Rating remains MA, due to the nature of this story. Sam must make a decision, does he want Dean there for the recuperation, or does he want to be left alone to deal with this on his own?

Legalities, Supernatural, Sam and Dean and all things associated with this series belong to Kripke and the CW, I do not have any of those honors. I am not making any money from this and just wanted to add my own take on the Winchester/Wesson storyline.

This story has not been beta'd and is my first, so please keep this in mind when reviewing and reading, this story contains sensitive subjects to include past non-con rape and relationships of the M/M variety...don't like that type of thing? Then don't read this story.

I'm still working out the end, so I am not sure where the next chapters will take us, but I am excited to see how Sam and Dean deal with the continued problems associated with Sam's back and how dealing with that will affect their relationship, is it strong enough to survive?

Chapter 10

Sam's will be Done

Sam listened in stony silence as the doctor explained the further injury that his back had sustained from the fall three days ago and what that meant for his future. His heart plummeted as he considered what this would do not only to his dreams of being a lawyer but also at his being allowed to live out the rest of his days in relative happiness with Dean. His hopes dwindled to a tiny ember of the raging flame they had once been, the depression running rampant through his soul.

He closed his eyes and felt unwanted tears build in the back of his throat as piece after puzzle piece of his dreams were laid to waste by this medical professional.

He finally looked at the doctors compassionate eyes, "So…I may never be "normal" again?" Sam asked as he air quoted the word normal, looking for something in the doctor's demeanor that would say that he had misunderstood.

No such look or action was forthcoming from the man as he nodded and placed a sorrowful hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed gently as he turned to walk past Dean.

"Keep an eye on him…I don't think he's taking to too well."

Dean nodded and tried to smile at the man, it came out as a grimace instead. He turned toward Sam only to find that he had turned his face away from Dean and was now staring at the white washed walls of the corner.

"Sam…" He started to say and was surprised as Sam's face swung toward his, the expression he wore was angry and confused and so out of place on Sam's generally smooth face that Dean took an involuntary step backward.

"Dean…I need a minute." Sam looked away again.

"Alone."

Dean didn't know that it was possible to shatter a person's heart and soul with one devastating word. He dropped his head onto his chest as the pain flared within him again and he turned away from Sam.

"Sam…Sammy, are you sure?"

He asked, the hope that was underlying his question nearly undid Sam's resolve. But honestly he really did need a minute to absorb the information that the doctor had told him.

"Yeah, Dean…just go, please."

Sam said this so quietly that Dean nearly didn't hear it, he almost wished that he hadn't; because with those simple words he was severing Dean's life line and setting him adrift in a sea of guilt and pain.

Sam heard the door shut softly as Dean's footsteps retreated from the room, anguish bubbled up from the depths of his soul as he felt his perfect world shatter into a million pieces. He had wanted to be Dean's partner, not some burden that Dean felt guilty about and therefor was unable to leave, if he wanted to.

The tears poured from his anguished blue-green eyes as he felt his future slipping away, like a thief in the night. If he was going to be with Dean, he needed to be 50% of the relationship, not some 10%...with a walker and a trapped partner. The whole word partner, meant that each half was able to contribute to the overall happiness of each person. But Sam knew that he would never be truly happy if he couldn't be everything that he knew that Dean wanted and deserved. It would be better if he just let him go before he couldn't, before Dean had entrenched himself so deeply into this world of pain and misery that he had no shot at ever being happy. Sam's heart clenched as the next thought came from nowhere, even if that means that he is not happy with me, but with someone else, at least he would have a shot at it.

Sam knew that this was monumentally unfair to Dean and that he would misinterpret and think that it was because he was responsible for the current state that Sam now found himself in. But Sam was doing this Dean's own good, he didn't deserve what Sam's condition would do to him and to Sam.

He didn't blame Dean, but he wanted to get better and walk to Dean…no run to Dean; but he couldn't do that with Dean here at his bedside every day. So he needed to get Dean to leave, just for a while…give him some time to heal his body and his mind. Once this was done Sam was certain that they could be together and they would get their own version of "happy ever after".

His decision was made, he was going to have to push Dean away right now so that he had shot at keeping him in the future.

God, I have to hurt him to save him.

The horrible thought made Sam want to throw up, since he knew that Dean wouldn't handle the rejection well. He also remembered that he had promised Dean that he wouldn't do this, that he wouldn't leave and yet that was exactly what he was going to do. A small part of him prayed that Dean might understand or better yet that he would see through Sam's ruse and that he would refuse to leave Sam's side. Sam squashed that selfish thought as he strengthened his resolve to save Dean whether or not Dean wanted him to.

Sam looked back at the door and saw Dean pacing in front of the door, his currently unmasked face awash in pain and anguish. He closed his eyes and thought of running with Dean on the beach once he was well again.

Sam felt his thoughts go another direction and he remembered that kiss in the shower at the dorm. Hell it seemed like that had happened a million years ago, that amazing kiss the one that had unfortunately started this whole mess with the accident. Sam was kinda amazed as another thought occurred to him, he would have totally done it all again if it meant he got to have Dean…even if just for a while.

XXXX

Dean felt his heart hammering in his chest as he continued to pace outside of Sam's room, he knew that he needed to go back in and check on Sam. But his thoughts kept coming back to Sam actually asking him to leave his presence and that he had been unable to deal with Dean being in the same room. Dean tumbled to a stop as a terrible thought occurred to him, did Sam finally figure out that this whole thing never would have happened if Dean had not been in his life.

Dean's breathing came faster and faster as he started to hyperventilate at that particularly poisonous thought. He knew that he was responsible, but he had hoped that Sam might never blame him and that he could keep Sam…but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Black spots formed in front of his eyes as he began a full blown panic attack at the thought of being alone again. He had Anna, of course he had Anna…but as great as she was, she wasn't Sam.

Dean knew that he would never find someone like Sam again, not if he searched the world over, which he had no intention of doing.

Sam was it for him, there wasn't going to be any others…ever.

He surged blindly for the bathroom and again and slammed the door open as he felt his knees being to buckle, he managed to push the door closed and slide the bolt home as the black spots grew.

Dean pushed into one of stalls as his stomach roiled with nausea and he knew that his lunch would be making a second appearance. Just as he felt the bile start to rise in his throat his knees finally gave out and he plummeted forward, his arms too slow to stop the descent. Dean felt his head smash into the porcelain of the toilet, pain blossomed in his cheek and above his left eye and then he felt himself slide into blessed oblivion.

Knocking…who the hell is knocking… Dean could hear the loud banging on…something…the door?

His head was fuzzy and details weren't coming as quickly as he knew they should be. He should not be having any trouble recalled where was or how had gotten there, and where the hell was Sam?

The knocking increased in speed and the impact changed to one of desperate concern as a voice called over and over from the outside.

"Come one asshole, there are other people that need to use the restroom too." The guy sounded seriously pissed off, so dean assumed he must have been in here for a while.

The memories were slowly unraveling as he tried to piece them together, had his father gotten to him again. He had sure as hell spent enough time in the hospital as a kid to know that when you can't remember why you were there it was probably a bad thing.

But wait…Sam wasn't around when his father was beating the shit out of him, so that couldn't be it.

Suddenly the sight of Sam tumbling to the ground, his face contorted with pain as he reached behind to grasp at his lower back. Dean recoiled from the thought and shook his head to try and clear the remaining cobwebs.

Pain lanced through his head and he finally noticed that he had been lying in a pool of blood on the white tile floor. He reached up with his left hand placed it gingerly against his forehead, wincing as the pain increased at the light touch.

So he had hit his head, pretty damn hard judging from his scattered thoughts and amount of blood that came away as he removed his palm and looked at it.

Sammy…I gotta go find Sammy.

The thought started to repeat itself inside of his head and he pulled himself to his knees, his stomach protested at the sudden change in elevation. He closed his eyes against the nausea and the bloody loud banging on the fucking door.

"I'm coming damn-it!" he called as loudly as his head would allow.

"Hurry up ass hole, I got a kid that's gotta pee." The man called through the door.

Dean struggled from his knees to his feet and grabbed a handful of paper towels from the sink and placed them gently against his bleeding head. His eyes pressed closed slightly as he thought about getting the towels wet, but he decided against it since it was a kid that needed to get in here. He knew from experience that it was unwise to keep a child waiting.

He opened the door slowly and the man rushed past with him with a small boy in his arms squeezing his legs closed in determination.

"S'rry" Dean muttered as the guy glared at him.

Dean stumbled toward Sam's door as he recognized the hall, he was opening the door and halfway through when he recalled that Sam had asked him to leave. He stuttered to a halt and furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to place the jumbled thoughts in order.

He looked over at Sam's bed and his eyes slammed into Sam's slowly widening blue-green orbs.

"My god Dean, what the hell happened?" Sam struggled to sit up as he took in Dean's blood face and the soaked paper that was pressed against the wound.

"Just hit my head S'mmy…S'ry forgot posed to leave…" Dean was trying to keep his thoughts straight, but they were just not cooperating.

Sam shifted in his bed as he tried to get a better look at Dean. He wasn't making sense at the moment.

"Dean, come sit down before you fall down." Fear was flashing through Sam's mind, god he couldn't, he just couldn't force Dean away.

I can't live without him, and I don't really want to know if he can live without me.

For the second time that day Sam came to a decision about his future and the one that he hoped to have with Dean. He was going to beat this fucking back problem, but he was going to do it with Dean's help…not without it.

Dean looked up with so much hope reflecting out of his green eyes, despite the blood dripping into the left one, that it simply took Sam's breath away.

Sam nodded and patted the spot next to his hip.

Dean smiled. A real smile, even though his face was obscured by the bloody towels and one of his eyes looked like the pupil might be blown.

Concussion. Sam's mind suggested helpfully.

Dean struggled to walk the two steps from the door to bed, but he managed and sank into the spot that Sam had patted.

"Dean, I think you need to have a doctor look at that." He placed his fingers gently over Dean's and pulled the towels away so that he could get a better look at the wound and the eye that looked blown.

The green was nearly indiscernible as the black was taking up the majority of his eye at the moment, so Sam nodded and placed his hand back in place.

He removed his hand and reached for the call button, a nurse popped his head in almost immediately, "Yeah?" he asked.

He immediately took in Dean's appearance and pushed into the room walking quickly to the man sitting listlessly on the bed.

"Hey buddy, what happened?"

Dean pulled his gaze up and tried to focus on the man in front of him, "Fell…bath'rm…hit m' head."

The nurse nodded, "I can see that. Here let me have that so that I can get a better look."

Dean handed the bloody towels to the man as he pulled his latex gloves into place and gently poked at Dean's split skin and the blood that was still oozing from the wound.

The nurse immediately took in Dean's glassy eyes and the blown pupil of the left eye, "You've got a concussion, but I think we can get you stitched up right here."

Dean tried to nod, but the pain blasted through his skull, so he just waited for the man to return.

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam's gently voice asked as he reached over and placed a hand on Dean's thigh.

"Th'ght you w'nted me to le've S'my." He murmured as he tried to turn and look at Sam.

Sam's eyes filled with agony as he realized that Dean had guessed his plans and there was no way to lie to the man now.

"I thought I did Dean, but I realized that I can't do this without you, I need you in my life and I need here." His eyes reverted to the puppy-dog eyes that Dean teased him about as he continued.

"I need you Dean."

Dean's face softened and he leaned over and placed a somewhat sloppy kiss on Sam's lips, trying to avoid getting blood on his partner.

"Need you too S'my." He whispered as the door opened and the male nurse entered with the suture kit in his hand.

TBC…

Author's Note: So at lease we know that they both choose to be with one another. The road is gonna be bumpy but together they are gonna make it. Still to come, recoveries, med-school and law school admittance tests, and of course the trip to Ventura. Because I am having such a good time writing this story I am posting a new chapter tonight as well as the one I posted earlier. Reviews really help motivate me to write, so thanks for that. :)