I have commandeered another computer! Bwa ha ha ha!
Really.
It just happened he brought his grading one night and discovered that it was wonderfully quiet and nobody was stupid enough to try and bother him in Sharingan Kakashi's apartment and it wasn't too bad there—even if the bathroom was so tiny that you couldn't sit on the toilet without knocking your knees on the sink and the shower stall would make a coffin feel roomy and he had to share it with two other tenants. Or he had seen microwaves bigger than the icebox and Kakashi didn't have a proper stove, just a tiny hotplate that was only big enough for a mug or the fact that Kakashi seemed to think that a foyer was a suitable kitchen space.
He got more grading done in those next two nights than he had in the last two months. He found time to update and fix his lesson plans. He even had time to plan everything out for his students for the next three months. His class was utterly disgusted with the return to almost complete normalcy, but after Iruka blew up the tree that Shizune was in (nearly taking off her leg) and left Anko strung up by her toenails outside of the mission room while he demonstrated the effects of different poisons on Yugao, they sullenly—but with a new level of respect—did all their work and didn't try to escape too much.
He felt better than he had in days, good enough that he even allowed himself a charitable thought about Kakashi.
Who, for the record, was late in getting back from his mission. Lazy-assed bastard, couldn't even get back on time.
Not that Iruka minded.
Not that he cared.
It was only the Copy Ninja, probably the strongest ninja they had out in the field right now and one of the biggest pain-in-the-asses that Iruka had ever met and things just seemed strange without someone driving Iruka nuts. It wasn't like it was all that important or anything.
Besides, Akaki was still here and Iruka reasoned if the stupid wanker had gotten himself into a nasty mess or killed himself, Akaki would have left or vanished.
Even though they had a rough start, Akaki turned out to be a good companion. He was good when Iruka insisted that he get a bath and new bandages and he put up with all the children who wanted to pet him (it was a great way to introduce the idea of summons to his class).
Iruka also would only admit it under pains of torture, but talking to Kakashi's plant was very relaxing. It was easier than talking to himself and the plant would sway and rustle encouragingly or sympathetically, depending on the situation.
He hadn't realised just how stressed he had become until he had the time to sit in Kakashi's pathetic excuse for an apartment. Classes moved smoother, he felt better when he woke up in the morning, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he wasn't sore all the time. His reflexes had gotten better and he was less twitchy. It was easier to dodge Those Kunoichis' traps and it was good to be able to get away quickly from all the disapproving people.
He was hiding from Those Kunoichis again (Shizune had given Anko something that made her vomit and get hives and Yugao (who was still in the hospital from the poisons class) had gotten an ANBU squad to remove her opponents' apartments from the buildings—not that any of this stopped any of Them from chasing Iruka), grading when he must have fallen asleep. He woke when someone else's chakra gently brushed his.
He was jerking around and flinging his pen a moment later—or at least, trying to. A thin pale gloved hand had slapped down over his throwing hand and a dry exhausted voice was whispering his name.
"Kakashi-san?!" Iruka managed to twist his head far enough that he could catch a glimpse of silvery hair.
The chakra that slowly curling around his was definitely Kakashi's. "It's about time you've gotten back! Have you seen the Hokage? She's been getting rather shirty—" He broke off when he got a good look at the jounin. "Shit! What happened to you?!"
Kakashi smiled at him—a bit dazedly and swayed a bit more. "'Ruka," he mumbled and petted Iruka's head clumsily. He looked like someone had taken a heavy oaken table leg and a lead pipe to him and then threw him in the middle of a bar fight with wrestlers that were the size of gorillas and had the tempers of rhinoceros in mating season and after that, made him run at top speed from the Star Country back home without stopping.
Iruka stood up sharply and had to grab at Kakashi when the sudden movement unbalanced the other. "You haven't stopped to see the Hokage yet, have you? What were you thinking?! Oh wait, you don't like doing that…" Iruka realised that he was probably babbling, but since it seemed to give Kakashi something to focus on, he didn't stop.
Kakashi kept winding more and more of the caressing chakra around him and Iruka tried to ignore it as he shoved the stiffly-moving Copy Ninja in the disgustingly small bathroom. "Shower. NOW." He ordered. "I'm going to send word to Tsunade-sama that you're home and get you some fresh clothing to sleep in."
"Don' go." Kakashi slurred, tightening both his grip and his chakra.
"I'm not leaving you." Think small child, SMALL CHILD. "I'm just going to get you clean clothing, and then I'll be right back, okay?" When Kakashi didn't immediately let go, Iruka tried again. "That's all I'm going to do. I'll be back before you know it."
Kakashi stared at him, face blank. Slowly, he nodded and Iruka let out a mental sigh of relief. He didn't know what he would have done if the pale man had insisted that he stay.
Escaping the bathroom finally, Iruka scribbled a quick note to the Hokage and he shooed Akaki out with it. Then he went on a quest for clean clothing.
It didn't take much, considering the lack of furniture in the other man's apartment. He had one small chest of drawers and only a few drawers under his bed (half of which were dedicated to some limp-looking linens).
Kakashi's chakra tugged incessantly and with increasing urgency on his. Trying to ignore the needy child-like plea they held, Iruka stuck his arm into the cupboard of a bathroom. "Here," he dropped the clothing on to what he hoped was the toilet seat (it might have been the sink). "Get out and get dressed because I'm sure as hell not doing that for you and that room can't hold one person, much less two. Then get your sorry-excuse for a brain out here so I can see tend to those bruises."
He heard Kakashi mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'c'mon in here', but it could have been 'I've lost an ear'. He decided he didn't want to know either way.
Impatiently, he waited for Kakashi to drag his useless corpse out. He was ready to kick the door down and drag the man out himself when Kakashi laboriously stumbled out, mask askew and shirt misbuttoned. He blinked owlishly and nearly fell over when the Sharingan started to swirl weakly.
"Feeble-minded poor-excuse for a fool!" Iruka yanked off his hitai-ate and swiftly tied it over the red eye. Feeling stupid and vaguely like an over-bearing parent, he straightened the mask. Grabbing the dirty clothing from the bathroom, he set out to get the Copy Ninja back into his room.
Unconcerned with the trouble he was causing, Kakashi practically draped himself over Iruka's shoulders. Iruka let out a startled huff; the jerk was heavy and didn't seem to be inclined to get off of him anytime in the near future.
Staggering, he lugged the lousy worthless bum back into the Spartan room before deposititng the waste of space on to the shuriken-patterned bedspread. "STAY," he snapped, rationalising that if he used bigger and more complex commands, Kakashi wouldn't understand them.
Gormless moron
Since Kakashi seemed to be too cheap for a freezer, Iruka had to make due with water (from the tap and run until he deemed it couldn't get any colder) and towels. Ignoring the demanding tugs and the tightening in his chest whenever he left the room, Iruka filled any bowl he could find and hauled them back into the room.
Kakashi, apparently, wasn't so spaced that he couldn't get out the first-aid kit. Iruka had come in with some water and found the man shirtless and trying to open the ointment for chest colds. He had to slap the jounin around a little bit for that one (but not as much as he should have; somebody else had done a good job of it for him). Kakashi only smiled vacantly at him and despite the stiff way he was sitting, appeared to be relaxing.
Iruka had cold wet towels around some of the worst of the bruises and was gently smearing a soothing salve on cool mottled flesh when the door rattled violently in its frame. He considered ignoring it for a moment, but when it started to sound like the wall was going to come flying in, he went to go investigate.
Tsunade glared at him when he opened the door. She pointed to the hallway. "OUT!" She barked. "The sooner I get a report out of that brat, the sooner I can go to the pub!"
"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune shrieked, for a moment forgetting that she was making googly eyes at Iruka.
"You can stay out here." With that, Tsunade shoved Iruka out of the doorway and slammed the door shut behind her.
"Iruka-sensei! Are you all right?" Shizune hovered unhappily as he clutched his chest and tried to take a deep breath. He had a stretched sensation filling his muscles and his heart felt squeezed. Despite the sweat he could feel forming on his skin, he was suddenly very, very, very cold.
There was so much spinning and pounding in his head he barely heard Shizune say "here, let me help you", her glowing hand reaching out and gently touching his forehead.
Several things happened at once.
Shizune was suddenly flung back into a wall from a powerful surge of chakra that spill from Iruka that was not his own. The grip that felt like it was squishing Iruka's chest yanked backwards harshly, causing him to fall into the door. Tsunade yelled something from inside the room and Iruka felt worse than he had before.
He was clinging to the door for dear life when it was ripped away from him and he crashed into a pair of scantly-covered breasts. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT HERE?!" Tsunade bellowed, angrily. "I JUST got the idiot to start to give me the important details and then he goes all crazy on me!"
Iruka flailed a little bit. He couldn't breathe!
Shizune shakily got to her feet, looking a little worse for wear. "I don't know what happened. Iruka-sensei is sick and I just was trying to help him."
Tsunade seemed to just realise that Iruka was plastered in her bosom, unable to push himself out of the cleft so he could get air. He thrashed weakly, miserably, knowing that she'd punch him for being there and then he'd die and it would be the most embarrassing way to go ever
And then Genma and Ebisu would get drunk at his funeral and sob about it not happening to them and Naruto would cry about how his Iruka-sensei was corrupted and his students would only remember that he died in the most humiliating way possible and not anything important—
Tsunade grabbed the back of Iruka's vest and practically threw him at Kakashi's bed. Kakashi glared at Tsunade, but Iruka couldn't tell if it was because Iruka had gotten a faceful of breast and he hadn't or it was because Iruka had just been thrown on his bed, practically on his lap.
Tsunade ignored him. "Do you feel better now?" She asked Iruka, eyes narrowed.
Iruka blinked, and the horror of the situation hit him. "Better?! I was nearly killed by your…I…you…NO, I'm not feeling better!" He felt a rant coming on and it felt so right and good he did nothing to stop it. "Your assistant won't leave me alone and I've got the BIGGEST FUCKIN' BUFFOON in the world who can't do ANYTHING right latching on to me like a child and I get the symptoms of a heart attack or EBOLA in the hallway and I nearly DIE out there only to be killed a moment later by a pair of walking—"
"A simple 'yes' would have been sufficient!" The Hokage snapped. She glanced at Kakashi. "Honestly, does he do that all the time?"
Kakashi made a happy noise and collapsed against Iruka's back. Shizune peered around the Sannin and appeared stricken. Tsunade shook her head, but then suddenly grinned. "It's about time that you found someone to focus on who's not that stupid plant. Congratulations on finally finding someone who's crazier than you."
Iruka opened his mouth to rant some more because—damn it—it was his right, but Tsunade cut him off before he could get started. "Have you ever been someone's focus?"
"No," he said, a bit sulkily.
"It's nothing special," she shrugged. "But you do know that you're going to have be here until the moron gets his head out of his ass again. Slap him around a bit if he slips too far."
"I can't be his focus! I have classes and shifts—"
"Make out with him for a bit if he doesn't respond to that—"
"WHAT!"
"Oh, don't pretend to be such a prude!" Tsunade waved off Iruka's bugging eyes and ignored Shizune's soft sniffles and watering eyes. "Everyone's heard about your wild kinky streak! Now, try to prevent him from using too much chakra because the brat's gone and tried to solve all his problems by sticking his stupid eye on it and cutting it up with lightening—again. Oh, and he's bruised his tailbone something terrible and I'm not going to heal that until the brat gives me his report when he's coherent again, so no sex until that point."
Iruka wanted to die
"Make sure that the idiot eats." Tsunade glanced at the two of them, Iruka with his burning face and loose jaw and Kakashi's draping and clumsy nudging of Iruka's shoulder. She smirked. "Have fun." She grabbed a now-bawling Shizune and dragged her out of the box-like apartment.
Iruka wanted to die
Kakashi made a soft snuffling noise and rubbed his face against Iruka's neck. When Iruka twisted to yell at him (it could have been to slap him), Kakashi ducked slightly and curled up under Iruka's arm, practically snuggling with the teacher. "'Ruka," he murmured and tightened his chakra grip sleepily.
Iruka glared at him. How—how dare he just cuddle up to Iruka as if nothing had happened! Did he think that Iruka was okay with all of this? Did he think that—
Kakashi sighed and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'safe'.
Iruka glared harder, but didn't move. If he was going to do something terrible to the other man for getting him in this situation, he wanted the jounin to be conscious for it so he'd remember it, damn it! How was Kakashi supposed to learn if he wasn't awake enough to know what hit him?
Iruka nodded firmly. He'd get the Copy Ninja for this later, when he could full appreciate the misery he'd put the pale man through.
That's all for now. Once again, hoping to be online again soon!