10. Additional Illumination

BPOV

My dreams were all over the place as I slept, waking up over and over to look at the clock and moan. I finally gave up and pulled myself out of bed to stumble into the shower for a nice long soak under the scalding hot spray. For the first time in a long time, I couldn't quite pinpoint the mood I was in to dictate which shower gel to use. After standing in the spray debating for a while attempting to put a label on my mood, I finally decided that with all that was going on that Japanese Cherry Blossom was probably the best choice anyway.

Once I escaped I took my time layering generous amounts of lotion and even taking the time to dry and straighten my hair using Alice's fancy flat iron before finally emerging from the bathroom. I settled on the couch with a cup of coffee, a bagel, and my notebook as I began to scribble ideas frantically. I had found myself slowly straying further and further from my original concept as these new ideas seemed to pour out of me pulling me in new and exciting directions.

I finally started to hear signs of life from Alice's room around ten o'clock and I chuckled to myself as I slid from my place on the couch stretching my stiff joints after being settled there for the better part of three hours hard at work, and made a cup of coffee to hand Alice when her door opened.

I was leaning against the door jamb when the knob rattled and then suddenly it was tossed open to reveal an atypically grumpy looking Alice who gazed at me with a single raised eyebrow before snatching the mug from my hand with a grumbled 'Thanks, I needed that.'

I laughed at her before returning to the living room to plop back on the couch with my feet tucked under me as I nibbled on my pen lid staring down at the pages I had just completed with a critical eye. Surprisingly enough, I found very few places that I felt needed any sort of major editing.

I heard the shower shut off in the back of the apartment and about ten minutes later a still wet Alice wearing nothing but sweats and a baggy t-shirt stalked out looking very much like a drowned rat with her typically springy hair laying flat against her head.

"Ali? Are you okay sweetie? I've never seen you quite like this."

She sighed and plopped down on the chair across from me pulling her knees up to her chest and hugging her arms around them laying her cheek against her knees. "I've been helping my friend Benjamin get ready for his senior project. He has a big showing of his pieces in our class next Friday and he's been frantically working to get it all done and I've been helping him as much as possible with whatever I can. He did the same for me last month and I really wanted to return the favor. Unfortunately Jasper sees everything a little differently. He called yesterday afternoon having come into town to surprise me and when he didn't find me here he started looking on campus and found us working alone in the studio last night and totally flipped out. I got really pissed off and we really went at it. He got me so mad that I never even got around to telling him that Benji is gay. We had a huge screaming match in the middle of the lobby and he just stormed off."

I frowned and walked over to sit on the arm of the chair and rub her back. "Oh I'm so sorry Ali. I bet once you give him a chance to calm down you'll be able to talk sensibly and work all of this out. He should have given you the benefit of the doubt. You've never given him reason to doubt you and if you give him time to chill out I'm sure he'll remember that."

She moaned and buried her face between her torso and her legs. "I hope you're right Bella. I love him so much, but sometimes he's just so overly emotional! I think it's because we spend so much time apart, but I'm not sure how I can help that and it's not like I can not have a life in hopes that he might come home."

"I know Ali. I got some really good work done this morning...why don't you go finish getting ready and you and I can go hit Greenwich Village and do a little vintage shopping and grab some sort of trendy brunch? What do you say?"

She looked up at me and giggled lightly before nodding her head. She disappeared into the bathroom to dry her hair and I padded back to my room to change my clothes into something a bit more appropriate for a day out on the town.

We were both dressed and on our way out of the door when Alice froze mid step and turned around to face the kitchen counter.

"Oh my god Bella, did he take this at the park yesterday? It's so amazing! You look like a princess!" She squealed at me hopping around like usual Alice flapping the picture in my direction. I had forgotten that she hadn't been home for the after date drama and the whole picture analysis.

"Yeah, he had it messengered over last night with the note that's underneath it." She picked up the note, her eyes growing as wide as saucers as she read and then she belted out another eardrum shattering screech. "Oh my god Bella, you are SO going to marry him and have a dozen kids with this man. This is the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my life! That must have been one amazing date."

"Well...it was, but then some things happened and I sort of put the brakes on the whole thing."

"What the hell? Why would you do such a thing?!" Alice admonished looking for all the world like she was on the verge of ripping me limb from limb.

"It's a long story Ali, let's talk while we walk." She nodded and set the picture and the note carefully back on the counter before grabbing her jacket and purse and following me out the door.

We had fun as we wandered the eclectic streets of the Village. As we wandered the smells from a bakery drew us to the door and we both feasted on baklava as we sipped coffee on a nearby bench. We meandered through several kitschy stores before finally finding the jackpot at a vintage shop dealing in nothing but sixties chic. Alice and I had a ball trying on micro-mini dresses with massive multicolored polka dots while wrapping outrageous scarves over our hair and sliding gigantic bug eye glasses to conceal our eyes. We both left with cute little outfits that included period jewelry and go-go boots that we intended to utilize as our Halloween costumes in a little over a week.

"I still can't believe you relegated him to the friend zone Bella! You're just so afraid of getting hurt that you're not letting yourself get out there at all. He seems like a decent guy. Yeah sure he's dated a lot of models...he's a photog...that's what they do. I've dated a lot of painters before Jazz, and Jazz dated quite a few actresses because that quite simply is who agents spend most of their time dealing with. Don't discount the man just because he's gotten involved with a few of the people who consist of his inner circle from time to time."

I sighed and rubbed my head. "I know Alice, but it's more than that. What if I'm just another model, except I don't have an official contract with him? You've seen the pictures he's taken of me, it's like he can't stop himself, like I'm his newest collection even if he can never sell them. What if when that obsession has run it's course if he loses interest just like he did with the models?"

"And what if the sun explodes tomorrow or the moon fractures into a million pieces and plummets to Earth or gravity ceases to exist? You can't live your life afraid of what might happen. If you do then you'll never live Bells and you deserve to live. Don't let Mike the man whore Newton or Tyler the closet amateur porn artist Crawley keep you from finding the love of your life. They were the losers, not you."

I started gnawing on my lip furiously fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall as Alice grabbed my arm and stopped me pulling me back to face her. She pulled me into a fierce hug and kissed my cheek. "Don't be afraid to find love Bella. You deserve it more than anybody I know."

I sighed and nodded as we continued on arm in arm and I pulled her around a corner toward Jasper's apartment. In her desire to get all the details and dispense her stellar advice, she hadn't even been paying attention to where we were until I pulled her up the stoop to his door. I grabbed her bag from her hand and kissed her cheek.

"Now take your own advice and go have a rational conversation with the love of your life and work this crap out. 'Kay Allie?"

She nodded as I pushed the button for his apartment and waved to her as I turned and walked down the street toward the nearest subway station. I walked into our apartment thirty minutes later tossing our bags on our beds before going straight back to the kitchen and taking a deep breath as I picked up the phone and dialed.

"Hey Edward, is it a bad time? I know we have plans for Monday, but I was just wondering if you would want to hang out or something tomorrow. Jasper returned to town unexpectedly and I have a sneaking suspicion that my plans for tomorrow just got changed."