Uncomfortable was the best word to describe Touka that night. She was pushing herself to put up with a scenario she had been avoiding since she was at least 14. The idea of a sleepover... the idea of someone as dangerous as her staying over at innocent, lovely families home.

She wasn't really prepared. At least, she didn't feel she was to an extent. The whole situation was a sudden decision, made in worry for Yoriko herself rather than Toukas own benefit, which of course was selfless... but still difficult to deal with. The whole way home, in which Yoriko followed, she was panicking about the stuff she didn't have - like real PJ's - which Yoriko assured her was okay and that she could wear whatever she usually did.

Why did she feel it was a formal gathering? She didn't truly know. Maybe it was because it was a new situation... that would explain her anxiety regarding it. It was kind of the same when she started her first day at Kiyomi High. It was terrifying, doing something normal humans would do.

But, she did at least push past the awkwardness after a while of calming herself in her thoughts, but not without Yoriko letting her stop and buy what it was she didn't have... with a reluctant, but supportive expression ever looming on her face. And, of course, a look of embarrassment on Toukas own. It wasn't as though a spontaneous shopping trip wasn't fun for Yoriko and maybe Touka alike, what with picking out every rabbit related piece of clothing. However, Yoriko felt bad that Touka was spending money just to see her, albeit Toukas reassurance.

However, it was worth it. It made things way easier, at least, for Touka. That, in turn, made it easier for Yoriko herself. And now, Touka was sat on Yorikos bed, once again, looking extremely, extremely awkward. Not that she'd let it seem like she didn't want to be there. It was Toukas decision, after all. She did this to herself. And besides, it shouldn't be a big deal anyway! She wanted to spend time with Yoriko. She always did. All she had to do was calm her mind down and relax. Once they got the awkward conversation over with, it was a home run to bedtime... and then it would be the morning. A weekend, no less. A whole day of dorking around before Touka inevitably departed for home.

But... the point about the awkward situation still remained. They needed to talk, and they both knew that. Which was why they both fell into silence when they finally settled down into Yorikos bedroom.

All the while, Toukas thoughts kept bouncing back and forth between past and present, in memory of the kiss the two almost shared. Perhaps it was only Touka who felt uncomfortable... maybe, for good reason with that.

However, she knew Yoriko was the shy one. And that was even at that moment, evident in her behaviour. She was sat at her desk, tapping her fingers... staring at the tacky, paper sunflowers she had stuck to her walls to add a bit of colour to her bedroom. Once again, something that just screamed Yoriko Kosaka. But, she was doing it to avoid talking. She didn't truly know what to say or how to say. So Touka took it upon herself to start the conversation. But she'd be jumping in at the deep end. She always was blunt...

"I wanna know what's going on. What made you freak out like that, I mean. It was me. Wasn't it? Because I broke my promise and left you alone when you weren't ready to go back to school properly yet." She said, her bright eyes glancing toward the human, who she saw had visibly flinched at the sudden conversation starting.

Yoriko was scared that was what Touka thought, and clearly, she was correct to be. Darn it... she didn't mean to make it seem like that was the case. Of course, was upset, but not directly at Touka! Life happened... life was stupid. But her dumb thoughts and feelings were worse. Especially in this scenario.

"Th... That's really not true! I didn't say that! I just panicked, okay? I wasn't ever mad... I just wanted to disappear after everything had happened." She responded, her hands moving to her legs, where she began to squeeze her skirt in her fists. She felt responsible for Toukas worry now...
"I mean it. It wasn't your fault. Okay? It's just... the last few days have been bad, that's all. You know how things are, stuff goes wrong. Disappointment always strikes randomly, right?"

... As much as Yoriko assumed that would make Touka feel better, it... really, really didn't. Her heart sank, yet throbbed at the same time. It was an awful feeling because she knew what she meant. She meant the kiss, or... well, what could have been. Yoriko really was affected by that - she was hurt, and whatever Mayuhara said to get in her head well and truly pushed her over the edge into that horrible state she wished Yoriko never had to experience. Once again, she had caused a situation that had harmed her best friend. Indirectly, but... it didn't change what it was. It was hurt. She was well and truly hurt, and she could see it in her eyes.

Yet, she had to play dumb. Yet she had to pretend she didn't know, instead of saying 'it was me, and I didn't really want to do that. I just didn't want to get you killed or something'... She couldn't reassure her. She couldn't.

She felt well and truly useless.

"Yoriko... what's gone on? You know you can tell me anything." She stated, without a hint of nervousness in her voice despite the true heartbreak she was harbouring inside. She didn't really need to know... she already knew. But Yoriko didn't know that. But what she needed to know was that Touka cared enough to ask in the first place.

However, despite the effort, Yoriko shrugged her off... once again, causing pain to rip through Touka as if she'd been shot. Once again, it was rare for Yoriko to not want to tell her anything.

"It was... nothing. Nothing I wanna talk about, anyway. I promise, I'm okay, I just-"
"Yoriko."

Yoriko looked up as she was interrupted to see Touka stand up and walk towards her. To see her crouch down, and hold her hands. It was something Touka had never done before - a new thing for the two of them, especially Touka herself, who was visibly nervous to be doing such a thing. But this was for Yoriko. She wanted to comfort her. And if she was going to be put into an awkward position, well, Touka would do the same for herself. An eye for an eye. She... guessed. Not really the sorta situation it usually applied to, but it was still right, regardless.

"I don't care how embarrassing it is. I don't care whether you think it's stupid. It's hurting you, so it matters. You know you can tell me anything... so... let's not keep any secrets. Yeah?" She said, feeling a bomb of hypocrisy in her statement. Her whole section of the friendship was held up by lies... lies for Yorikos sake, of course, but they were still lying.

Yoriko was looking down toward her, with a red face Touka could only assume was from embarrassment. Had she gone too far? she wondered, her brow furrowing before she gained a meek reply from the human. A reply was so blunt it could almost rival Toukas own at the worst of times.

"I... I almost kissed Rabbit. And she stopped me."

That was it. That was all she said, and thankfully, it was all she seemed to want to say. That made Toukas mind ease. She didn't really... want a recap. She really didn't. If she did, her emotions may have got the best of her. Who knows what would happen then... Touka couldn't even predict.

"... I won't ask how that became close to happening. But... I'm sorry she did that to you. Maybe she just... wasn't interested in having a love life?" Touka said, in half defence of the ghoul. Of course, she would be, the ghoul was her. She wanted to justify it without saying 'she isn't interested'... because... well, it wasn't the case and Touka knew it. Something was happening there. She couldn't lie about that. But she could lie about the Rabbits reasons.

Yoriko sighed, her eyes closing. As if she was avoiding tearing up.
"It... it wasn't her fault. She mentioned something about us being two completely different people, ya know? Like you said... humans and ghouls? How could that ever work, huh? I keep doing stupid stuff!"

Toukas hand squeezed the girls own gently, her heart throbbing. Despite all the pain, they were both feeling, Yoriko speaking about this like it was normal... the mention of ghouls wasn't like a curse word to her. Other than the fact it was preventing her crush become anything more than that.

It... was a shame. It was a shame she couldn't show her the eyes. The wings... it was a shame she couldn't give her the Mask and say 'how do you feel now?'. Life truly was cruel. But... Touka had to stay quiet. Quiet for the humans' sake. She didn't want any harm to come to her for a selfish reason... her safety was more important. It always would be.

"Yoriko. I know it hurts. And it's not stupid that you tried... you want to be with her, right? It's only natural you wanted to try." Touka said quietly, her hand raising to brush away a stray tear that had slipped out, despite Yorikos best efforts. Not that Touka minded. If anything, it was better she cried. It was better she could release her emotions. Although... touching her cheek like that made Touka blush.

She hated emotions.

"I..." Yoriko began, her voice shaky as her now red eyes opened. "I... I don't know how to talk about this, Touka. Me liking girls is scary enough without me being dumb and falling for someone I shouldn't. I don't want to deal with it. I'm too scared. I'm... I'm sorry, I know you wanna help me but I just... I can't."

Touka let a frown cover her face once she heard that. Of course, she couldn't force her into telling her anything. And... in all fairness, they got a fair bit out of the way. A lot of pain was on the table to slowly come to terms with. At least, on Yorikos side. And Touka would do everything in her power to do that, over time...

"... I understand, Yoriko. We don't need to talk about it anymore. If you wanna, we can just lay in bed and watch a movie. Or something... just to relax. Today was shit, I get it. It was for me, too. I wanna have fun tonight, ya know? It's fine, really." She said with a small smile, which caused a look of relief to wash over the girl. Which made Touka feel better herself, really.

Touka smiled and stood, pulling Yoriko to her feet as she spoke. "Well... your face says it all. Let's watch a movie." She then said, moving to sort out Yorikos DVD player. As for Yoriko... well...

She just stared at Touka. With a little smile. She really did strike gold with one thing... her. She was right to go up to Touka and ask her to share lunch. She was right to insist on sharing lunch with her every day. She was right to trust her.

That's all she really wanted. Someone to trust. Someone to connect with.
Who needed Rabbit if she had her?

~*~*~*~
"Hey... uh... Yoriko, do you need any more popcorn?"
"Huh? Nah, I've had a lot... you can have some, ya know-"
"I uh... I have, don't worry."

As the movie played, quiet whispers filled the room. It wasn't disruptive, nor forced. It was welcomed. Voices filling the void the movie wasn't filling very well. It was a comfortable situation they had found themselves in, even with the awkwardness of the earlier situation. Even down to the seating arrangements, with Yoriko tucked into Toukas side (though, this was mostly down to the small size of her bed).

"You're warm enough, right?" Touka asked out of the blue, causing a small chuckle to escape the human girl. Again... the laughter that made her heart leap in her chest thousand times over. She still didn't know how a human could have such an effect on her. However... she didn't hate it. Not anymore. It was almost pleasant.

"I thought I was the host, Touka..." She murmured, her finger jabbing at the ghouls' side and causing her to flinch, but not without a smirk.

"Yeah? well, maybe I'm a better host and I'm asserting my dominance." Touka replied, only earning a tired response from the human herself.
"Pft... yeah, you wish."

Touka laughed, almost loudly at the humans' sassy reply. It was funny to her, how Yoriko was so shy around others, yet around her, she was just as sarcastic as the next girl. She was glad she was that person to her. A person she could be herself around.

"I wish, huh? How rude, Yoriko. What makes you think I'm not?

Yoriko?"

She was met with silence, which was... rare. It caused her to look down toward the girl, her eyes focussing upon her gentle features, only to realise... she was asleep. Fully asleep, and it was almost shocking to her how quickly it happened.

Not that Touka minded. In fact, a gentle smile covered her face once more as she observed her features. Angelic, almost. Innocent. The polar opposition of Touka...

Beautiful.

She gulped as she thought of the word, her entire face becoming a crimson mess. Ah... what was she thinking? Maybe it was her own fatigue setting in, but... she couldn't take her eyes off of her. She was watching her sleep. And she felt so fucking creepy...

And yet... her thoughts couldn't stop going back to what was almost a kiss. That kiss.. that God damn kiss. She needed it out of her system, she was so so so close and... nothing.

Why did she want this so badly?

...

She sighed and stared at the place on her cheek in which she'd stopped a tear rolling earlier in the day, her mind racing. Could she... could she kiss her? At least, her cheek, and get it out of her system? She was asleep... she wouldn't know. She wouldn't see. Sure, she'd feel, but that could be anything when you're asleep.

It was just a peck.
A peck on the cheek - what was that between friends, right?

She was trying to justify it so much in her mind that she didn't even notice herself beginning to lean down. It felt like slow motion to her. She could hear every single breath, feel each and every movement... it was as if it was just them alone in the world.

And finally... her lips pressed against her cheek, and she felt her blush began to radiate more so than ever before.

But... above that...
She felt a stir, from below her... as a pair of eyes fluttered open.

Shit.