Merlin didn't turn around, even though there were continuous, loud foot steps coming from behind, they sounded a bit harsh, like perhaps the person was drunk, or angry. The only one he knew whom was angry right now, was Arthur, and Merlin hadn't been gone long enough, that row was long from over, he was sure of it. It had to be Gwaine.

"Drink too much again?" Merlin asked, with a smile, as he began to turn around to see his visitor. But too quickly, he was pressed against the cupboard, the thing slammed into the wall behind him, with the force of it. "Arthur...?" Merlin gasped, confused, and honestly a little scared, the man looked frantic, out of his mind even. He gripped on Merlin's neckerchief and pressed him into the cupboard. Merlin only had time to gulp before Arthur's lips were crashing onto his. Arthur kissed him hard, lips being dominate and strong, and not giving Merlin an option to say no, not that that crossed Merlin's mind in that instant, at all. He kissed him back, just as strongly, eyes batting shut and hands reaching up to hold Arthur's jaw.

Maybe he should say no, even if Arthur wasn't making that an option, he should have more self respect for himself, because he knew what this was; this was Arthur getting back at Gwen for what she said. Because there was something between the two of them, Arthur knew it, he knew Merlin was in love with him. And even though Merlin knew he should stop this, he was getting in the middle of a marriage right now, (that very well could be over, he hardly knew, that still didn't matter,) but his brain was actual goo in his ears. He couldn't think, the only thing he could focus on was making sure he poured every ounce of passion he had eve felt for this horribly difficult man, into that kiss.

They kissed each other until they were both completely and utterly breathless, Arthur pulled away, growling out something that sounded like Merlin's name and pressed his forehead against Merlin's. Merlin refused to open his eyes. He didn't want to face this reality just yet. Couldn't they just go back to kissing and keep the moment going forever? Merlin supposed not. He sighed. "Arthur...?" he repeated his words from earlier, still confused, and opened his eyes.

"We're not in love," Arthur answered, and Merlin wasn't sure what he meant, his forehead lowered to Merlin's neck, where he pressed it into Merlin's collarbone. "We used to be, I know we used to be...but not anymore."

"What...what happened after I left?" Merlin muttered, he didn't know what else to say. Arthur laughed, very bitterly.

"She told me that," he explained. "That I am not the man she thought I was. And...I never will be. She blames me for it all, you know?" Arthur sniffed, and Merlin refused to believe he felt the wetness of tears on his skin. "Her father, Morgana...it's all my fault. I should have just assumed..."

"Why would you assume that?" Merlin retorted. He knew Arthur already blamed himself for enough. He didn't need this, too. "It's not your fault. Morgana went against you, you tried to help her father...you knighted her brother."

"Yes, I mentioned that too," Arthur said. "Apparently, knighting Elyan was only out of guilt."

"That's stupid..."

"It was my father who had hers killed, why did she marry me?" Arthur asked, looking up at Merlin, and as Merlin had feared, there were tears in his eyes. Merlin reached up to wipe them away. "She took my name, she became queen. Why if she doesn't love me, Merlin?"

Merlin shook his head, "I don't know..."

"I thought she loved me, I loved her...I tried, very hard, as hard as I could, to make her happy," Arthur said, shaking his head and biting his lip. "And then there's you."

"Me?" Merlin asked, he again, didn't like being brought up in this problem. Why was he apart of this problem? He supposed that kiss probably answered a few of those questions.

"I don't know what I feel for you...but it's something," Arthur answered, leaning into Merlin again, and pressed his lips to Merlin's neck. He gasped, gulping, as Arthur left wet, very wet, adding his tears into the mix, kisses on the skin above his neckerchief. "I want to feel this toward Guinevere, but I can't...not anymore."

"Does she know...?"

"No," Arthur answered quickly. "But she had no issue telling me a part of her heart still lies with Lancelot, so I had no problem coming down here and kissing your face off."

"Lancelot is dead, Arthur...and my face is still very much intact," Merlin told him, pushing him off, just a little bit. "I can't be between you two, it's not fair to Gwen even if she deserves it."

Arthur frowned. "I doubt she would care..."

"It's not fair to me, either," Merlin retorted. "I will just give you what Gwen will not. And that's what you wanted?"

"No," Arthur said, standing up straight and licking his lips. "I just...wanted you, for a moment. I wanted to kiss someone who loved me, who really loved me."

Merlin's lips turned up, into a small, yet sad smile, at The King's. "And how was that?"

"It was...well, your kissing is slightly under par, I have to say, but I'm sure I could fix that," Arthur smirked. He knew Arthur was only joking, Merlin laughed too, letting himself be dazzled by Arthur's stupid face, and happy smile. He knew how heart broken he was, how could he deny him of this?

"Like your kissing was any better?" he retorted, their lips coming nearer, and after all Merlin had just told him, he was going to betray his own words.

"It was," Arthur answered, leaving a peck on the corner of Merlin's mouth, he laughed again, afterward. "Much better than yours."

"In your dreams," Merlin retorted, feeling just too perfectly warm in Arthur's embrace. "It felt like you were trying to eat my face."

"Maybe I was...?"

"You are disgusting."

"And rude," Arthur said, leaning in even closer, until all Merlin could breathe was just Arthur, And funnily enough, he was alright with that. "Kiss me again."

"No..." Merlin trailed off, trying to hold onto even the smallest bit of dignity he had left. Which was very slim these days. "I just said-"

"I don't always have to listen to you," Arthur retorted. Mocking what Merlin has said to him, so many times before. "I've had a bad night, just one more kiss?"

"Fine, one more..." Merlin trailed off, and let Arthur press his lips to his once more. Arthur moaned, and it was all over, any resolve Merlin could ever have with Arthur was completely gone. Everything he had said, burned up in the fires burning between them. These kisses wouldn't stop, even after this night, Merlin could feel it, and why should he stop them again? For his own well being? Ha! That had gone out the door long ago, everything that mattered was Arthur, so why was this any different?

And Gwen? Well, if she didn't want to be kissed like this, by Arthur, (and even though Merlin had teased him before, these kisses were really, quite lovely,) well then...that was The Queen's loss. And perhaps it was incredibly selfish, but Merlin didn't care. He was selfish when it came to Arthur, and he just didn't care. He wouldn't care.

(A/N: Merlin is actually quite selfish when it comes to Arthur, especially in season 5. I always thought he was a bit...obsessive. He didn't even care about their destiny anymore, he just wanted to keep Arthur safe. At least that's how it felt to me, and I kind of wanted to add that in here somehow.)