Hello!
This chapter was originally at the beginning of Nineteen and, as promised, I've moved it to the end so people can just dive right into the story from Chapter One. I've been responding to reviews and PMs about my stories, in particular, my dialogue, and thought I'd share some of my replies here, so everyone can read. I feel like dialogue is a lot easier for me than, say, poignant prose, which can so easily drag (and which, I'm sad to admit about mine, often does, but I'm working on it!). I've wondered if it's perhaps because dialogue is the outpouring of what goes on inside a character, and I enjoy that introspection - and deconstruction - which, in turn, shows up in the dialogue.
Long sentence, that.
So . . . how to write dialogue?
I don't usually think about how I do it, but because I've been asked for tips, I looked at my most recent story and tried to analyze my methods. Here's what I came up with:
First, I try to write realistic dialogue. In other words, I try to write the way the characters might speak in real life - the operative word here being "might". I most enjoy writing fics in which our favorite characters are older than in the books, possibly because there is a lot more freedom to develop them along paths not already laid out. This could be dangerous, of course, because readers have certain ways in which they imagine these characters to act or speak when they're, say, twenty-five, and anything to the contrary feels (to them, at any rate - and validly so) out-of-character. Cue hate mail.
Next, I try to also write meaningful dialogue. By that, I don't mean the characters spout existential platitudes. Ugh. I do mean that their words say something other than just information: they tell a story, reveal a character's mood, or hint at a context hitherto un-broached. Or something to that effect.
Finally, I try to write dialogue that's distinct to each character. I've heard that this is called their "voice". So, for instance, Sabrina's voice is very different than Puck's - and not just in pitch or timbre or whatever - even though they're both engaged in the same witty banter and insults. It has to do with what's going on inside them, what they mean to each other (or to other characters e.g. Sabrina x Daphne), and how they say certain things, among other factors.
Because generalizing can be vague and unhelpful, here follow some concrete examples.
1 CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
To write Brink, my first fanfic, I let the characters live in my head for a couple of years, in various scenarios that never made it to paper (or computer screen), until I felt I could tease their voices apart. Even when I write them now, I try to keep their personalities always before me, asking myself, for instance, "Can I tell the difference between Sabrina's and Puck's words, if I don't actually say who's speaking which?"
Here's a quick illustration - interpretation mine:
Sabrina is sarcastic - she speaks from a lot of unresolved anger at her parents, foster care, the stress of being strong for Daphne, the constant vigilance of watching out for both of them against threats. Someone once said that sarcasm is anger trying to be smart, and the more I hear it used, the more I see the truth in that. Under all that anger, Sabrina is insecure - having to grow up suddenly without help and act older and more capable than she really was takes a toll on a person. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, but her devotion to, and dependence on, her family sometimes drives her to make poor decisions. So she doesn't get it right all the time and she knows it - it's a scary and frustrating place to be. Sarcasm is her shield.
Puck, by contrast, is not sarcastic. He can say sarcastic things, and he has been angry in situations (e.g. Oberon, the prospect of growing older, etc.) but he is not an angry person, not really. He's sassy and snarky and arrogant (Sabrina is not). He feels entitled and looks down on people in general (Sabrina tends to prefer looking down on people she doesn't trust), because that's how he was brought up; he's used to people adoring him. He's incredibly witty in ways Sabrina is not, and he's funny while Sabrina more often than not is merely reactive to his funniness. And, under all his immaturity, he's actually very observant and aware of people and the world and relationships, if nothing else, because he's lived so long. However, he dislikes being seen as anything but a tough guy hotshot so his shield is snark and cockiness.
So I write Puck and Sabrina with those differences in mind. It helps me write them as older Puck and Sabrina - 16, 29, etc. even though Buckley never writes them at that age. To me, they're still sarcastic and snarky, respectively, but their childishness has gone, and they're now mellower, have a greater capacity for intimacy (in all its dimensions) as well as hurt, and different things are important to them than when they were pre-teens.
2 IN BETWEEN THE WORDS
This is hard to explain, but let me try anyway. Sometimes, a block of dialogue seems very choppy and stiff, even if it is realistic. It could be that we don't put enough things in between the dialogue to give it context.
I like to do a few things with my dialogue (and I must disclaim that these terms are my own rubbish - I made up the titles just to define them):
(i) Vary the speaking verbs.
So instead of saying:
"Hey, Stinky!" Puck said.
"Shut your face!" Sabrina replied.
I might say:
"Hey, Stinky!" Puck taunted.
"Shut your face!" Sabrina shook her fist at him.
There are times when I might not even use an actual speaking verb, like in that last quotation.
(ii) Pacing.
So instead of saying:
"Hey, Stinky!" Puck said.
"Shut your face!" Sabrina replied.
I might say:
"Hey, Stinky!" Puck flapped around her and thumbed his nose in defiance, watching her face turn redder and redder as she glared at him.
Sabrina suddenly turned her back on him, but not before he thought he saw tears in her eyes.
"Shut your face!" She replied, but it was half-hearted, and her voice cracked.
Same two spoken lines, but with description separating them. It feels (to me, anyway) that time has slowed a bit, and there is now meaning in the exchange of insults that make it weighty, layered, less frivolous. Hopefully, it makes the reader, just reading those two phrases from Puck and Sabrina, now want to know what had happened before to bring about this conversation, and what would happen next.
(iii) Chunking the dialogue.
Suppose I wanted Puck and Sabrina to have one of those quick-fire exchanges that we love so much, viz:
Puck descended onto the grass and looked around at the massacre. The cows in Granny's pasture were all lying on their sides, with their heads burnt to a crisp.
"What in the world happened here?" He asked Sabrina.
Sabrina shrugged helplessly. "Your mother turned into a dragon and burnt them all. She was mad that you didn't come home when you promised you would. Next time, you should call her. Parents like kids to keep their word."
Puck frowned - he didn't know his mother had been there. He looked Sabrina up and down.
"Did you get hurt?" He asked, worriedly.
Sabrina took a step back. "No. But since when did you care?" She tried to fight down a spark of hope.
"I've always cared. I thought you knew."
Sabrina blushed.
###
That sounds normal, if a bit gag-fluffy, but let's see what happens if we put all the context at the beginning and at the end, and chunked all the pure dialogue together in the middle, so:
Puck descended beside Sabrina and blinked.
"What in the world happened here?"
"Oh, I don't know - your mother decided it was a good idea to turn into a dragon and take the heads off the cows in the field."
"My mother? She's here?"
"It seems someone forgot to call her to say he wasn't coming home for dinner. You've gotta keep your word with parents, Puck. They don't like being messed with."
"I'm sure the cows didn't care for being messed with, either! And you - are you hurt?"
An indignant snort - "No!" Then, "but since when did you care?"
"I've always cared." An eye roll. "Thought you knew."
Sabrina blushed. No, she didn't know. But she'd always hoped.
###
Still cheesy, but I thought it made for a more interesting read - Sabrina's sarcasm is in full force, and Puck's reaction to his mother's presence and its effect on the cows gives a teeny bit of insight into his relationship with her, without actually spelling it out.
Okay, I'm done. I hope this has been helpful! I don't mean to sound cleverer-than-thou, and if this writing-tip-sharing is way weird and out of line, I'll just delete the whole thing. So let me know, because I really do want to help, and this seemed as good a way as any. I
~QaS