Holy moly, it's November. How the duck did that happen? I've been away for far too long. Sorry, guys. There has been a lot of redirecting to do with this story.
I had considered a big ol' thing for you... But I won't push you too hard. There is a cuteness overload ahead, so. ;)
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To Give and Recieve
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The weather was kind to the five clans of Stitchpunks. Though the temperature continued to plummet, it did not finally snow until a few days after the gathering had ended. Satisfied that all their friends would have arrived home safely, Pi returned all her focus to the next few weeks. Not too much longer, now, and a lot of first anniversaries would be upon them. The day she had met the Fifth clan was coming up hard and fast. The exact date would be hard to miss-it had been only three days before Dixie had been born.
That was the night they had planned for the baby's transfer. Her proud parents had wondered if they should tell her that it had an actual date to look forward to... But they had decided against it. She would surely go on to pester them about it for weeks and weeks. There was still the end of November and a whole month of December to wait through.
2 and 5 had decided together, that they were also celebrating Christmas this year. It was something they had learned of from the Second clan at the gathering, though the rest of them weren't quite sure what it was all about. To their knowledge, it had to do with the other clan's God-something about His birth being a miracle, and being thankful and joyous because of it. Also, there was to somehow be a tree. And decorations. And presents.
Pi wasn't sure what her husband was up to with all this. But at least, she could manage the making of presents for her family. That sounded easy enough. She made them things all the time. She failed to see how Christmas was supposed to be any different from how their December would have passed in the first place.
However, as they all went around preparing for it, the mood in the library certainly seemed to have changed. As they went around, hauling evergreen boughs into their home, hanging shiny things on the walls, and working in secret on their own presents, a feeling of quiet expectation crept into the building. It was hard to explain, but it felt like they were preparing for something of great importance. As if something unexpected was coming, and their home had to be ready to meet it.
There was a lot to prepare for already, that was definitely expected. Christmas would come and go, and there would be two new children not long afterward. As for the one who was already here... 9 and 7 were busy making a separate room for Dixie, because she would be much too big to share their room after her upgrade. She would be big enough for a real bed, and for a space to put all her own things. If she was anything like either one of them, she would be building and sketching things of her own in no time. She would have her very own toys and tools, and, if Pi had any say in it, a full wardrobe.
7 was particularly impatient to have her daughter out. It had been a year since she had truly had her bredroom to herself. And she was peeved to think that the transition could still be a very slow one. She coveted her space; she hoped that Dixie would, as well.
But that was 7. Pi couldn't see herself minding so much. In fact, at the thought of her child being eventually granted a room lf his or her own, she could see herself being a little emotional. She was already inseparably close to her baby; she couldn't exactly hand it over to someone else for an hour or two, if she wanted. Thinking of how her child's growing up was invariably a slow process of separation-first from her body, then from her bed, then from her room, and then perhaps, eventually, from her home altogether-was a little hard to think about.
Even though the soul of her baby kept her warm enough, the increasing cold still forced her into her jacket. At first, she had found the chill refreshing from how hot she always was. This late in November, it had become biting and bitter. But the chill provided an unusual crispness in the air that made everything seem clearer. It was exceptional weather for thinking about things, which she had always been very good at. She often found herself just stopping to think in the chilly library. She sometimes couldn't help herself.
She had a lot to think about, anyway.
One afternoon, on one such occasion, her line of thought was interrupted when 4 appeared and casually sat down beside her. Being nearly a month later along, the girl was nowhere near as big as Pi was; but the soul of her son was steadily growing.
"You look good."
"So do you. You're feeling okay?"
"Well, that fatigue is hitting fast and hard. I don't know if I like that. There's still so much to do around here, and I don't always have the energy for it. My brother isn't being exactly helpful..."
"Still not talking to you?"
"Or 6. Or anybody, that I know of. I had hoped that all this Christmas business would cheer him up, but... Nope. Still as sour as he was last week. I've never known him to be so quiet. Angry, perhaps; but never at me."
"I'm sorry to hear that. So, how's married life?"
"Pretty much the same as it was before, just with less... You know. I guess he was right all along."
"You know, our children will be born within a week or two of each other. That's pretty exciting, right?"
4 smiled at that, and thoughtfully stroked her long braid. She obviously wanted to say something, but was hesitant.
"...Pi, 6 does know, if you'd like to. We know you didn't ask, but he just knows. I can tell you, if you'd like."
"No, no, its really alright. All the best things are surprises."
"Okay. Um... This is hard to say... He also knows, about 11."
Pi was confused. "About who?"
"11. Its... Well, it was the first name I had thought of for our son. But 6 said no, we couldn't do that, because there was already an 11. I didn't understand before what he meant by that. But its what he calls your... The child you lost."
Now Pi was taken aback. That was something she really didn't know if she wanted to know. Perhaps she was better off not knowing that. Perhaps that was better off left in the past, where the rest of it was. And it was so soon. And so close. But...
"We hadn't even talked about names," she said absently,more to herself than to 4.
"10 was the first; 11 came next. So we honored that, and chose 12, instead."
"12, huh? That's nice... He really knew all along?"
4 shrugged, looking apologetic. "He wanted to say something, but you never asked. I didn't even know that he knew. He only just told me yesterday. He never meant to keep it from anyone for so long, but its conflicted him for a long time. He's felt, I don't know... I guess you could call it guilty."
"Guilty? Whatever for? He didn't cause this to happen, after all."
"He just wishes that he could have warned you. The Voice normally tells him when bad things are about to happen. But what happened to you... The Voice didn't say anything about it. At least, not that he knows of. He feels like he should have known. Like maybe he was told, and he just wasn't paying attention and missed it. He feels as though he's failed you, and 5, somehow. That he had all the power in the world to help you, and he couldn't. And knowing all he does about it... Its been weighing hard on his mind recently."
Pi shook her head slowly. "Even if he could have warned us, there was nothing he could have done to prevent this from happening. But I'm touched that he's so concerned about us. Tell him not to feel badly about it. So... You really know if it was a boy or a girl?"
4 nodded slowly.
"...Tell me."
4 took a deep breath. "...Well... It was a little girl."
Pi sighed deeply. It was still a hard pill to swallow; but at the same time, she felt satisfied to finally know the whole story. She'd had a daughter, once. Her name was 11. She wasn't just a painful memory anymore. She really was a whole person, with a name and an identity of her own, and a family who had loved her once and would never forget her.
It still hurt. But there was peace behind that pain. Now all she had to figure out was how to explain this to 5. He deserved to know, if he wanted to. And Pi was fairly certain that he would.
"Thank you, 4. This means a lot to me."
"Neither of us wanted to hurt you in any way, of course. But lately, especially now that he knows what you're having this time, keeping this hidden has been hurting him. Physically, even. He had wanted to tell you himself; but he just couldn't do it. He's sorry he couldn't be braver."
"Tell him not to feel this way anymore. I understand. Just tell him... Thank you."
"Okay. I will."
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In Dixie's little mind, winter didn't seem so bad at all. Her daddy always seemed concerned about it, but she couldn't understand why. Even if she didn't understand every word he said, he sure complained a lot about it being cold. She gathered that it was the reason she wasn't allowed outside much anymore. And that annoyed her. They used to spend a ton of time outside, in the sun, playing in the flowers and grass.
But the grass had withered as the weather had become colder, and the pretty flowers had faded late in the summer time. Dixie still didn't understand how it had happened. The world outside had suddenly lost all its color, turning dismal shades of brown and gray. At least, in place of color, the world hsad become sparkly. Her family called it frost. They didn't like it much. She thought it was pretty.
Everyone else spoke frequently of something called snow. She hadn't seen it yet, but was overwhelmingly curious about it and what it could mean. When she had asked her daddy about it, he said that it was kind of like rain. It was frozen water-soft, powdery, very cold water-that fell from the sky. But instead of soaking into the ground like rain, its sort of piled up and didn't go away.
He had also explained that it could be very dangerous. He said that he would take her to see it sometime soon, but he hadn't made good on that promise yet. He didn't seem to have the time anymore. He was always in his workroom, building things. Her mommy explained, sounding annoyed, that he was building another new body for another new baby. And when he was done with it, he would have to deliver it to its own mommy and daddy, not too far away. She had complained quietly, so she thought Dixie couldn't hear, that it wouldn't be taking so long if 5 would help with it.
Dixie had no idea what that meant, and she had bigger things to wonder about, so she had forgotten about that last part.
There was also a lot of talk about her new cousins, and how much fun she would have with them when they were bigger. She liked it a lot when her parents would tell her about how her cousins would be born, just like she had been. Her mommy told her stories about what it had been like, before she had been born; she said she had talked to her a lot, and asked if she remembered any of their conversations. Dixie tried hard to remember, but she couldn't. She couldn't remember very far back, at all.
Her earliest memory was a hazy recollection of darkness and chaos, but she couldn't remember it clearly. Mostly, there was just a memory of angry red eyes, and being separated from her family, and being scared. And, if she thought hard enough, she thought that maybe her auntie Pi had been there, as well. She didn't like to think about it, though; it made her sad. It made her mommy and daddy sad, as well, so they didn't talk much about it.
Her daddy also talked about something called Christmas, which was coming soon. He said it was why they were making their house so pretty with lights and shiny things. There were also tree branches with pointy, bright green leaves on the walls, which she wasn't allowed to touch. She had been warned that the needle-like leaves would poke and hurt her, and that they might be very sticky. But she didn't always remember to listen. When some of the leaves fell to the floor, she picked them up to play with them. They were like long straws, that could bend a lot before they broke.
Dixie decided that so far, she liked Christmas. Everyone was so happy. Except her big brover, who had been angry for what felt like a long time. He didn't play with her like he used to. He used to talk about teaching her to read and write, though she still didn't know what that was. She wished he would come back and teach her, already, and be happy like he used to be. She didn't see him much anymore, either. That also made her sad.
Christmas also involved presents, and lots of them. Her daddad had said so. And he said that she would be getting some very special presents. That was exciting. She liked being given things. Hm... Presents made everyone happy. Maybe a present would make 3 happy again. He liked books a lot, she knew. She wasn't sure why, but he did. She decided to make him a book.
How did one make a book, again? Well, they had lots of pages with squiggly lines, and sometimes pictures. And they had hard covers, to protect them from grabby hands. With that in mind, she stole some blank papers from her daddy's desk and began drawing the squiggly lines over them. Also, because pictures were much more helpful than squiggly lines, she also doodled some pictures. There was a flower, and another book-since 3 liked them so much-and one of herself, smiling amd waving at him.
Her mommy came in while she was working, and gave her an exasperated look. It seemed to Dixie that she made that face a lot...
"Baby, what are you doing?"
"I am make a book for my brover," Dixie answered, proudly holding up one of the pages."I am make him a present!"
Now her mommy smiled down at her. She liked it when she made this face, much more than when she made the exasperated one.
"A book for your brother, huh? I think he'll like that a lot," she agreed, kneeling down and gathering up the scattered pieces of paper.
"Yeah, he a-like it, he be happy. I miss him a-happy."
"I know. We all miss him a-happy..."
Her mommy was sad. She usually spoke like everyone else, because she was a big person and could talk properly. She only talked this way when she was upset, perhaps so her baby could understand better. Feeling sorry to see her mommy so sad, Dixie gave her a charming smile.
"But I am make him a present, I make him a-happy!" she pointed out helpfully.
"I know you will," her mommy agreed, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Why don't I keep these in a safe place, so they don't get lost? Then daddy can bind the pages into a book for you, okay?"
"A-bind? Whatsat?" Dixie asked with a shrug.
"Its when you put the pages together inside their cover, so they stay together. And daddy knows all about that. I'm sure he'd be happy to help you."
"Ooh, we make it all our present!"
With that decided, her mommy let her finish the pages, and then put them up where no one could get them. So they would be safe, she said. Dixie wasn't so sure about that, but she decided not to let that get her down. She had turned out to be pretty good at making books. Maybe she would make book presents for everyone for Christmas!
If only her daddy left more paper where she could reach it. He was awfully clever, that way.
In the middle of December, he suddenly announced that he was going on a trip for a day or two. The body he had been working on was finished, and he had to deliver it to the family it belonged to. Nobody else seemed overly concerned about this, but Dixie couldn't understand why. Her daddy was leaving! This was terrible! How was he going to hug and kiss her? How was he going to sing her to sleep at night? Who was going to call her a precious girl?
She was fairly certain that the world was over.
He promised that he would be back very soon, as quickly as he possibly could. And when he returned, it would be just about time for Christmas. He suggested that while she waited for him, she work some more on her books, because she was doing such a great job with them. Dixie wasn't entirely convinced. But no amount of crying and begging him to stay seemed to change his mind. A pity. That changed his mind about most things...
Much to her anxiety, her daddy left the library the very next morning. He had kissed her and her mommy goodbye, and gone off on his short journey. To her mommy's relief, he wasn't going alone; 8 had volunteered to go with him. Dixie couldn't care less about her uncle. It wasn't like he had put her to bed every night of her life.
The two days without her daddy dragged by painfully slowly. Both nights she had bad, sad dreams about waking up, over and over again to find that he had never come back. It felt like he would be gone forever. She didn't even have the spirit to finish her books, like had told her to. Her mommy tried hard to comfort her, to do all the things her daddy normally did, but it just wasn't the same.
Finally, as the second day drew to a close, the bell upstairs began to ring. Her mommy scooped her up and carried her toward the entrance.
"Boy, is there a surprise for you outside."
Dixie was too dismal to care about surprises. At least, she had thought she was. She hadn't seen the world outside since it had snowed. And she was, indeed, surprised to see it for the first time. She gasped in shock, to see that the frigid world had been blanketed in white. Everything was clean, sparkling white. Almost like her mommy. It was very pretty, indeed.
But that paled to utter insignificance, beside the two figures marching through all the snow across the courtyard. Or, at least, it paled beside the smaller of the two. Finally, an eternity later, her daddy had returned, and the world was as it should be.
"Daddy, no more leavin'," she scolded, clinging as hard as she could to him. She wasn't letting him out of her sight again.
"I will try by best, precious girl," he answered, hugging her back.
How good it was, to be a precious girl again.
Now that all that was over, and her daddy was home to stay, there were better things to do. Christmas was in a week. And Dixie realized with a start that she hadn't worked at all on her books for two whole days. Axious again, fearing she might not finish them in time, she returned to the project, almost with a vengeance. She was absolutely determined that every member of her family would have one of her very nice books for a present.
She wondered if her little cousins should get books for Christmas. They weren't here yet, after all. But if they missed Christmas and didn't get any presents... That seemed sad and unfair to her. Conflicted, she asked her mommy about it.
"I a-makin' books a-my cousins," she announced.
"Oh, baby, that's sweet of you," her mommy agreed. "But I don't think they'll want books. Babies don't really need presents. They're too little to use them."
Dixie was confused, and a little worried. "I a baby. I am get presents?"
"Oh, well, of course you'll get presents," her mommy insisted right away. "But you're hardly a little baby anymore. In just a few weeks, you'll be a big girl. You're walking and talking, and playing all on your own. You need things to play with, now."
"Oh. But mommy, what I a-give a-my cousins?"
"Do you know what babies need more than anything?"her mommy asked mysteriously. Dixie stared back at her, waiting for an answer.
"What a little baby really needs is lots and lots of love from its family," her mommy answered, scopping Dixie into her lap. "A baby needs its mommy and daddy more than anything in the whole world, to take care of it."
"And a-nursin', and a-singin' sleep?"
"That's right. Just like your daddy and I did for you, when you were just born. And you have a very special job, when your cousins are born. You'll be a big girl by then, so you'll have to set a good example for them. You'll have to be on your sweetest, best behavior, and love them very much, so they can learn to be good, just like you."
"Oh, I a-just be a sweet girl, a-give them present?"
"That's right, my little love. Just being your sweet self is the best present you can give them."
Her mommy's eyes were shining with pride, as if she were going to cry. Dixie wondered why her mommy would want to cry at a time like this. She thought they were happy. She decided to cheer her up with a hug, snuggling into her warm chest, giggling happily as her mommy hugged her back.
"I am be a good cousin. I a-be a best cousin!"
Her mommy laughed softly. "I don't doubt that, baby. I don't doubt that at all."
Whew. That was another two presents she didn't have to make, after all. It seemed like she finished her work just in time, as well. It could have been a month later if it had been a week-since she was still grappling with the idea of time-but suddenly, it was what her granddad called Christmas Eve.
She wasn't sure what that meant, but it appeared that it was time to give everyone their presents, at last. It began as most nights did: with everyone gathered together in the common room, beside the glowing fire, chatting pleasantly. In the corner opposite the fire, where they would be safe from the flames, several boughs of pine had been stacked upright against the corner, resembling a tree, and many of their needles had been adorned with bows of ribbon. Beneath the boughs, an impressive pile of presents had slowly built up over the last month.
Dixie had been told many times not to touch them. Not all of them were meant for her-some were for her parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles and aunt. And they were all big surprises. It wouldn't do to ruin the surprises for everyone. Also, her mommy had threatened that if she touched any of them before it was time to open them, she wouldn't get any presents at all.
So she hadn't touched them. But tonight, her waiting was finally over. And not only would she finally get her long awaited presents, but her family would also get the books she had made. That was almost as exciting.
To her delight, her daddad called for everyone to hush, and he selected a rather large lackage from the pile. It was a lumpy ball of blue cloth, tied with a white sash. With a grin, he knelt to present it to her.
"I believe this one is for you, blessed."
She snatched it with a squeal and held it tight. Nevermind what it was, it was hers! She was completely thrilled. Everyone was amused by her enthusiasm, but her daddad gently took it back for a moment.
"No, no, you have to open it. Like this."
He gently pulled the end of the sash until it came undone, and unwrapped the cloth. What it had hidden was even better. It was a big blue stuffed animal, with a long face and four legs, and a long white horn on its head.
"It is a unicorn," her daddad explained, handing the toy back. "Your uncle 5 and aunti Pi made it for you. What do you think?"
All she could think of presently was that it belonged to her, and that it was wonderful. She hugged it again with another squeal of delight. She glanced over her shoulder at her uncle and aunt with a grin, before returning her full attention to her unicorn.
Her daddad went around the room, handing out other presents, alway making sure that she had one to open and enjoy. He never forgot her for long. Her mommy had been right, not all of the presents turned out to be for her. In fact, only a few of them were for her. But that was alright. Everyone else got tools, or clothes, or other things that didn't seem like a lot of fun.
Occasionally, she also opened a present to find that it wasn't a toy. She opened one to find what her auntie explained was a dress. It was light, icy blue, with a frilly ruffled skirt, that tied around her neck and back. However, she threw the fabric over her head, not sure how she was supposed to wear something so big.
"Nope, this a blanket," she decided.
Her mommy had taken it and added it to her other less fun presents. There wasn't much to be done with it, but they said to wait a bit. It would be much more useful, soon. That was a weird thing to say, so she went back to playing with her new toys.
Aside from her unicorn-still the best thing she had recieved-she also been given a big picture book of the alphabet fromher big sissy. Her daddy had made her a spinning top that mesmerized her for nearly an hour. 8 had made her a little dagger, which had been fabulous, and had mysteriously disappeared as soon as she had opened it.
The people her daddy had gone to see had sent her gifts, as well. There was a long piece of rope with knots tied on both ends, and a big metal hoop-a jump rope and a hulla hoop, from Peppermint and Sage. Dixie felt like she finally understood something. Her daddy had come home with the hulla hoop over his shoulder, since it didn't fit in his pack; but she hadn't paid it any attention. Yet it had been meant for her all along! She felt kind of silly, to have been so close to one of her own presents.
When the pile of presents was finally exhausted, it was her turn to hand out her books. They hadn't been wrapped, so she just took them around the room, one at a time, and let each member of her family revel in their perfection. Everyone hugged and kissed her, and thanked her for thinking of them so sweetly. She felt extremely proud of herself, to have made them all so happy.
Her daddy gave her back her first book to give last. It was for her big brover, and she was especially excited about it. She wished it hadn't been saved for last; 3 needed to be cheered up most of all. He was there, and had recieved all his presents politely, but he still seemed sad to her. She toddled right up to him and handed her book to him.
"I a-make you this," she informed him cheerfully.
Looking kind of stunned, he took his book and opened it, briefly browsing the five pages inside. For skme reason, he seemed surprised.
"...You made this for me?"
"Yeah! A-no more sad, okay? I no like you a-sad, I a-make you a book! A-like a book?"
For the first time in a while, he smiled at her. He gave her a hug and a kiss, like everyone else had; but this hug and kiss seemed a lot bigger, somehow. And he seemed... Happy. She could feel it.
"I love it. Thank you, Dixie."
More than pleased, not thinking much more about it, she gave him a grin and skipped back to her own things. Her big brover wasn't sad anymore. She had made him happy again. All by herself.
It seemed like there was a lot more to this Christmas than it appeared. But as she plopped herself back on the floor and went back to playing with her unicorn, she forgot to think much more about that. Right now, she had a small pile of presents to play with. Her daddy was home to stay, her brother was smiling again, and life was wonderful.
She hoped it would be Christmas again next week.
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Author's Notes...
No... We didn't get to the children. But this update was ridiculously overdue, and I felt the fandom could use some assurance that I was still alive. How I've missed all the usual suspects in my inbox every hour of every day! Life has been far from the same without you all!
Lol, I always complain that this college stuff is a chore. Don't be afraid of it, yourselves, its just... Quite a thing. Oh yes, and this new job? Also a thing. I quite enjoy it, but it is exhausting.
Next chapter... AAAAAALL the children. ;D