"Happily ever after does not necessarily exclude the possibility of throwing the furniture at one another." - G. K. Chesterton.
A few people have mentioned to me that Raoul and Lucille wouldn't last because they would fight all the time. While I don't deny that they would disagree frequently, I believe their relationship would be built on a different foundation than a more peaceful couple like Emile and Maud. However, a gentle person like Francoeur would have a little difficulty adjusting to the frequent spats, so I decided to investigate how he would feel about this relationship. This is what happened.
Francoeur had been a giant flea for almost a year. In fact, his "surprise" birthday party, which he "didn't know" about, was coming up within the week. Francoeur was more observant than his friends seemed to realize, but not knowing about it wouldn't make it any less exciting so he didn't let on.
The winter of the year 1911 had been a lot different than his first winter. The weather was a great deal colder, for one. Lucille had given him a pair of specialized boots and thicker gloves, which he much appreciated. Currently, he was wrapped up in warmth from head to toe and taking his now routine morning walk through the park. For once, covering his face wasn't the only reason for wrapping up in a scarf.
He still walked though, even when it was cold. It gave him a little time outside to observe the never ending wonders of the world around him, and also a little time to be by himself. He loved his friends, no doubt; he would die for them. But Francoeur was an introvert in nature. He found most of his inspiration in moments spent alone in a peaceful environment. And nothing was more peaceful than a morning walk. Granted, he had been considering staying inside when he saw the new snow falling the night previous, but peace and quiet went from refreshing to essential the next morning. Lucille and Raoul were at it again. Francoeur sighed went to sit on a bench in the park.
Raoul and Lucille's relationship was tumultuous. It was to be expected, as they were both very passionate people with sarcastic senses of humor. Sometimes those similarities worked splendidly for them. And sometimes they were inches from attacking one another. Oddly enough, they never seemed to be anywhere near breaking up, which made Francoeur happy. He liked them together. They had been dating for most of his life so far, and the two of them breaking up wasn't something he liked to think about. Gladly, their fights were usually over absurd, small things that they regretted later and made up within the day. The unusual, large fight was a rare commodity. Emile had said that there were some people who just enjoyed the passion that a good disagreement brought out in them, while others preferred the quiet. He said that what Raoul and Lucille did was usually more like sparring than actually fighting.
Francoeur just didn't like conflict. He was good natured and would just do as someone else wanted rather than disagree or upset them in any way. So when two people in his home began to disagree and argue, he naturally sought peace, not wanting to get pulled into it.
Today he'd decided to feed the pigeons in the park. He'd grown to love the little birds, the like of which were one of the first things he saw in what he could recall of his life, and took bread crumbs to the park on a regular basis. It was one of the things he did alone, usually, because Lucille was a very busy woman as the co-owner of a successful business and its chief performer. And Raoul hated birds. Francoeur sat down and began to toss the crumbs gently to the few pigeons that were already there. They pecked at them eagerly and a few more swooped down, much to his delight. Then a horrible, ungodly screech frightened every living thing in the park and the pigeons flew away in terror.
Francoeur covered his ears and looked towards the sound, thinking something must be dying to produce it. However, when he located the source, it looked as if the sound was voluntary. That only made it worse, somehow.
A young man was sitting on a nearby park bench with a badly mangled triangle, and the sound seemed to be coming from him. He was rather disheveled, with a dark beret on his head and his shirt untucked. His hair was blond, long, and greasy. But probably the most noticeable feature about him was his very large, very pointed nose.
"LOVE MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND!" he squalled, making the couple walking by move a little faster, "THE GRASS WON'T GROW WITHOUT LOVE, THE BIRDS WON'T SING! YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT, LET YOUR HEART TAKE WING!"
Francoeur just stared in horror for a few moments until he could take no more. He walked over to the man and tapped his shoulder. He looked up and Francoeur put a finger over where his mouth was behind the scarf, trying to be friendly but get his point across. However, the man didn't seem willing to take it that way.
"No, I will not be quiet!" he said, looking indignant, "You will not silence my art! I will sing until my dying day!"
Francoeur quietly wondered how anyone could consider that singing, then smiled and tried to ask a different way. Again, he wished sometimes that French was easier to pronounce. He chirped pleadingly and pressed his hands together in a gesture of appeal. The man looked at him for a minute, then his eyes widened and he stood, pointing a finger accusingly.
"You!" he said with recognition, "You were the one who got me arrested, Messieur Monster of Paris!"
Francoeur's eyes widened and he gestured to himself questioningly.
"Yes you!" he said, puffing up, "The police thought I was lying to them when you weren't still around at the L'Oiseau Rare when we got there. They arrested me for giving them false information! I lost my job over that!"
Francoeur recognized him now. He was Albert, the guy who'd been a waiter at the restaurant when Lucille found him! He'd had to hide in the piano when Maynott had come looking for him, and this man was the one who led him there. Francoeur looked down and let out a displeased chirp, pointing at Albert accusingly.
"Oh, what?" Albert said, seeing the gesture, "It's not like I had any other choice! I was doing my job as an honest citizen! Anyone would be morally required to do the same in my position!"
Francoeur rolled his eyes and made a disbelieving hum. Albert swelled again.
"Well, at least Mademoiselle Lucille ended up with the appropriate punishment for her actions," he said, sneering, "Hiring on an amateur out of pity when she could have had a true visionary. I bet she regrets that now!"
Francoeur chirped, a sound half way between humor and irritation. Then he gestured to the lamp post across the walkway they were standing on, on which was a large poster advertising the show with the words "Lucille et Francoeur" written in large lettering. Albert huffed and continued.
"That proves nothing!" he said, rolling his eyes, "Anyone can sing in a little cliché place like that! Real music is out, amongst the people!"
At this, he grabbed the bent triangle and began clanging it again, breaking out into another horrid song that sent Francoeur's hands instinctively to cover his ears.
"WHEN I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE, I TAKE A GREAT BIG SNORE! I FALL ASLEEP AT EASTER AND WAKE UP AT EASTEEEEEER! ONE YEAR LATEEEEEE-EEEEEEEER!"
Francoeur chirped loudly, begging him not to sing anymore. Albert seemed to take it completely differently than it was intended, however, and smiled triumphantly.
"You see?" he said, obviously thinking the chirp combined with the cringing had been an admission of inferiority, "This is what true talent looks like."
At this he began singing a butchered version of one of Francoeur's own songs with a look of superiority plastered to his face. Francoeur was a gentle soul. He was not naturally inclined to violence. But sometimes the world pushes us all beyond our natural limits. Calmly, Francoeur took off one of his gloves. He then used it to slap Albert across either cheek, defending the honor of Francoeur's music which he'd just so tragically desecrated. Albert blinked, shocked, then returned the gesture and it was on.
"So it's a duel of musicians then," Albert said, attempting to be menacing but coming off as squeaky.
Francoeur nodded solemnly. Then they both returned to their separate park benches and sat. Albert began and Francoeur gave apologetic looks to the people walking by, who began to run at the sound.
"LOVE DOESN'T MATTER TO ME ANYMORE!" he shrieked, "LOVE AND THE REST OF THE WORLD ARE ALL ONE GREAT BIG BORE!"
He stopped after those two lines and looked at Francoeur challengingly. Francoeur began to sing and a few people, who'd been looking at Albert questioningly, looked over to Francoeur with pleasant surprise.
"I will never forget your eyes!" he sang as sweetly as he could, remembering not to sing too loudly, as this was a public place, "I will never forget your smile! No matter where I go or who I meet…you'll be the one who made my life complete!"
A couple people clapped and Francoeur stopped, smiling. But Albert wasn't done yet.
"IT'S ME AGAINST PARIS AND ME AGAINST THE WORLD! IT WILL NOT CHANGE WHO I AM, NO MY VOICE I'LL UNFUUUUUUUUURL!"
As soon as Albert stopped, Francoeur started, making eye contact with the people who had stopped to listen to him.
"I don't know, don't know, so don't ask me why! It's how we love, the Seine and I! Yes, how we love…the Seine and I!"
This had gone on for half an hour when the police officer arrived. Apparently someone had gone to fetch the park officer on duty, reporting a disturbance of the peace. The two challengers fell silent when the officer approached, and he gave them stern looks.
"Alright, what's going on here?" the officer said, looking between the singer and the…Albert.
Francoeur chirped lightly, trying to figure out a way to explain. Albert beat him to it, and Francoeur put one glove to his face in aggravation.
"This amateur musician challenged me to a duel!" he said, standing indignantly, "We chose to settle our differences by allowing the people to choose between us!"
The officer looked at Francoeur and he shrugged, his face still leaning on his left hands.
"You do know that loud music is prohibited in the park area without a permit, correct?" he asked.
Francoeur nodded and chirped, pointing to Albert to convey that it was not himself who was singing loudly. Albert huffed indignantly.
"Hey, you started it," he whined.
The officer seemed to consider for a moment. Then he looked to Francoeur, ignoring Albert entirely.
"Why don't you demonstrate exactly what you were doing until I arrived?" he said.
Francoeur nodded, but Albert cut him off.
"We were singing!" he said as if speaking to an idiot, "Observe. TO THE BOSSES, I SAY NO! TO WORK I SAY BYE-BYE! TO MY BED I DO GO! DOING NOTHING, THAT'S RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"
Francoeur, the officer, and everyone who'd gathered to watch the exchange winced. Francoeur shuddered and began singing just as he had before.
"Don't forget, you said you loved me," he sang at a reasonable volume and within the boundaries of pitch, "You said that you would always try. Don't forget, you said you'd hold me…and that you'd never make me cry."
The officer's mustache twitched slightly and he spoke when Francoeur finished, holding up a hand to silence Albert for fear he would begin to sing again.
"I think I've seen enough," he said, the turning to Francoeur, "I can see that this situation simply got out of control. I've seen you in this park several times and you've never caused trouble before. You can go on your way, as long as I have your word that this won't happen again."
Francoeur nodded and smiled at the police officer gratefully. Then the officer turned to Albert and began to say he was placed under arrest for repeated offences of disturbing the peace. Albert protested and Francoeur felt a little guilty, knowing he'd had something to do with this whole mess as well. He approached the officer and tapped his shoulder, gesturing to Albert and chirping. The officer looked confused, so Francoeur gently pushed the handcuffs he was about to put on Albert's wrists down and shook his head with a light hum. The officer seemed to understand him.
"You don't want me to arrest him?" he asked, his face looking somewhat amused, "But I do believe he caused a disturbance. And you may not have cause trouble before, but this one certainly has."
Francoeur nodded slightly, but smiled and hummed the same way again.
"Well, alright," the officer said, smiling now, "I'll let him off with a warning, if you really think that's fair. But on one condition, Messieur Francoeur."
Francoeur's eyes widened when the officer mentioned his name and he chirped inquisitively.
"Would you sign an autograph for me?" the officer asked, pulling out a little pad of paper and a pen from his pocket, "It would mean a lot to my daughter."
Francoeur smiled and nodded, humming happily. He signed the paper and the officer let go of Albert, giving him a strict warning that he was never to sing in that manner in a public place again. Albert huffed and said he was being oppressed by the man, then turned and ran when the officer threatened to change his mind, much to everyone's amusement. Francoeur began to make his way back home, smiling. It hadn't exactly been a peaceful walk, but he was beginning to understand why Lucille and Raoul enjoyed sparring so much!
Yes, sometimes little disagreements can be fun. Oh, and I just had to include Albert, as I laughed so hard when he started singing in the movie that my sides hurt and I started coughing. So yes, the failtastic king of poor pitch has made his appearance. Thanks for reading!