The bulkier version of Iron Man from this world aimed his repulsers directly at an oncoming team of bots. These newer modified machines had limited artificial intelligence capabilities that Tony created himself back in the day. They weren't superbly designed, but still managed to deflect statistically predictable attacks. It was damn irritating.
It soon became apparent to the engineering genius that these machines hadn't been updated recently. Therefore they couldn't process to their fullest capability. It was a trite mercy. He deftly ignored the ringing in his ears when a blast came in from his blind spot. It nicked across his lower back. The hit didn't penetrate the second layer of armor, but it was a near thing.
"JARVIS, what's the damage stats on that?" Tony demanded tersely, craning his torso around to avoid another assault.
"We are at 68%, repulser at 52%. Sir, incoming," JARVIS informed him dutifully. "I suggest we exhaust our remaining reserves."
"Okay, hit 'em with the A1 ammo." Tony grit his teeth, sweat dripping down his forehead. A ding told him JARVIS was confirming that order
The lock mechanism released and twelve golf ball sized missiles darted towards the newest group of enemy tech. Once the gleaming bots were nothing but smoke and ash, a new set swiftly replaced them.
"It just never ends!" Tony growled to himself. A series of near-hits sent him skidding across the side of an apartment complex. The metal tore through brick before he stabilized his armor.
"Damage now at 59%." Iron Man rounded the corner of the building, trying to throw the bots off track. They'd never been able to bank worth a damn, he used that to his advantage.
"Sir, Captain Rogers is in danger."
Iron Man balked incredulously at his AI, but spun despite himself. He thought JARVIS was referring to the Avenger Rogers. Yet when he spotted the soldier about a block away he couldn't hold back his gasp. Because SHIELD's Captain America was a stupid fucking idiot, goddammit. His holier-than-thou patriotic self was diving headlong into the middle of nearly fifteen bots. Did the guy have a death wish?
Spangles started tearing key wires mercilessly and efficiently. Of course SHIELD taught him how the stolen Stark tech worked. And the best manner with which to disable them. He stared, something akin to respect slightly choking, as Cap wiped out the set of bots. The bastard made it almost look easy, child's play. His sensors locked onto the attack JARVIS had predicted and he was flying towards Captain Asshat before he could think twice about it. The guy didn't have a chance in hell, his back was turned and a bot was already firing. Iron Man saw the exact moment Rogers realized he was fucked, it was actually kinda cute.
So he hooked his forearms under Cap's armpits and flung his repulsers upwards with full power, hoisting the super solider into the air as if his beefy body was a doll with cut strings.
Tony, being Tony, immediately teased, "C'mon Rogers, you gotta be quicker than that!"
Incredulous bright cerulean eyes peered over his shoulder. His mouth gaped wide when he ascertained his rescuers identity.
"Um," Steve eloquently blurted.
His transparent expression was an open book. This Cap was equal parts exasperated, tired, aghast, overwhelmed, dismayed, and extraordinarily all sorts of pissed off. Maybe more than a little bit embarrassed. Which was eerily close to how Tony himself felt at that particular moment. Rogers' chin was cocked defiantly. He was a disgustingly handsome man. Tony beat those thoughts into violent submission. He was thinking nice thoughts about Spangles. That needed to stop pronto.
Hauling Cap off down the block he let the man drop safely to the ground. Iron Man spotted Rogers salute him before Red White and Angry tackled and back-kicked the nearest agent. Tony felt his stomach swoop anxiously. God, the man saluted him. All military style and shit. Tony didn't have the luxury to respond because he was already refocused on the battle at hand. Okay, he thought. So working together with Captain Uptight. The man who had been, until very recently, trying to capture him for being a mass murderer. That was a thing now. Okay. Tony tried not to panic.
Then Iron Man spotted a fierce female Asgardian with dark hair beating the living snot out of a bot twice her size with a frankly impressive demonstration of strength. His suit angled sharply around a street. He adjusted his speed and hugged the ground. Tony began maneuvering around flaming cars and terrified civilians, once in a while punching his repulsers towards a half-dead bot.
His armor rotated just in time to see Freya giggling in the middle of a sidewalk. The tiny Asgardian was gleefully shoving bots into buildings with damaging precision. He supposed that she was playing her own sort of entertaining and completive game. With a pop she kept vanishing into thin air only to reappear feet behind her target. Then she would cackle darkly and continue demolishing the subsequent machine.
Okay, so that was a thing now too.
At least the Hulk was familiar, he thought with misplaced fondness. Big Green was currently roaring in his periphery as he bounced from building to building with ease. Hulk easily demolished hoards of tech, their mechanical carnage wonderful and poignantly satisfying for Tony. The stolen tech should all meet the same fate, in his opinion.
Iron Man knew that this Hulk wasn't really his Bruce. His Bruce was still wallowing in self-guilt over the China Incident as Tony'd dubbed it. But Tony was oddly grateful that the Hulk hadn't changed across dimensions. The poor lug simply destroyed the everlasting shit out of anything unfortunate to cross his path. It was comforting in its consistency. The only difference was that this Hulk seemed to know not to harm the Avengers or their allies. He'd seen this oriental Asgardian dude get within arms distance, which was frequently a suicidal endeavor. But the Hulk hadn't gone to smash the aliens, not the man.
It was almost as if he was ignoring them entirely.
Tony soared upwards into the sky, trying to assess his current situation. Once he was high enough, JARVIS began feeding him readings on the damage and a count of remaining bots.
"Yo, Iron Man," He heard the double version of himself call over the comm. "Wanna tag team that giant fucker over there?"
JARVIS automatically zoomed on the enemy in question. Oh, super. They'd made his M9 into a goddamn unit the size of a tank. Fury was seriously compensating for something with this one. It was so ostentatious, even by his standards. All decked out for the pony show. His dimensional double tore across the cityscape from about a mile off so he followed without hesitation.
"Kay, sounds good." Iron Man demurred. "Let's just try to be safe about this. Tag teaming for the first time can be rather risky without proper protection."
Avenger Tony chuckled audibly with wry amusement. Stark thought he heard Rogers sigh, but he didn't know which one.
Iron Man focused on the modified M9 and remained linked to the group comm as he muttered, "JARVIS, get me a good scan of that and compare it to the original prints. What's different?"
"The hydraulic exhaustion port and central stabling pack are now located in the rear. It appears the weapons chambers were enlarged by 35%. The device would be very bottom heavy." JARVIS noted, flashing deconstructed scans of the modified tech for him.
"Okay. Me. Let's hit this bastard right in the ass."
Iron Man landed with the crackle of metal slaughtering solid concrete. His suit was brutally tearing through the road. The heavy tech continued sliding before its inertia ran out.
"Oh, dear. Tag teaming in the ass for our very first time?" Avenger Tony mocked as he landed with infinitely more grace and precision. His armor touched down, feather light. He smoothy affected, "And here I thought we had something special."
"Show off," Iron Man's pout was unmistakable.
"Don't you know it." The Avenger replied rhetorically. "Okay, on three?"
Immediately both lifted their dual hand repulsers directly at the rear of the giant bot and fired without warning. They shouted in unison, "Three!"
The metal sheets protecting this unit were heavy duty. But it wasn't strong enough to hold after four carefully fired blasts exploded simultaneously. The bot swayed, so Iron Man took that moment to skip up and kick the main wire connecting the ammo stores to the primary weapons system. It was a flaw he'd known about, but hadn't yet had a chance to correct when SHIELD stole his tech. Obviously SHIELD employed amateur engineers if they hadn't found that glaring defect by now.
The M9 groaned under its own weight, swaying before dropping with a gust of wind and smoke. Tony shot three more times in precise spots, the inner-circuits burned beyond recognition or repair. He hoped SHIELD didn't have a bunch of these big fucks on standby. The M9 was designed to cause deplorable damage to property and life. Tony regretted ever building that model. Never again, he swore inwardly. He would never build commercial weapons for as long as he lived.
It was damn reckless of SHIELD to have released even one M9 into a densely populated metropolis such as New York City. Allthis just to take him down? Iron Man couldn't seem to wrap his head around that.
The pair of doppelgängers took off in opposite directions, Avenger Tony catcalling after himself, "That was real nice baby. Let's do it again sometime."
Iron Man tried to respond but was busy maneuvering into a fierce raid. Flying past the Hulk, he spotted Thor majestically turning a bot into dust with his hammer. Iron Man yearned with sheerly insatiable curiosity to examine that foreign weapon. For science, of course. He wondered if Thor would let him hold the hammer. Maybe pose with it for a photo? That would be so perfect for his memento of this utterly fucked up phase of history.
"Hey Sparks," Iron Man waved. "How goes it?"
Thor beamed at him, looking very pleased with himself. The god of thunder was slick with sweat and his chest heaved while he panted, "Grand, man of iron! I am verily pleased to see you are safe."
Iron Man took out a bot over Thor's shoulder. He asked the open comm, "So where are all the SHIELD agents? 'Cause I see shit tons of bots but not too many agents. And that makes me worried."
"It seems like they are hiding in the penthouse of Stark Tower," Captain America replied, and Tony wasn't sure which version. Damn this whole double person shit got confusing. If it was Avenger Cap he was more likely to accept that as a fact. But if it was SHIELD's Cap, he remained uncharacteristically uncertain.
"Um. Fury's not that stupid. Is he?" He mentioned, flying alongside Thor towards his tower with a burst of speed. The poor building had taken quite a beating. Half of his last name was missing, leaving the letters STA behind. Several floors smoldered, the gurgle of melting metal chorusing with the shrill cry of sirens off in the distance. He idly thought about how the news outlets were covering this confusing battle. He'd seen several idiotic reporters risking their necks to get up-close footage.
Iron Man was idly glad his work lab was clear across the city. But still. This was his tower and he kinda loved his tower and they were damaging it and that just wasn't fair. His life was too complicated. He really felt like he hadn't done anything to deserve this. Poor Pepper Potts was going to murder him in cold blood if SHIELD didn't manage to beat her to it. The paperwork alone. His world was about to irrevocably change. He sadly envied this Avenger Iron Man who seemed to have his life together in a somewhat semblance of order. And, okay. His armor was kinda awesome too and other him won on that front. Dammit. He'd never admit it aloud.
"Where are Widow and Hawkeye?" Avenger Stark sounded breathless, he was also hovering near the tower at ground level. The Avengers and Asgaridan warriors seemed to be moving closer at their own pace.
"No word yet. Think there was trouble, Tony?" That had to be the Avenger Cap then.
He sounded so- openly worried. The lack of snottiness made the guy oddly appealing. His dulcet voice was calming yet firmly commanding. This Cap could be reading aloud from a fucking Twilight novel and still manage to make it sound like poetry.
"Well if- Oh shit!" Avenger Stark spat suddenly, "Shit, shit. Yo Volstagg, I could use a hand!"
"You shall hit low and I shall aim high." Volstagg boomed, running deceptively fast for his sheer bulk.
Iron Man couldn't see what happened next, but a ear-splitting crash following the tell-tale whine of repulsers cutting unexpectedly short. It made him uneasy.
"Tony, report!" Avenger Steve demanded savagely. He took off towards Iron Man's last location, leaping with finesse over debris. He repeated desperately, "Tony!"
Tony coughed, throat dry as he grumbled, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Ugh, that building sure did pack a punch."
"Agreed," Volstagg managed, the sound of him spitting echoed on the comms. "What is this strange dust?"
"It's bits of glass," Tony sighed, managing to balance mocking with friendly. "Stop swallowing it, dude. That's not good for you."
"The mighty Volstagg can consume nearly anything, edible or not." Fandral said, hoisting his sword over his shoulder carelessly. He started swiping at Volstagg's beard with his free hand, "Here my dear brother. I shall assist."
Volstagg and Fandral wandered into the open from beneath a concrete enclosure. They were both supporting exhausted dead weight. Iron Man reappeared behind them. His armor was scratched chaotically, nearly every section dented and marked in some manner.
"Tony, I can't find you," Steve high pitch was clearly frustrated.
"One sec, Cap, promise. Damage report, JARVIS?" Avenger Tony's inquired before he flipped off his open comm. JARVIS displayed the relevant data, so he tried to calculate how long he could keep fighting. The suit wasn't going to hold forever, his power reserves were already dipping dangerously.
That's when Tony noticed he'd gotten a message via his VPN from Black Widow. He checked his surroundings before focusing on the words.
Scanning the contents he couldn't help but smile and huff with relief, "Well, that's good news. I really wanna go home. And take a bath. And make out with a naked and gloriously wet Steve. Put those things on my 'urgent' to-do list, JARVIS."
"Noted, sir." JARVIS agreed smoothly.
"Open a private line with Steve."
"Already connecting, sir."
"Steve?" Tony's repulsers spurted unsteadily as he flew. He saw Freya flash past him for an instant but paid her no heed.
"Tony, what's up?" Steve sounded tired but Tony knew the guy had more stamina than a Viagra overdose.
Steve was distinctly relieved to know that his genius was safe and mostly unharmed, "You okay?"
"Tash sent us a message. She said that when her and Clint got to the database archives, all the info was already wiped clean. There wasn't a hint that Stark Tech of any incarnation, including SHIELD mods, had ever been stored."
"What, how can that be possible?" Steve was surprised and rather aghast as his chin lifted in consternation to watch Tony land. He propped his shield over his back, a faint smile softening his stern features.
Tony touched down mere feet from Steve's bruised and battered but beautifully alive body. He resisted his undeniable urge to launch himself into that super soldier's masculine embrace and never fucking let go. That or kiss him senseless in front of any reporter in this world. Just to freak everyone out. He knew Steve wouldn't find it very funny or reasonable, so he valiantly restrained himself.
Tony sighed over his mechanical speakers, "Tash thinks that this world's Widow and Hawkeye did it, probably under Fury's orders. They are heading back in a stolen jet, should be here in under five minutes."
Steve tugged his cowl off, his left cheek was smudged with dirt. "So I guess it's time for the final show?"
Iron Man's faceplate flipped open, "I suppose so. Let's get this over with. Call it, mon capitan."
"Avengers, Asgardians, listen up." Steve ordered over his comm. "And, ah, Iron Man and Rogers."
Besides the roar of Hulk in the distance, the city became hushed. The group congregated around Steve without hesitation, Rogers near the back with Iron Man floating above them. His bulkier armor was a lot less fucked up looking by this point than Tony's, but still in deplorable shape.
"We just got word from Black Widow and Hawkeye. So here is the plan." Steve shifted his gaze towards the tower. "Asgardian's, except Thor. I want you to stay out here and protect the permitter of Stark Tower. Don't let anyone in or out. Hulk will continue smashing bots and generally keeping civilians away from the tower. Avengers, we'll move in with Rogers and Iron Man. We've gotta be quick, and we've gotta be ruthless. Disarm agents, but don't kill them. It's not their fault this SHIELD is run by total assholes."
"I love it when you swear, Cap." Tony remarked fondly, crossing metal arms over his dinged chest plate.
Steve sighed fondly. He met Tony's warm brown eyes and added for the millionth time, "I was a soldier, remember?"
Tony smirked at him knowingly for a long moment. It was an inside joke.
Captain America spun to frown at his dimensional twin, "Now would be the time to run if you plan on betraying us."
Cap shook his head in negation, his mouth pursed into a thin line. His stubborn features were set with dogged resolve. "That won't be happening."
"Okay." Steve glanced to the remaining group, "Everyone else clear?"
A collective murmur of assent.
"Iron Man," Captain addressed. "You keep the patio on the left side of tower accessible, right?"
"Affirmative." Tony stated thoughtfully. "Fury will figure I come in through the main landing pad. We may catch him off guard?"
"Doubtful." Rogers warned them. "I don't know what Fury is planning, only that he has been working on this scenario for a long time."
"And the Director shall be verily displeased by your defection I presume." Thor hazarded.
Cap's expression crumpled, "Um, yeah."
"You defected from SHIELD?" Iron Man sputtered, dropping his armor suddenly to the ground near Cap, who responded with an astonished yelp. His face plate slide away to reveal weary confusion.
A blond eyebrow quirked up his forehead, Steve waved his arm uselessly, shield in hand, "Seriously Stark? I've been kind of destroying SHIELD bots for the last hour or however long that nonsense lasted."
"Well, yeah, I guess." He peered at Rogers suspiciously. "How do I know you're telling the truth?"
"This again?" Rogers whined petulantly. He was trying to reign in his temper. It wasn't Stark's fault in any way, after all. If anything Stark was the victim of unfortunate circumstances.
Avenger Tony exchanged a discrete and telling smile with Steve. Cap pulled his cowl back over his head, shifting anxiously.
"How about we go and talk with Fury," Rogers reasoned with forced calm. "Then you can hear for yourself."
Stark's helmet snapped back into place, and he motioned to take off. Hesitating, he jabbed a metal finger at Rogers. "Hey Sparks, wanna give Captain Sassypants here a lift?"
Avenger Tony already had his Cap safely twined around him. The Asgardian's shouted their boons of good fortune as the pair of Avengers took off towards the patio of this world's Stark Tower. Iron Man was hot on their heels.
Captain watched them depart and sighed to himself, disheartened.
Thor paused, staring down at him solemnly, "I see you have regrets, Captain."
Steve glared sullenly at the god, and said nothing.
Thor's free hand tucked upon his parted lips, "You have apologized to Anthony, however, which took courage."
"Apologizing shouldn't take courage," The Captain vehemently protested. "Not if you actually caused harm in the first place and have something to be so ashamed about."
He stared at his shield awkwardly and confessed, "I don't know what I was thinking. Even if Stark was a villain, hurting him like that was the cowardly thing to do. I got so upset when he talked about the Avengers, I thought he was a sociopathic lunatic. Yet even before we used him as bait and you arrived, I knew something was very wrong. It was a gut feeling, instinctual, and I foolishly ignored it."
Steve stared desperately at Thor, tears stinging the corner of his eyes while he choked, "I don't know why I did that. I never do that."
Thor heaved a great forgiving sigh and patted Captain's shoulder, "Aye, this remorse is understandable. However, in Asgard we often say that adversity makes men incomprehensibly wise. So long as you learn from this mistake you can always move forward with valiant direction. Honorable Captain, I digress."
Thor tugged Steve into his arms and held Mjolnir aloft. "For now, we must depart."
Captain America was a not a small guy by any means, but tucked against Thor's chest he felt scrawny and inescapably human. It only took moments for Thor to sweep them away and catch up with the Avengers. At least Rogers could write off his red eyes from the wind, he thought despairingly as he fought to harden his resolve.
The eccentric looking group walked side-by-side into Stark Tower. Stark of course, walked like he owned the place. Because he did. Luckily SHIELD hadn't seem to trash the inside too badly, his beloved bar was still intact.
Fury stood in the center of Tony's penthouse near the leather couches with his arms dramatically crossed. Coulson, Barton and Romanova flanked him on either side. Avenger Cap looked around for hiding agents, but it appeared as if they had the place to themselves. Good, he didn't want innocent agents who are just following orders to get hurt.
"Now. I think it's time we all sit down to have a nice little chat." Fury deadpanned, sweeping his arm to the couch and earning a snort from both Tony's.
"So nice of you to invite yourselves in, Fury and team." Stark spat, and for the first time pulled his Iron Man helmet off in front of SHIELD. They already knew who he was, so it didn't truly matter. It was the damn principle of it all, Tony supposed. Because he was Tony Fucking Stark and he was a badass that eluded them with annoyingly taunting precision.
Thor strode forward and was first to take a seat, he balanced Mjolnir on the edge of the glass coffee table pointedly. Avenger Cap and Tony followed. Both Stark and Rogers remained standing. They shuffled near each other warily before Rogers turned his burning glare on Fury. Just as Fury opened his mouth to begin, they were interrupted.
"Well, that was a waste of time," Clint whined as the elevator dinged open. He sauntered out with a dramatic flourish.
Natasha smiled softly as they took their place at the Avenger's side, but her piercing gaze was singled out upon Nick Fury.
"I suppose that's not entirely true." She admonished evenly.
"Okay, are we going to have any more interruptions?" Fury inquired. The Director pulled a black device from his pocket and flipped it open, a light blinking. Tony knew it was a radio scrambling device, ensuring no one unwanted would be able to listen in.
Avenger Widow perched on the edge of the couch and softly asked in return, "Why did you destroy Stark's data that you stole from SHIELD servers to begin with?"
Stark gaped, "Wait, what?"
Fury snorted and pointed out, "Well, it's not like you weren't going to delete it anyway."
Natasha cocked her chin, conceding his argument. Clint huffed, sticking his tongue out at Fury childishly.
"Story time." Fury barked. "Stark, stop fidgeting."
"Don't tell me what to do!" Stark snarled, stepping forward but Roger's arm shot out in front of him.
Rogers didn't spare him a glance as he stated with a menacing whisper, "Start talking, Fury."
"SHIELD was in the middle of an internal civil war." Coulson pipped effortlessly. "It's all very hush hush, as you'd imagine. The main line of contention had always been what to do with Tony Stark."
"Oh?" Avenger Tony laughed humorlessly. "With the man or his tech?"
"Both." Coulson admitted. "The Higher Ups wanted to make him disappear with a staged accident. They planned to steal his tech after he was dead and no longer a threat. The Tony Stark of this alternate world mentioned how he was kidnapped in Afghanistan and that's how he got the device that would kill him if we removed it embedded in his chest."
Stark glanced over curiously, frowning absently.
Tony stiffened, disgust pooling within his stomach, "Yes."
"That's very close to how SHIELD planned to rid themselves of Stark." Black Widow murmured, crossing her slender fingers. "They planned to have him kidnapped by terrorists and tortured to death."
Fury deftly continued, "So, I took the initiative. I ordered Stark's tech to be stolen without SHIELD's knowledge. I had my best agents on the mission. Once we'd obtained the blueprints, the Higher Ups were happy enough to forget about Stark momentarily. But then Iron Man appeared and the situation snowballed from there. I convinced SHIELD that Stark couldn't be Iron Man. Stark started consulting for us, and for a bit he was safe."
"So you want me to believe you did all this to keep me safe?" Stark snarled, spit flying from his mouth as he screamed with wild abandon. "Are you fucking kidding me? You made me an international terrorist! I never had a fucking say in that shit. You can't seriously believe your own self-justifying bullshit.""
"You were safe until you refused to build an armored suit." Fury continued as if he hadn't heard, voice rising. "That's when SHIELD started their vendetta to condemn you as a genocidal maniac. We played along with them to make sure they didn't do something fucking stupid with your tech. We prevented routine upgrades but at every corner they would start some new shit. Then things peaked to desperate levels when this Stark magically poofed into the center of SHIELD's fucking headquarters."
"We have been taking apart the Higher Ups web of intelligence mercilessly for years now. It's an inside job, the four of us had been the only ones to know." Other Hawkeye confirmed. "SHIELD isn't evil, per say, as an organization. But the four people who were in power, and they have been held accountable for their sins, were not super nice. They launched the nukes for their own reasons, and much of that bullshit had to do with unchecked severely deranged megalomania complexes and crippling performance issues."
"What Barton is trying to say is that once SHIELD thought we were working against them, their attacks grew more violent and their caution became nonexistent." Black Widow hummed to herself. "SHIELD needs some hierarchy renovations, I'll give you that."
"This bullshit doesn't explain why you lied to me." Captain Rogers cut in, nails digging cuts into the soft flesh on his hands as he struggled not to attack them out of sheer rage.
"To be honest," Natasha met his eyes. "It's because we couldn't trust you. You've always been a military puppet. Why would that change?"
This time around it was Stark who had to stop Rogers from flying at SHIELD.
"And you figured that if the SHIELD higher ups thought Captain America was on their side, they had the advantage." Avenger Tony reasoned, taking the mental leap. "They had him to hold against you. He was the bait."
Fury frowned, "Yep. Pretty much."
"How would they be able to hold Captain Sass over your heads?" Iron Man demanded.
"He's a goddamn super soldier, Stark. Highly wanted military technology." Fury gave a sour face. "They basically threatened to experiment on Rogers like a lab rat if we didn't do as we were told."
Steve gaped, the air punched out of his lungs, "What?"
"You don't have to believe us." Coulson added, taking a step towards the Avengers. "And you quite frankly shouldn't trust us."
"Agent Coulson!" Fury snarled.
"What? This is SHIELD's fault. All of it. So, long story short. This Tony arrives, the Higher Ups gave us an ultimatum. While you guys were busy catching the media's attention, you inadvertently bought us time. We hunted out each of the people responsible for this mess. Like I'd said, four in total. They are in our custody at a secret facility and by all means,"
Coulson nodded respectfully at Rogers, "Cap, you have full permission to interrogate them and scare them witless. Go right ahead."
Rogers gulped. He didn't know what to think of this. His head ached acutely as he released a shaky breath to steady himself.
"And what are you going to do about this mess?" Avenger Cap's tone was tinged with resent and judgemental.
Fury exchanged a look with Coulson, "We don't actually know that part yet."
Stark began pacing, his heavy feet trudging loudly on the expensive floor. "You mean the Asgardian's."
"Them, yeah. And of course we have to explain how two Iron Men and Captain America's were fighting in the same fuckin' battle. Alongside these characters from Asgard."
"So what're you going to do with me, then? Arrest me?" Stark gave Fury an unflattering sneer.
"No way in hell," Rogers shouted, surprising everyone including himself. He stared at Stark with his characteristically stubborn willpower on full display. "I'll go in front of those camera's and declare your innocence way before it gets to that."
Stark nearly tripped mid-step, squeaking, "What? Really?"
"That won't be necessary, Captain. SHIELD has already issued a statement for some limited damage control." Fury intoned. "It says something to the effect that Stark was incorrectly criminalized, SHIELD was crippled by inner-corruption, the bots attacking weren't actually SHEILD property-"
"And you really think they are going to buy that shit?" Stark cried helplessly. "People are stupid, but they aren't that stupid."
"As I said, limited damage control." Fury agreed evenly.
Tony glanced at Steve, wondering what he thought about this. Was SHIELD telling the truth? How could they know? If they'd been lying through their teeth for this long what was stopping them from continuing the lie?
"Oh, hi guys!" Freya chirped, appearing with a wide grin and scaring the shit out of all of them. "Wondered where you went off to."
She seemed to notice the tension in the room, and deflated slightly, "Awe, are you guys fighting right now? We just kicked some robot ass! That was fun, now, wasn't it?"
Thor lifted his hand reproachfully in her direction, "Lady Freya,"
"No, Thor!" The goddess fumed, crossing her pixie-thin arms. "We need alcohol right now. And greasy apps. And pizza. Right now. Stop sorting out these petty fucking differences and come binge drink with me."
"Lady Freya," Thor repeated.
"No, no no!" She shook her head, hair flying across her face. "You!"
She marched over to Fury with thunderous intent, "Hello, mortal. You're not going to fuck with my friends anymore, right? Not Cap or Stark or any of these fine Avengers? Right?"
Fury actually appeared uncomfortable, "No, we aren't."
Freya waited until Coulson, Barton and Romanova echoed those words. Then she beamed at them cheerfully. "Okay, good! We can go now!"
"What just happened?" Stark whined despondently.
Thor chuckled, "The Lady Freya is the keeper of many wisdoms. She has the power to discern a lie. If she believes these four, they are indeed speaking the truth."
"Huh. That must be nice," Avenger Tony whistled easily, standing. "Well I'm not one to argue with an Asgardian. Fury, you go and clean up this mess you made. We're going to get some food and beer."
"Yaaaay!" Freya cheered childishly, fist pumping a slender arm. As she jumped her armor clinked.
"I didn't think this day could get any weirder." Rogers choked quietly to himself.
He was startled when a metal hand clapped his shoulder. Stark gave him an sympathetically understanding smile that was devoid of antagonistic intent.
"You and me both, Spangles."
TBC.