The Mazarin Chip
One morning at Baker Street, Diana, Watson and Lestrade watched as the Prime Minister of Great Britain complained to "Holmes" about the stolen Virtual Reality Mazarin Chip. "Holmes" was wearing the same brown robe Diana bought Holmes for Christmas on the Carbuncle case.
Prime Minister: The Mazarin Chip has been stolen, Mr. Holmes. New Scotland Yard's clueless, and you don't give a zed! It's a top secret breakthrough and it's gone. It would fall into the wrong hands. You, sir, of course are unaware that the Mazarin Chip is...
Metermaid Android: A voice activated virtual reality microchip that creates life liking environments on demand.
In the room walked a female Metermaid Android that was just outside placing a ticket on the Prime Minister's cruiser since it had a leak in the bottom.
Prime Minister: Who are you? That's an official secret!
Metermaid Android: I'm an official, and I'll keep it secret. (walks toward window and closes drapes)
Watson: I say...yet...but, uh...who are you?
Metermaid Android: Traffic control. As one advanced compudroid. I'd like to say, you look dashing. (winks) I like your gleam.
Watson: (blushes) Well, thank you, dear lady.
Lestrade: Watson! Don't chat it up, get it out!
Metermaid Android: Good afternoon…
The mask came off the female android, revealing the true face of Sherlock Holmes.
Holmes: ...Prime Minister.
Diana, Watson and Lestrade were surprised while the Prime Minister face palmed.
Prime Minister: I don't understand these people.
Holmes: (takes off disguise) I'm sorry I can't ask you to stay for tea, but an important game is afoot. Oh! Did you know, by the way, your cruiser has galvoline leak.
Watson: Splendid disguise Holmes. Metermaid Android. But if your...then who's...?
Holmes: Come, come, Watson. I'd never wear a carnation in April, or any other month, for that matter.
He bent over and took off the dummy Holmes' head from the chair like a popsicle, surprising everyone.
Holmes: Meet my waxwork, borrowed from Madame Tussaud's. Very useful. You see, we are being watched.
He peered out through the curtain to see Fenwick outside on the other side of the street.
Watson: Martin Fenwick!
Holmes: Good eyes, Watson.
Diana: Does that mean Moriarty is involved?
Prime Minister: Lestrade, I don't know why you sent that memo begging me to see this lunatic. Greyson was right! He couldn't find a thief in prison!
Holmes: I'd take issue with you, Prime Minister. Unless I'm very much mistaken, Mr. Fenwick here and his employer are the thieves who stole your precious Mazarin Chip.
Prime Minister: I don't believe you, sir! Prove it!
Holmes: I'd love to, Prime Minister. Recent develops have led me to believe that there is a certain danger of you being here.
Prime Minister: Prove it!
Holmes took one more glance out the window and watched Fenwick talking to whoever it is on the vidphone.
Holmes: Very well, we have a few minutes. But bear with me, Prime Minister. For your safety I shall have to be quick.
He rushed towards his computer desk and sat down and began typing.
Holmes: My job Prime Minister is to solve problems, to observe carefully, then use my brain. Let me start with the events of last night. I am sure you felt the peculiar tremor in the early hours this morning?
He told of how he and Watson heard a distant boom and felt the room shake.
Holmes: Nothing immediately suspicious there, but I did note the time, 2:16. At that morning, I asked Watson to keep his ear to the police scanners over breakfast.
Watson: Yes, he did.
Watson had told Holmes about a large police activity in the East End, something had happened around half past two last night.
Holmes: I also observed this morning that I had "a tail." Rather low-tech for you, Lestrade, but old Dummy does do the job. So off I went without my tail, as it were, to see what the police were up to. I was struck with the ingenuity of the crime. The intrepid in the singular use of a Mazarin Chip to facility the getaway. The police too were impressed, eh Lestrade?
He told them how he overheard Lestrade talking to Greyson saying a black cat triggering the alarm. Then she suggested Holmes should help but Greyson refused saying the Yard will handle it. But Lestrade annoyingly told him that the Prime Minister memoed her that he wanted to consult with Holmes personally, much to Greyson's disbelief. Then Holmes, disguised as a constable, found a trail of footprints and copied them on a flat glass board for safekeeping.
Holmes: So, while the police were busy with their 'investigations" I found my first clue. 11D and 12B, two tall men, one muscular, one simile.
On the screen were two footprints, one was tall, one was small with a heart shaped hole in the heel.
Holmes: You will observe the simile gentleman had an unusual heart-shaped gouge missing from the heel of the underside of his right boot.
Watson: Bravo, Holmes!
Prime Minister: Get on with it!
Diana: (irritated) Keep your pants on!
Then, a black cat with yellow eyes leapt onto Holmes' lap, purring affectionately.
Holmes: Watson, did I introduce you to our new addition? Tigerlily is his name. Cats are singular creatures. And it is a fact that cats lick ninety five percent of the humans they come in contact with.
He gently stroked the cat's cheek and Tigerlily licked Holmes' finger.
Holmes: A particularly useful trait I have found in the field of criminology. If you would be so kind Watson, as to take a saliva sample from our feline friend. (gives Tigerlily to Watson) We shall see whose DNA Tigerlily has had the pleasure of licking in the last few hours.
He went to the window and pulled back the curtain to see Fenwick reading a newspaper.
Holmes: Good. With my job done at the crime scene, I return to our friend outside.
Holmes explained that in his Metermaid Android disguise, he tricked Fenwick into leaving a trail of footprints, so he could collect them on his flat glass board. The footprints showed a heart-shaped gouge in the heel of Fenwick's boot.
Lestrade: Eleventy, with the heart-shaped gouge, exact match!
Holmes: So, one robber was certainly Fenwick. And, Watson if you would please, whose DNA was present?
Watson: (plugs himself into computer) New Scotland Yard central uplink. Uplinked! Four DNA strays present in the cat's saliva!
On the screen it showed various pictures of those licked by Tigerlily.
Watson: One cat named Tigerlily. And, licked you too, did he, Holmes?
Holmes: Naturally. Who else?
Watson: Martin Fenwick and…Professor James Moriarty! Well done, Holmes!
Holmes: As I suspected.
Diana: Whenever Fenwick is causing trouble, Moriarty is always involved.
Little did anyone know, Moriarty was already on his way to Baker Street to trap Holmes and the Prime Minister.
Holmes: What now concerns me is why Moriarty stole the chip? You mentioned you received a memo from Lestrade suggesting you visit me, Prime Minister?
Lestrade: I didn't send a memo.
Holmes: Exactly. I learned as much from overhearing your conversation with Greyson this morning, Lestrade. It would appear, Prime Minister, that you were lured here as a trap.
Prime Minister: (huffily) A trap? Sir, your mind is-
He was cut off when Holmes put a hand over his mouth to silence him.
Holmes: Unless I am very much mistaken, I hear the trend of Fenwick's boot upon our steps. Lestrade. Diana. If you would be so very kind as to safely escort the Prime Minister away from here by the secret exit.
Lestrade and Diana led the Prime Minister into the secret exit, inside a closet, much to the Prime Minister's objections. Holmes and Watson ran behind the curtain and waited until Moriarty and Fenwick entered the room.
Moriarty: Holmes.
They spotted the dummy version of Holmes and, thinking it was the real Holmes, Fenwick attacked the dummy. He knocked down the chair and grabbed the dummy by the hair, pulling off the dummy's head, surprising Fenwick. The real Holmes came out from the curtain.
Holmes: Don't break it, Fenwick. It's a curious old thing, nothing too high-tech about it. Not like a virtual reality Mazarin Chip.
Fenwick: Zut! He knows about the Chip!
Moriarty: Quiet!
Watson: (comes out from behind curtain) So your right, Holmes! These are our thieves!
Holmes: He's a slippery customer, my friends. Don't take your eyes off him.
However, Fenwick tossed the dummy's head into the air, distracting Watson. Fenwick tried to grab Holmes by the feet, but Holmes backed away.
Holmes: No violence, Fenwick. I beg of you. Consider the furniture.
But Fenwick didn't care about the furniture as he took out an ionizer and started shooting. Holmes dodged out of the way. He tossed his cane towards Fenwick, knocking the ionizer out of Fenwick's hand. The ionizer dropped to the floor and Holmes picked it up.
Holmes: I believe you came for more than just me, Moriarty. So sorry the Prime Minister had to leave.
But Holmes' trick failed as the Prime Minister foolishly walked in, waving a ticket.
Prime Minister: (indignantly) Did you ticket my cruiser, Mr. Holmes?
Holmes: Watch out, Prime Minister!
But Moriarty grabbed the Prime Minister, wrapped one arm around his neck, and used his other hand to fire his own ionizer to shoot the other ionizer out of Holmes' hand. Then Lestrade and Diana raced into the room.
Lestrade/Diana: Prime Minister!
But Fenwick pushed the chair towards the two women, causing them to be knocked out.
Moriarty: Back!
Outnumbered, Holmes, Diana, Watson and Lestrade raised their hands in the air while Moriarty held them back with the ionizer.
Moriarty: Mazarin Chip, create high security wing Alcatraz, immediately!
A huge beam of light surrounded the four heroes, then a large cage appeared within the room imprisoning them.
Moriarty: The Prime Minister and I have unfinished business to attend to. Oh, by the way, the only way to cancel your little environment is with the Mazarin Chip. When we're done, I'll destroy it, and lock you in here forever. Goodbye, Holmes.
A bright glowing light from the chip shimmered around Moriarty, Fenwick, and the captured Prime Minister, as they disappeared, with Holmes glaring in defeat but he was determined to capture his nemesis. When they had vanished, Watson tried to get out by using his laser key to melt the bars, but it didn't work.
Watson: There's not a terrible lot about this that's virtual. Refined titanium alloy. We can't get out.
Lestrade: No problem. I'll just call the Yard and get a wrecking crew down here.
Holmes: Really Lestrade, I believe I'd rather not have my flat permanently destroyed by your lot.
Diana: (gasps) That's it! Moriarty said the only way to cancel the virtual environment is with the Mazarin Chip! Maybe I can try to squeeze out through the bars, go steal the chip back, with the Prime Minister of course, and use the chip to cancel the environment!
Holmes: Diana, wait! Your idea is perfect, but it doesn't occur getting yourself out. Watson, if you would be so kind to reconfigure Lestrade's communicator, I'll need a line to the Prime Minister's cruiser. Auto only please.
Lestrade gave Watson her wrist communicator and Watson used it to line the Prime Minister's cruiser. Holmes spoke loud and clear into the communicator.
Holmes: Mazarin Chip, cancel virtual environment!
Just then bright lights flashed, surrounding the cage, and then it disappeared. Holmes, Diana, Watson and Lestrade leapt out of the way, with Watson and Diana landing on their stomachs of the floor.
Holmes: Watson, we need all hands on deck. Alert the Irregulars!
Watson quickly contacted Wiggins, Deidre, and Tennyson for help. Holmes told them what to do.
Holmes: Remember the power of multiple approaches. Each of you observe what you can. Repot back! I will simulate the observations. We must find out where they are, and quickly!
Somewhere in the city, Wiggins, Deidre, and Tennyson followed the green drips from the Prime Minister's cruiser to the Underground. Deidre was talking to Holmes through her wrist communicator.
Deidre: Fenwick drove off within the PM's cruiser which was dripping galvoline, right?
Holmes: Excellent! You followed the drips.
Deidre: Uh-huh. And I got the cruiser, but we don't know where they went.
Holmes: Observe. Use what you know.
They were interrupted by a news broadcast.
Reporter: We interrupt you with this urgent bulletin. Various inexplicable actions on the part of the British government have put all British financial institutions on the brink of failure. Nobody seems to know how these actions occurred, but one thing is for certain: British markets are in a tailspin. Potentially, global markets will follow.
Holmes: Ah. Now we know Moriarty's game. Well Irregulars, what have you got for me?
The screen changed to that of the Irregulars, as they had just found the footprints leading down to the Underground.
Wiggins: It's them! Fenwick's footprint! This way for sure!
Holmes: Excellent! We're coming. Proceed with caution.
In the Underground, the entire gang followed the footprints through the tunnel.
Wiggins: The trail ends here. We're fresh out of clues, Mr. Holmes.
Holmes: There are always clues.
Tennyson flew on up ahead, then he stopped, and waited for the others to come over as he pointed to the wall, making beeping sounds.
Holmes: Yes. Anything that doesn't fit a pattern is worth examining more closely.
He pushed a loose brick and the wall opened up. Inside was a green light, blocking them from getting in. But on the other side of the green wall were Moriarty, Fenwick, and the Prime Minister. Everyone was surprised except for Holmes.
Holmes: We can see in, but they can't see out.
He closed the wall again by pushing the loose brick.
Lestrade: What? Open it up! We're going in!
Holmes: Forget violence, Lestrade. Moriarty's learned his lesson and will protect the Mazarin to the hilt. We are going to have to flush it out. I need all of you to proceed to 221b, surround the building and announce your presence. But, under no circumstances, come in, until my signal.
Watson: Very good. What's your signal?
Holmes: You will know it when you see it. Now go. We don't have much time.
Everyone left, but Diana was the last to go as she lingered by Holmes.
Diana: Maybe I should stay behind to help you, Holmes, whatever it is you're going to do.
Holmes: No, you must go back to 221b. I'll be fine. Now go.
Diana knew Holmes was right, and she left the Underground to join her friends.
Outside Baker Street, everyone could see flashes of colors from the window. It was Holmes' signal. Everyone rushed inside the building and Lestrade handcuffed Fenwick, while Diana, Watson and the Irregulars raced into the room, just as Holmes canceled his virtual environment of fireworks.
Diana: (gives Holmes a quick hug) You did it!
Watson: Where's Moriarty?
Holmes glanced at the curtains where Moriarty hid himself, and shushed everyone.
Holmes: I expected better for Moriarty. Unobservant of him not to see that I wasn't the dummy. I'm not that pale and, no carnation. Eyes and brains, Moriarty!
But when he pulled back the curtains, Moriarty wasn't there. Outside the window, Holmes could see Moriarty running down the street.
Holmes: It seems that my nemesis is no dummy either.
Lestrade: Holmes? The Prime Minister?
Holmes ran towards the closet where the Prime Minister was hiding, with the dummy Holmes.
Prime Minister: Do you have the Chip? (Holmes shows him the Chip, the Prime Minister smiles) I take it back. I take it ALL back. Mr. Holmes, you're a genius.
Holmes: Oh, I wouldn't say that Prime Minister, just observant. Eyes and brains, my dears. Eyes and brains.