JKR owns the HP universe. I own nothing. Thank you to everyone who has read and left a review! Thank you to my lovely beta reader Ella (The Prince's Phoenix). Please remember this is an AU. I'm sorry if my version does not sit well with you. Thank you for reading!

Chapter 10

Severus woke more rested than he had felt in years, yet he felt an emptiness besides him that should have been filled by a warm little body. He was disappointed to find that she was not there. He listened, and he heard her moving around in the kitchen. "Should have known," he mumbled. He rubbed his long, masculine fingers over his face and through his hair and blinked his sleep filled eyes. His hair felt greasy. He wondered if he had time for a quick shower. He quickly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom retrieving his discarded clothing.

With a quick Scourgify, his clothes were cleaned. He ran the water and looked around. He smirked at the disorder in her bathroom. There were little bottles of lotion, perfume, and Merlin knew what all over the counter. He opened a door at the other end of the bathroom while the water ran, and he found her closet. It was cavernous. A very economical man, Severus kept a very limited wardrobe. He was in awe at the rows of clothing hung on racks that extended to the ceiling. What caught his attention were the hanging lacy bits in the front. She had them hung up by color, braziers, pretty, lacy under things. He did not want to be caught in her closet.

After a quick glance into the bedroom, he decided to shower. He found a small linen closet and grabbed a soft fluffy towel and washcloth. He walked over to the bright, porcelain tub. The water was warm and inviting, and her tub was clean. He grabbed what seemed to be hair cleanser, poured some in his hand, and sniffed. It smelled like some kind of flowers. "Well, it could be worse," he mused. Quickly bathing, he exited the tub smelling a little more floral than he would have liked. Making a mental note to bring some of his own items over for occasions such as these, he dressed and headed towards the delightful noises he heard coming from the kitchen.

He leaned his back against the door frame and crossed his long legs languorously. Dark glittering eyes followed her as she moved near the stove. She wore a short silky robe that ended mid-thigh. Her lovely, curvy tan legs were deliciously on display. He knew that what he wanted for breakfast, her on the table with those lovely legs spread and his mouth buried… unknowingly he groaned audibly. He thought about the night before, and he was glad that they hadn't gone all the way. Though, he mused, he had thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the exploration of her body, and just remembering the way she had responded was making him ache. But, he knew they needed to have a serious conversation about his past. He did not want her finding out about what he had done from someone else.

He knew she would not fully understand, but he felt that he owed her the truth before they went any further. "Went any further," he thought, snorting softly. Merlin's beard they had gone pretty far. He was unsure how to begin. Should he tell her before he took her to Hogwarts? Running his long fingers through his hair, he exhaled; there was no good way to go about it. So, it was simply a matter of sitting her down and explaining as best he could. She would have questions, and he would just have to be patient. Then, they could move forward if she was still interested in him after finding out that he had once allied himself with one of the darkest and most evil Wizards of their age. Scared, he realized he was scared, and this was a very new experience for a man so use to commanding, dominating, and cowing any opposition. This little bit of a woman had him on tenterhooks.

He stealthily walked into the kitchen and slid behind her. She had her hair pulled up in a clip on top of her hair, messy curls playfully flitted against the back of her neck and her delicate little ear. He wanted to taste it. Those long, thick fingers slid down her back (she jumped and squeaked a little, he snickered) trailing down to the curve of her waist and her lovely hips. His fingers pushed into the flesh there and pulled her against him as his mouth caught her ear and then her sensitive lobe lightly in his teeth. Beth could feel his warm breath in her ear, down her neck.

"Good morning," she said breathily.

He chuckled warmly and purred, "indeed," he kissed the top of her head and watched as she plated the eggs over toasted muffins and bacon. She ladled hollandaise sauce over them. It smelled divine. She picked up the plates and turned; he moved back so that she could maneuver to the table. She sat down, and her robe rode higher on her thighs. She was wearing the little negligee set from the night before, and he found it hard to concentrate on what he had to tell her.

"I want to thank you for last night," he began awkwardly.

A small smile flitted across her lips, "You're welcome, Severus," she said huskily, "thank you."

He swallowed thickly and took a sip of coffee before continuing. His long, elegant fingers fidgeted across the cool table cloth. His wary eyes met her steady gaze.

"I want to make my intentions known, but there is something important I need to tell you," his eyes were wide with trepidation.

"Oh no," her hand rose and her fingers slid across her forehead and into her hair. With her head down and her eyes closed, "Is this where you tell me that it's been fun, but you don't want anything serious," her voice shook?

Severus pulled his chair near hears and caught her left hand in his, "No, Beth, that couldn't be further from the truth" his face earnestly pleaded with her.

She blinked and looked at him with such raw emotion; leaning forward, he brought his large hands up to gently cup her face.

"Beth, I want you in every way that a man could want a woman, but I want you to know what you are getting into before we go any further. I don't want to lose you; however, it would be unfair of me to continue such intimacy without revealing to you my… unsavory past. If you find . . . ," he paused and went on quickly, "if you find that you cannot in good conscious continue to . . . associate with me, I would understand. But, the revelations of last night merely skim the surface of what you need to know about who I am and what I have done." His hands gently released her face, and he ran his thumb across her soft lips. His dark brows drew together in a worried expression.

"Severus, there is nothing that you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you. I don't know how, but I know that you are a good man. I have always had such premonitions in these matters." She thought back to the day she had met Matt; she had known then that it would end badly. But the need to have someone in her life had driven her to push those feelings aside. She knew the moment he had cheated; the panic attacks had lasted for weeks before she finally got the nerve to confront him. When she chose to listen to it, that part of her was never wrong.

Pleading eyes met hers, "I hope you still feel that way after you have heard what I am about to tell you."

Severus took his time explaining the rise of Voldemort and the foolish mistake he, Severus, had made as a young man. He even briefly told her of his friendship with Lily, his alienation of her, and how he had related the prophecy to Voldemort in an effort to gain more clout. As a foolish boy, power had become his driving need. The torments of youth had driven him to crave acceptance and respect. The lure of dark magic had been intoxicating. The most difficult part was telling her about Lily's death; the guilt still gnawed at him. Tears stung his eyes. Beth leaned forward to grab his hand and squeeze. Her eyes clouded with tears when he told her that Lily's sacrifice had saved her baby, Harry Potter.

Severus explained his years of service to the Order after Voldemort's resurrection, the role he had to play, and how he had watched colleagues like Charity Burbage die without lifting a finger. The only thing he was proud of was the way that he had, with the help of Dumbledore, managed to learn how to break the Unbreakable Vow he had made to Narcicca Malfoy. Severus told her of the clever ruse they had devised, which would place his body in stasis and allow the healing potion Severus had created to cure Dumbledore of the curse inflicted by the Horcrux. Together, they had invented a spell Reprobra Kedavra, false death, which fooled all who had witnessed Albus' "death" in the Astronomy Tower. Severus had become a master at casting it almost silently and inflecting the last word in the spell as a ruse to convince those present when it was cast.

Pausing, his hands shook as he told her of Voldemort's desire to wield the elder wand and his belief that Severus was its master. Had Dumbledore not awoken in time to find him in the shrieking shack and apparate him to his potions lab, he would be dead. He was infinitely grateful that the most powerful Wizard of this age was the one to have tended to him. Had it been any other, it was quite likely that death would have taken him.

"What you must understand," he intoned darkly, "is that I have done terrible things, terrible things. While I have sought to make amends, repair these wrongs, there is no way to fully do so. It is only by the grace of Albus Dumbledore that I sit here today and not in some cell in Azkaban. It is what I disserve, Azkaban." Dark, pain filled eyes looked up at her, "I'm a monster." He whispered. Anguish and despair huddled in the grooves of his face. "I want you to know what you will be facing if you should decide to continue this relationship. There are those in my world, many, who despise me, and it will, at times, be uncomfortable, at best, to be seen with me. Those stormy, troubled eyes looked into hers, "if you should wish it, I can make you forget," he waved his hand, "all of this, me. I would keep my distance and allow you to continue you life without further interruption."

"NO!" she gasped, "Severus, no. You brave man," tender fingers combed back the curtain of hair that flanked his face. Tenderly, slowly, her lips grazed his forehead, his nose, his lips. It was, he thought, an ablution. He dared to hope.

"Severus, you were a boy. You were a silly, stupid boy, but you realized your mistake. As you say, that does not relieve you of your responsibility, but how could I condemn you after all you have done, after the years of your life that you have given in an effort to fight against that monster? Please, don't make me forget you. It is my hope that I can give you some measure of happiness to make up for the sorrow that you've endured." Her heart broke for this terribly wounded man. Had he had so few stick by him that he was willing to believe she would dissert him at the first sign of trouble? She admitted to herself that she was already deeply, irrevocably in love with him, her dark gothic hero.

Soft little hands pushed his shoulders back as she moved forward and sat on his lap. Warmth enveloped him, her smell, her lovely arms pressed around him, and her sweet face pressed against his neck. She kissed his scar. Scalding, silent tears trailed down his face expressing his shame, his relief.

"I'm here; I will always be here."

And despite his reservations and his past experiences, he believed her.