"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces"

oOo

"I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone "

It hurt even more after those dreams than it had previously because he got a glimpse of what it could have been like, what they could have had, and then it was torn away and replaced by the harsh reality of his unrequited love.

Sherlock had never kept a journal or a diary in his life; he just never needed to because of his memory. But his sorrow was too much for him to keep bottled up inside. He couldn't focus on his work with all of these feelings blocking out any rational thought. What he did instead was turn to Molly.

One day when he was experimenting on a corpse in the morgue, he abruptly turned to her and asked, "How do normal people deal with their emotions?"

Molly looked up at him with surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"I..." Sherlock began, his voice and impassive facade cracking with the strain of the emotions he was trying to contain. "I can't just turn off my feelings for John, but the pain I'm feeling is overwhelming my mind and I need a way to get it to stop."

Molly swallowed, her heart breaking for Sherlock. "Well... some people like to talk to a friend or psych-"

"No," Sherlock interrupted. He was not going to bloody talk about his feelings, especially not to a psychologist. "Do they do anything other than talk?" he demanded. He had already shared his emotions with one person and look how that turned out.

Molly bit her lip. "Well, some people write in journals or diaries that no one else reads."

Sherlock considered it. "That sounds... reasonable..." he said. With that, he turned and left without another word to Molly.

As Sherlock walked away from St. Bart's, he thought about Molly's suggestion. It would be like locking his feelings away in his Mind Palace, but separate from his mind. Besides, John never found the things he seriously wanted to hide from him, so there was no real risk of John finding it.

He entered the nearest book store and selected a leather-bound notebook. When he got home, he locked himself in his room to start writing. At first, he couldn't think of how to begin, since he'd never done this before. Then he decided to write it in the form of letters he would never send, letters to John.

Luckily, the journals served their purpose. Since they gave him an outlet for his emotions, he was able to focus on cases be himself again. He was even able to go back to his easy friendship with John without too much pain. Whenever he felt depressed or brokenhearted over John, he would add a new journal entry. It quickly got to the point where he had to buy another and another and another journal because he filled them so quickly.

By the time Moriarty reappeared, Sherlock had filled six journals and begun on his last one.

Just to clarify quickly: listening to the songs is a suggestion and not a requirement for the story. Hell, you can even skip over reading the excerpts if you'd like.

Also, sorry for how short the chapters are. When I finish the story, I'm going to go back and edit it and add a lot, so it will be much longer.

Thank you so much to mboutwell7, jael33, Serenityofthematrix, kittysayzmeow, Teddybear0410, JakkyLovesScreamer, Laura Finnick Holmes-Watson, skorpina18, Cecire, judybear236, spitfirelady, Rubbyy, and jaimi-or-jaemi for reviewing.

Special shout out to Rubbyy for correctly getting one of the songs!

Ah well. The songs from last chapter are:
"El Tango De Roxanne" by Jose Feliciano from Moulin Rouge, "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi, and "Ever Fallen In Love" by Pete Yorn from Shrek 2.