. Not when Bliss had just confessed she liked Ron. However, Hermione could tell that Ron liked Bliss as well.
"But, I think now I know that we wouldn't have lasted."
Hermione's eyes widened, raising her eyebrows. "You think so?"
"Yeah. I mean... it took me a long time to get over you, Hermione. I've only really just done it, but... I don't think we would have lasted. We probably would have ended up resenting each other in some way." he said.
Hermione nodded. She agreed with him. If Hermione had never realized her true feelings for Harry, or had never gotten pregnant and left, she doubted that her and Ron would have worked out for the long term.
"I loved you, Hermione." Ron said quietly. "I really, really did. And I still love you. Just... in a way that's better for us, you know? I don't want to say like a sister, because it's not like that, but -"
Hermione threw her arms around him, causing him to stumble backwards momentarily. He caught his balance and wrapped his arms back around her, holding her close. It was comforting, more than comforting. It brought her a sense of home that she had longed for in Australia.
"I loved you, too, Ron." she whispered.
And she meant it. Hermione knew that she had loved Ron. Not as much as she loved Harry, but she did know that she had loved it. And it had hurt like hell when he had left her in the tent, and throughout Sixth Year at Hogwarts. But Ron was right - the kind of love they held for each other now was better. It was tender, it was pure, it was friendship. Deep friendship. Family. The kind of family that would always go above and beyond for the other person.
"You're not mad anymore?" she said, pulling back from him.
He had a sly smile on his face. "I'm always mad at you."
She nudged him with her elbow and laughed. "That's my line."
They began walking again and Ron grabbed her hand, holding it tight. It wasn't in a romantic way, it was just comforting. She knew that he could tell she needed a friend right now, and he was being there for her. And that was more than she could have ever asked for from him.
"Do you want to talk about whatever's going on?" he asked.
"I do, but... I don't know if I can yet." she whispered back.
He nodded in understanding, giving her hand another squeeze. "When you think you can, I'll still listen."
"Thank you, Ron." Hermione said.
"It's got something to do with Harry, doesn't it?"
Hermione froze, stopping their walk again and stepping in front of him to look up into his eyes. There wasn't anger there, nor was there any sort of frustration or sadness. She could tell that he was just trying to understand, trying to help her.
"What makes you think that?" she asked.
Ron sighed, smiling feebly at her. "You never looked at me the way you look at him. The way I think I'm beginning to realize you've always looked at him."
Hermione's cheeks grew hot and she pulled her hand away from his, turning around. Her eyes were beginning to well up in tears - again - and she didn't want to show it in front of Ron. It would give absolutely everything away.
"I think I've known since the moment you got here. And... over the last two weeks, it's kind of become more and more obvious." Ron continued, placing a gentle hand on Hermione's shoulder. "I mean the way he looks at her..."
Hermione stopped breathing. Ron knew. He knew.
"Well, I've only seen it in the way you look at her, or the way Bliss looks at Faith. He's her father, isn't he? Harry is Isobel's father."
Hermione didn't answer, merely letting out a short, shallow breath as tears ran from her cheeks. She suddenly felt very dizzy and realized that she was almost hyperventilating. She knew there was no reason to freak out - Ron sounded alarmingly calm about it so far - but there she was, freaking out anyways.
Ron turned her around, his eyebrows raised. "Hey, hey. Calm down, okay?"
He pulled Hermione down gently to the ground, seating them on the sand and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him, allowing him to comfort her as she caught her breath. When she knew she could speak, she pulled back slightly enough to look at him.
"Yes." she whispered.
Ron's eyes widened for a moment before he nodded. "She looks so much like him. I didn't want to believe it at first, but..."
Hermione nodded. She wanted to know how he had figured it out - she needed to know. She needed to know if Ginny knew, too.
"Bliss told me when Isobel's birthday is. I did the math and she would have had to have been conceived around December of '97, am I right?" Ron asked.
Hermione nodded her head again slowly.
"And... and that was after I had left you and Harry in the tent and before I had come back. I know you two were alone that whole time. It couldn't be anybody else's but his. And then I began to watch them interact with each other. There's so much love there, isn't there?" Ron explained.
"She loves him so much." Hermione said, her voice breaking.
"Just like you."
At Ron's words, Hermione completely burst into tears. She buried her face in her hands, only to have Ron pull her closer, allowing her to cry into his chest. She hadn't expected that. Was it really that obvious how in love with Harry she was?
"It hurts." he said, when she pulled away enough to look up at him. "Knowing that you two were together then. It really does hurt."
Hermione looked down, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. We were -"
"No, don't. Don't apologize. Just because it hurts doesn't mean that I'm mad." Ron said. "You guys... you created Isobel and she's absolutely amazing. How could I ever be mad about something that made her?"
As Hermione looked at Ron, she realized just how much he had grown up over the last three years. Three years ago, Ron would have yelled. He would have screamed at her. They would have rowed and rowed and rowed until Ron walked away. And then when he came back - if he ever did - they would have fought some more.
"You love him in a better way than you ever loved me. You love him so much that you're willing to stay silent as he marries Ginny." Ron said.
Hermione nodded. "I just want him to be happy."
"It sounds bad because she's my sister and I love her, but... I think you make him happier than she ever has." Ron admitted. "I think I can finally love someone the way you love Harry. I think I..."
Hermione watched as his line of sight trailed over to where Harry, Isobel, Faith and Bliss were on the beach. Harry was playing with the kids in the sand while Bliss watched from her chair, one hand on her stomach. She turned back to Ron, a smile on her lips.
"It's been just a little over two weeks, Ron." she teased.
Ron smiled. "I know, I know. I'm not saying that I'm in love with her. I'm saying... that I could be. I really, really could be."
Hermione's heart warmed. She got up off the ground and helped pull him to his feet, heading back towards their group. He grabbed her hand again, squeezing it tightly.
"I won't tell Ginny, but I really think you need to sooner rather than later." Ron said.
"I know." Hermione answered. "Thank you, Ron."
Ron stopped again, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. "It's gonna be okay, Hermione. I really mean that."
. . .
Harry watched as Ron kissed Hermione's head and held her close in his arms.
He watched as they grabbed hands again and made their way closer to them.
He couldn't deny that he felt a rumble of jealousy in his stomach. He hadn't even considered the fact that Ron and Hermione could happen again when she had returned. But he assumed that it was quite possibly in the realm of possibility. Then again, he also thought that Ron definitely felt something for Bliss.
No matter what it was, the thought of Ron and Hermione - well, anyone and Hermione - made him want to rip out his heart through his throat.
"Daddy, Daddy!" Isobel said.
He looked at Isobel who's smile was lighting up her whole face. She had made another small castle and was pointing at it, as well as a rectangular lump of sand next to it."
"Very nice." he said. "And what's that?"
He pointed to the rectangle and Isobel jumped up and down before leaping into his arms.
"It's the choo-choo!" she exclaimed.
Harry laughed, shaking his head at his daughter. "The train?"
"The choo-choo!" she repeated.
"She won't say train. For the life of me, she just won't say it." Bliss groaned, appearing to have had this conversation many times.
"It's where Daddy met Mummy!" Isobel explained. "And that is the castle! Hogwarts!"
Harry felt his heart melt slightly at her words. She knew about the first time Harry and Hermione had met. She knew.
"I'm gonna go to Hogwarts." she continued with a smile.
"Yes, you are. What house would you like to be in?" he asked.
"Gryffindor! Like Mummy and Daddy!" she said happily, clapping her hands together.
Harry grinned, looking up at Bliss who was watching them with a small smile on her lips.
"That's my girl." he whispered, kissing her forehead.
When Hermione and Ron reached them, they had already dropped each other's hands. He noticed immediately that Hermione's eyes were red and watery, giving away that she had been crying. He stood up, bringing Isobel with him, and made his way to her.
"Mummy sad?" Isobel asked, before Harry even had a chance.
Hermione smiled and Harry passed Isobel into her arms. She locked eyes with Harry, who instantly felt the same intensity he always had, as well as something more. He thought about last night when he had been so incredibly desperate to kiss her. He stepped closer as Isobel snuggled into Hermione's arms. Harry placed his hand on the small of Hermione's back and leaned in, kissing her forehead.
"Mummy's just fine, baby girl. I'm just fine." Hermione whispered staring at Harry.
"Isobel, come help me, Faith and Aunt Bliss make dinner, okay? We're gonna let your parents talk." Ron called out.
Parents.
Harry could only focus on that word. He looked at Ron, his eyes wide. Ron was still looking at Isobel, completely avoiding his gaze. Isobel squirmed from out of Hermione's arms and ran towards Ron who grabbed her little hand, as well as Faith's, and headed back up to the beach house with Bliss trailing behind them.
Parents.
Ron knew. He knew that he was Isobel's father. Had Hermione told him? Was that what their walk had been about?
Once the four were far enough away to not hear them, he turned to Hermione who was already shaking her head.
"No, I didn't tell him." she sighed, as if reading his mind. "He figured it out. I only told him he was right."
Harry shook his head in disbelief. "And he's... he's being okay about it?"
"Yeah. Yeah, he is." Hermione said.
She then went onto explain Ron's feelings to her. Harry knew that he would have to have his own conversation with him - he knew that Ron would probably let out more of his hurt on Harry, and Harry knew that he deserved that, having fully known just how much Ron had felt for Hermione when the two had slept together.
"He's not going to tell Ginny. He just thinks that we should soon." Hermione said.
As she said Ginny's name, she looked away from Harry and crossed her arms over her chest, almost as if to hold herself together. Harry placed a hand on her shoulder and sighed. She turned her head to look at him, tears in her eyes.
"Let's just... let's go and help with dinner, get Izzy to bed, and then we'll talk. Okay?" Harry said.
Hermione nodded at him. "Okay."
Before Harry could help himself, he was pulling her into a tight hug. She molded against him perfectly, just as she always had. He didn't want to let her go. He never wanted to let her out of his arms. She pulled back, stepped up onto her toes and pressed her lips against his scar.
"Does it ever hurt anymore?" she asked softly.
Harry shook his head. "Never."
Hermione said nothing, simply staring at him as he stared right back, his arms still around her, cradling her softly. She let out a soft sigh and took a step back, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.
"Come on. Dinner." she said.
He decided to take a chance and intertwine their fingers, giving her hand a squeeze. Surprising him, she pulled his hand up to her lips and kissed his knuckles before pulling him towards the house.
Harry's heart was beating wildly in his chest as he walked next to her, holding her hand. He wasn't sure how much longer he could do this - how much longer he could be around her and not do something. Not kiss her. Not tell her just how much he loved and needed her. How his heart had ached for her every moment of every day since she had left. Before that. How after their night in the tent he had thought over every moment between them and realized that he had always thought she was more than amazing. How she was it for him. She was the love of his life.
He just wasn't sure if he was hers.