Kakashi opened his eyes and tried to remember the last conscious moments of his life. He heard nothing but silence, and assumed the blast had burst his eardrums. But slowly the soft sounds of birds and small creatures preparing for the new day met his ears, and he sat up slowly.
It seemed he had been out for a while. Dawn was starting to break over the marshland, bathing everything in a pinkish glow so unlike the ominous blue he remembered. Around him lay the bodies of the dead villagers, finally still. There was no sign of the stone or the cat and he realised he must have been blasted back from the clearing. He had to get up and look for his teammates, who could be anywhere.
"Kakashi?" Naruto called, and he twisted around to look behind him. There was Naruto, who looked slightly shaken but otherwise completely healthy, and Sai, who was being supported by Naruto and looked decidedly worse for wear.
"He was flying overhead when that explosion happened," Naruto explained, "so he got blasted about fifty feet up in the air without his eagle."
Kakashi nodded his understanding, pushing himself up to help the two. "Where's Sakura?" he asked Naruto as he bent to examine the other boy. Sai looked bruised and shell-shocked. Kakashi was no medic, but he figured he'd gotten away with only a few cracked ribs and a nasty concussion.
"We thought Sakura was with you," Naruto bit his lip, suddenly worried for the girl, "I've covered every other inch of ground for miles. I've even checked all the bodies."
"Have you been back to the clearing?" Kakashi asked.
"Yeah, but there isn't much left. The cat's gone, and the big rock's split in half for some reason."
"That was Sakura," Kakashi explained, "she destroyed the cat and caused the explosion." He raked an impatient hand through his silvery hair as he paced. Where was she?
"Sakura's chakra did all this?" Naruto gestured around at the limp bodies and slightly-scorched trees.
Kakashi nodded. "We have to find her. Can you make any clones?"
Naruto shook his head. "I've used up all my normal chakra, and my clones- it's like they don't want to be created using the nine-tails' chakra anymore." He tried to look nonchalant, but Kakashi could tell the boy was worried by it.
"It's probably for the best. Tonight has been… difficult in many ways. One demon is enough to deal with for now, and your body probably knows that too." Kakashi tried to be reassuring, and was relieved at the small smile that lifted the boy's whiskered cheeks. "Stay here and make sure Sai stays conscious. I'll find Sakura."
And before Naruto could protest, he had slipped away through the trees.
Kakashi had no idea where to begin looking for the girl. Naruto had searched already to no avail, and Sakura's pink hair should have made her easy enough to notice. He refused to believe that there might be nothing left of her to find. He had spent many years on the battlefield, and had performed the awful duty of returning corpses to grieving families more than once. But he knew he'd never be able to stand before Mr and Mrs Haruno and tell them he had failed to protect their daughter without even a body for them to bury. That was why it sometimes seemed easier for orphaned shinobi like Naruto, Sai, Sasuke and himself; there was no one left to grieve them.
Sunlight filtered through the trees, warming his exhausted body as he trudged through the carnage. He turned over every body in his path, though he knew none of them could be Sakura. They were too old or young, or imperfect in some other way. He wondered again what had happened to the girl to make her chakra glow like it had. She'd looked like a ghost, the restless spirit of the forest come to exorcise the blue demon poisoning its land. She was without fear; such a contrast to the Sakura he knew, who worried about everyone and everything. The Sakura who had tackled her commanding officer to the ground to try to stop him from getting killed. The Sakura who had stolen his book and nearly died of embarrassment when he found out she'd read it. The Sakura who knew all-too well what it meant to fight someone like you mean to kill them.
All the guilt and fear and hate that welled up at the thought of losing another teammate finally broke the surface of his calm exterior. He levelled it all at a nearby tree, striking it over and over until his knuckles ached and his lip bled from biting back shouts of anguish. He leant against the tree, breathing heavily and fighting to regain control once more. Birds, disturbed from their home, screeched and wheeled above his head. He waved his hands tiredly in defeat. "Okay fine, sorry," he muttered, glancing up at them. "I didn't m-" he stopped mid-sentence and sucked in a hasty breath. Why hadn't they looked up? There, sitting on a branch with her legs dangling either side, was Sakura. Her hair and clothes were tattered and stained to the point of being almost unrecognisable, but he knew it was her. What he didn't know was why she hadn't given a sign she was there.
Quick as a flash, he was sitting across from her, balancing on the branch. "Sakura?" he said uncertainly, "are you okay? Why didn't you call out?"
The girl should have been dead. Her skin was raw and enflamed, as though she had been burnt all over. Her face was covered in dried blood, and even though Kakashi could see no trace of a wound, he suspected it was hers. She did not look him in the eye, but a small sigh escaped her lips. "Go away," she finally said, her voice toneless.
Kakashi didn't understand. "What?"
"Go away," she repeated dully, "leave me alone."
"Why?" the jounin tried to lift her head and look into her eyes, but she flinched from his touch.
"Because you aren't real."
"What?" of all the reasons she possibly could have given, this was not one he was expecting. "Sakura, it's me, Kakashi."
"No you're not."
"What's wrong with you?" Kakashi asked, shaking her limp arm as though trying to wake her. "Are you under a genjutsu?" he formed a quick seal. "Kai!" Nothing happened. Sakura continued to stare into the distance.
"What then? A concussion? You know I'm not much of a medic, Sakura. You have to tell me what's wrong if you can. So tell me: what's wrong?" He could hear the pleading in his voice, but it was met with nothing but silence. "What's wrong?"
A flicker of emotion suddenly crossed the girl's face, one of pain. "You're dead," she whispered, "That's what's wrong."
"Sakura," the man's voice was low and urgent, willing her to listen. "I am not dead. I am right here. Look at me. I'm right here, and I'm fine."
"No…" Sakura's brows knitted, "you died. I saw it happen."
"Whatever you saw was a lie, Sakura. Come on, you were always the best with genjutsus, figure it out." He bit his already-bleeding lip in frustration.
"I didn't just see it happen," she frowned, finally looking him in the eye, "I made it happen, Kakashi. I killed you."
Kakashi wasn't sure how to respond. "How?" he finally asked.
Sakura sighed, looking somewhere over his shoulder as though recounting it was tiresome. "You- or perhaps some illusion of you- were telling me about how weak you thought I was compared to you and the others. How much you wished I was dead."
"That was obviously an illusion, Sakura," Kakashi said, aghast. How could she even doubt that? "I would never think those things about you, let alone say them. In many respects you are the strongest of us all. We're not medics. We'd all go to pieces if someone came to us as broken as the people I've seen you heal. And of course I'd never want you dead. Didn't I promise to protect your life with my own? Did you think I was lying?"
Kakashi's last sentence triggered the memory of the other Kakashi, lecturing her like a teacher through his taunts. She closed her eyes as an involuntary shudder rolled through her.
Her captain laid his hand on her shoulder, ignoring her flinch. "That's it, isn't it?" he asked softly, realising. "Just like what you said about the cat. It preys on fear. And you're afraid of inadequacy?" He saw how that could be possible. People were endlessly comparing the girl to her prodigy teammates and elite captain. He himself had dismissed her more than once.
Sakura shuddered again. It hurt to think about these things, to see the pity in Kakashi's eyes. It isn't really Kakashi, she reminded herself.
"You should go now, please," she told the phantom, leaning back from his touch. "Back into my mind, or heaven or wherever you belong. It's not that I don't appreciate what you're doing, but it's not helping me."
"What am I doing?" Kakashi asked, leaning forward to try and capture her restless gaze once more. He could feel her slipping again.
"You're trying to protect me from the pain, the same way I used my chakra to protect me. You're trying to stop the hurt of Kakashi's absence, because you know it will be too much to bear. You're my mind's natural defence mechanism trying to keep me happy and numb. But I want to stop feeling numb," she whispered, "because the pain of losing my captain will be too much to survive. And that's okay, because I don't really want to live anymore."
Kakashi remembered how Sakura had sometimes spoken of the times she had worked in Ward Three of the Konoha hospital; a special ward for people who had been trapped in illusions so horrifying that they never truly recovered. They couldn't come to terms with reality, and so once-healthy ninja were forced to spend the rest of their days wandering through a sunken dream, with no hope of waking. Every time Sakura spoke of it, she used the same hushed tone with which people spoke of the dead. She'd said that was what they were, more or less. Their loved ones visited, but they may as well be strangers. It was crueller than death, in a way. Soon after hearing this, Kakashi had become more careful about using his Sharingan on enemies, and they had all spent a week brushing up on releasing genjutsu.
If it had been any normal genjutsu that trapped Sakura, he knew she would have broken it in a heartbeat and probably laughed about it after to stop them all worrying. But clearly the demon cat's power transcended typical illusions, and even Sakura wasn't immune to its effects. But the demon was gone now, and would not take her with it. She would not become the latest addition to Ward Three.
"Sakura," he began, trying to keep his voice level and reasonable, as a lifeline for her to follow back to reality, "I am not a figment of your imagination. I- I can prove it."
"How?" she asked indifferently.
Kakashi patted his pockets, looking for any kunai he had left. He hated the idea of hurting Sakura, but physical pain was the primary weapon against normal genjutsu, and he had run out of other ideas. She must already be feeling quite a bit of pain if her skin was any indication, but a shallow cut on the arm might be intense and unexpected enough to snap her out of it.
But as he felt in his back pocket, he found something even better. He thought he had left it in his weapons pouch back at the inn, but apparently not. Holding the little orange book triumphantly before him, he grinned at the apathetic Sakura.
"You started reading this book," he said waving it excitedly in her face.
"Yes, I did," she said, slightly chagrined, "but I already know that, so it's no surprise for you to tell me."
"No, it isn't," he agreed, no less cheerful. "If I were a product of your subconscious, of course I would be able to tell you that. But here's the thing: you never finished it."
"So?" she replied, frowning slightly.
"So I have read this book exactly three hundred fifty-two and a half times. I know it word-for-word. But you don't, because you stopped reading it at page…" he cast his mind back to when he had noticed her scent on the pages. Had that really been only two days ago? "…one hundred and seventy-three," he recalled. "You have absolutely no idea what happens next, and I'm fairly sure your innocent little mind couldn't dream up the reality of the great Jiraiya-sama's writing." Then he did something unexpected, forcing the still-closed book into Sakura's hands. "No peeking," he told her. Then from memory, be began to recite.
"Do you really love me?" she asked, as the strap of her dress fell another inch.
"Of course I do," he replied, hands cupping her elbows with an intensity that made her tingle all over.
"How much do you love me?" her breathless voice filled his head with white noise, and his vision blurred momentarily, until the only colour he could see was the red of her gown.
"Let me show you…"
He slid his hands slowly up her arms, his fingertips barely brushing her soft skin. He rounded her shoulders and felt a ticklish shudder from her neck before finally resting his palms on either side of her face. Just as slowly, he pulled her closer to him, savouring the anticipation of their first kiss.
Finally their lips met and it was as though somebody had flicked a light switch in a dark room. Electricity crackled between them, arcing across their tingling skin to jump from one to the other. Hideki's hands slid down Sayuri's back, pulling the zipper of her dress with him as her own hands unbuttoned his shirt. This moment was perfect, unbroken, and entirely theirs.
Sakura had been listening to the story with a pink-cheeked interest that was entirely different from her previous torpor. But Kakashi was not satisfied. "Page one seventy-three," he said quietly, gesturing to the book in her lap, "read it."
Slowly, she lifted the cover and flicked through to the page she remembered reading last. She skimmed over it quickly, continuing onto the next page. Each word was exactly as Kakashi had said. The book was a solid and familiar weight in her hands; she could hardly deny that it was real. Her memory of Kakashi's voice could never have compared with the way those words had come to life when he recited them. No illusion was that good.
Slowly, experimentally, she raised one hand to lie on Kakashi's masked cheek. She could feel his features twist into a smile, and after a moment of hesitation she returned it.
"Welcome back," he said, and suddenly she was hugging him, burying her face in his chest. She knew it was embarrassing and inappropriate, but she didn't know that she would get another opportunity to something as absurd as hug Hatake Kakashi. To her surprise, his arms wrapped around her and he gently hugged her back.
"Sorry I scared you," she apologised, her voice muffled by his jacket.
"It's okay," he told her, trying to act like it was. In truth, he was still a little worried she would suddenly tap out again and leave him alone in the tree once more. But she was hugging him, so that was a good sign at least. "Just remember that I'm your teammate, Sakura."
She pulled back, properly embarrassed now. "You're right, we're teammates. It was inappropriate of me to hug you just now, I'm sorry." Sakura's face turned the same colour as her hair and she glanced away, mortified. She had only just gotten her captain back and already she had made him uncomfortable.
"What? No, I mean remember that I've always got your back," he explained, gently cupping her face in his hands and turning her to look at him once more. "You never have to face anything alone because your comrades will always be there to support you. Fight the world like an enemy if you must, but only your friends will help you win that fight."
Kakashi holding her face so close to his didn't do much to help Sakura's blush, but it did highlight the truth of his words. No matter what she needed him to be, he would be it. When she needed a teacher, he would guide her. When she needed a friend, he would listen. When she needed someone to spar with, he would face her as an equal.
But what did she need him to be now? After all that had happened, was it the same thing it had always been? And if it wasn't, how could she even begin to find out? She wasn't quite sure, but she had a pretty good idea.
After all, she did still have his book.
A/N: FINALLY IT'S DONE! THANKS FOR EVERYONE WHO'S FOLLOWED IT FOR THIS LONG; REVIEWS ARE JUST ABOUT THE BEST MOTIVATOR EVER. I WASN'T SURE ABOUT THE ENDING, BUT I PREFER KEEPING IT A LITTLE OPEN-ENDED. NOW YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT :)