Chapter 10:
March 2005
He looked at her, grasping his right hand with his left.
She did not know to treat the situation so she simply sat in silence, waiting.
"What do you want me to do?" he asked her.
She shook her head, "I don't know. I can't give you an answer. I just hate that I've done this."
He stood up and took a deep breath, "Trust me, I find it insufferable Amy. It's like you just went out and executed me…and I don't want to look at you, because it just reminds me of what you did."
"Matt, I'm so sorry."
"You don't know how much this sucks for me Amy. I am mentally trying to measure whether I love you or hate you more. Do you how messed up that is?" He walked over to the bench and drank from the bottle of water, his back turned from her.
She did not approach him, instead staying on the opposite side of the room. "I just want to fix this…okay? How can I fix this?"
"You see, that's the thing. You can't fix this. Amy, I don't trust you anymore and I don't understand why you did it,' he took a breath. 'My problem is that I don't know if I'll ever be able to deal with this." He placed the bottle of water back on the bench and turned back to her as their eyes gained contact for the first time in minutes.
Amy hesitated for a moment before responding. "Matt, the thing is…I don't know why I did it and I have no idea what to do about it. But at the same time, this is my flaw and I can't fix what I have done, no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change that. I hurt you and I can't take it back. Can you live with that?" She awaited an answer.
He shook his head, "No. Baby, I can't."
She could not believe his response. "What? So this is it? This is the end? After everything?" she asked.
"Amy, everything was fucked up the moment that you kissed him. I thought that maybe I could get past it, but the truth is, I don't want to. As much as you mean to me, I can't contemplate trying to get through this with you. We'll never be the same, and that really kills me. I love you more than anything Amy, but I just can't deal with this."
Amy stood up from her chair and walked over to him, grasping his hand. "Please don't do this. Okay, two weeks ago you told me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me, and that means nothing?"
He nodded, "It means nothing now. It's broken. Everything. What we had. Dead."
"How can that happen Matt? Okay, it's been two days, how can it all go in two days?"
Matt stopped her, "It's simple…you killed it Amy. I'm in love with you, but you killed it. When I'm in a room with you, right now, I physically feel sick. I want to throw up and I just want to get out."
End Flashback