My head thudded against the window frame and, taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes to take in the boy in front of me.
"What are you doing up?" I asked quietly, taking in his blood shot eyes and the definite glare forming around his mouth.
He bared his teeth and took a seat in the armchair closest to the window. With a huff he turned his icy stare to me and said, "Sirius told me everything."
"I figured."
For once I wasn't very pleased to be proven right.
And my response obviously was not what he wanted. "You figured?" he gave a scoff, the sarcasm skittering down my spine and for once it was not the open window that gave me the chills. "You know, I really don't understand you." His heavy, dull stare locked me in place before dropping to his hands. "I mean if you had any decency and respect for Remus then why go behind his back with one of his best friends?"
My eyes narrowed and the window seat suddenly didn't seem so soothing. Quickly getting to my feet and aiming for the girls' dormitories, I called over my shoulder, "Try and get some sleep, James."
Who the hell did he think he was? I stomped up the stairs, slamming my feet with every step and knowing without a doubt that sleep was not going to come easily tonight.
"What are you doing up?"
I stopped halfway up the stairs and tilted my head slightly. The ice in James' voice could only mean one thing.
"I heard voices," Sirius replied, his voice rough from sleep.
"Well, as you can see, there's no one else down here," James said swiftly, I heard footsteps and assumed he was heading back to bed.
Sirius gave an exhausted sigh. "Just stop," he sounded resigned, but determined. "It's not like I planned all this. Remus is just as important to me as he is to you, so please don't patronize me."
"But is he as important to you as Mira apparently is?" James suddenly snapped.
My ears practically twitched and I was terrified that one shift of a limb and they would suddenly appear at the bottom of the staircase and catch me eavesdropping.
"That has nothing to do with this," Sirius said, the darkness in his voice a warning. "You know there's nothing going on now." He gave a harsh laugh. "You know what, I don't have to deal with this."
"That's right," James gave a sarcastic chuckle. "Run away. Like you always do."
Well that was obviously not the right thing to say.
The words were barely out of his mouth before I heard the scrambling of feet and some definitely knuckle cracking. To intervene or to not intervene?
James gave a grunt under Sirius' constant beating and my decision was made for me; I wasn't a fan of James right now, but I'd be just as bad as him to leave him down there, right?
Quickly descending the stairs, I found James and Sirius on the floor, Sirius holding his friend down while he threw punch after punch, and James was hardly putting up a fight.
I made a grab for Sirius, but he threw me off and quickly collected James' shirt in his fist. "You're supposed to be my mate," he hissed into his face, before throwing another punch.
"Sirius!" I jumped onto his back and gave him a good punch or two of my own before he finally noticed I was even there.
"Mi!" he turned away from James in surprise, throwing me off and giving James an opening. I gave a shriek of surprise as Sirius grunted and hit the floor.
"Stop it!" I hissed as they brawled on the floor. Throwing a kick at whoever would take it, I was pleased to hear James give a yelp of protest. I spotted a cushion on the nearest armchair and quickly snatched it up, before whacking them both thoroughly.
They finally gave up attacking each other after several good hits from me, and turned with angry confusion twisting their faces.
"Do you want to wake the entire school up?" I snarled, giving Sirius another good hit over the head with the cushion.
Sullen silence met my exclamation.
"Fine," I said, ruffled that they weren't talking. "I'm going to bed. You two should do the same."
"No," James replied firmly. "Nobody is going to bed."
"What makes you think-"
He quickly cut me off by snatching my arm and tugging me down to the floor with them. "You started all of this, so you are going to finish it," he told me firmly.
"What the hell do you want?" I tried to get out of his grip but he held on tight. "I didn't start anything. If I remember correctly, it was Sirius who threw the first punch here."
James shook the need to speak out of me. "It was you who messed with Sirius."
Oh hell no!
"Listen you-"
"What the hell is going on down here?"
Like deer caught in headlights we all turned to face the boys' staircase. Oh shit.
"Nothing!" Sirius found his voice first, but the confusion in Remus' face was too much for me to take. He was my brother after all. But how did I explain to him that I was kinda with his best friend but not really because we weren't in a relationship, and that whatever we did have previously, was no longer going on?
"Mira, what are you doing up?" Remus exclaimed, ignoring the boys on either side of me. His eyes were so focused on my reply that I knew I couldn't hide whatever Sirius and I had.
"Um, Rem, can we go a walk?" I asked hesitantly. Sirius caught my eye but I ignored him. This was between me and Remus.
"Sure," his brow quirked, almost as if there was a joke in the air that he didn't understand and was looking for the punch line. "I'll, uh, see you guys later," he threw the boys a wave and I led the way out of the common room.
The silence of the Hogwarts corridors engulfed me the second I stepped out of the portrait hole, sending shivers up my spine and making the night seem that much more spooky.
Remus rubbed his eyes wearily and smiled tiredly in my direction. "So," he began, "what were you doing up with James and Sirius?"
And just like that; I didn't want to tell him. He flicked his sandy hair out of his eyes and I thought of Josh, of the picture he had drawn Remus, of how I flick my hair just like him and how I had, so gradually I had barely noticed, begun to appreciate him. The jealousy was almost completely gone, that much was obvious. Instead, I wanted his approval, I liked that we had things in common because I felt closer to him. I didn't wanted to lose that.
"I couldn't sleep," I attempted, the explanation forming as I spoke. "James must have heard me get up because he came down not long after me and...look, basically, James and I are still a bit edgy because of the whole 'you're not really my friend's sister and you're pissing me off' argument and so one thing led to another and Sirius heard us and tried to make us be quiet..." I felt goosebumps at the lie and my stomach shriveled appropriately.
He obviously found my lie hard to believe, which was understandable since the situation with James was weeks ago and James and I had been acting perfectly normal since then. His eyebrow quirked and he said, concern flashing in his solemn amber eyes, "Mi, are you alright?"
I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and forced a smile. "I'm fine," I said, nodding. "I still haven't heard from Mike and it's rubbing me the wrong way, I'll admit, but otherwise I'm fine."
"So we agree that what you just told me about James was a lie?" he replied casually. My eyes snapped to meet his.
"What-no, no it's true, why would I lie?" Lovely.
He suddenly looked very tired. Rubbing his face he threw me a surrendering smile. "Look, I don't expect you to gush all your secrets to me, but," he gave a rumbling sigh, "I don't understand you sometimes, and I want to. I really want to. I mean, you told me about Mike, and I think I did pretty well on the whole bonding thing so if there's something going on, you can talk to me, okay?"
Guilt was not a cruel enough word to describe the feeling coursing through my body.
"Rem," my voice box was somewhere in my appendix and everything was so messed up. My voice sounded husky and pathetic, and I didn't like it. "Thanks," I settled with saying, giving him a slight smile because he deserved whatever I could give him.
He forced a chuckle and threw an arm around my shoulders, leading us towards the portrait hole. "Now that that's settled, let's go back to bed. I feel like the living dead."
Amen to that my brother.
Something had clicked.
I stood in the shower, my skin turning red with the scalding water and the steam beginning to engulf me, and decided that whatever Sirius had had in mind for us was not going to work. It was cruel, I knew, but I had to be honest; Sirius was good at what he did and I enjoyed being with him but I did not want a relationship.
So, I had decided that I was going to make peace with him. If I couldn't give him a relationship, I could at least give him a friendship without any of those sex-related strings. He may not like it, but it's all I could do right now. I nodded firmly to myself before shutting off the shower and stepping out.
As for James, I thought, I would have to explain myself to him. Yep, he would squeal like a pig on bacon day unless I told him what was going to happen.
"Good morning, my love," Jenny beamed at me as I dressed. With narrowed eyes, I watched as she compared several outfits strewn across her bed. "What do you think?" she held an outfit against her and cocked her head to the side.
"Very..." why was she comparing outfits? It was a class day and we had a uniform, "non-uniform," I settled with.
She rolled her eyes.
"Whatcha doing?" I asked, tugging my hair into a plait and dropping onto her bed, thereby creasing all of her options. Cackle. "Got a hot date or something?"
She blushed.
"Oh," I grinned. "I see. So, Jenny," I cleared my throat. "What are you doing after classes today?"
"Don't be like that, Mira," she warned. The warning fell flat due to her pathetic smile and the wobble in her voice.
"Who's the lucky guy?" I collected my books and began packing my satchel, not really aware of her hovering next to me until I turned and nearly had a heartache.
"Sorry," she gave a shrug and laughed awkwardly. "Actually, it's not really a date. It's a...well it's a, kind of, study session."
"Is that what we're calling it these days?" I raised an eyebrow, until her statement sunk in. "So you and Remus..." I waved my hand in a 'finish the sentence elegantly and you'll get a hug' kind of way, not quite sure how to handle the situation.
Her wary grey eyes watched me and nodded. "Are going to be studying, and honestly I would like to look nice. Is this okay?" she added.
I gave a laugh. "Don't be daft, Jen," she faltered at my look before I rolled my eyes. "I mean, obviously, I don't mind. He's my half-brother as of a couple of months ago, it's not like I have a claim to being protective of him." Which was true, but the petty part of me was still niggling at the loss of a new brother and the possible loss of a friend. I shook my head. That was a dramatic exaggeration of what could possibly happen in a soap opera, not real life.
"So you're, okay?"
The hope in her eyes had me giving her a friendly push and saying, "I'm more than okay; I'm hungry." And with that, I headed to the Great Hall in the hopes of meeting Sirius.
The Hall was only just beginning to fill up, since it was only a quarter after eight and classes didn't start until nine, so I didn't expect to see Sirius sitting with Peter with no signs of Remus or James. Although I should wonder at the combination of Sirius and Peter, I couldn't help but worry where James was, and if he was with Remus. Perhaps talking? Panic surged in my stomach.
Time to move I think.
"Sirius," I announced firmly, standing over Peter and giving the boy a fright.
Sirius glanced up from his breakfast and eyed me with an air of boredom he certainly didn't have last night. What was with everyone this morning? "What?" he asked, returning to his breakfast without a thought.
"I need to talk to you," the desperation must have been evident in my voice because he glanced back up at me and gazed more intently, before blinking and looking over at Peter, who was watching us like a tennis match.
"Pete," Sirius began, "I'll be back in a sec."
Step 1: get Sirius alone. Check.
We found a lonely alcove just outside the Great Hall and he turned to look at me, expectantly crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
"What is it, Mira?" he asked, leaning against the wall and eyeing me carefully.
"We have to discuss this...this!" I gestured to the space between us, ignoring his questioning stare. "Yep, we need to discuss things. For one thing, we're not having sex anymore-"
"Well that much was obvious," he cut in, had I imagined the humour laced into his voice?
A sharp look silenced him, however, and I continued. " As I was saying, I don't want a relationship-"
He opened his mouth to speak but I quickly covered his lips with my palm and gazed fiercely up at him, ignoring the tingles I got from touching him. "I don't want a relationship with anyone." The calculating edge to his eyes had me worried, but I ploughed on. "But we were friends before this whole fiasco, so I'm offering a truce. We'll go back to being friends who have no sex whatsoever, James shuts his mouth, and Remus stays obliviously happy. Sound good?"
If I was expecting anything, it certainly wasn't the flat look I was receiving. "Do I get a say in any of this?" he asked eventually, acid twisting in his words and sending shivers down my spine. In a good way. No wait - a bad way. I think.
"Well," I reasoned, avoiding his stare, "what do you want out of this?"
He gave a huff and turned away from me, leaning a hand on the wall next to me and giving a grunting laugh. "Nothing," he admitted eventually. "Absolutely nothing."
"Cool," I gave him a smile, even though he wasn't looking. "So we need to find James and tell him the new situation so he doesn't blab to Remus."
"I'll leave that for you to do, if you don't mind," he told me, turning to gaze at me, his eyes cutting into me more than any knife could. "Since you seem to have everything so organised."
He walked away. Yep. He literally turned and walked back into the hall, which was pretty stupid because I knew he had finished his breakfast.
Step 2: get James alone. In progress.
Since I would have seen him enter the Great Hall from the alcove, I assumed he was still upstairs and so set off for the Gryffindor common room. Despite the success of my clearing up plan, I couldn't stop the sinking in my stomach and the headache lurking behind my eyes after my conversation with Sirius. It was almost painful to be on the receiving end of his displeasure. But, I reasoned, it had to be done.
Luck was on my side this morning, it seemed, as James stepped out of the portrait hole alone and didn't notice me until I was right next to him.
My appearance was obviously not welcome. "I need to talk to you," I began firmly.
He considered me for a moment, the scowl on his face beginning to ebb into mere curiosity and, taking that as my opening, I tugged on his arm and headed down the hallway in the hopes of finding an alcove similar to the previous one.
"What's going on Mira? Class is in fifteen minutes and I want my breakfast," he sounded tired so I took pity on him and cut to the chase.
"I want a truce," I said. "I've already talked to Sirius and, although nothing is going on anymore, we've decided to be just friends," he raised an eyebrow, "don't give me that, I mean it; just friends. Nothing more."
He still seemed unconvinced, but I ploughed on. "I don't want to hurt Remus any more than you do so what I propose is that we all just forget it ever happened and Remus never finds out. No harm, no foul."
Silence answered my declaration.
I rubbed my hands together before tucking them into my robe pockets, anxiously awaiting his verdict. Sirius hadn't seemed to care, I thought, which, despite my best efforts, still hurt my pride a little bit. But surely since James wasn't actually having to do anything but keep his mouth shut, he wouldn't mind it all?
"What did Sirius say to all this?" he asked eventually.
I gave a shrug. "He was fine with it."
"You sure about that?"
"Yes," I raised an eyebrow.
He ran a hand through his messy hair with a grumbling sigh. "It's too early in the morning for this," he huffed. "Look, just for the record; I'm sorry for blowing up at you."
Well that was unexpected.
"Oh."
"Yeah," he agreed. "You're just causing one too many waves for my liking. But if you swear you're not going to do anything else catastrophic, then fine. Just don't bother Remus today."
"Why?" I was going to meet him before breakfast.
"Full moon tonight," he muttered, scanning the hallway like some secret agent. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
"Okay, so he's staying in bed all day then?"
"Yeah the days before and after are always difficult. His two days a month of PMS," his eyes glinted mischievously and I knew all was a success.
"Sad times," I nodded. "By the way, have you seen Jenny in your travels?" I wondered if Jenny and Remus' study date would still be on, what with him being unavoidably detained by the moon.
"Nope," he ruffled his hair once more.
"Righto, I'm going to go catch her for breakfast, see you later?"
"Sure."
Ducking out of the alcove, James turned in the direction of the stairs, and I skipped back to the girls' dormitories to find Jenny and give her my good news.
I didn't get far.
Stepping out of the fireplace and brushing himself off so casually he could have owned the fireplace for all I knew, was Mike, and it seemed luck was on his side judging by the smirk hovering around his lips.
"Good morning, Mira," he greeted me tightly.
A/N - No Promises... I'm half way through the next chap, but I've hit a road block so don't wait up!