Ren

I've never seen Hachi angry. Sad and extremely upset, but never boiling with rage at anybody. I didn't think that she would be this way because of Nana. It had always seemed that she would forgive anything Nana had done if she would just come home. We had all agreed to welcome her when she was finally ready to come back to us, even if it took her another seventy years.

"The nerve of her, keeping your daughter from you. She knows better than anyone what it's like for a little girl growing up not knowing who her father is. And she knew how much you wanted kids." Hachi has been arguing with herself for an hour and I'm a little nervous that Nana might show up soon. I don't want her to be scared off or feel attacked.

"What should we do about dinner?" Nobu asks sounding just as nervous as I feel.

"Am I supposed to make her a five-star meal and pretend that this isn't the most selfish, hurtful thing she's ever done?" Hachi is yelling now and fearing that she might chase Nana away I interrupt her.

"Please don't be angry at her for my sake. Don't yell at her or make her feel guilty for making a tough decision. Please, I thought we had agreed to not make her feel unwelcome if she ever came home." My plea causes her eyes to soften a bit. "We should be grateful for Hana's presence rather than angry that she has been absent until now. Don't you agree?"

"Daddy's right, you shouldn't be mad at mommy, she wanted to bring me back a long time ago. The past was just too painful for her to face, that's what Kenta said. Some things, he said, we can't speak of no matter how much we should."

Curiously there is the sound of glass breaking and a sudden pain in my hand. There Kenta goes again butting in to my family. I haven't been this jealous in years, and I don't know what I'm more jealous of, his time with my daughter or his relationship with my wife.

"Ren," Nobu is holding my hand up and applying pressure to it with a kitchen towel. At our feet lay the remnants of the cup I had been drinking out of.

"Don't you feel that?" Naoki asks looking into my eyes. "You better not be, you know." He mimes smoking as if I needed clarification. I know he's only here as a representative for Takumi and Reira.

"It hurts." I shrug thinking about Nana finding happiness in another man's arms. "It hurts so much." Was he there to see Hana take her first steps? Did he know her first words and take her to her first day of school? When Nana couldn't sleep did he stay up all night with her whispering about their hopes and dreams?

"Ren?" Nobu touches my shoulder giving my hand to Hachi so she could clean it.

"I think I should be the only one here when Nana arrives." I announce to change the subject and distract myself.

"What? Why?" Hachi wonders clearly wanting to meet with Nana.

"That's a good idea." Miyu says in her calm collected way. "This is something they should work out, just the two of them, without all of us around to judge Nana." Did she really think that or was she afraid Yasu still had feelings for Nana? It's hard to tell what she's ever thinking, like Baldy and I hate that about them.

"But," Mai pouts not wanting to leave her new favorite person. She had been sent by Gaia to get ahead of the rumors and I suspect she will report to Ginpei and Shin first. Her love for Hana had been instant and when she heard Nana would be coming she had squealed with joy.

"Come on now, I'll treat you all to dinner and Ren can call us when he and Nana have talked. Nicely and calmly, without accusing each other of anything or blaming anyone for their own mistakes and regrets. " Yasu pats Hana on the head, "call me if they don't behave themselves."

"Aww, but we wanna go too." Hana says sweetly holding up Satsuki's hand. The two of them seem to be getting along well, I just hope Hana doesn't influence Hachi's kid too much. Hana is a little brat but Yasu seems to adore her all the more for it. He hugs her telling her how cute she is and her face twists in annoyance but there's a smirk on it as he releases her. "I know."

"Hana don't you want to see your mom?" Nobu asks.

He receives a sly smile from my daughter then she flutters her lashes and says, "I think Ren wants to see her the most though, and she wants to see him." Her charming flirtations make me laugh as I imagine her watching Nana act like that, then I remember that she must have flirted with Kenta and a I get a bitter taste in my mouth.

"How did the two least cute people in the world get such an adorable kid?" Nobu asks looking at me with teasing eyes.

"Least cute? I seem to recall you thinking I was so cute that you followed me around for weeks to get me to talk to you." The voice came out of nowhere, and it came from everywhere. I felt tears stinging my eyes with a longing that I hadn't known was in my heart.

"Mommy!" Hana jumps into the open arms of the woman who has just entered the apartment.

For the briefest moment I see her in her bright red dress, looking just as young and beautiful as she did so many years ago. Too many years have passed since then, yet my heart still races as if I am a loves truck boy. She sees me then, dark eyes taking in my aged appearance. I feel a little embarrassed to be seen by her. Post drugs and alcohol I can't say that I'm much to look at anymore and she must agree, her eyes drop from me immediately. Nana hasn't changed much; her hair is a bit longer but looking at her makes all of these years of pain melt away. She has a new tattoo beneath her lotus, an infinity sign made out of flowers. With a date next to it, oddly enough it's my birthday but the year is wrong.

"Hello, Ren."

"Hey," my voice sounds oddly breathy to my own ears. I'm nervous. "Welcome home."

"Hana!" Obnoxiously another person rushes in and envelops both of my girls in his arms.

He doesn't look like her type. His hair is too long and his clothes are clean and pressed. He's more like an advertisement for working in a law office than Yasu. No tattoos or piercings that are visible and he has a dumb accent. I don't like him.

"I'm still mad at you." Hana pushes his dumb face away. I really love that girl.

He clears his throat standing. "Kenta Masahito," he introduces himself to me politely, he even holds out his card. A doctor great, Nana had always attracted men who were well educated, put together and loaded.

"Ren," I say back before motioning to the others. "Yasu. Nobu. Nana. Miyu. Mai." I'm being rude but he doesn't seem to care.

"Nana, I have to go back to the hotel to do some work. Do you think someone will be able to drive you two there later?" Kenta questions eyes fixed on a message he has just received on his phone.

"I'm staying here!" Declares Hana glaring at him, "Traitor."

Surprised Kenta places a hand to himself and mouths me. Nana snorts not bothering to scold Hana for her rudeness. I like that perhaps a little too much, let Hana treat this wife stealing snake terribly, maybe he'll get the hint and vanish.

"I'm sure Hana and I will manage. Thank you, Kenta." I don't like that. Nana smiles sweetly at him speaking with familiarity to this man.

"Forgive me Hana, I meant to explain things to you before I took Nana out. You see I wanted to get her drunk so she would finally spill all the details." I want to punch him for flashing his perfect white teeth in a warm smile. "I am glad that you found Ren and he seems to have treated you well. He must be very nice." Never in my life have I asked anyone to address me as Honjo but I am considering doing just that with this man. "Do you think though that we should give mom and dad some privacy to talk. Ice cream?" Betrayal shoots through me seeing Hana leap into his open arms joyously agreeing to go with him.

"I thought you had work to do?" I ask gruffly.

Kenta winks, "not really just trying to help you out. Be good, Nana." He pets her on the head like she's a puppy and that's wrong. My Nana's a wild cat with sharp claws not some docile pet. "Try not to hurt Ren."

I feel awkward, being unable to object to him taking Hana. This was something Nana was allowing and I do want to speak with her alone. Kenta carries Hana over to the rest of the group and offers to pay for them all to go out. Somehow I feel like an outcast and not part of the family. He seems to fit in well with them but Hachi throws me a look that means she'll do some snooping. Nana sits on the floor looking dejected and uncomfortable. After I say goodbye to everyone including a polite farewell to Kenta I turn to her and she looks up at me. How can there be so much to talk about yet neither of us has anything to say?

Nana

I can think of nothing to say him. Do I apologize for keeping Hana from him? This would be easier if I were still bitter. In my anger I could scream at him and storm off but that wouldn't solve anything. I have to work things out with him in a friendly manner, for Hana's sake. But, what if he hates me?

I'm afraid that his silence is an indication of his rage. It is so quiet that I wish he would scream at me; I deserve at least that much. If he is going to curse at me, I hope he does it soon the waiting is killing me. He comes closer, I see his boots move into my view and I have to force myself not to flinch. If he's cruel, it's only because I was cruel to him. I deserve anything he does. Even if he hits me, I think I deserve that most of all. His hand moves swiftly towards me and I do flinch, clenching my eyes to brace myself for the impact.

"Stand up." He offers me his hand and all I can do is stare at it. Warm and inviting, not at all like I had imagined he would be. Eventually I had hoped we would get along and be friends again but not right away.

I stare intensely at his hand afraid to take it then I notice something odd. He has a vertical scar stemming from his palm. I follow it up to his elbow, then I trace the raised skin with my fingertips. He shivers beneath my fingers, and his extended hand closes around my arm loosely and he pulls me up. Thinking about how alone he had to feel to cut himself so deep feels worse than any punishment he could have given me. I would rather have him beat me than to know he had hurt himself in my absence.

No words are spoken as he lifts my chin and leans down kissing the tears on my cheeks. I look into his handsome face, still perfect even after all these years. Though being this close, I can see all the lines that time and grief has given him. Ren feels like an unreachable dream again, and my anxiety threatens to send me spiraling out of control. Dizzy I fall forward into his chest wrapping my arms around him. I'm afraid he'll push me away. Begging whatever god will listen for Ren to not hate me I tighten my arms. It startles me when he pulls me in pressing his face into the crook of my neck and hugging me just as fiercely as I'm embracing him. I breath in his scent willing it to relax me and I sigh. I've missed this.

"I missed you," I think I hear his breathy whisper but he's so still and silent that I must be hearing things.

Ren groans and pulls away to look me in the eyes. Our noses kiss, I can taste his breath, it's minty as if he just brushed them. He's so close, floods of memories bleed together in my mind. His taste, his scent, the way our hearts beat perfectly in sync with each other, it's all the same as when we were young and in love. I am filled with a desire to own him, and I am envious of every other person who has ever managed to touch his heart. My eyes grow heavy; our lips move closer almost meeting. I feel his hands caress down my back gathering me closer. I want him but I'm afraid he'll only trample all over my heart again, like before. The memory of the day I left comes back to me. All the pain and the betrayal, all the ways he had hurt me and how I was pitiful enough to stay for so long.

"I'm," I turn away from him shaking myself out of his spell. "I'm glad Hana made it safely here. She really wanted to see you." His eyes burn into my back, making me want to turn but I keep myself facing away. "It's good to see you, I mean, It's nice to see you're doing well." I stumble nervously over my words, "and it's good that Hana found her way here." Now I'm repeating myself, he'll be able to tell how awkward I feel. "I'm glad the two of you seem to like each other."

I clear my throat, peaking over my shoulder to see him staring at me. Our eyes meet then Ren turns from me cleaning up a mess on the table. "She's a cute kid." He shrugs as if it doesn't really matter.

"Yeah, she takes after you. Another thing for me to be grateful for. She's sweet and she doesn't hold grudges as long as I tend to. Kenta must be relieved; he was so scared that she'd hate him." I picked up the rambling from Hachi and Kenta, but I know I should stop myself before I say something stupid. "He's always been so attached to her, like a mother hen fretting over his little chick."

"Kenta?" Too late. I bet Ren is thinking all the wrong things about Kenta and I. He's misinterpreted everything and made himself jealous. Now I'll get that rage I've been expecting. "He seems nice." He concludes before I have time to brace myself for the verbal attack he isn't giving.

"Yeah, I guess." I turn fully to face him studying his pleasant smile and calm demeanor. This is worse than being berated. Ren doesn't look the slightest bit angry or jealous. It stabs my heart to think that he could be over me. It's not that I want to be abused but he could at least look a little annoyed. Has he moved on? No, he was just about to kiss me. But maybe he isn't bothered by my potential new boyfriend because he has a girlfriend, or a wife. What if they have kids? I haven't read anything about him lately but maybe he managed to keep it a secret.

My eyes are drawn to him as he walks to the sink to set a plate and cup in it. He isn't as thin as death anymore. Without the drugs he was able to redefine his muscles and take better care of himself. It wouldn't be difficult for him to attract a nice and motherly woman. One who wouldn't break his heart or demand as much of him as I had, but could she make him as happy as I did? Did she make him laugh? Could she make miso for him just the way he likes, and would she do it in the middle of the night just because he wanted it? I am insanely jealous of a woman I have no way of knowing actually exists. Unless I ask, but then he'll probably say it's none of my business. He'd be right of course but I can't help wanting to know.

Why had I stopped myself from kissing him? If I had any sense at all I would shamelessly throw myself at him and rip off his damned shirt. I feel like an inexperienced teenager instead of the mother of his child. I become heated by thoughts of his body against mine. I can feel the blush coloring my cheeks at the memory of his hands, the way they used to hold me and the way it felt to caress his skin.

"Nana?" He startles me and I look up from his chest. "Would you like something to drink?" He asks before remembering something and bending down. I hear the shuffling of glass pieces and I notice for the first time that he has a towel in one hand. "I usually only drink water but Shin might have some beer here. He uses the apartment sometimes."

I take his hand startling him, "you have to clean wounds like this. Look there's still some glass in these cuts." He hisses but does not pull away, reminding me of the way Hana braves all of her scrapes and bruises. "I don't really drink that much anymore. Kenta has these rules for me to follow." It isn't intentional but I mention Kenta again getting a little thrill from the way Ren's eyes darken. Is he jealous? I also conveniently leave out that the rules are because of my anxiety pills not because Kenta is against alcohol.

"Rules? You don't like rules. Why would you let him stop you from drinking?" I should tell him that Kenta and I are just friends but I like hearing the annoyance in his voice. Instead I choose to change the subject, let him suffer for his assumptions about Kenta and me.

"I'll grab some water, if you'll go get the bag I dropped at the door, it's a present for you. If you'll sit with me, we can speak and look at them."

There are hundreds of photos in the bag neatly packed and organized, by Kenta obviously. I can't organize my own thoughts neatly let alone all those pictures. If it bothers Ren that this is a present from who he thinks is my new boyfriend, he doesn't show it. When he picks up a picture of Hana and I smiling at the beach with another man in it where he should be, he laughs and points out my windblown hairdo.

"Can I keep this one?" He asks holding up me in the hospital with a newly born Hana in my arms.

"These are all for you to keep Ren. Kenta has all the originals." I cringe that time at my own use of that name. It's as if I can't stop myself from bringing up Kenta. As if he's some sort of holy talisman to protect my heart from Ren.

For a moment his face is blank then he smiles placing the pictures back in their albums. I should really clear things up but I can't help thinking about some gorgeous woman holed up in an apartment somewhere waiting for him to come home. Would he have moved her into our place? Though I suppose it never was actually my place. Even if he had promised I could go back there with him someday.

"I'll have to thank Kenta, then. He didn't have to bring me anything." Who is this calm man, accepting my relationship with another? It's strange that Ren can be so familiar, that I can feel so at peace and home in his presence and yet he is a stranger to me. I can't tell what he's thinking or predict what how he'll react to me. It makes me feel so alone and I want to run away again.

My heart hurts. I wish that when I see him I could feel nothing, that this feeling had died. I hate it so much that I am so painfully in love with him.

"I should thank you too." I look up startled by his gratitude. "You raised a good girl and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to help. Thank you Nana for keeping my baby." The dam breaks and I can't stop the flood of emotions that pours out.

Loud obnoxious sobs fill the otherwise silent room. I don't even care what the neighbors might think, and I don't care how vulnerable I am being. Because, though he didn't say the words I could hear it in his voice, Ren had forgiven me. Knowing that makes me feel so much happier than knowing whether or not he still wants me. Shaking arms envelop me as Ren lays his head on mine and cries with me.

A/N I'm alive! So explanation time. I honestly was all set to post a new chapter a long time ago but then I reread my story on in order to recheck spelling, grammar, and continuity issues. I do this often and I never seem to run out of things to edit. Like the last time I did and I realized that there were scenes and even a whole chapter missing. I had to take chapters down and re-upload and do all these things. It wasn't actually that stressful just a minor inconvenience but I still ended up becoming depressed over it and I couldn't look at this story without crying. This is why I have been slowly trying to upload the chapters I had previously removed with some added content and edits. Clearly I have issues. Still I don't think it's right to not finish the story so this is me returning to this story. I hope whoever reads it will be happy.