Godson Not Lover

Sirius looked between his lover and Snivillus but felt bad that he had got Harry into trouble with his teacher. The fact that Harry was still young enough to go to school made him feel very guilty. 'You shouldn't have done that,' Sirius told Harry. 'You should have left him to me,' Sirius said unable to meet his godson's eyes.

Harry was angry at how his lover was treating him, 'you were busy,' Harry reminded his lover. 'I thought I'd help you,' Harry said.

Sirius couldn't help but snort at this. Harry was still as funny as ever. But Sirius had to avoid those emerald green eyes that Harry had obviously inherited from his mother; the eyes that Sirius loved so much since he had met Harry all those months ago. But the boy was just that – a thirteen year old boy – so Sirius was able to excuse himself by helping the entangled werewolf from where Remus was still bound from the thick ropes that Snivillus had tied Remus up with in a bout of anger. Then the last two Marauders alive who had not betrayed the others so vilely as Peter Pettigrew had set out to prove their own innocence to the two teenagers who still thought that they were out to kill Harry.

Sirius after telling the three teenagers his story, with Remus' help at the beginning, revealed that Scabbers' the red head's rat was no rat. He was as Sirius had said all along an Animagus by the name of Peter Pettigrew. And it was he who was responsible for orphaning Harry Potter, betraying Lily and James, murdering the thirteen Muggles, and it was he who was the Death Eater still willing to serve Voldemort if he was the most powerful. And Sirius was as innocent as he had always claimed to be. Sirius had a wand that he had err borrowed from one of the children out along with Remus holding out his own wand and the two friends were about to kill the foul, treacherous rat when….

They were interrupted by a raven haired teenager, 'NO!' the boy shouted and got in between the confrontation between the condemned Peter Pettigrew who was cowering against the wall desperately trying not to get killed and Sirius who was about to kill his once friend. 'You can't kill him,' Harry said desperately. 'You just can't,' Sirius realised how greatly Harry felt about this considering the boy was pleading. And Sirius knew that his lover never pleaded. Well he didn't think he did but considering as the boy had lied to him a lot over the summer then maybe he didn't know the boy as much as he thought he did. But Sirius couldn't resist those emerald orbs boring into him.

Sirius didn't know what to do. He had thought that Harry would want revenge as much as anyone. So was completely thrown by the fact that the teenager was standing up for Wormtail. And Sirius could tell that he wasn't the only one. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Remus with shock written all over his face. Harry had decided that Wormtail could rot in the foul prison called Azkaban at which Sirius shuddered at the memories of the place that was his own personal hell. Personally he would rather die than go back to Azkaban. But Wormtail obviously didn't agree with these feelings considering he fell on his knees before Harry not noticing the boy's look of disgust on his face as Wormtail burst into loud, sickening tears of gratitude.

Harry didn't want the man who had betrayed his parents to death and sentenced his lover to Azkaban to touch him. 'Get off me!' Harry ordered throwing the rat's, long nailed fingers off him. 'I'm not doing this for you,' Harry told him quite honestly. If the man died then he would feel no pity or remorse for him. The man had all but killed his parents after all! 'I'm doing it because I don't reckon my dad would've wanted his two best friends to become killers. Not for you,' Harry honestly believed this. And he didn't want Sirius to become a killer.

Sirius and Remus seemed to be surveying him before Sirius nodded at Harry, 'you're the only person who has the right to decide, Harry,' agreed Sirius. Harry could tell Sirius wasn't happy with it but had accepted it. 'But think …' Sirius trailed off obviously trying to get Harry to change his mind. But Harry wouldn't change his mind! 'Think what he did …' Sirius trailed off again trying to remind Harry what Pettigrew had done but unable to complete the sentence about Lily and James' deaths and his thoughts becoming distracted with those blazing green eyes much like the killing curse making Sirius want … want so much from his relationship with Harry. But he couldn't what Sirius wanted was more than any adult, especially a godfather, could have from a child, his godson.

Harry nodded and repeated what he had already told his lover, 'he can go to Azkaban,' Harry said stubbornly. 'If anyone deserves that place it's him,' Harry shivers unable to comprehend how Sirius survived twelve years with Dementors as a constant presence.

Remus then nodded agreeing with what Harry was saying and wanting to distract the two dark haired males from the way they were staring into each other's eyes. 'Very well,' Remus nodded. 'Stand aside Harry,' instructed the Defence Professor but the boy refused to budge realising what Harry was scared of Remus decided to reassure James' son. 'I'm just going to tie him up. That's all I swear,' Remus promised the teenager meaning every word. Harry still hesitated. Why was the boy so mistrustful? But when Remus didn't move Harry did watching Remus carefully as Remus fulfilled his promise and using the same spell Snape had used on him bound Wormtail with ropes.

But Sirius had to have the last word, of course, as he always did! 'But if you transform, Peter, we will kill you,' warned Sirius meaning every word. But he would make sure Harry agreed. He didn't want his lover to hate him even if he would probably never sleep with his godson again. Because now he knew how young the boy was he couldn't in good conscious continue their relationship. 'You agree Harry?' asked Sirius and Harry nodded.

After Wormtail was successfully tied up between Ron and Remus (Ron and Hermione apologized for not believing Sirius and going at Remus for his lycanthropy) the group of them left to go back to Hogwarts Castle and bring Wormtail in front of the Minister of Magic (who was still at the castle according to Remus) and Dumbledore. This would successfully free Sirius something Sirius was thrilled by to no end. He was finally going to be free. Sirius wondered what he would do when he was finally free because there were certain things that he was sure couldn't happen.

The first things was that he knew he couldn't adopt the boy that he still loved despite what James and Lily had asked of him. But with Harry and Sirius' past relationship it would be vastly inappropriate to be his guardian. But secondly knowing what little the boy had told him over the summer he also knew that he could not allow the boy to return to those abusive Muggles that were technically Lily's family, at least by blood and law. He had known that Lily and Petunia hadn't gotten on for years after Lily had got into Hogwarts but the scars that Sirius was only too acquainted with made Sirius sad.

Somehow whilst squeezing down the corridor with Remus, the red head, and Wormtail together. The brainy girl trying to keep up with the boy she fancied then Harry and Sirius were walking together side by side with an unconscious Snape in front of him. Talk about awkward. What do you say to your godson who you had accidentally fallen in love with after a drunken one night stand under false names? Sirius hated silences he preferred scenes to be full of talk and laughter. So Sirius decided to break this painful silence.

Sirius just said the first thing that came into his mind which wasn't entirely sensible. 'So you're my godson,' Sirius tried to make a conversation with his ex-lover. But considering their past relationship reminding them of what their relationship should be wasn't brilliant. Sirius wished they could go back to how it had been the previous summer because it had never ever been awkward no matter what!

Sirius cast the boy beside him half a glance. The child seemed perfectly calm, 'well this is awkward,' Sirius heard Harry chime in cheerily.

Sirius couldn't help but ask what had been on his mind all the time. If he hadn't this whole situation wouldn't have happened. 'Why did you lie about your name?' Sirius asked.

'Why did you lie about yours?' returned Harry.

'I'm a wanted convict,' Sirius said.

'Point taken,' Harry said.

'What about your age?' scowled Sirius.

Harry shrugged casually, 'I wanted you and I knew that you wouldn't fuck me if you knew I was thirteen and your godson.'

Sirius then gulped at the reminder of Harry's age and his should be familial relationship with the boy, 'you're thirteen,' Sirius whispered finally saying what he knew to be true. 'Oh Merlin,' Sirius groaned. 'You're thirteen,' Sirius repeated again shocked at what he had found out that night. 'And we…' Sirius trailed off unable to complete the sentence of what he had done … what they had done … what he still sickly wanted.

'Had sex,' Harry put in calmly; he'd had sex with people older than Sirius.

'Yes,' Sirius gulped going pale and looking around making sure that Remus nor the two teenagers heard Harry's words. That would get him into a lot of trouble. Remus would never talk to him again! 'Your thirteen,' Sirius repeated for what was a verbal third time but he had thought over and over again since he had found out the truth. 'What in the name Merlin were you doing sleeping around with an old man like me?' Sirius demanded.

Harry shrugged and then decided to admit the truth to his lover about how he had been living that previous summer, 'didn't want to go home,' Harry admitted.

Sirius hadn't thought of that. It was obviously the only way to stay off the streets at nights. And Sirius supposed it was slightly safer than living on the streets of London at night. He wondered if he was the only one! Sirius certainly hoped not but he knew that Harry had been no virgin when they had met. 'Oh Harry,' sighed Sirius sadly. 'I know but why don't you just tell someone?' Sirius asked thinking it was a better option than sleeping around like he was.

Harry gave him a piercing look. Sirius wondered what Harry was going to reveal to him now. 'Dumbledore knows …' Harry trailed off. Sirius was angry at Dumbledore for not caring enough to actually to remove his student from a violent home environment. Surely it was Dumbledore's job to report any student who had a less than ideal home situation. 'Everything …' Harry trailed off his green eyes had darkened and Sirius found himself wondering exactly how bad the Dursleys had abused. 'What happened?' asked Sirius.

Harry shook his head and Sirius saw his whole body go tense wrapping his arms around himself. 'I can't,' Harry seemed to be nearing hysteria. 'You'll hate me I could not bare that,' Sirius could see the tears in those scared green eyes. Sirius wanted for the boy to know that he didn't blame Harry for the abuse he had suffered. 'You'll be disgusted …' the boy murmured trailing off once more. 'I couldn't bare …' Harry trailed off again shaking not realising he had repeated what he had said.

Sirius grabbed Harry's arm letting go quickly when the boy flinched back banging his head on the ceiling of the tunnel, 'tell me,' Sirius begged.

Harry again shook his head green eyes wide and terrified so much it hurt Sirius' heart that the boy was scared of him! 'Dumbledore knows,' Harry sounded unbearably bitter. 'So what does it matter,' snapped Harry.

'Harry?' asked Sirius.

'No,' Harry hissed.

'Please I won't hate you,' Sirius begged.

'My uncle …' Harry trailed off.

'What did your uncle do to you?' asked Sirius.

'It was my twelfth birthday,' murmured Harry.

'What happened?' repeated Sirius.

'Nothing,' Harry said.

'Something happened,' Sirius said, 'please don't you trust me.'

Harry gave him a look then said in a very low voice, 'I lost my virginity.'

Sirius eyes widened at what the boy was telling him, 'rape?'

Harry nodded tiredly and Sirius felt very angry towards both Dumbledore who hadn't removed Harry from their care and Vernon Dursley for raping Harry. 'I can't go back,' he murmured and Sirius engulfed the boy in his arms. 'I find it easy to have sex on my terms,' Harry murmured into Sirius' chest so Sirius could only just divine what the boy was saying. 'You're the only one I let top,' Sirius didn't know what to say to that. He supposed that meant the boy trusted him. 'I stopped sleeping around when I met you.'

Sirius sighed this made what he had to do so much harder, 'we need to stop. You're my godson not my lover. And I will get you out of there even if I can't adopt you – it would be inappropriate.'

'Thanks but I still want you,' Harry said, 'with you I don't feel so broken. I never let any of my lovers touch me. I used them for their beds and food then left.'

'Oh Harry,' Sirius stroked his cheek. 'But I couldn't do it again your parents-'

'Are dead,' Harry said sharply causing Sirius to wince this time. 'I'm not. I need you but not in a paternal fashion.'

Harry then looked around realising the others were much further on than Sirius and Harry were so couldn't see what Sirius and Harry were doing so Harry kissed the man full on the lips knowing this could well be the last kiss that they ever shared now that Sirius knew the truth. Harry was absorbing Sirius' scrumptious taste when Sirius suddenly stopped and pushed Harry off him. Harry felt hurt but then saw the want and the guilt in Sirius' eyes and understood that this was it. This was the last time the two would kiss. Maybe when Harry was an adult things would change. Maybe not Harry would just have to wait and hope.

'No, Harry, you are a child I can't touch you as much as I would like to,' Sirius said.

'I love you,' Harry admitted.

'And I you,' agreed Sirius. 'But sometimes love is not enough.'