I'm really trying to write this quicker than I've been known to. The end of this chapter is a little odd, but I wanted Jude and Spiederman to do something crazy together like they would've when they were in high school. Plus, I like Jude's decision. For those still reading, really, you're just wonderful. This story will eventually be finished and hopefully it'll be during the summer. Once school is done for the semester, I'll have a lot more time. Read, review, you know the drill.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. I also don't own "Just Like a Woman" by Bob Dylan or "Frozen" by whoever wrote it.
Tommy hurried to pull his coat on as he chased Lauren outside onto the sidewalk. "It's not what it looked like!"
"Right," she scoffed angrily, turning to face him. "And what was it, Tom? The electricity went out last night and you huddled together for warmth?"
"We were just talking, sort of making amends for closure, and fell asleep," he assured her. "Don't read so much into it, Laur."
She was fuming. "I'm supposed to marry you, Tom. Of course I'm going to read too far into it. My God, I caught you sleeping incredibly close to the ex-girlfriend everyone assumes you're still in love with. Excuse me for that."
"I love you," he told her, still questioning how much he meant it. "You believe me, don't you?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I'm beginning to question everything now that the child is in town."
Tommy closed his eyes. "She's grown up a lot. I underestimated her. But that doesn't change how I feel about you."
"I have to go," Lauren sighed. "I'll see you at the apartment later."
Jude sat in the lobby, placidly staring off into space. Last night had been surreal. First, she'd been stuck in Sewer with Tommy. Then, he'd admitted he couldn't marry Lauren because she wasn't Jude and kissed her. Finally, he'd told her things were complicated and they fell asleep reminiscing about old times. Now, he'd gone to chase after Lauren and she was confused as ever.
"Um, Jude?"
Jude finally looked up to see Zeppelin standing over her. "Yeah?"
"Are you all right?" Zeppelin asked her. "You're just kind of sitting here."
"I'm processing," Jude explained. "Am I in the way? I can go."
"No," Zeppelin shook her head. "I was just making sure you're all right."
"Thanks," Jude smiled. "I'll be fine."
Zeppelin nodded. "Well, it's Saturday, so we're not expecting anyone today."
"Sadie has plans for us tonight but I can't remember what," Jude stated.
"I think it's the bridal party dinner," Zeppelin told her. "She's been reminding people about it all week."
"Right," Jude mumbled. "Thanks, Zepp."
"If you need anything, I'll be in my office," Zeppelin told her tentatively.
Jude only stayed for another few minutes before walking outside to hail a cab.
"Jude."
She closed her eyes and turned to face Tommy. "Yeah?"
"We should talk," he said.
"No," she shook her head. "Here's what the next week is going to be, okay? I can't do this anymore. It's not that I'm too old or anything, obviously, but this game sure as hell is. You're just as confused about what you want now as you were four years ago and I'm exhausted. With that said, no contact. We'll do our wedding party duties and that's it."
His face fell. "This day is not going well for me."
"What do you want, Tom?" she demanded. "You can't have your cake and it eat, too! I'm not going to sit around and wait while you decide what you want." A cab pulled up and she opened the door. "I'll see you around."
Spiederman and Nic were eating a late breakfast when Jude burst into 620.
"It has been nonstop drama with you since the great return," Spiederman said as she joined them at the square table in the kitchen. "What now?"
As she recounted for them her entire night, tears started rolling down her cheeks.
"I do love him," she said as she finished, "but I just can't do this anymore. Nothing with Tommy and I will ever be easy."
Nic made eye contact with Spiederman and placed her hand over Jude's. "Have you ever considered that you don't like relationships that are 'easy' then?"
"Who doesn't want easy?" Jude asked.
"I'm just saying, look at your history," Nic went on. "Shay- egotistical diva. Jamie- your absolute best friend. This guy- your beloved guitarist. My brother- the crown jewel of drama. You never go for the guy at the record store or the math nerd. Well, Jamie, but that's beside the point. In all honesty, just from what I've heard and from what I can tell, you like the work. It's exciting for you. I'm the same way. I've never dated the photographer from the June cover shoot or my shoe repair guy." She winked at Spiederman. "That's not a bad thing. You just have to own up to it. I have. It's not prudent for me to be dating a rock star in another country but it's what I want. The question is, what do you want?"
"Your brother," Jude admitted. "But not all this baggage. Maybe I just need to move on. To go back to Europe and stay there. 'Out of sight, out of mind' and all that, right?"
"Or 'absence makes the heart grow fonder,'" Spiederman said. "If I know anything, it's bad clichés. Every song on our last album had one in it."
"I know," Jude smirked. "I liked that little gimmick; very SME."
He grinned. "I wish I could take credit but I can't. It was Kyle's idea cause Wally had one of his Word of the Day calendars with clichés on them and he thought they were funny."
"Jude," Nic interrupted, "what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to do what I came here to do," Jude stated. "I didn't come here to sabotage Tommy's relationship or break them up. I came to be my sister's maid of honor. I told him we couldn't have any contact unless it's wedding related."
Nic sighed. "Do you think that's a good idea?"
"Yes, because I can't make his decisions for him," Jude replied. "I can't wait hopefully at his door, just praying he'll pick me over her. I'm better than that."
"Okay," Spiederman said, making eye contact with Nic. "If that's what you want, that's what you should do."
Jude pressed her forehead to the table. "Can I eat something?"
"Help yourself," Spiederman waved, gesturing to the pantry. "There are various cereals, eggs, or Pop-Tarts."
Tommy spent the day in Nic's hotel room, watching ESPN and eating cold pizza. The perfect life he thought he had was crumbling around him and he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore.
"Make a list," Nic suggested when she returned after dinner with Lee. "Pros and cons of each. Personally, I can't imagine a single positive aspect to Lauren, but you can, so try that. It works for some people."
"Sure, analyzers," he confirmed. "I'm more for going with my heart, Nicola."
"Then what's it saying?" she asked.
He threw his hands up. "I don't know! I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions."
"If that's the case, you really shouldn't be marrying Lauren anytime soon," she told him softly. "And I'm not just saying that because I don't like the girl. Even she deserves better."
He sighed. "You're right. But I'm not calling off my engagement. What if I decide I want to be with Lauren and it's too late?"
Nic shrugged as she headed for her room. "I don't know, Thomas. But, in my opinion, when it comes down to it, it's not going to be Lauren that you want."
Dinner that night for the bridal party was held at Hal's, a popular steak restaurant that overlooked downtown Toronto. Jude tried to seem positive and upbeat but the last twenty-four hours had definitely taken their toll on her.
"Jude, what do you think?" Sadie asked.
"Hmm?" Jude mused. "About what?"
"About our wedding song," Sadie answered. "'At Last.' I know it's totally unoriginal and cliché, but it really describes Kwest and me. It took a lot for us to get here."
Jude nodded. "It's great, Sades."
"Where's your head at tonight, Harrison?" Leila asked. "You've been a major space cadet."
"Sorry," Jude apologized. "My return home hasn't exactly been what I thought it would be."
"Yeah, Sadie told us about your night," Morgan stated. "That's awful."
"I should've expected it," Jude shrugged. "It's never been easy with Tommy. Even when we were together, there were various complications."
"So wouldn't you be better off without him?" Leila asked.
Jude shrugged. "I don't know. It's not something I'm ready to figure out."
"You should," Sadie told her. "It's not healthy for you to be like this anymore."
"Sadie, I'm done talking about it," Jude snapped. "I told him he and I are only on speaking terms if it's about the wedding and I don't want to discuss him outside of wedding-related topics."
Sadie leaned back in her chair. "All right, fine. Just so you know, tomorrow afternoon is the wedding party bonding session."
"The what?" Jude groaned. "Isn't that what karaoke was?"
"No," Sadie shook her head. "Most of us were drunk and not everyone was there. This is just the wedding party and we're having lunch at Pazzo and then playing poker at Morgan's."
Jude paled. "Pazzo?"
"Is that bad?" Leila wondered. "I know the chef from my halfway house days."
"It's just the last place Tommy and I had dinner at when we were in Toronto," Jude explained. "It was probably the best night of my life to date."
"I'm sorry," Sadie apologized quietly. "Kwest and I had no idea."
"It's fine," Jude smiled. "No Tommy-related conversations, remember?"
"Yes," Morgan spoke up. "Let's talk about the honeymoon."
Tommy made his way home to his penthouse late Saturday night, hoping Lauren was already asleep so he could sneak in and crash on their couch. He was wrong.
"I wondered if you'd come here," she murmured from her seat in the living room as he kicked off his shoes.
"Since it is my apartment, I figured it would be okay," he replied, angry that she hadn't let him explain that morning.
Lauren removed her black-rimmed glasses and set her book aside. "Who are you to think you have the right to be angry, Tom?"
"You walked off before I could get one word out, Lauren," he said angrily, standing over the coffee table.
"Oh, you got your words out," she shot back, standing to face him. "You said 'she's grown up a lot' and 'I underestimated her.' You may as well have said 'I still love her,' Tom." She paused and looked him straight in the eye. "Do you?"
Tommy knew the lying hadn't been working out for him in the last week so he took the safest route and told the truth. "I don't know."
Her face fell. "Well, I should've expected that, huh? I guess I was always kidding myself when I thought she was out of the picture for good. She'll always been on that pedestal, won't she?"
"Again, I don't know," he replied honestly. "Lauren, I know that I do love you, but I also love Jude. It's hard for me to deal with this right now."
"Well, thanks for the honesty," she whispered. "For now, I'm going to stay with Hallie. I get that you're confused and I can appreciate that you're not trying to lead me on, but I can't stay here with you."
"Will we talk?" he asked.
"I think that we should," she nodded. "I don't want to lose you, Tom, but I don't want to have to work so hard to keep you."
He put a hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry."
She patted his hand and then removed it. "I know."
Five minutes later, Lauren was gone and Tommy was alone in the penthouse he hadn't been alone in for four months. He sat down on the couch and groaned when the door opened and Nic walked in with Spiederman. "What do you guys want?"
"Just wanted to see if you had come back," Nic replied, falling into the recliner. "You did."
"We saw Lauren climbing into a taxi," Spiederman murmured. "How'd that go?"
"Um, she's staying with Hallie," Tommy mumbled. "We're going to continue talking but we're at a standstill in our relationship."
Nic stopped rocking. "What happened?"
"She asked if I still loved Jude," her brother replied, "and I said I wasn't sure."
"Wow," Spiederman breathed. "At least you were honest."
"That's what she said," Tommy chuckled darkly. "And then she left."
Spiederman's phone rang then. "Uh, I'll take this in there." He stood and walked down to the guest bedroom. "Hey, dude."
"What are you doing?" Jude asked.
"Hanging out with Nic and Squinty," he told her softly. "Is that okay?"
She laughed. "It's fine, Spied. I'm not asking you to take sides."
"Good," he said. "What's up?"
"I was just gonna see if you wanted to hang out at Burt's," she explained. "But it's fine. You stay there."
He looked down at his watch. "No, I'll go. You want the boys?"
"Nah," she shrugged. "Is it cool if it's just you and me?"
"Sure," he smiled. "I'd like that." He hung up and walked back to the living room. "I'm gonna meet Jude at Burt's for a bit."
Tommy looked up at him. "You are?"
"Yeah," the guitarist confirmed, looking down at Nic. "Is that cool?"
"Sure," she grinned. "Go ahead. I'm gonna hang out here."
He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'll come back to your place tonight, yeah?"
"Of course," she nodded.
Burt's was a dive bar in the heart of the city that most of Toronto's bar hoppers overlooked because it was old and run down. Growing up, Jude had always known it was a place she'd love one day and she did. They served peanuts in baskets at the bar, the bartender was an old man who had met more rock stars than he could count, and there was no dancing.
"I come here with Tommy sometimes," Spiederman reported when he joined her at the bar. "Funny how you two think so alike."
She groaned. "I didn't know this was a place he frequented."
"Often," he nodded. "He likes the non-club-like atmosphere."
"Me, too," she grumbled.
"Ahh, destiny," he joked, nodding at Pete, the bartender. "Hey, Pete. Uhh, I'll have a Stella."
As Pete went to grab Spiederman a beer, Jude closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against her own Stella bottle. "I have tension headaches and I'm not even the one getting married."
"Honestly, I think this whole ordeal is much more stressful for you than it is for Sadie or Kwest," Spiederman replied. "They know what they want and they're doing it; you and Tommy are confused as hell." He took a sip of his beer before speaking again. "She left the penthouse."
"Lauren left him?" Jude gasped, sitting up to look at her former guitarist.
He shook his head. "No, she's just staying with a friend until everything settles. Either he wants to be with her or he wants to be with you; she doesn't want to sit around and look like a helpless puppy while he decides."
"How did I fall back into this?" she wondered. "Back into the old Jude and Tommy cat-and-mouse game? I've been at this since I was fifteen-years-old and I'm almost twenty-two."
"I think that distance from both you and Lauren will be good for him," Spiederman admitted. "Not seeing either of you will make it easier for him to decide which is harder for him to live without."
"Well, it'll obviously be her," Jude scoffed. "He's gone three years without me."
"Not true," he corrected. "Up until he met her nine months ago, he was miserable. He woke up, came to work, and went home. We often competed on whose life sucked more, his or mine being married to Karma, and there were times his was so bad, he won."
Jude laughed. "I still find it hard to believe you were ever married to that tramp. I heard from a friend in LA this afternoon and he said Karma's found work with the Pussycat Dolls troupe while she tries to be signed. And I mean the burlesque group, not the pseudo-girl band."
"Wow," he breathed. "Her life sure went down the drain."
"Do you think that if she hadn't cheated on you that you two would still be married?" Jude asked.
"I don't know," he shrugged. "It depends on Nic."
"Nic?" Jude repeated. "Why?"
"Well, and I know this sounds cheesy, but I really think Nic is the one," he explained. "If I were still married to Karma and met Nic and we had the same connection we have now, I think I'd have still gotten divorced."
"Well, check you out," Jude teased. "Mr. Rock Star is finally in love for real, huh?"
"I am," he agreed. "And I'm not ashamed of it. It helps that Nic's as cool as she is, but I do really love her."
Jude sighed. "And I really love her fucking brother."
"What are you gonna do?" Spiederman asked.
"What I said earlier," she admitted. "I'm gonna be at Sadie's beck and call, only dealing with Tom when necessary for the wedding. I can't keep putting myself in situations where I'm vulnerable to him."
Spiederman nodded. "I think that's good, dude. It's time you stood up for yourself when it comes to Squinty."
"I know," she smirked. "It's just easier said than done."
"Let's do something crazy," Spiederman suggested suddenly. "Like, something we'd do if we were really drunk."
"But we're not," she pointed out. "This is both of our first drinks."
He rolled his eyes. "I know, but people know we're at a bar. Let's do something totally nuts and then blame it on being drunk, even though we're not."
Jude considered and an idea popped into her head. "Let's get tattoos! I haven't gotten one since I was a kid."
Fifteen minutes later, they were seated in Daughters, a popular tattoo parlor downtown.
"What can I do for the great Jude Harrison?" Vic, the guy behind the desk, asked her. "Something musical?"
"I don't know," she told him. "Let me think about it and draw some stuff up. Spied can go first."
"I know what I want," Spiederman declared. "I want the chorus to Bob Dylan's 'Just Like a Woman' in cool script on my right shoulder blade. That's my favorite song of all time."
"Oh, geez," Jude breathed. "That's gonna be pretty big. Bigger than the stupid guitar on your ass."
"Hey!" he cried. "We don't discuss that mistake. I was seventeen and thought it was cool."
She shook her head. "Very uncool, especially for a famous guitarist. Too self-promotional. You're not Kanye West."
Spiederman turned back to Vic. "I want 'she takes just like a woman, she makes love just like a woman, she aches just like a woman, but she breaks like a little girl.'"
"I'm gonna send you to Chip," Vic explained. "He's the best we got at script."
As Spiederman walked off to meet with his artist, Jude looked around the room. Since it was after nine on a Saturday night, it was pretty dull; most people her age were out partying and behaving like twenty-one-year-olds should. Instead, she was getting a stupid tattoo she was going to pass off for having done it while she was drunk. With that thought in mind, she looked to Vic. "Does Chip have time to do two sets of script?"
"That looks awesome," Jude complimented an hour later when Chip finished tattooing Spiederman's back. "Excellent penmanship there, Chip."
"Thanks," the Australian grinned lopsidedly. "I spent years perfecting it."
Spiederman turned to look at his third tattoo in the mirror- his second was the Celtic Tree of Life on his chest that he'd randomly gotten at nineteen. "It's fucking sweet. I won't even say I did this drunk."
"No, you have to!" Jude exclaimed. "If you got it sober, you would've been able to talk me out of what I'm about to do. I would never do this sober."
Spiederman raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting, dude?"
Jude held up the tracing paper with the writing on it. "This."
"Oh," Spiederman muttered. "Wow."
"Okay, where are we doing this?" Chip asked.
"Left shoulder," she answered, removing her sweater. "Can I just pull off the straps of my tank top and bra without having to remove them?"
Chip eyed his workspace. "Yeah, that'll be fine."
While he cleaned her back and arranged his tools, Jude took deep breaths to prepare herself for what she was about to do. This was something she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life and while it was crazy and ludicrous and she had a million reasons not to do it, she had one bigger reason in favor of it.
"You called me out on self-promotion and you're going all proclamationy on me," Spiederman teased as he took her hand for moral support.
After forty-five minutes of pain, Chip finished up and let Jude look in the mirror before bandaging her up.
"'He's frozen, he shields my eyes from the sun, the great believer doesn't believe anyone, his ice age is melting away,'" he read. "What's that?"
Jude grinned at Spiederman. "A song that means a lot to me."
"Okay," Chip shrugged, taping a bandage over the lyrics. "Well, leave your bandages on until Monday. You both have tattoos, so you know how to take care of them. If anything goes bad, come back and see me. Vic will give you cleaning instructions when you pay up front."
"I can't believe we just did that," Spiederman laughed once they were outside in the cold Toronto night. "I always do the most ridiculous stuff when I'm with you."
"It's fun," she assured him. "In fifty years, you'll look back on those lyrics and remember you did this on the night you told everyone you were drunk when you were really sober with your BFF, Jude."
He watched his breath out in front of him. "I should probably get over to Nic's. She's gonna know I'm not drunk so I have to tell her."
"Then go ahead and tell her about mine," Jude said. "She'll probably think it's funny."
"Is it?" he wondered. "I mean, you obviously had reason for doing it."
"Of course I did," she stated. "But no one besides you two will ever have to know. I think I'll crash at my dad and Yvette's. I can bang around and end up on the couch. If either checks on me, I can pretend. They won't know the difference."
Spiederman hugged her. "See you at the brunch tomorrow."
"Yeah," she agreed. "Remember to come in looking like you're suffering from a major hangover."
As Jude rode in a taxi to her parents' house, she pressed her head against the window and watched the city pass in front of her. There were millions of people in Toronto and she only wanted one; and he wasn't even sure he wanted her back.
"Hello?" Stuart warily called when Jude 'stumbled' into the house. "Who's there?"
"It's me!" Jude squealed, laughing uncontrollably, as she often did after drinking too much. "Hi, Daddy."
"Jude?" Stuart appeared at the foot of the steps and flipped on the light. "What are you doing here?"
"I need to crash," she told him quickly, slurring her words artfully. "The brunch is tomorrow and Sadie will be way unhappy with me, Daddy."
He stepped forward to help her into the living room. "Yes, she will. Just stay here tonight. I'll get Yvette to find you something to sleep in." He settled her on the couch and disappeared back up to his bedroom.
Yvette came down a few minutes later, carrying a matching set of flannel pajamas. "Come on, Jude. Let's get you into more comfortable clothes."
"Ohhhkay," Jude mumbled, silently praising herself for such convincing work. She cooperated with her stepmother carefully, making sure to act as a drunk person would while having someone change them.
"There," Yvette smiled once Jude was dressed. "Now, lie down and I'll get you a trashcan and a glass of water in case you need them."
Jude closed her eyes for Yvette's sake while she retrieved the garbage and water.
"Good night, Jude," Yvette whispered.
"Nighty-night," Jude called back in a sing-song voice. "Sleep tight. Don't let the beddy bugs bite."
Just as she was truly falling asleep, her phone vibrated on the coffee table.
Interesting choice of tat, Nic wrote.
Jude grinned. It's something I'd do drunk.
Will anyone ever know it was a sober moment? Nic wanted to know.
Hell, no, Jude answered. Especially not your brother or Lauren.
A moment passed before Nic responded. He's gonna pick you, Jude. Trust me.
Jude chose not to write back. Instead, she tossed her phone aside and closed her eyes once more. "I really hope you're right."