Cause and Effect.

It's the theory of chain events which makes the world continue.

For example, a cause would be little rain, the effect would be a poor harvest for farmers that year.

Another effect could be an A+ on a test, and the cause could have been studying all night to prepare for it.

When one puts many cause and effects together, they will have strung together a chain of events. Sometimes it's possible to trace an effect all the way back to the original cause. Sometimes it's impossible to not trace it back.

He was doing it now.

The events that had led up to where he was now in his life were being pieced together in his mind, and the more he did so, the more he found that he himself was truly at fault for what had happened.

It should have been him.

~O~

"Alright baby girl, do you want mashed peas or plums?" he held up the options in both hands and looked at Molly expectantly. Molly giggled at her father before holding her hands out for the peas.

Edward nodded. "Good choice, kid."

Molly waited with somewhat impatience in her high chair, legs bouncing out eagerly as Edward prepared her dinner.

"Taylor!" Edward called, projecting his voice in order to reach the upper level.

"Yeah?" she hollered back.

"Babe, are you going to eat anytime soon?"

"I'm almost done blowing up the balloons!" she replied loudly. She had shut herself in the laundry room and was blowing up many purple and light blue balloons for Molly's 1st birthday party the next day.

Edward shook his head at his wife's exuberance.

With the peas ready, he sat down in the chair next to Molly. Her leg bouncing grew even more excited as she watched her dad scoop the mushy green substance with the small spoon.

"Are you excited for tomorrow, baby girl?" he asked as he began to feed her. He liked to talk to her when she ate, because silence and food should never really go together.

"A lot of people are coming to see you," he told her; "Grandma and Grandpa are coming, and Nana and Papa. Uncle Emmett is coming, but I told him he couldn't get you a puppy for your birthday. Don't worry I'll be the one to get you one though."

"Who else?" he pondered as he fed her another bite. "Bella's coming to see you. She's very excited, but I had to tell her no to the puppy too."

Molly looked up at him, silently but quite clearly expressing that she was more interested in the food than the next day's guest list. Edward grinned, continuing to talk.

"Mama's brother, Uncle Jason is coming too. He didn't ask about the puppy though. Alice and Jasper are coming…I think he's going to ask her to marry him any day now, but that's just between the two of us, alright?" Molly looked up at him blankly, but upon seeing his serious face, she began to giggle.

He smiled. "I know you can keep a secret."

Edward wiped at the excess of peas on the side of her lips. "Lily's coming too. She's been asking what you want for weeks now. I wonder what…" he trailed off as his cell phone began to ring.

He looked at the caller ID and rolled his eyes. "Speaking of Bella…" he said to Molly who frankly didn't seem to care.

"Hey Edward," Bella said as soon as he answered.

"Taylor didn't answer her phone?"

"Nope. What's she doing?" she wondered.

Edward continued to feed Molly with one hand. "She's upstairs blowing up the balloons."

"Meticulously?"

"Of course."

Bella laughed. "And there are no pink ones?"

"Not a chance."

"I don't know how she can hate pink so much when it was my favorite color for years. You would have thought it would have rubbed off on her eventually…"

He chuckled. "And here I've always thought you knew why she had an aversion to pink."

"Nope, not a clue."

He rolled his eyes at his wife's best friend. "Do you want me to go get Taylor for you?"

"I was just wondering if you would still like me to pick up the cake on my way to the party tomorrow."

"I think so, I'll check."

He held the phone against his chest and hollered towards the stairs, "Do you still want Bella to pick up the cake?"

"Yeah!" she called back, "Tell her to make sure they spelt Molly's name right!"

"How many different ways are there to spell "Molly?'" he yelled incredulously.

Her response was: "Some idiots put an "ie" instead of a "y" at the end!"

Sighing, he held the phone back up to his ear. "Yes, it would be great if you could, and make sure that Molly's name is spelt right."

Bella was baffled. "How else do you spell it…?"

He was glad someone shared the same thought process. "An "ie" at the end, I guess. Taylor seems to think that doing so calls the parents intelligence into play."

"Called them idiots?"

"Yep."

"Kinda harsh."

"I thought so too."

"Well give Molly a big birthday kiss for me, will you?"

"Because you won't give her a good deal of them tomorrow?" he teased. Molly whined and reached for the spoon that Edward had paused in offering.

"You can never have too many kisses, Edward! I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

Laughing, he said goodbye.

Taylor came down a few minutes later, looking far too satisfied with herself and a little light headed.

"How are you two doing?" she asked, cooing at Molly animatedly.

Edward grinned. "Good. Can you hand me a Kleenex, though? Her nose has been kind of runny today."

Taylor walked over and grabbed a tissue. "I noticed that this morning. She was coughing a little bit earlier too."

Edward wiped Molly's nose, making her face scrunch up in annoyance. "Do you think she's coming down with something?"

Frowning in concern, Taylor reached over and placed her hand on Molly's forehead. "She's a little warm. I think she has a bit of temp."

"It could be just allergies," Edward suggested.

Taylor was skeptical. "Do babies even get allergies?"

"Doesn't everybody get allergies?" he asked, confused.

Molly began to cough, taking her parents away from their debate. She coughed harshly, and Edward didn't like the sound of it.

He picked her up from the high care after wiping her face. He felt her head and conceded that it was warmer than it should be. "We should give her some Children's Benadryl so that it doesn't get worse before tomorrow."

Taylor nodded. "Good idea. I'll grab it."

Edward kissed the side of Molly's head. "It should be in the cabinet behind the mirror."

Taylor went up to the bathroom and checked behind the mirror but saw they were out. She came back down the stairs empty handed.

"It's gone?" he asked when he saw her.

"Yeah, I guess so," she shrugged. She looked at her daughter. Molly, having just been fed was looking quite droopy and not very good.

"I'll go run to the store and grab some," he volunteered, ready to hand her off to her mother.

Taylor shook her head. "You're already in your pajama bottoms. I'll go get it. You stay and give our little patient the big cuddles that she needs."

"You sure?" he checked.

Taylor was already slipping on her shoes. "Yup. I'll be back in like 10 minutes."

She grabbed her keys off the key rack and then stopped where Edward stood with Molly.

"It'll be okay, peanut," she promised as she kissed her girl's soft, warm forehead, before she left, "Daddy's going to take care of you."

"Love you!" she called to him as she slipped through the front door. When she saw the questioning look from her child who was resting in his arms she added with a grin, "And I love you, pumpkin!"

Edward settled in onto the couch with Molly, making sure she was cocooned in many soft blankets. They turned her favorite show, Blue's Clues, and Edward hugged her against him as they watched Blue and Joe solve the clues.

They had watched three episodes and Edward was growing more and more concerned about where Taylor was. The store was only five minutes away from their house and Taylor should have been back an at least a half hour ago.

He had tried her cell phone once but she didn't answer. He figured she was either driving or had run into an old friend. Since she had grown up in this town, it wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

Edward was downright anxious after the 4th episode had passed. Molly had dozed off to sleep shortly before they had solved the three clues.

A knock rang through the house.

He settled Molly against some pillows to go with the blankets and slid out from beside her so he wouldn't awake her. He crossed over to the front door and cautiously pulled it open. What he saw made his heart stop.
Two police officers.

"Mr. Cullen?" one of them asked.

Swallowing, Edward answered, "Yes."

"I'm Officer Carlton. Mr. Cullen, your wife has been in an accident. Her car collided with a semi-truck on the 21st street, Clearwater Road intersection."

Edward hand fell against the doorframe and gripped it tightly.

"Is she alright?" he asked, hardly fighting to keep the desperation out of his voice.

The officer exchanged a quick and silent glance with his partner before looking back at Edward.

"She's been rushed into the ER…it's best that you go right away."

~O~

He was living.

At times his existence felt like nothing more than an empty shell, not a thing like it used to be. Sometimes he felt weak with despair and felt that he could crumble from the weight of the loss and the emptiness it brought.

He knew exactly how many days since he had last seen Taylor and also how many days since he had last spoke to her and seen her eyes. 13 and 17.

But he was living.

And other times he felt lighter, like somehow he was getting the strength to carry on. Somewhere someone up above was giving him just what he needed to remember that it's always dark at night, but eventually dawn will come.

Molly was a big part of the lighter times in his life.

She kept him and Bella busy with the innocence that only a 12 month old child could. She was changing and growing everyday, becoming a little person and developing her personality more and more. It made his heart ache that Taylor wasn't next to him to watch it.

Yet, he was going on.

And he was surrounding by people who cared about him and loved him fiercely. He didn't always have the words to thank them, but he knew he wouldn't be getting by without them.

And that included Emmett.

"Bro, did Dad tell you he has the suite tomorrow?" Emmett asked, kicking his feet onto the coffee table as he got comfortable in the arm chair.

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Which suite, exactly?"

Emmett, though somewhat hesitant about coaxing his brother into public, kept going. "The Watson Cullen one at Target Field. Twins play the Orioles, should be a good one."

When Edward did not respond, simply because he was mentally checking his schedule, Emmett took it the wrong way.

"Look, bro, I'd be remiss as an uncle if I didn't start Molly's inevitable love of baseball at a young age."

Edward grinned. "Remiss as an uncle?"

"And godfather," he added.

Edward rolled his eyes.

Being the Managing Partner of an exceedingly prestigious law firm had its perks. Carlisle often got many opportunities for different events and occasions. Sporting events were just one of the many perks.

Emmett went on to sell it, "Bella's totally welcome to come too. I already talked to Jasper and Alice, and they're in."

"Jasper and Alice?" Edward asked.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "That boy needs to propose soon. I'm trying to encourage a stadium proposal, not that I think it's going to happen. It's worth a shot though."

"How romantic of you, trying to coordinate a proposal," Edward cooed sarcastically.

Emmett shrugged. "Say whatever you want bro, but if more men were like us, there would be less single idiots running amuck."

"What exactly does "like us" mean?"

"We propose quickly," Emmett said a little too hastily. Edward noticed that his brother was eyeing him warily, probably figuring he said something he shouldn't have.

"Emmett, stop looking at me like that," Edward sighed. "Taylor's name is not tabooed. It's her house as much as mine and I'd rather not tip toe around her in it."

"You're right," he agreed easily.

Edward didn't want to make his well-meaning brother uncomfortable, so he continued. "And the fact that I proposed within two months, and you in four probably doesn't mean that everyone should."

"But look at Jasper and Alice!" Emmett protested, "Those two are perfect for each other. And they know it too, damn them. Hell, he should have proposed within two weeks!"

"Emmett, you're preaching to the congregation here."

The elder Cullen brother sighed. "That's only because Jasper told me to shut the hell up."

"That's all it takes? Shut the hell up and you'll whine to someone else?" Edward asked incredulously.

He shrugged again. "Excluding family, naturally."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Naturally."

"Where are Bella and Molly anyway?" Emmett wondered.

"Grocery shopping," he answered. "Bella likes to do it, and since Molly is kinda attached to Bella right now, she went with."

"Attached?" Emmett asked curiously.

"Molly has always adored Bella, and vice versa…and I think that she's not used to it being all Daddy 24/7, so she's clinging to Bella a bit."

Emmett nodded. "That makes sense I guess."

Edward heard the sounds of the tires on Bella's truck crunching gravel as she pulled into the driveway. "That should be them."

Excited at seeing Molly, Emmett shot out of his chair and rushed over and pulled open the front door. Bella was getting out of the driver's seat and opening up the back door of the cab by the time Edward caught up with his exuberant brother.

Once Molly was on Bella's hip, Emmett raced out of the house. Molly lit up brightly when she saw her uncle and starting bouncing excitedly against Bella who was laughing at the two.

"Hey buddy!" Emmett exclaimed as Bella offered her over to him. Molly giggled loudly as Emmett tossed her gently in the air.

"Who do you think is more excited here?" Edward asked, standing next to Bella and watching the two. They both smiled as Emmett spun her around in a circle.

"Emmett," they both answered in unison.

"We should get the groceries inside before they get too hot," Bella said. Edward nodded and they each started grabbing the bags full of food from the truck.

"How's Rosalie?" Bella asked as they unloaded the food in the fridge and pantry.

Emmett grinned. "She's great. A little stressed about the wedding, but set on enjoying her summer."

Bella smiled. Edward figured she had good reason, being the one who had introduced the dynamic couple two years ago.

"I'm so happy for you two! August 25th, right?"

Emmett grinned mischievously. "Unless you change your mind, Bella, and give our love a fair shot."

Bella rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I'll think about it."

Emmett began tickling Molly, and laughed. "See that you do!"

Eventually Emmett left, needing to get some work done at home. Edward felt bad that Emmett's case load was larger due to his leave of absence, but Emmett could care less. Edward knew that he would probably start to consider when to return to work soon, though.

"Do you want me to take Molly to Mary and Nick's house?" Bella asked later in the day.

Taylor's parents, Mary and Nick were having a hard time. Their daughter's death and shook them and the foundation their lives had been built on. Edward knew that without Molly, he would be doing worse than they were.

He only knew this from Bella, though. It was just too painful for him to talk to them yet, and hadn't done so since the funeral.

"I feel like I'm taking advantage you, Bella," he told her.

Bella shook her head. "If I didn't want to, I wouldn't have offered, I promise."

Edward smirked. He knew it was probably true, since Bella was a particularly independent and spunky woman.

"You wouldn't mind?" he checked.

Bella shook her head again, this time with a smile. "Not at all."

"Then yes, it would be great if you could."

So an hour later after Molly was fed dinner and had a clean diaper on, Bella and her were off again, this time to Taylor's parent's house. They only lived about 10 minutes away, so Edward figured Bella would be back in a little bit.

He grabbed the mouthwash, toothpaste and deodorant that Bella had bought for him and left on the counter and took it upstairs along with a bottle of wine and a glass. He had not indulged in alcohol since Taylor had died something that he found he was almost proud of. But he needed something to take the edge off.

Edward flicked on the light switch of the bathroom, figuring he could just put the toiletries away before retiring to his bedroom. He set the bottle and glass on the counter by the sink and went to putting the stuff away. When he saw that he still had some mouthwash left, he opened up the cabinet under the sink to set it in there until he needed it.

He was about to shut the door and leave when something caught his eye.

Edward crouched down to get a better look. He moved a few items around and reached for the bright pink bottle. When he picked it up, his heart stopped.

"No."

The word was said aloud, trying to make it real.

He read the bottle.

"NO."

Children's Benadryl.

"NO!" he roared.

What happened next was a blur. Words could not be formed to describe what the pure anger and sorrow led him to do. All he could recognize through the haze was the all consuming power of regret.

He didn't know what all he broke. He couldn't recall what he punched and picked. He couldn't feel the agony in his soft joints which came from hitting surfaces so much harder than he should have.

He didn't see the crack in the mirror that came from his fist.

All he knew was that the pain that was coursing through him was deeper and darker than anything he had ever felt before, including the past few weeks.

Regret pulsed through his every fiber of being.

And hate.

He hated himself more than anything.

Bella found him with his back against the bath tub, head buried in his hands and sobs racking through his body, making the most pained, animalistic noises that she had ever heard in her life.

"Edward!" she exclaimed. She threw her purse on the ground and rushed down to his side.

"It's all my fault," Edward choked out through his sobs. His breath caught in his throat as he tried to form words.

Bella put her hand on his shoulder. She had never seen him like this…so raw and out of control.

"What is?" she asked gently.

"Everything," he told her, the word mangled.

Bella's heart broke nearly as much as it did when she lost her best friend.

"Edward, nothing's your fault," she soothed, rubbing his back gently.

"She went out-" he broke off and sobbed, "We had it. It's my fault."

Bella was confused, and frightened at the hysterical man in front of her. She looked around the bathroom for what he could possibly he talking about. The bathroom was a mess. She noticed for some reason they were surrounded by glass shards. Then she saw half of a wine glass and knew it had been shattered.

Finally her gaze landed on a pink bottle, and when she read the label, her eyes watered and she began to cry.

She wrapped her arms around Edward's shoulders and held him to her tighter than she had ever held anyone. "Oh, Edward," she whispered.

Edward was unaware of the arms hugging him for the longest time. He felt nothing but tears from the pain. He didn't hear the soft cries of a woman whose heart was just as destroyed as his was.

"It should have been me!" Edward sobbed. The cries were harsh and he felt physical pain on his strained chest from the wrenching cries.

"Edward," Bella said, her voice cracking, "Don't say that."

"Why?" he asked, gasping for breath, "You'd-" he tried to inhale again, "you'd have your friend-" he gasped, "and Molly would-" he took another mangled short breath, "-would have a mother."

Bella said nothing. She only continued to run her hands through his hair in a way that her mom had always done for her.

Edward's arms eventually came around Bella and he hugged her back, gripping her as if she was the only thing holding him to life.

When he tried speaking again, his words were mangled with gasps once again. "I-I told her- that- that we were- out. So, she- she went."

Bella closed her eyes and leaned her face into his hair. This man clutching her was going through a hell that no should have to experience. His heart had been ripped out of his chest, and just when he was beginning to learn how to put himself back together, he's destroyed again with self-hatred that she knew few could comprehend.

"Edward, I'm so sorry."

"I-I killed her!" he rasped out, the words strangled and pained.

"No," she replied with forced steadiness, "It's not your fault."

He shook his head against her.

In a quiet voice, after a string of gasps for air, he whispered shakily, "I miss her so-so fuc-fucking much."

"I know," she replied quietly, resting her head on his, "I do too."

Bella was not sure how long they stayed there holding each other. She didn't know how much time it had taken before Edward had finally drained his body of the strength to cry. She couldn't guess the seemingly immeasurable amount time it had taken until the only movement that mixed with their heavy breathing was that of her hand stroking his hair. It seemed like a year before he let his face rest against her shoulder, eyes squeezed shut.

But above all, she wasn't sure how much heart break a person could take before it was beyond healing.

She worried that Edward was close.

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Breathe Me, Sia

AN: Kind of a heavy chapter with a little mix of Emmett in there. Over the past month which includes his wife going into a coma, dying and everything that occurred after, this is where he has truly lost it the most; as you can tell from the chapter song being the saddest/greatest piece of music known to man.

Up next: last flashback, Bella and Edward talk about what happened and try to figure out life.

Thank you so much for your reviews! I so love them(: