Thanks too all of you for your reviews, they made my day. Well I just wrote this, I really needed to get my mind off of everything. Although I kind of remembered I saw some woman's credit card and last name said Schmidt so I was jumpy last monday because of it. I hope this chapter makes sense and also that you like it, I'm kinda weird today so I don't know. So I want to make a poll, who do you want Katie to end up with: James, Logan, someone else or alone and why? The why is very important, it's for inspiration.
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round
Logan had been calling me lately once he figured James had started being my person to go to when things started to feel like they were crumbling down. He said he loved me but he wasn't sure in what way. He said that he didn't want to be away from my life, my baby boy, and me but he wasn't going to leave Camille because he loved her.
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown
He called me every once in a while now, but on skype. Camille would always be present and would be all lovey dovey. She of course didn't get why Logan was suddenly so interested in my pregnancy since he showed everybody not to care lately. Poor girl doesn't know my baby is his and it breaks my heart to see how good he can pretend nothing affects him.
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
I wanted him to stop pretending. Every time he acted like he cared was making me feel less of myself, like I was being pitied on. He didn't get that for me it wasn't just a one night stand; it was a love that had been there building up for years.
Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
I wanted for him to leave me alone. Not just him but everybody. Nobody was being honest with me, they didn't truly care what happened to me or my pregnancy. They cared more about the tour than anything at all. They wanted to live their lives normally, and I was sure I wasn't included in that plan.
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
I wanted to escape, run away where nobody would find me. I wanted a fresh start for my baby, where everyone wanted him. I wanted my baby to be the happiest kid on earth because he deserved it, he brought me joy, thinking about him only made me happier every day and anxious for him to arrive.
You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Leave the pieces when you go
I finished singing that song in my room, all locked up. I had always liked Michelle Branch, although this one was with her band The Wreckers. She always had these songs that will make you feel good about what you felt that life sucked. Sure this one wasn't going to make you feel good immediately but at least helped you feel stronger at the moment, which is what I need. I needed to be strong for my baby and for myself. I was feeling like I was torn into pieces and it kept getting worse when the time passed.
The boys had been back from their tour for a bit now, school had started but I didn't. I wasn't feeling lately like a normal person. I never was normal, but I mean normal for me. I didn't want to do things I usually did, the only thing that was my escape was helping Stephanie with the films, but now we were taking a break and all the hurt was tearing me apart.
"Katie can you open up?" I heard my brother say from the other side of the door.
I was about to get up to unlock the door but I couldn't, I had a lot of pain, not emotional but physical.
"Kendall I can't!" I screamed.
"Katie stop being so childish, you have to come with us. Maybe you're just not fit to be a mother if you keep your chil-" I cut him off. "Shut up and get help, I can't get up!" I screamed at him, I was in pain and pissed off at how he talked to me. I was fit to be a mother, but I just wasn't getting that much support, I felt like I was alone.
Mom had been supporting me, also Steph, Carlos and James, but I still felt alone. I didn't know how important could the dad role be, but I guess I have my mom for inspiration; she has been both mother and father for Kendall and me for a long time now.
Maybe I missed Logan too much. He stopped being the person that I could always go to, even if I was completely in love with him. He kept coming back, but I just couldn't see that Logan that I fell for, he wasn't him anymore, he was tearing my heart apart.