Disclaimer: See Chapter 9.
Note: Sorry I'm posting during MITB, it's really hard to focus on both at the same time but it's finally up! Hope you like it! I'll be cheering on Roman now, and I hope Dean's shoulder is alright! See everyone Monday! Enjoy! -JJ
So Close, So Far
Seth pushed open Dean's door, smiling when he heard Dean's soft snoring as he pulled his jacket off and hung it up in the coat closet. He paused, Moxley sitting in the doorway to the kitchen, her green eye narrowed on Seth. "Moxley?" he questioned, looking down at her. He walked over and reached to scratch her head, a sudden pain in his fingers as she bit him. "Ow, fuck!" he growled, yanking his hand back. "What the fuck was that for?" He watched as she turned and sauntered into the kitchen. "Last time I give your ass tuna."
He shook his head, turning back towards the bedroom, letting his meeting with Phil sink in. He still couldn't believe that Phil was going to be a father. It was sweet, and he was happy for him. He crawled into bed with Dean, kicking his shoes off before he curled into his lover.
He laid there, just looking over Dean's handsome face, the dark blond lashes resting lightly on his slightly stubbly cheeks, his blond hair disheveled and laying across his forehead haphazardly. His lips were slightly parted, a soft snore passing through them. Seth could spend hours just looking at Dean, wanting nothing more than to kiss those lips over and over again.
He smiled, lifting Dean's arm and moving in so he was in the strong arms. "I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes and breathing in the other man's scent. He was silent as he thought, his mind mulling over everything that Phil had said again, the thought of them being alone a little nerve rattling. He suddenly thought maybe he'd jumped the gun in telling Phil he'd help him. He bit his lower lip, his entire body shivering. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about what could happen. He just hoped that things would be like they had agreed on. It was strictly friendly, nothing else.
He tried to relax, knowing that once he told Dean, there was a chance that he'd only end up calling Phil to tell him that he couldn't do it. It wouldn't be surprising, it was either that or Dean would want to be right there every single moment and he would end up breaking up more fights between the two than actually getting work done. It was that thought that he drifted off into an uneasy sleep.
When he woke it was dark outside. He sat up with a start, looking at the bedside table, groaning at the time. "Fuck," he mumbled, struggling to get up from the bed, finding that Dean's arms were wrapped fully around his waist, Dean's bare chest pressing against his back. "I gotta get up and go babe."
Dean groaned, refusing to let go. "No you don't," he murmured, holding just a little tighter. "I'll wake you up in the morning. Go back to sleep."
"Dean, I have to go home. I have to get a bunch of stuff together for my shoots tomorrow," he tried to reason, ignoring Dean's unhappy curses. "I'll come by and bring you lunch on my break and when you get off you can come over to my place." He smiled, turning to kiss Dean fully on the mouth.
"Why don't you just move in with me?" Dean asked, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand as he sat up, yawning wide. "You spend most of your time here anyway and it would be nice to wake up to you every morning."
Seth sat there frozen, looking back at Dean. "You want me to?" he asked, his voice a little shaky. He swallowed hard, watching as Dean smiled and shrugged playfully.
"Why not, we've been together over a year and I think you sleep here more than at your place. Yeah, I want you to move in with me. Your lease is up in April right? It'll give you plenty of time to pack and get everything over here," Dean explained, reaching out and pulling Seth to him. "I love you, I want you with me all the time."
Seth bit his lower lip, swallowing hard. As much as he loved the idea of him and Dean moving in together, he wasn't completely sure about it. Things were wonderful the way they were. If him and Dean argued, he could go home and cool off before he came back and they worked things out. He forced himself to smile as he turned to Dean and pecked him on the lips. "I'll think about it. Promise," he said gently, working his way out of Dean's arms.
He stood, pulling on his shoes and walking towards the door. "Love you," he said, hearing the same thing mirrored back to him in Dean's sleepy voice. He smiled as he grabbed his few things and headed out to his car. He pulled open the door and got in, his hands shaking as they wrapped around the steering wheel.
He closed his eyes for a moment as he took a deep breath, telling himself to calm down. He did want to move in with Dean, but the nagging feeling that something bad would happen just loomed in his mind. Things had been like this with Phil. They'd been perfect and when they first moved in, things were even better. Waking up to each other was perfect, cooking together, curling up on the couch at 3AM for no real reason. He'd loved every minute of it, that was until they'd suddenly started going down hill and with them living together, there was no escape to cool off.
He didn't want that with Dean. He didn't want them to start to hate the other. He didn't want them to argue, to fight. He didn't want to end up going through the same things that he had with Phil. He knew Dean loved him and he knew that Dean would never put his hands on him, but there was always that deep seeded worry that one day Dean would be just like Phil, that anyone he loved would be like that, that he was always going to be the problem that needed dealt with. And he hated it.
Cody sighed, looking down at his phone, watching as Roman's number flashed across it. His hands were shaking, unable to actually get the courage to answer it. He'd heard Roman's voicemails, all of them over the last couple days but still, he hadn't found the nerve to actually call him back.
He did want to speak to him. He wanted to tell Roman everything he'd wanted to before, but he found that to be harder now that Maxine was there. He didn't want her to overhear him and he didn't want her to barge in on their conversation. He was sure if he asked, him and Roman could meet and discuss everything just the two of them, but at the same time, he wasn't sure if he could hold back from wanting to jump in those arms and kiss those lips.
That was one of the hardest battles he was having. Roman had moved on. He was happy while Cody hadn't moved on. He'd hung on tightly, hoping, praying for a chance to tell Roman everything. He sighed, shaking his head as he felt two hands tug at the hem of his jeans. "Hey little man, what are you doing?" he asked, reaching down and picking the infant up. "You trying to make me feel better?" He earned a pat on the nose, a toothless smile flashing at him.
"He said he missed me," he said softly, standing and resting Jey on his hip. "You think he meant it? After all this time he didn't even email me, sounds like he didn't miss me at all huh?"
Jey only cooed at him, his arms flapping as he mouthed Cody's shoulder. His big grey eyes never left Cody's face as he pulled back and rubbed his face into the damp material of Cody's shirt.
Cody smiled, shaking his head as he walked into the kitchen and made a bottle. "You know, you're gonna be a looker like your Mama. She's a pretty one, I just hope you get your father's laid back attitude," he laughed, bouncing Jey as he screwed on the nipple and shook the bottle, mixing the water and formula powder.
Cody walked back into the living room and laid Jey back on a couch pillow along with the bottle, the little man grabbing and chugging. He shook his head again, turning towards the door when he heard the bell. "Must be Seth. Because Mommy and Daddy are working until tonight so we've got a date with some mashed peas." He laughed at his joke, walking over and opening the door. He stood there, his bright smile slowly fading.
"Hey," Roman said, smiling at Cody. "I um… I hope I'm not barging in on you or anything." He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking down at his feet. He felt the tension thick between them. "Do you think I can come in?"
Cody was a little dumb founded as he looked around to find that Roman was indeed alone. "Where's Maxine?" he asked before he thought. He saw the slightly surprised look on Roman's face before it was erased completely with a small smile.
"She's at the spa with Mom and the girls. Trin and Ari more or less kidnapped her into going," Roman explained, his hand falling to his side. "I stopped by the shop first, but Damien said you got off early.
Cody nodded, still rooted to his spot. His hand on the door handle shook, his breathing growing increasingly unsteady. "Wh-why are you here Roman?" he asked this time, his voice barely above a whisper. He didn't trust himself being alone with the other man and he didn't even spare a thought as to why Trinity had lacked telling him that her and the girls were going out.
"You didn't get my voicemails?" Roman asked, heart pounding. "I just wanted to finally talk to you." He shifted from one foot to the other, looking up at the slightly clouding sky. "I've been meaning to since I got here."
Cody tried not to feel the sharpness in his chest. He looked down at his feet, biting his lower lip roughly. He looked up into the grey eyes on him, heart starting to pound so much harder, his breath gone from his body. He couldn't speak. He just stood there; jaw tight around the words filling his mouth.
"You never called me back, so I just figured I'd stop by and get things right between us," Roman said gently, his smile fading into a small frown. "For both of us."
Cody went to open his mouth, his brows furrowing to tell Roman that things were fine. He would just tell Roman he remembered and that he was happy for him, then they would be right, at least he'd have his half out, what Roman did with it was on him. The first bit of voice was only a surprised yelp when he heard a loud crying.
Roman's eyes widened following Cody inside when the smaller male turned and rushed in. He only stood inside the entrance after he'd shut the door, his eyes transfixed on where Cody was picking Jey up and wiping his tears away.
"Hey lil' man, no need for those tears. You get a tummy ache?" Cody asked, smiling brightly at Jey, smoothing the little boy's curls down before his nose curled inwards. "Oh, no, I guess a tummy ache is off the list huh? When are you gonna start saving those for when Daddy picks you up?" He chuckled to himself, walking back towards the spare room, leaving Roman in the living room.
Roman couldn't help but smile, watching Cody and Jey was both heartwarming and heart breaking at the same time. Cody played a great caregiver. He sighed, looking around the house, the walls still the same as when he left, a few new pictures hanging on the walls. His heart ached to still see some of his and Cody's still up.
His eyes fell, noticing that Cody had replaced his missing books on the bookshelf with baby toys and children's videos, mostly Disney. He couldn't help but smile. His eyes landed on the couch, a pillow and folded up comforter on one end. He noticed that the couch had a lot more wear on it, like it was constantly used. He wondered if Cody had someone that stayed with him a lot.
Cody returned, smiling as he set Jey down on the floor and turned on the television, turning the channel to one that only played music. "Now, today we're going to listen to my station. I can't handle anymore kiddie songs." He chuckled, settling on a light rock station before he turned to see Roman again. His smile faltered, seeing that wide smile on Roman's lips. "You can sit down, you used to live here too."
Roman felt a stab at his heart with those words. He nodded, moving to sit on the couch, watching as Cody set up a bunch of little rattles and crinkle toys by Jey. "You'll be a great dad one day," he murmured, stopping when he saw Cody's body tense up. "You've always been good with kids."
Cody nodded, turning to sit down next to Roman, a good bit of space between them. "Maybe one day," he mused, clasping his hands in his lap and looking down at where Jey was playing happily, mouthing a crinkle block as his eyes rested on a colorful foam ball next to his feet. "Right now I just watch Jey while Trin and Jon are working. I didn't know Trin was going out today. I mean, it's not a big deal, I just didn't know."
Roman nodded, looking over at Cody, his eyes wandering over to Jey again. "He's so big. I hate that I missed seeing him right after he was born. He does a lot already though. He was scooting around the other day at my mom's," he started, thinking that maybe he should ease into the conversation he wanted to have with Cody first. He winced when he saw Jey flop to the side to lay on his belly, block still firmly clasped in one hand, a squeal of delight filling the air.
"Yeah, he's getting ready to crawl. He'll be seven months old in a few weeks," he answered, smiling at the baby. He jumped, Roman's hand sliding over and touching his gently. He looked down at the strong hand as it rested against his skin hotly. His smile fell as he thought about previous conversations that him and Roman had on adopting children of their own one day. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes as he jerked his hand away and stood. "You should go."
Roman looked over at Cody, surprised at the rushed words. "What? I just got here," he questioned, taken aback and slightly hurt. He still had a lot that he needed to say to Cody. "Why?"
Cody sighed as he watched Jey rub his eyes and start to fuss. He was thankful for the escape of putting Jey down for a nap. He gently scooped him up into his arms and cradled him to his chest. He smoothed back some of the black curls, smiling down as a big yawn escaped the little body. "Because," he began, looking down into the dark grey eyes, wishing they didn't remind him so much of Roman's. "If you don't, I'll start asking a bunch of questions that I'm not sure I want the answers to."
Roman's brows furrowed as he stood, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. "Like what Cody?" he asked lowly, watching as a shiver ran through the brunette. He waited, only to have Cody walk away towards the spare room. "Cody?" He followed a few steps, watching as Cody shook his head, their eyes meeting briefly. He'd wait until Jey was down for his nap. He knew it wouldn't take long.
Cody wrapped Jey up in a blanket before he kissed his forehead, the little eye lids starting to droop. "Sleep well little man, we're going to have all kinds of fun when you wake up," he said softly, humming as he cradled Jey to him just a little longer, hoping to pull some sort of courage from the baby. He laid Jey down in the portable crib he had and slipped a pacifier into his mouth, Jey accepting it greedily.
Jey's little hands shot up to his mouth, holding his pacifier close as he rolled to his side and quickly drifted off. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he was lost to the world of dreams.
Cody smiled, ruffling the black hair gently before he turned, and walked out, leaving the door cracked so he could hear Jey when he woke. His mind was racing faster than he could keep up with. He was silent, unable to meet Roman's gaze as he walked back to where Roman was still standing.
"Like what?" Roman asked again, this time firmer. He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting anxiously for Cody's answer. He knew they had a lot that needed to come out between them and he'd let Cody get his out first. After all, he was only there to apologize for springing Maxine on him and everyone else.
Cody felt anger grow in him, mixing with his fear and curiosity and confusion. It was now or never. He could finally ask Roman all the things that he'd been questioning since he'd left. "Like why you changed your number," he started, his voice shakier than he'd hoped. "You didn't call or text. If you didn't want me to have your number you could have at least emailed me back. I sent you at least two. I waited weeks for you to answer me." He took a breath, his entire body starting to tremble under Roman's slowly softening gaze. "You kept in touch with Dean and Seth, even Brad but not me. I couldn't even get a fucking email. Why Ro?" He was hurt and he knew Roman could hear it in his voice. He looked up, finding that Roman's eyes weren't on him anymore.
"I just wanted to start over," Roman answered gently, looking down at his feet, nibbling on his lower lip. He didn't dare tell Cody that a single phone call from him could have easily brought him back to Florida without a second thought. He hadn't even read Cody's emails, afraid that he'd reading them would send him into a frenzy of either trying to get home or finding out that Cody had found someone else.
"They why didn't you just fucking leave?!" Cody bit out, jaw tightening to stop the threat of tears. "You came to see me before you left Roman. If you were just going to cut me out completely why did you take me to our spot? Why did you hold me like that? Why were you so fucking gentle when you made love to me?" His voice had faded into a whisper, but he knew Roman could hear him.
Cody groaned in frustration when Roman stayed silent, leaving the tension thick between them. He turned his back to the Samoan and walked into the dining room, resting his hands on the top of the long cabinet, taking deep, shaking breaths. "It wasn't over for me Roman. I know that's selfish but damn it, I love you!" he snapped, looking over to where Roman was still stuck to his spot, those grey eyes focused right on him again. His voice grew quiet as he looked back down at where his hands were shaking on the counter top. "I've always loved you."
Roman was in shock, those words hitting him harder than he ever expected them to. He swallowed hard, trying to swallow down the confession that still loomed in the air. He took a step closer to Cody, unsure of what to do or even say at that moment. He couldn't tell Cody that he was still getting over him. He couldn't say that just seeing him had Roman's entire head frazzled and his heart raging a storm in his chest. He took another step, pausing when he saw the first tear roll down Cody's cheek and one hand came up to angrily wipe it away.
He took a breath, Cody's entire body starting to shake under his watchful eye. "Cody?" he asked gently, reaching out to touch Cody's shoulder. He wanted to comfort him, apologize for tormenting him for so long. Before his hand made contact he stopped and pulled it back to his chest, swallowing hard in uncertainty. Would Cody even want his comfort now? The words struck him hard as he thought them over, questions of his own popping up. "Why didn't you say all that then?" he asked back, shaking his head, wishing he'd known. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"What good would it have done that night?" Cody shot out, his voice shaky and low. "You were leaving Ro. I couldn't ask you to stay after you told me about your new job, your new place and how it was all ready for when you got there. I can be a selfish prick, but I wasn't going to drag you down. You had a new life already planned, it didn't matter if I said it or not. You were still leaving."
Roman stood in shock, those words sounding so much like the ones he would hear from his Cody from before the accident. He wondered if Cody remembered anything from before, but tried not to dwell, knowing it would only put him in an awful headspace. He let out a soft breath, taking another step closer, pulling Cody into his arms, his body warming at the contact. His heart jumped and stomach flipped all at the same time, the same bolt of emotion running through him. His arms tightened around Cody, never wanting to let him go. He felt a spark run through him, setting his nerves ablaze, a reaction he hadn't felt so strong since he'd left Cody that night.
Cody couldn't help but cling to Roman, his face buried in Roman's shoulder as his fingers clutched his shirt. He leaned into the bigger body, soaking up the same tropical scent that he loved so much and just the feeling of Roman's warm embrace. He felt the same lightening pass through him, making his body more aware of how tightly Roman held him, how those strong hands were clutching as the sides of his shirt, almost begging him to stay and never move. He didn't dare look up or let his fingers untangle from the back of Roman's shirt, knowing he's only do something stupid.
A few moments past with nothing but the sound of a rock song passing between them and their own breathing. Cody could hear Roman's heart pounding in his chest. He hated it, hated how they were, how hard it was to just stand there. "It's not like I didn't try," he murmured, pulling back and away from Roman completely. "I tried calling you the day you left. I tried to catch you but it was too late."
Roman felt his heart skip a beat as he looked over Cody's somber features. All he'd wanted was right there. Cody had wanted him. Cody had wanted to fix things between them and he'd severed things the moment they'd parted. He really hadn't given Cody the chance to chase him. He reached over, tipping Cody's chin up with the crook of his finger, looking deep into the sparkling blue eyes. He could see the deep confliction there, the love that Cody held for him that he was still trying to cover up and hide. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Cody's, his eyes closing. "Cody… I…."
Cody felt his own eyes close as Roman's arms wrapped around him again, pulling their bodies close together, large hands gently tugging him in by his hips. "Don't… please just don't," he murmured, knowing that the pain could be heard in his voice. "I just wanted to know why. That's all."
Roman's eyes opened, meeting Cody's blue one before they moved down to the pink lips he'd kissed so many times before. He couldn't deny it. He still wanted those lips on his. He still wanted Cody. He moved in just a little closer, his eyes flicking back up to Cody's.
Cody turned away, evading the soft kiss that he knew Roman would press against him. His eyes closed as he felt Roman tense. Never had he refused to share a kiss with the Samoan man. "No," he murmured, struggling to push Roman away. "Not while you're with her." He pulled away completely. He looked up into the beautiful grey eyes, shock and confusion with a touch of hurt staring back at him. "I've done enough to you. I won't ruin what you and her have. I know she makes you happy. I can see it in your face when she's around." He was quiet for a moment, forcing himself to try and smile. "This is over, we're over. I understand that now."
"Cody…."
"Just go Ro," Cody interrupted, turning and walking away. "Go before something stupid happens." He turned to face Roman, his arms crossing over his chest. It hurt to push Roman away, to be as cold as he was by just telling Roman to leave. He knew that it was for his sake too. This was just a small visit. In the end, Roman would still have to go back to Iowa with Maxine and anything that happened between them would just be forgotten again. He'd be ignored like he didn't exist. He knew that, and he couldn't handle the idea of allowing Roman in just to get left out in the cold again.
"Cody," Roman tried again, walking over, reaching out to touch the broad shoulders. Once again Cody shrugged away from him and he pretended that it didn't hurt so much. He bit his lower lip, looking down at the floor once again. "I'm sorry." He looked up, seeing the hurt in Cody's eyes. "This isn't how I wanted this to be. I'm sorry for springing Max on you like this and I should've at least emailed you back. I'm sorry."
Cody shook his head, watching as Roman stood there for a moment longer. "It's fine—"
"No, it's not fine!" Roman snapped, jaw tightening when he saw Cody flinch at the words. "If it was fine you wouldn't be standing there like this. You wouldn't be so upset and you would've at least called me so we could talk about things. This is not fine!"
"It's what it has to be!" Cody snapped back, swallowing hard. "You live in Iowa. Your life is in Iowa now. No, I'm not fine, but I will be. After everything I put you through, I deserve this. I deserve to see you happy You deserve to be happy." He took a moment, breathing heavily. His eyes shifted down to the floor. "She's pretty Ro, she makes you laugh and your parents already like her. As long as you're happy, that's what matters in the end."
Roman was silent as he digested the words, knowing that he couldn't argue against those points. Instead of trying he just sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets and let the awkward silence float around them. He took a moment to try and calm his thoughts down before he walked towards the door, grabbing the handle before he turned to where Cody was standing, watching him. "I just want you to be happy too Cody." With that he opened the door and walked away, finding that with each step his heart cracked a little more in his chest. This was not what he'd been expecting. This was not how he'd wanted to come home to be like. He sighed, shutting the door behind him, thinking he needed time to really think about what he was doing before he tried to talk to Cody again.
(A/N): So, the boys finally got a little talking done, and no interruptions from Max or Sika! So, what do you guys think? Thoughts are wonderful! Hope you liked it! Hold on tight loves! Onwards and upwards! Title is So Close, So Far by Hoobastank.
JacktheSinister_JaketheJust