The Sequel: Chapter X

(Author's Note)

Whoop! Plot development! It's time to get serious, folks, 'cause from this point on it be gettin' hectic up in dis piece! Oddly enough, last chapter was better received than I had expected, even going so far as to evoke pity for Lydia.

WEIRD.

Personally, I think Yumoa's adorable when he's being all serious. (nod)

Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!!! XD

Quote(s) of the Day: "I know enough to know that I know nothing."--Socrates

Havoc: Real and Psychological

(Somewhere in the Forest)

I should have brought the umbrella with me.

That was the safest thought I could allow myself without fear of tearing through the intangible barrier in my mind which protected me from a veritable flood of other thoughts. It was ridiculously cold, especially up in the air where the wind tossed the upper branches around like seaweed in a current, shedding off layers of ice which continuously built up just to be knocked away. Sleet pelted me like BB's and froze my hair to my back, but considering the circumstances it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

It would have been nice to have an umbrella. The coat which Kannon had given me fended off the chill fairly well, but left my ears and head vulnerable to the freezing air.

The tears had long ago lost themselves in the downpour of snow and water.

Honestly, I still couldn't figure out why Venus' words had shaken me so thoroughly. I was stronger than this!

But still…

We're forgetting something important, muttered REASON, sulking just as much as I was.

I nodded assent, wincing when a piece of ice slipped down my back. "Probably, but I don't know if I want to remember," I replied dimly. There were a lot of things a person didn't need to recall—blocking out the bad and sticking with the good was essential to happiness.

I wonder how Kon is.

A gust of wind blew a spray of painful ice over me, and I ducked my head to protect my face. "I don't think that matters right now."

REASON sighed in my mind, He's the only one who keeps us warm when we're cold. He listens to us all—even the little voices. Why does that not matter?

"Because I said it doesn't matter," I grumbled, gritting my teeth. Konran was the last person I wanted to see right then. I wasn't sure why, but I knew he would just make it harder to sort myself out. Somehow, it felt as though he were at the center of all the trouble in my life. Things would have been so much simpler without that bastard showing up and ruining my perceptions.

Ignorance may be bliss, but in the end it just makes things more difficult.

"Stop talking. I'm not leaving this spot, I'm not digging up dead horses, and I'm not going to run to Chaos like a little pansy. I can take care of myself." The words sounded good, but my confidence was definitely not as high as it usually was.

REASON was silent for a while, most likely thinking without me, then:

Lydia, do you remember the first time we spoke? When was that?

I frowned, not quite sure whether or not it was a trick, but after a thought I murmured softly, "It was after I left the gang, I think. I had no one to talk to. Everyone else was either dead or in jail, so I guess that was when I fragmented. It's easier to control emotions if I personify them. You showed up after I had finally managed to get rid of the bad voices."

Then is it at all possible that some of your emotions were locked away with MEMORY and the others? Maybe something happened right before you ran?

Uncertain as to where this was going, I shrugged and stared off into the sea of twisting tree limbs. "It's possible, but I don't see why that's so important. I function just fine, with or without missing pieces."

If that's true, then why did you start crying when Venus asked about LOVE? There was something furtive about the voice, and I glared at my knees.

"She just startled me, that's all," I responded obdurately.

Like hell you were startled, the voice snapped. I don't recall anything of the LOVE-related sort happening on my watch, so something must have happened before I became self-aware.

My eye twitched a little. "We're not discussing it. It's a stupid topic."

Why is it stupid? Why does thinking about it make you cry? You don't even know why you're crying, yet the tears fall despite of it! Something must have happened to force this kind of innate reaction out of you!

"REASON, I said we're not discussing it," I growled dangerously.

The voice was undeterred. Listen to me for once and at least consider it! No matter what you think, it is important, so search for the cause and stop hiding from it!

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, fed up with arguing against what was essentially my own self. "We're not talking about it! I'm not going to rummage through all that crap just because CURIOSITY is your newest roommate!"

Silence, save for a mumbled, Aww, but I wanna know from CURIOSITY.

I sighed tiredly and buried my face against my knees, wiping the fresh tears off on my jeans. This was ridiculous. I wasn't going back until I was done being a crybaby.

There was a soft, fluttering sound above me, and I looked up to see a big raven sitting on the next branch up.

"Yea Zeus!" the bird commented in irritation, glaring at me with one beady black eye. "You picked a hell of a place to run away, Lyds, 'cause the accommodations in this joint suck."

"What are you doing here?" I asked, just a little surprised. "You hate bad weather."

Rhadymanthus gave his strange bird version of a shrug. "I'm a greedy bastard, that's why. Chaos is worrying his immortal ass off about you while you're out here reenacting The Jungle Book, kid. He's paying me with shiny things."

Instantly, my mood went sour again. "Well too bad. I'm not coming down." If bribery was the only thing capable of making Rhad worry about my health, then I had nothing to say to that foul creature.

He chuckled, and it sounded almost as if a grown man were making the noise. "Whatever. Comedy's already on his way. I'm just here to make sure you don't try to make a break for it again."

"What?!" Damn, already my bid for solitude was moot? "You're all a bunch of asses," I muttered disdainfully.

Someone below me laughed, and I pointedly refused to look down, instead glowering at an undeserving leaf.

"Now that's just rude," chuckled Yumoa, whose ringing, eternally joyous voice was recognizable from a mile away. "Here we are, trying our hardest to keep you happy, and yet you still dare to call us names? What is it that you want from us, exactly?"

Okay, now I was looking down.

"Is that really you down there or is my brain playing tricks on me again?" I demanded. Through the tangled branches, I could easily see the shock of white hair, and the pinpoint glow of twin, flame-like eyes.

The god gave me a brilliant smile. "Nope. I'm still myself. It's just very difficult to convince you of anything unless I'm being utterly serious—boring, yes, but true. Now, are you still too angry to talk or will you come out of this hideous weather and let Uncle Comedy make you smile again?"

This was…weird. I was so used to thinking of him as a puppy or a child that seeing him act, well, normal, kind of threw me off. Plus, the whole "Uncle Comedy" thing, when combined with that stuffed Borg Bunny hanging around his neck, just warped everything I had thought I knew about the god.

Just go down there, REASON urged in exasperation.

Oh, what the hell. After stretching out my cold, creaking joints and eyeballing the distance to the ground, I slid off the branch and dropped down, yelping when a sharp pain shot through one cold foot and falling back against Yumoa, who helped me stand and walk off the shock.

"Ugh, I hate it when that happens," I groaned, wincing when I rolled my foot to stretch it out.

"Yeah, it always bites to get a Charlie horse," Comedy chuckled. From this close I could see that he had been out in the sleet almost as long as I had. His hair and clothes clung heavily to his head and limbs, dripping water and sloughing off ice every time he moved. "So what did Auntie say to you to make you so upset?" he asked suddenly.

Just as suddenly, I shot him an unhappy look. "It's no business of yours," I snapped.

He merely smiled, as though I were being naïve. "Oh, please. Of course it's my business. You're like family, what with being Kon's equivalent and all. Things are more fun if you're happy, and whatever Auntie said to you clearly made you unhappy. Ergo, things are boring now. You can tell me anything you want, you know. I'm not an idiot, contrary to popular belief, and I'm good at keeping secrets."

"I don't care if you swear in blood! It's not important enough to talk about, and that's the end of it."

To my surprise, he frowned at me, serious. "Lyds, she made you cry. I'd say that's pretty darn important."

Idiot. When I said no, I meant it.

"End of discussion, Yumoa," I replied sharply.

For a moment, he seemed about to argue, but in the end he gave up with a small shrug. "Fine, be stubborn. However, when you finally realize that a discussion is exactly what you need, Kon and I will be here for you—and don't argue with me."

I bit back the need to repeat myself, and set my mouth in a thin line, glaring at the slush around my cold, wet feet.

"Now," he said, smiling almost cheerfully, "let's go back and let Kon know that you're not dead. It's too cold out here for someone who just got over a fever like the one you had."

I nodded resignedly. I had an odd feeling that arguing with him on that point was about as pointless as giving CPR to a skeleton, and let him lead the way back to the inn.

(The Lack of an Improbability Factor)

Konran stared hard at Kougaiji from his seat. He hadn't wanted to sit, but the weight of the Prince's words was enough to make the god's knees feel weak. The tale was absurd, impossible! His mother had faded out with all the eldest gods—the ones who had come before Zeus himself.

But this wasn't what he was hearing. According to Kougaiji, Eris was still around, wreaking her special brand of havoc. So she hadn't merely become a personification. She was as alive and kicking as Venus.

"But…" He hesitated, unsure of what exactly he wanted to say, then murmured at length, "Why does she want me dead? Yea Zeus, she's my mother."

Doku sighed and shook his head. "Our thoughts exactly, but we can't figure it out, either. She said something about Lydia tainting her bloodline, but that seems like a stupid reason to want her son killed."

"But shouldn't her target be Lydia, then?" the god demanded, startled. "Not that I want her to be, of course—I'd much rather prefer being the one under the axe than she—but it all seems a bit…much." His eyes wandered to the floor in contemplation.

"The problem here is that she's a goddess," Kougaiji explained, the picture of utter reason. "She said that there are two choices: one, you die; or two, you marry another goddess. I think she sees what you feel for Lydia as a violation of her royal bloodline."

Konran gave him an incredulous frown. "And what does that have to do with anything? It's my choice to make! I won't pick anyone else."

Yaone fidgeted with the long hems of her sleeves, curled up in an armchair where it was warmer, and ventured cautiously, "She also said that if neither of those options is taken, she'll go after Lydia. Wouldn't it be better to choose?"

"I'm not giving up my life because someone tells me I should," he retorted sarcastically.

"Then how about a ruse of some sort?" she suggested softly. "If you pretend to be dead, or pretend to marry some other goddess, and it satisfies your mother, then once she's gone you can go back to your normal life."

"Oh? And how do you propose we go about doing this?" The god tried to restrain his anger, but this was all too impossible. Everything about what they were suggesting was just one more painful wound. He should have been happy that his mother was still alive, but instead he felt as though the world was trying to destroy everything he loved.

He was beginning to see Lydia's point in calling him an "Irony God."

"Actually…" Doku began, only to trail off in uncertainty. He looked to Kougaiji for support, and the Prince gave a nod. "Well, there might be a way, but it would require your help in finding this supposed goddess."

Konran quirked an eyebrow. "'Supposed goddess,' you say. What does that mean?"

"It has to do with the original reason why we came here, before your mother stopped us in the woods," Kougaiji replied, frowning at his cold cup of tea. "Hwan's experiments were created using the genetic material of gods, meaning that what we are already after is a loose deity."

Chaos was borderline insulted. "As you might probably recall, I am male.A god is not what I am after, but thank you for the offer."

"One of them is female—the one we're looking for." Kougaiji's lavender eyes flicked up and caught Kon's gaze. "We can accomplish two tasks simultaneously if we manage to capture her, as well as convince your mother that you intend to marry her."

"But I don't even know this person!" Konran argued. "And what about Lydia? How will I be able to live with myself afterwards, regardless of whether or not it was all a ruse?"

"She's a smart girl. She'll understand that you were in a tight spot," Yaone reassured him.

Kon slowly turned to the now-woman. "No. She'll never speak to me again. She will exact a pound of flesh and make stir fry out of it. She's completely ignorant of what's going on, but if I disappear for any length of time without explanations, she'll think the worst before anything else."

"Well, at least consider it," Dokugakuji requested, taking a sip of beer and setting it back on the table with a sigh. "We probably have enough time to act, and we need to find that missing experiment anyway."

Kougaiji nodded, and Yaone cleared her throat, drawing their stares. "Couldn't Seimei help us with tracking her? The Doctor said something about the three experiments sharing something like a mental link, and Seimei has been remarkably cooperative."

The Prince nodded musingly. "I suppose it's worth a try. When he gets back with dinner, we'll ask him."

Konran blinked, then slowly turned to frown at Kou. "Wait, you mean he's downstairs?"

"Yes, why?"

"Dammit!" The god stood suddenly, knocking the chair back. "Yumoa's returning with Lydia right now!"

"So? They have to find out sooner or later," Doku muttered, unsure as to why the god was panicking.

Kon shook his head almost violently. "No, they don't. Yumoa least of all!"

"Why?" the three asked in chorus, wearing identical expressions of bafflement.

"That should be obvious. If he finds out that he has a new 'friend' who looks exactly like him, I'll never be able to make him focus on anything important until Seimei is gone!" the god responded frantically, already running out the door.

(Not-so-Triumphant Return)

"There's the inn," Rhad sighed from my shoulder, leering at the storm clouds above as though cursing them in silence, and digging his sharp little claws into my drenched coat. "Chaos had better pay up or I'm going to ditch him entirely. That asshole doesn't deserve a friend like me."

"Hear hear," I replied with a nod, shivering with the cold and wishing in secret that I had Konran's bizarre ability to not feel inclement temperatures. It must have been nice to be able to ignore things like that.

"Both of you are so negative," Yumoa chided from the rear. "When we get in, Lyds will go straight to the bathroom and take a hot shower, and I'll hold the blow dryer for Rhadymanthus. If you get sick again, Lydia, Kon will have my head and his own for not finding you sooner."

"Who made you boss?" I demanded halfheartedly, turning just enough to give him a mock-glare. I was too cold and tired and depressed to give enough of a damn to put much emotion into anything at the moment.

"I did, naturally." He smiled warmly and picked up his pace to walk alongside me. "Besides, I can't stand it when you're down in the dumps. It's freaky in a bad way."

I frowned, facing ahead once more and sighing wearily, "Could you do me a favor?"

"Sure. Anything at all."

My frown deepened. "Make that two: one, you stop being all serious, 'cause it's freaking me out and I'm too tired to waste energy on freaking out; and two, could you get Kon to bring Ryushi over? I miss my sword…"

He seemed to consider the requests, and after only a few seconds he laughed, "Yeah, why not? And when you get out of the shower, if you're feeling up to it, let's bring in the TV and play DDR on the dance pad."

"You brought a television?!" I cried in disbelief.

He gave a noncommittal shrug. "Is that a problem? I figured you'd like to watch TV. Anyway, c'mon! The inn's right there!"

As he hurried giddily ahead, reverting smoothly back into his usual self, I gave the bird an exasperated look and he rolled his eye at me before taking flight and zipping forward to escape the stupid weather.

"Everyone's ditching me," I murmured in mild irritation, trudging along at my snail's pace and reaching the door after everyone had already gone in. "Yo! Speedy Gonzales!" I called after the god when I stepped inside. "It's not nice to abandon your charge in the middle of a rescue mission!"

"Hiya Lydia!"

I frowned and scanned the bustling diner, but found no white hair.

"Over here!"

Upon closer inspection, I finally spotted whoever was calling, and had to blink several times to make certain that I wasn't hallucinating.

"Yumoa?" I demanded of the grinning person at the bar, who sat adjacent to a remarkably inebriated Sanzo. "What did you do to your hair?!"

"Huh?" He pouted slightly and felt his head, pulling locks of his fringe down to examine their status.

I almost had a heart attack. "Gah! Your eyes! They're blue!"

"Er…they've always been blue…and I don't see anything wrong with my hair."

"Lyds, why are you yellin' at that…AUGH! WHO ARE YOU?! YOU'RE ME! NO! BUT…I'M ME! WAIT! AM I ME?! WHO AM I?!"

I jerked around in surprise, only to find myself face-to-face with the Yumoa I was familiar with, who at the moment was gaping in sheer astonishment at his identical twin and babbling nigh on incoherently. "Yumoa?"

Slowly, his eyes tore themselves away from the auburn version, and stuck to me. "I think so?"

"What the fuck?" Rhad coughed from the god's shoulder, only capable of gawking with one eye, but still managing to convey his deepest objections to what was going on.

"Who's that, then?" I jerked a thumb at the stranger, who now had several Styrofoam food boxes in front of him.

"Seimei," the stranger replied.

"I don't know you, but you look like me, so this is freaky!" Yumoa cried.

"Ah, so that's why you're so damn handsome!" laughed "Seimei" as the bartender approached and placed what looked an awful lot like a shot of sake in front of him.

Yeah. Totally not my Yumoa. Yumoa didn't swear, drink, or do anything else that most twenty-one-year-olds did. Two and a half millennia notwithstanding—I mean, look at Bacchus! In short, this guy was basically normal. Yumoa, conversely, was not.

The real thing seemed to agree. "Hey! Don't curse! And drinking's bad!"

"Eh? Why not? I'm just here for the fun while Kon and Kou are arguing."

Ah.

"Why am I not surprised?" the bird mused to himself since no one was really paying any attention to him—except maybe the bartender, who was so flabbergasted in the presence of a talking bird that he forgot to tell us that pets were forbidden.

"Yumoa, come." I turned toward the stairs without a second thought, and after struggling to fight his urge to know who the hell this Seimei person really was, he at last managed to triumph over curiosity and trail behind. Once certain that he wasn't going to get distracted, I muttered, "Did Kon say anything about this?"

"No…" He seemed worried. "Lydia, I don't like people stealing my face! It's creeeeeepy!"

"Well, let's just go see what ass-hat has to say about it before you panic any further."

And speak of the devil, just as we were rounding the top of the steps, Chaos came out running and collided smack into me, knocking be backwards toward the staircase.

As I overbalanced and came to the realization that I might die from a fall down the stairs, I couldn't help but wonder to myself whether or not my foster parents would believe the tale. It was a ridiculous way to die, really.

However, that thought passed rather quickly when I felt the ground beneath me disappear and started the brief free-fall before I hit the steps.

"Kon!" I yelped instinctively, shutting my eyes tight and bracing myself for "bunnies." (1)

But rather than crashing to my untimely demise, there was a sound like paper scattering on the wind, and only a moment after that I fell against something softer than the hardwood flooring I had expected, jerking to a sudden stop. My heart was jack hammering like a terrified chipmunk, but slowly, I cracked my lids open and looked up to see Konran holding me like a damsel in distress, and looking more than just a little rattled.

That irritated me for some reason.

"What happened?!" someone was shouting, and at the top of the steps there appeared a rather flustered Yaone in what I could only describe as house scrubs—i.e., baggy, casual clothing. Close behind were Doku and Kougaiji, also dressed and appearing like normal human beings of this particular time period.

"Are you okay?" Kon murmured in concern, noting my drowned rat ensemble and unusual pallor, and frowning accordingly.

That irritated me even more.

"Am I okay?!" I cried in disbelief, throwing a proverbial fit and flailing while he tried to hold me still above the steps. "First, your aunt decides to emotionally assault me, then Comedy turns into the voice of REASON, then I find out that he has a freaking clone, and now you come barreling around the corner and nearly send me to an early grave! A little peace is all I need!"

He bore my tirade admirably, remaining silent and repentant the whole way through, but as soon as I was done talking, he sighed and started walking up the steps. "You need a shower, before you die of hypothermia."

"You want me dead, don't you?" I hissed in accusation. "Put me down. I'll walk my own ass to the bathroom, thank you."

"No, I think I'll carry you," he responded shortly. "There's no telling what kind of havoc you might wreak in your solitude."

I paused, then glared. "You are soooooo not taking a shower with me, ass-hat!"

"Lamentable," was all he muttered in reply.

Eh? What was that supposed to mean?

"What did you do?" Doku asked Kon as we passed by.

The god frowned. "I nearly knocked her down the steps," he barely whispered. "We'll finish our discussion once I put her to bed—I don't want a relapse of last night. Yumoa, you and Rhadymanthus go with them and do not leave that room, understood?"

"Uh, yeah…" Comedy murmured, frowning a little.

"I want my ruby!" Rhad reminded him with an indignant flap.

"Argh!" I shouted angrily, struggling harder and finding it utterly futile. "Who do you think you are?! I'm a big girl, dammit! Put me down you jackass!"

Kougaiji sighed, scratching his dark auburn hair and turning to go back to his room. "We'll be waiting."

Kon gave a short nod, and carried me kicking and screaming to our room.

(Argument)

"Dammit, stop raining!" Gojyo muttered darkly, sick and tired of the stupid weather.

Hakkai laughed, just as drenched as the kappa, but far more patient about it. "Actually, it's sleet, not rain," he corrected with a pleasant smile.

Gojyo shot him an irritated frown, and with a resigned sigh, returned to the task at hand. "Whatever…wait. Hey, is that the monkey up there?"

The other followed his gaze and spotted the jogging figure up ahead, pausing in his steps when he realized that it was indeed the monkey. "Yes, that's Goku. I have no idea where he gets all that energy from."

"Well, that should be obvious," the water sprite chuckled. "It explains why he never gains weight no matter how much goddamn food he eats."

Hakkai smirked. "Ah, true."

"HEY GUYS!" Goku called as he approached, bringing their attention away from his metabolism. "YUMOA SAID HE FOUND LYDIA, SO WE CAN GO BACK!" He stopped a few feet away, drenched to the marrow and panting slightly from running almost constantly since leaving the Land Rover. When Yumoa and he hat at last found where Lydia was hiding out, the Comedy god had told him to go tell the other two, and Goku had been on this second manhunt ever since.

"You ran the whole way?" Gojyo demanded incredulously. "It's fuckin' cold for a midday jog, y'know!"

"Shut up, pervy water sprite!" the young man snapped once he had caught his breath. "Lydia was in a tree, and Yumoa sent me to tell ya that it's gonna be okay, so we should just go back to th' inn."

Hakkai and Gojyo looked at each other, and laughed a little.

"Well, I guess that would be just the kind of hiding spot for her," the former sighed, a little tired from walking so much out in the sleet. "Let's go back, then."

"I hear ya," Gojyo muttered. "I need a damn cigarette, but the weather's a real bitch today. I can't even get the lighter going. I wonder how tight-ass gets his to work on days like this."

"Well, he's usually indoors on days like this," Hakkai reminded him with a minute smile.

"Ah, that's true. Bastard never does anything useful, does he?"

Goku scoffed in defense of his master, "Like you're any better, asshole! All you ever do is whine about not having girls around!"

"This, coming from the stupid ape who whines every five seconds about being hungry?!" the kappa shot back.

Hakkai sighed and shook his head in familiar exasperation. "You two will never change, will you?"

"Hell no!" both cried at once, and immediately began arguing over who had the right to say what things, and who should "shut the fuck up" when others were trying to answer a question—which merely led to yet another argument over to whom the question was initially directed, and who should "quit thinkin' they're so damn important."

Naturally, the last sane man in this particular dimension didn't do much to intervene, other than an occasional light scolding over name-calling or a donation of two cents to a particular valid argument.

No, they three would never change.

(More Argument)

When Konran at last set me on solid ground, my immediate reaction was to punch him in the gut. As usual, it brought him to his knees, cursing eloquently and glaring at me in resentment.

"Next time, I'm walking, and if you have a problem with that then just leave," I commanded vehemently, wagging a finger in his face.

He remained silent, and seeing that, I hmph-ed in annoyance and dropped my coat on a chair to dry, before stalking to the bathroom and slamming the door shut as loudly as I could.

I was going to doom that jackass to an eternity of unspeakable horrors once we got back to my world. And to think that I had actually started to believe that he wasn't such a hassle to have around! Just proved how dense I still was. That bastard must have been working some serious voodoo to cloud my perceptions.

Well, no more!

In the angriest manner I could manage, I shed my drenched rags and clambered into the tub, cranking up the heat and yelping when the hot water tried to cook me alive like a squishy lobster.

"Lydia, what's wrong!" Kon called through the door, sounding slightly panicked.

"Go the hell away!" I screamed right back, balancing the temperature and sighing with relief when it reached the optimum. "I'm too tired to deal with you right now!"

Instead of exiting noises, however, there was a rustle and a thump against the bathroom door.

Oh, hell no.

"What are you doing?" I asked slowly, scowling through the blurry glass at the honey-yellow oak separating me from my tormentor.

"I'm not leaving you," he replied stubbornly. "I'm sitting right here until you're done, and then I'm going to make sure you're not sick again when you go to bed."

"If you think you're sending me to bed like some pathetic little third grader, you are sadly mistaken, ass-hat!" I growled, squeezing the shampoo a little too hard and squirting it in my eye. "Argh, damn it all to HELL!"

"You should really learn to stop screaming," he muttered just loudly enough for me to hear him over the shower. "Why do you get so angry at me? Only me?"

That made me frown. "Huh?" I demanded while I tried to work the stupid cap on the shampoo. Did Pantene have rocket scientists designing their bottles or what? And again! Pantene in Togenkyo?! It was Gojyo's, too, which explained why his hair was always so pretty. The kappa even used conditioner—which made me question several things at once.

"You're always getting mad at me," Chaos repeated a little more loudly through the wood, shaking me from my musing. "No matter what happens, you blame me if it's not in your favor. Why can't you ever just, I don't know, show some kindness?"

"What the hell is he talking about?" I muttered to REASON as I finally figured out the flip-top and got to cleaning my scalp.

I think he wants you to be nice to him, the voice muttered dryly, as though I were being an irrational idiot.

Stupid voice. "If you want kindness, then quit dragging me into your personal issues!" I shot back at the god. "I never asked to be kidnapped, maimed, or generally abused—you did this all to me of your own free will! So forgive me if I'm a tad bitter toward you for ruining my life." That was some nerve he had, demanding that I show him kindness when he was the one throwing my world into a tail spin.

At last, he was quiet. I waited, but no retort came, and feeling slightly less irritated now that it was thankfully silent, I finished up my lovely shower, wrapped myself up in an enormous fluffy green towel, and opened the door to step out.

"You are utterly ridiculous," Konran muttered from his seat on the floor with his back against the opposite wall and his arms around his knees. His glowing phthalocyanine green eyes frowned up at me almost morosely. "You are cruel and uncompromising, and what's more, you are totally and completely blind to what is blatantly obvious."

Too enraged to even listen, I glared venomously at him and pointed to the exit. "Leave right this second, or so help me, I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"Would you? Really?"

I blinked, startled at his tone. "Have you been drinking again?"

He shook his head. "No. Now answer the damn question: do you really want me dead, or is that just something you say as a defense against certain thoughts?"

"Anger…perhaps that is your defense mechanism?"

Damn that Venus!

"Shut up and go away," I snapped, turning abruptly to find my pajamas. An impromptu psychoanalysis was the absolute last thing on my list of things to do before nap time.

As expected, however, he didn't listen to me. "Lydia, if I left, what would you do?"

"Change my clothes without the most noticeable voyeur in the world watching my every move, that's what," I grouched, gathering up my things and carrying them into the bathroom again so that I could change. It took mere moments in my rage, and when I came out wearing a dark green nightgown and carrying the towel, he was still there.

"No, I mean permanently."

Despite my struggle not to, I frowned at him in consternation while I toweled off my hair. "Say what?"

"If I left and never came back, would that bother you at all?" he repeated, taking a seat in the chair which was still situated beside the bed where I had convalesced, and where I was now attempting do dry my uncooperative head.

He's being serious, REASON whispered in slight awe. What's he trying to say?

I ignored the voice and replied sharply, "What does it matter? They still haven't found a cure for cancer, so there's currently no way to get rid of you. You might go away for a bit, but sooner or later you'll be back to torture me some more. Difference is that tumors can at the very least be surgically removed. You, unfortunately, cannot."

"Are you being absolutely honest with yourself, or are you just spouting nonsense again to cover up what you really think?" he asked quietly, his expression inscrutable. "What did my aunt say to you, Lydia? Why are you being cold again?"

"Because it's cold outside?" I was in no mood to discuss that stupid, conniving, irritating LOVE goddess.

Suddenly, he was gone, lost in the shadows as he scattered, and only a moment later he was sitting beside me, frowning from a notably stifling distance. "What did she say to you?" he reiterated.

I flinched despite myself, and gave him the proper glower he deserved. "Shut up."

"No! You were upset, and you are still upset, whether you want to admit it or not!" he growled, grabbing my arm forcefully. "She made you cry, Lydia! Since when do the remarks of others make you cry?! Stop being such an insufferable wretch and talk to me! What else am I here for, if not for you?!" He froze in surprise then, as though he had said something irrevocable, and let go of me very slowly.

I scoured his eyes for clues as to what the hell was going on in his head, but got nothing particularly useful. "You're not here for me, Kon. You're here for yourself," I said tightly. "And your aunt can go to hell, for all I care. I'll take her myself."

He frowned. "If you mean what I think you mean, then there is a lot more going on here than a simple matter of her digging at your old wounds. Please don't do anything stupid."

"Chaos, leave me alone," I sighed, tossing the towel away and sliding off the bed to crawl into my futon. "Actually, find somewhere else to sleep tonight, as well." Ah, warm blankets and my pillow—they were the only friends I had left against the madness around me.

"Oh, no you don't!" In an instant, he was on the futon with me, holding my wrists in the grip of one hand and pinning my legs with his own. "Are you still sick or not?" He asked as though he weren't doing anything wrong or irritating, and pressed his free hand to my forehead.

"Let! Me! Go! Ass! Hat!" I shouted injustice, twisting my body as much as I could, but getting nothing out of the attempt. A curse upon his very soul for being strong enough to restrain me!

"Ah, you seem fine," he muttered, releasing me abruptly and sitting up at my side.

"I hate your proverbial guts," I seethed, punching his knee.

He gave my halfhearted punch an odd look, fought and lost against a smirk, then actually laughed, "No, you don't. If you did, I'd be dead by now—immortality or no."

I was quiet for a bit, my rage burning away to ash in the presence of weariness and that damn laugh. Unlike Hakkai, whose laugh made me worry for my personal well-being; and Goku, whose laugh originated from the purest, most innocent love for life and meatbuns; Kon's laugh was almost sweet in its simplicity. He laughed because he was happy or amused—that was it, devoid of ulterior motives or hidden secrets or profound meanings. I hated to admit it, but it was a welcome relief that he was more normal than I was.

At length I muttered, "You're not really leaving, are you?"

"Not if you don't want me to." A sly look came upon his face. "Do you want me to leave?"

No, you don't! REASON shouted at me, banging a metaphorical bat against the back of my head.

"Not really," I murmured aloud, flipping my hair behind me so that it could dry more easily. "And I guess you can sleep here if you have nowhere else to go…"

He smiled a little, and took my hand to give it a gentle squeeze. "Then I promise to stay for as long as you want me around," he whispered. "You must be exhausted, though, so even if it is only five in the afternoon, a little nap won't hurt. When you wake up, I'll have your medication ready, and I'll fill you in on what's going on with Kougaiji and Seimei."

"Hear hear," I sighed, closing my eyes and curling into a ball to sleep. "You're right—I don't really hate you."

"Oh, really…?"

"Yeah. You're just really annoying about eighty percent of the time. The rest of the time you're not so bad, I guess."

"Oh, I feel so much better about my odds," he chuckled mock-sarcastically, just as my mind slipped into the realm of dreams.

(Advent)

Once the inn was in sight, Gojyo and Goku abruptly ceased their inane—though amusing—squabbles and celebrated their return to warmth and shelter. It had become, at this point, more than apparent as to why the earliest hominids had left the trees and sought sanctuary in dank caves. It does not rain in a cave, whereas trees are no more waterproof than a sieve.

Growing even more apparent, however, was the intelligence gap between the two squabblers and their keeper pro tempore, Hakkai.

"It kind of pisses me off that you only brought an umbrella for yourself, 'Kai," the kappa grumbled, inwardly lamenting the havoc which the weather was, at present, wreaking upon his prized hair.

"You should plan better," the man-turned-youkai replied simply, though not without a hint of smugness. "Both of you just go running out without a moment's thought over what might happen."

"But it was an emergency!" defended Goku, taking offense to the implied concept that he was perhaps intellectually on par with the pervy water sprite. "I had ta run, 'cause Yumoa was draggin' me, and then when we found Lydia, he had me go find you guys!"

"Only idiots blame others for their stupidity," Gojyo taunted smartly.

"You friggin' jerk! I'm kickin' your ass once I get somethin' ta eat!" the monkey declared profoundly.

"Oh, really now? And how're you gonna do that if you're such a little wuss?"

"That's it! You're mine, water sprite!" The nyoi-bo materialized into Goku's open hands and he twirled it once before aiming it at Gojyo's head.

"Both of you, stop it!" Hakkai ordered suddenly.

The cudgel flashed out of existence just as quickly as it had appeared, and the two battle-ready "children" of their little pseudo-family—Hakkai and Sanzo being Mommy and Daddy, respectively—turned to frown at Hakkai, half-surprised and half-irritated at the interruption.

"What's up?" asked Goku.

"I think that person over there is waiting for us," he responded softly, frowning in mild consternation. "Gojyo, have you been fooling around again? She's been standing there since we came around the corner, watching us." One emerald eye turned to narrow suspiciously at the kappa, who shook his head rapidly and held both hands up to denote his innocence.

"I haven't messed around in this town at all yet…except for the one I let go…" He brightened notably. "Why? Is she here for me?"

Goku gave him a long, hard stare. "You're really stupid, you know that? What was she? A fish?"

"Goku…" The Evil Eye turned on the monkey then, who fell silent without argument. "Well," Hakkai sighed, once certain that the two were finished acting like rivaling siblings, "let's at least go see what she wants."

They walked up to the inn, near enough to see that the girl silhouetted by the front door's window was wearing a remarkably suggestive outfit, and sheltering herself with a bright pink, elaborately embroidered parasol—which, it must be noted, is not for use in weather conditions such as these.

She was also blonde with phosphorescent chartreuse eyes—platinum blonde—not to be confused with Sanzo blond, which had much more character and substance.

"Um, hello?" Hakkai laughed uncertainly at the foot of the steps to the inn. "May I ask why you were waiting for us?"

The Goku-height girl let out a high, tittering giggle. "Aw, no, silly!"

"Then who…?" Hakkai never actually finished his question, because the girl chose that moment to close her parasol and fold it up neatly.

The three wanted to scream. Yes, even Hakkai, who for once was the one upon whom the terror was being instilled, for there before them stood one of the most horrifying sights any mortal could behold. (2)

"I'm here to see Chaos!" the girl told them with another cutesy giggle.

It was Lydia. A blonde Lydia. A pink, frilly, suggestive, cutesy, girly, blonde Lydia.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" Goku wheezed, blanching at the sight—and, for once, the kappa and monocle were of the same opinion as the monkey.

Indeed, vomit looked to be a rather appropriate reaction right about then.

(Author's Note)

(1) In the first fic, Lyds refers to pain as "bunnies" in order to block the unpleasantness, and it has been resurrected for your literary amusement.

(2) Wow…check out the wording in that sentence! Whew!

(insane, evil laughter) LOOOOOOONG, wasn't it?

EVEN MORE MADNESS!!!! That last bit was inspired, in part, by my pal GryphonWonder14, who wrote a beautiful Mary-Sue bash for the Hellsing manga. I love it when Hakkai gets to be boss while Sanzo's out of commission, and I love Yumoa…simply love. His reaction to his clone made me happy inside. Plus, Kon makes it back into Lydia's good graces…though, knowing me, you should have already figured out by now that his happiness shall be fleeting, at best.

I apologize for making you all wait, but wasn't it worth it?! PLEASE REVIEW!!! It sustains me during those long, lonely nights while I'm slaving away at my computer.

—Cyh Scævola, the Chaos Theoryst OUT