Chapter 10- Love Hurts

Hello pplz! =D I am exremely happy! I finally got reviews from more than two people! I am happy~ oh so happy~ -ahem- anyway, here's chapter 10! Kagome was dying for me to write it and I couldn't help myself, I just had to do it for her!

Lavi- Well wudya look at that!

Kanda- What?

Lavi- Darxetta's in a good mood today

Kanda- Yeah, cuz she finally got some reviews

Lavi- Oh Yu!

Kanda- Nani?

Lavi- I hope I can have you...

Kanda- ...

Darxetta- Hey hey! None of that! -murmurs so the two don't hear- ...not yet anyway...

Lavi- Do we even have to do Disclaimer anymore?

Kanda- Who cares, just do it. No I will. Disclaimer- Darxetta doesn't own anything!

Kanda swallowed harshly. His heart was beating so fast and loud that he was sure Lavi could hear it from a mile away. I can't believe I just told him! What's wrong with me! I tell him I get raped and this is the next thing he hears! Stupid...

Lavi hadn't blinked, hadn't taken a breath, hadn't moved an inch. Kanda was now aware that there wasn't any movement coming from Lavi. Gee, I'm not that bad... Am I...? Kanda shuddered at the idea that Lavi would push him away, he was the only person Kanda felt safe around and he didn't want that to be taken from him. He didn't want Lavi to leave his side and abandon him.

If they could have seen the sky Kanda could have judged how much time they sat there by the movement of the sun. But he couldn't tell. There was only his breathing and the trickling water from the hotspring that gave off the comforting atmosphere, but Kanda's words had made it intense and the steam wasn't helping much.

He was getting hot and dizzy, too much steam, not to mention the fact that he was still recovering from... well you get the point. Kanda swallowed again, this time because of the dryness in his throat. Not being able to stand looking at Lavi any longer Kanda averted his eyes. He eventually looked down, turned away. Still no response. Now he was worried that what he had said killed Lavi. Oh god no, please no.

He waved his hand in front of the red-heads face. Still no response. He gave up, he wasn't going to get anything from him, not now and not ever. He stood and headed for the door. Before he was even a foot away a hand had reached out and latched onto his wrist. He was pulled quite harshly to a warm large body. He pulled away enough to be able to meet the eye of the one he loved. He opened his mouth to talk, but what he got in turn made him more happy than he could ever be.

Lavi's lips pressed against his in a soft chaste kiss. Kanda felt a shudder run down his spine and he leaned forward onto Lavi deepening the kiss. The red-head let go of Kanda's wrist and wrapped his arms around the small body before pulling him onto his lap. He slid his hand up Kanda's back before resting it on the back of the boys head. Kanda slowly extended his arms to wrap them around Lavi's neck and linking his hands.

He pulled back and took in a great breath of air. Lavi had a huge smile plastered onto his face and he laughed a bit. "W-what are you laughing for usagi?" Said man pulled Kanda closer to him and whispered in his ear. "I'm laughing for because of how red you are, I'm guessing I was your first kiss?" Kanda didn't believe him so he pushed him off before running into the changing rooms to look into a mirror. When he did he met eye to eye with a young boy whos cheeks were tainted red, eyes a bit glazed over, and some barely chapped lips.

Behind the boy a red-head appeared with the same big smile. He wrapped his arms around Kanda's waist and picked him up before setting him on his shoulders and holding his ankles. "W-what are you doing?" He leaned forward a bit and put his hands on Lavi's head so he wouldn't fall forward. "I'm giving you a ride, what do ya think I'm doin?" With this said Lavi turned and left the room, not without ducking of course or little Kanda would have hit his head on the door frame. We wouldn't want that now would we?

The pair wandered around the Order for a time, every now and then passersby would look at them but continue on their way. Kanda couldn't believe it, some of them brushed shoulders with Lavi and were really close, but not once did he feel insecure. He was as calm as he was before and he was so happy that Lavi had accepted him. Speaking of which...

Kanda leaned forward again,"Lavi...," he whispered the next part,"I told you I loved you, but you never said you loved me back." He said it quiet enough that Lavi had barely heard. "I know I like Yu, but I'm not so sure about love yet..." Lavi's words made Kanda's stomach drop a little. It was kind of like rejection, but it wasn't. Lavi still liked him, it was almost the same, but not the same. He had a crush on him then huh? Well... that's better than nothing right? Kanda would just have to take what he had, make the best of it, and make Lavi change his mind.

Lavi wouldn't like him in the slightest bit. He would love him, and he was sure of it. That's what he hoped for anyway. People do change, and so do their feelings. Kanda became lost in the internal arguement that went on and on debating whether or not Lavi would love him or not. Neither side was winning and Kanda felt a bit silly at the thought of arguing with himself. He was pulled out of his trance by the most sexy voice he had ever heard before. Lavi's.

"Yu! Are you listening?"

"Ah, sorry, no. I was just thinking about something..." Lavi, with the smile still present, looked up at Kanda. "Would that something happen to be me?" Kanda's cheeks burned with slight emberassment. He abruptly folded his arms across his chest before turning his gaze away.

Lavi let out a laugh before tugging slightly on Kanda's small ankle. "I knew it! You were thinking about me huh?" Kanda narrowed his eyes. Kanda didn't give a response. Lavi's laugh faded and his smile receded. "Yu...I seriously have something to talk to you about..." Kanda relaxed his arms, dropping them before placing them on Lavi's head. He turned to him again and frowned. "What's wrong L-avi...?" Love... That's what he had wanted to say, but the red-head didn't feel the same, and that would only make things akward between them.

"Listen Yu, this is really important ok...?" Kanda swallowed hard and his stomach dropped at the seriousness in Lavi's voice. Lavi put Kanda down and took his small hand before holding it in both of his larger ones. "Listen Yu, I like you, and if we get together and stay together then I might even fall in love with you." Kanda's hopes lifted with each word, Lavi said if we get together. That means he has a chance.

"But I still have duties as a Bookman..." All of the hope Kanda held in his little heart was drained and there was pain there that made him hold in the urge to throw up. He could feel a hole growing and it was taking every part of him with it. Everything was going in, but nothing was going to come out. He looked down, his eyes dark and his bangs covering his eyes. Behind his veil his eyes watered and he pulled his hand out of Lavi's.

That was the one thing that he hadn't taken into account. Lavi wasn't allowed to Love, none of the Bookmen were, it was how they were raised and taught. They didn't stay in one place very long, they didn't choose sides, they didn't find love and settle down to have a family. The gathered information, they stood on the sidelines and watched everything go by. There wasn't time to love in a Bookman's life. That's all there is to it. Bookman himself had forbidden Lavi to love, though he hit on all the girls all the time.

His little heart broke and he felt numbness flowing through the veins from his heart and spreading out to every inch in his body. "Yu...?" Kanda turned away from Lavi, finally allowing the tears to spill over. He sniffled and whispered so quietly that Lavi wasn't sure he heard it. "Even so, you have my heart..." Then he ran off. As he ran Kanda closed off his mind, he shut everything and everyone out. If he took note of his surroundings then he would have surely had a panic attack.

Lavi's heart ached as he strained to hear Kanda's broken words. He had hurt Kanda, and he had hurt him bad. He thought it was better this way though, he didn't want to fall in love, get settled in with Kanda and make him as happy as he could with him. If he did that, then he'd only hurt Kanda more when Bookman and him had to leave...

His heart ached even more when Kanda ran off, he stood up and took a couple steps forward, contemplating whether or not he should go after him. He would, just not now, he needed some time to himself, so that he could think out what he wanted to say and do before he actually did any of it. A couple of the passersby looked at him, but he ignored them and slowly walked after Kanda, having no intention to chase him down, or to rush the time the boy needed.

If he could choose whether or not to be a Bookman he would have said no. If only he had understood more about what he was getting into. But it was all too late, he was already a Bookman, he'd been through too much to quit now, and even if he had wanted to, Bookman wouldn't let him. He has chosen this path himself, and he was going to walk it. No matter what. Even...even if it meant breaking Kanda's heart... which he had already done.

Speaking of the devil, Bookman was walking beside him, but since he was so out of it he didn't even notice. "Lavi, what are you doing?" Lavi blinked a few times before looking down at the old panda. Bookman looked up at the younger of the two and took note of the pained look in his eyes. "What's wrong with you boy?" Lavi shook his head. Bookman would only yell at him about it, then he'd go on and on about what he'd gotten himself into and why this and why that and blah blah blah!

"It's nothing Bookman..." The shorter of the two stopped midstep and watched as the red-head continued onward. He had just called him Bookman, something that he had never done, not in his whole life of knowing the red-head. He had a suspicion that something was going on, but Lavi wasn't telling him for a reason, and he had a feeling that it was something sentimental. This was not good, Lavi needed to be level minded, more focused on the task at hand, not whatever the hell it was he's getting into.

Bookman rushed and caught up to Lavi, he opened his mouth to speak, but Lavi beat him to it. "I know what you're gonna say. This isn't the time to be getting sentimental and this and that, you're gonna say that I don't have a right to have feelings or choose a side. You're gonna say that I have to remain focused on the path that I've chosen and that I can't make any mistakes for the long history of Bookman. I'm an important part in this lineage and blah blah blah. I don't gotta hear it again jiji."

Bookman was surprised by Lavi's outburst. He'd never cut him off or even gotten angry about the things that he had said, even if he had to repeat them on countless occasions. There was a tone in Lavi's voice, one that said that he was angry, hurt, and that he didn't want to talk abotu this at the moment. Not that he usually liked to talk about it anyway. Bookman stopped in his spot and watched as Lavi walked away. He glanced around and gave a level stare to any one that passed by and they all eventually left the hall. When he was sure that no one was there he called out to Lavi. "Who is it?"

Lavi stopped walking and pivoted on his heal. "Who is what?" Bookman walked closer to Lavi and the boy waited for him to get close enough before folding his hands on the back of his head and leaning against the wall while propping up his right leg. Bookman dropped his arms to his sides and closed his dark eyes momentarily before saying,"Who is the one that you're thinking about right now? Why? And will it stop?"

Lavi shut his trap and thought about a response, it wouldn't really help if he lied, if he did Bookman would just beat him up and he wasn't really in the mood for joking around. "I'm thinking of a samurai, because he told me something important today and I hurt him, and no. It won't stop. Not now and not ever." Bookman opened his eyes,"Why are you thinking about Kanda?" Lavi shook his head,"I have my reasons and my secrets, just like you do. I don't pry about yours and you don't pry about mine."

Bookman was becoming more and more speechless. The words Lavi was saying were mature and he was serious about this. He had to ask this question, this one question. Even if Lavi didn't answer he would be able to tell from the look on his face. "Do you love Kanda?" Lavi raised his gaze to Bookmans and stared at him with a blank expression for a moment. "No, I don't love him. I like him though, and it would be nice to fall in love."

"Bu-" Bookman started. "But I, as a Bookman, am not allowed to love, not allowed to give love, not allowed to choose sides, not allowed to do anything that will impair my job as becoming a Bookman and passing down everything I know to the next generation. Blah blah blah, I've heard it a thousand times and I'm sick of it. I know what I have to do and I'm doin my damn job so quit complaining already."

With that Lavi pushed himself from his perch and continued walking in the direction Kanda ran off into. He was sure that Bookman was going to be angry with him and he'd probably get a mouthful of it later when he went to bed. Maybe he shouldn't sleep in his room tonight... Maybe he could sleep with Kanda. The samurai would probably feel better sleeping with someone he trusted anyway. Oh, but...there was that problem. You know, the one where he just broke the kids heart a couple minutes ago? Yeah, that one.

Kanda had locked himself in a room, he didn't know what it was or what it had in it. All he cared about was the fact that he couldn't see anything, no one could see him, it didn't stink, he could breathe, and he could lie down. He closed his eyes and hugged himself. The claustriphobia was going to start kicking in. He didn't care, more tears left now wet trials down Kanda's cheeks. How could it be that he's so happy one moment in his life, but the next everything is sent to hell?

Silently Kanda wished that Alma had taken him with him that faithful night nine years ago. It was a breif thought and Kanda dismissed it. He didn't really regret anything up until this point. Except for two things. One, that he had killed Alma, and two, he had told Lavi that he loved him...

He jumped in surprise when there was a little knock on the door. Kanda knew it was Lavi, he could tell. His scent wafted into the room from the cracks under the door. The clean smell of a deep husky spice wafted into the room and Kanda inhaled deeply, savoring the schent. He slowly opened the door but kept his gaze downshifted with his eyes averted. He couldn't look Lavi in the eye.

Lavi stepped aside for Kanda and he walked past the red-head without so much as a second glance. I gave you my heart to protect it Lavi, not to break it. I trusted you with it and you failed to keep a promise... One that you never made. Guess that's my fault huh...?

"Yu..." Kanda shook his head. He didn't wanna talk to Lavi. He didn't have anything to say to the red-head. "C'mon just hear me out..." Kanda turned to him and glared fiercly, so much that Lavi took a step back. "Hear you out about what! Not like you could say anything to fix it Lavi! I know you're a Bookman! I know you can't love and that you can't stay here! I know that you're going to be leaving at any damn moment! But guess what! I gave you my heart to protect it! But guess what you did! You tore it out of my chest and ripped it to shreds! I gave it to you so could could protect it, not destroy it!" Halfway through Kanda's rant he began to cry again. God he'd been doing way too much of that lately.

Lavi bit his lip. He wanted to say something back, he had a right too, and he should. But if he opened his big mouth now then he was going to yell, and he didn't wanna do that to Kanda. "Listen Yu...I know ok? I didn't mean to hurt you. I can't help that this is what I'm stuck doing. I've already chosen it and I've commited so much of myself to it already, I can't turn back now... Not after I've come so far..." Kanda shook his head. "...I don't know what to say to you Lavi, I don't have anything to say to you..."

"...Where are you going to sleep tonight?" Lavi asked feeling sour. The samurai faced away from Lavi, he seemed much more calmer now than he was before. "I'm not going to sleep." Lavi laughed inwardly, I doubt that. That little body of yours needs to heal up, you're not like you were a couple weeks ago Kanda, you're a kid now. Since you need to get fixed up you'll naturally fall asleep whether you want to or not.

Kanda walked down the halls and once again Lavi trailed after him. They were heading to the resting rooms, the one with all of the couches facing this way and that. When they reached their destination Lavi waited until Kanda was seated before taking a seat on the next couch, but close enough as he could be to Kanda.

The two boys sat in silence for a long time, neither knowing what to say, how to start, where the conversation would lead to. "I waited for you..." broke the silence, it's voice with a slightly high pitch but not threatening, more like, a childs. Kanda's, go figure. Lavi turned his head to Kanda but didn't say anything, he didn't think he had to. "I was waiting for you, hoping you'd be the one to save me... In a way you did... Whenever Tyki came in I'd think about you somehow getting in, beating the shit out of Tyki, and taking me away before hiding out with me, healing me and falling in love with me... It was a stupid thought... it still is, but...that's just how much I love you Lavi..."

Lavi folded his hands in his lap. When Kanda said that he was supposed to say, I love Yu too, and make a pun out of it. If he did that then Kanda would turn red, get all emberassed and shy and they would probably make-out, which would lead him to looking like a pedophile. Well god knows how many people already thought that...

"I'm sorry Yu, I really am..." Kanda sighed. He sat back in the seat and curled up to the arm rest. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and yawned while stretching out a little bit. Lately it's been quiet, no moyashii, no Lenalee, no Komui, no anyone. Kanda was wondering what was going on, but he didn't really care. He was with Lavi, the one he loved, even if he couldn't love him back, it was something, right?

Lavi had laid back as well, his head resting on one end of the couch on the arm rest while his body lay in the center of the couch and his feet propped up on the other arm rest. Or leg rest as it were... It was comfortable and warm, you didn't need a blanket because the room was just naturally warm that way and the cushions were so soft you didn't even need pillows. The thought that finders sometimes slept in here crept into his mind and he chuckled a bit.

once curled up in the corner of the couch with his head on the arm rest but now he was tossed on the couch, one arm covering his eyes, the other hanging from the side of the couch, one of his legs bent upward slightly and the other also hanging off the side. Lavi, with his camera like memory, 'took a picture'. He imprinted it into his mind so he'd never forget how cute Kanda looked at that moment.

He'd look even cuter if- Lightbulb. A new idea sprung into Lavi's mind and he suddenly didn't care about what Bookman had bitched to him about, or what he was going to bitch to him about. He got up and looked around hazerdously before sprinting to Lenalee's room. He talked with her for a few minutes before whispering something in her ear. She nodded eagerly, let him in, and shut the door tightly.

After a good half hour or so Lavi and Lenalee emerged with much needed neccessities, and smiles on their faces. He had broken Kanda's heart, yet Kanda still loved him. Now Lavi was going to fix that, he was going to protect Kanda's heart, he was going to help it grow, he was going to make Kanda love him forever. He should have done it in the first place, but everyone learns from their mistakes. Lavi learned his lesson, and lucky for him, he had enough time to fix it. He hadn't completely ruined his chances of fixing Kanda.

When they arrived at the resting rooms Lenalee had shoo-ed Lavi away before turning to Kanda to get started.

The Next Day:

Kanda yawned and stretched, he arched his back off the couch and rubs his eyes slowly and tiredly. He sat up and took a moment to gather his surroundings. The first thing he spotted was a pair of little white heals placed upon his feet with a light blue ribbon that tied down the strap to the other side of the shoe to make it securely stay on. Next thing he noticed was the white tights he was wearing which led up to the dress. Kanda jumped up and looked down at the dress. The top was sleavless and on his mid-chest there was a blue ribbon which wrapped around him and tied to his back. Past that the dress frilled out and the bottom was lined with the same baby blue as the ribbon on his mid-chest and shoes. He blushed slightly and moved his hands up to touch the dress. On his right wrist was two baby blue bracelets with a lovely white rose vine design on them. On his left wrist was the purple beaded bracelet that he always wore.

Moving his hands up farther he noticed his hair was not in a pony tail, but rather in two. He touched each of the tails and soon came to realize that there were more ribbons in his hair. These ones were longer and twisted into his hair which made a cute look of curl thrown in there. He looked around and was glad that no one was there to see him. He looked like a girl! He looked around for Lavi. Oh god please don't let him be around!

Kanda cautiosly walked toward the hallway and cringed at the click click click of the small heals he was wearing. Where did his clothes go? Before he could continue onwards a strong pair of arms wraped around his lithe waist and lifted him into the air. He was pulled to whomever was holding him until his back was against said mans chest. He was breathing on the back of Kanda's neck and it made him shudder but he felt comfortable in this mans arms. Lavi.

"Good morning, Yu."

Kanda was going to go off on Lavi, he wanted to know why he was in a damn dress and who had had the audacity to change him.

Lavi wasn't finished yet though.

"Have I told Yu lately that I love Yu?"

And there you have it ladies and (maybe) gentlemen! I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I personally think it's my favorite one by far. I love how I did the ending, Kanda waking up in a cute little dress, Lavi picking him up and saying those three words that our little Kanda has been dying to hear! It's so cute! AHHHH!

Lavi- We're having some technical diffictulites

Kanda- If you mean Darxetta freaking out about how 'cute' it is then yes

Lavi- Don't say 'cute', it's cute!

Kanda- No it's not!

Lavi- Yes it is!

Kanda- No! It's n-

Lavi kisses Kanda softly on the lips.

Lavi- It's cute

Kanda- -/-

Darxetta- , yes, it is cute, and very hot...

Hope you enjoyed, if you want review, if not, smeh