The Secret Diary of Kyle Brofslovski

Summary: Kyle Broslovski has been secretly in love with his best friend for some time now- 7 months, 4 days, 13 hours, 14 minutes, 10.45 seconds- but who's counting? And just when Kyle thinks he can't take it, it's about to get a lot worse. M for sexual content.

Pairings: Candy, Style, SallyxButters( Sutters)

Hey everyone! Yes, i'm getting kind of lazy but whatever! Here's a new chapter, hope you like it XD Please review and favorite if you haven't yet. Enjoy ;]

Alvinroxz

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park. Damn!

XX

"Hey Kyle, pass me that bowling ball." Cartman tapped me on the shoulder and I reached over and handed him a blue ball, straight from a endless line of balls on a wooden table, stretching as far as the horizon.

"Thanks." And he threw the ball down the lane, and it made a soft thump when it hit the floor. "Next."

I handed him the next ball, making another soft sound on impact. "Next."

"Kyle." Stan reached over and patted me on the knee, appearing on the seat across from me from virtually nowhere. "I'm not gay."

I handed Cartman another ball. "I know."

The ball made a slightly louder sound.

"I'm not gay." Stan said again. His voice rose slightly. "I'm not gay, Kyle!"

"Next!'

"I know!" I said loudly. I gave Cartman a ball.

Thump.

"Hey boys." Wendy sat down next to Stan.

"Hi Wendy." We all greeted her.

"Next!"

I handed him a ball.

"I'm not gay. " Stan patted my leg again and gave me a compassionate, sympathic look.

"I know!"

"Stop trying to steal my man, Kyle!" Wendy shouted from out of nowhere.

Thump. Thump.

"He's not your man!"

The thumping increased.

"I'm not gay!"

"SHUT UP!"

"NEXT!"

I plopped a ball in Cartman's hands and glanced at the line of balls on the wooden table. It wasn't getting any shorter.

This time the ball crashed when it hit the ground, and made a loud clanging sound that rung loudly in my ears. I winced.

"I'm not gay!"

"OH HEY CRAIG!" Wendy shouted.

"NEXT!" I handed Cartman a ball and shot a dirty look at Craig, who had taken a seat in Stan's lap.

"I'm not gay." Stan announced as Craig began to kiss the corners of his mouth.

"NEXT!" I covered my ears again, this time it was even louder and the sound was increasing as pounded in my ears.

Wendy stood up quickly. "I hate you Eric!" She accused.

"I hate you too!" And they began to shove each other.

THUMP. THUMP THUMP.

"I'm not gay." Stan looked me dead in the eye.

The thumping, I realized, wasn't the sound the ball made. The clanging and the clashing in my head continued. The balls in the line began to roll of the table.

THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.

"I know Stan." I shook my head sadly.

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!

"I'm not gay, Kyle. I'm sorry."

Then I screamed.

My eyes flew open and I breathed rapidly in the darkness of my room. I could feel the prespire dripping from my forehead and the back of my neck. I shook it off and sat up.

It was only a dream.

I checked the alarm clock- 3:05 AM. Sniffling, I drudged over to the bathroom and took a white cloth to my neck, dampening it with water. I looked in the mirror as I mopped up the sweat and cooled my self off.

Only a dream.

But my heart was still racing.

I sighed as I look at my reflection. Dark red jew fro, tannish skin, brown eyes…I lifted the hair that covered my face. Not many pimples.

I licked my chapped lips and rubbed vasaline on them and braced myself on the edge of the sink. My heart was still beating like an african drum.

I went downstairs and grabbed a glass of water, then drank it all as I slowly stepped upstairs. I placed the empty glass by my bedside, and drifted back to sleep, forgetting all about the dream.

"Hey Kyle, D-do you suppose I can borrow a uh, PEN of yours?" Butters twiddled his thumbs and stared at me anxiously.

"Of course Butters." I handed him one.

Then I went back to staring at Stan. Who was of course, sitting in the front row.

And not next to me.

"Mr. Stotch?"

Butter's head shot up. "Yes T-teacher?"

The teacher tapped the chalkboard with her wooden pointer. "Solve it. Up here."

"Uh….w-well okay then." Butters stood up shakily and made his way past Troy's desk, and the gang snickered. I clenched my fists. God, I hated those guys.

Butters picked up the chalk with a twitching hand and began squeaking away.

Except it was pretty obvious he didn't know the answer.

Troy sneered then motioned for his friends to come closer.

"Pool ol' Sally." He said. "I can't believe she agreed to a pity date with this moron." He said loudly enough for Butters to hear.

I grinded my teeth back and forth angrily.

Butters froze for a second then put down the chalk slowly.

"I-i'm sorry."

Troys friends laughed as Butters rapidly walked back to his desk, trying to conceal his face. He scooted in next to me and laid his forehead on the desk.

How immature, I thought. God, they behave like catty middle school girls! I gave Troy the death glare, and placed a hand on Butter's shoulder.

"Don't listen to them. Their just insecure and jealous." I said loudly.

Butters smiled at me warily.

Troy looked over and met my killer eyes. "I heard that, Brofslovski."

"I know." I retorted.

Troy's clingy followers started whispering things to their boss, and he looked straight at me, shaking his head slowly. I guess they were trying to scare me. Too bad i'm not scared of The Outsiders.

The bell rang, and I rushed to gather my books so I could meet up with Stan.

But he was out the door before I could say, "I love you."

So I sighed and left the classroom to go to my next class.

After being lectured for an hour about a president that no one gives a shit about, it was time for lunch.

It's kind of sad to say that lunch is my favorite period of the day. Every single day, I go to Hooters with Kenny and Cartman (Stan doesn't have the same lunch period) because they really do have good chicken wings. And women.

Well at least that's what Kenny says.

I wouldn't care because i'm gay.

But Kenny doesn't know that.

So anyway, I met Kenny in the parking lot and he was all pumped and everything, as per usual. And as expected, Cartman wasn't there.

"Don't you have a girlfriend Kenny?" I greeted him.

"…Sort of."

"And she doesn't care that you go to Hooters everyday?" I laughed as we hopped in my beautiful car.

"Nah."

I chuckled as we pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

"Woohoo!" Kenny whooped, excited to see the Hooters girls.

I rolled my eyes.

"Uh…where's Cartman?" Kenny mumbled.

"Suspended until Friday. Didn't you hear?"

"Oh yea…I died that day, so I didn't get the full scoop. What happened?"

"Just another fight with Wendy." I bit my lip.

"Man, they are like, MEANT for each other."

"What?" I gawked.

"They are like, DESTINED to be together."

"….what?" I asked again.

"I mean, think about it. It's like destiny, ya know? I'm surprised they haven't hooked up yet." He continued to mumble.

"Yeah!" I chuckled nervously.

Kenny glanced at me, then at the road.

Did he know! But how? It was almost like he was suspicious of it and wanted to get the details out of me! Did he know I knew?

"Kenny?" I said anxiously.

"Yep?"

"Do you know…" I asked…subtly.

"Know what?"

My eyes went from side to side and I freaked out a little, feigning a laugh and gripping the steering wheel. "The ping pong song! Do you know what it feels like…..Na Na Na Na Na!" I began to hum, forgetting the words to that stupid song!

Kenny laughed." I'm messing with you Kyle." He paused. "Of course I know they are together!"

"Oh!" I felt relieved."How did you find out?"

"Well I saw them….several….dozen times. I called Cartman out on it but he denied everything."

"Yea they don't hide their big secret very well. I joked."

"That fight…was that the breakup?"

"Yes." I confirmed.

"Over what?"

"Wendy went on a date with Stan, and Cartman said some pretty nasty things that she overheard."

"Ahh…."Kenny nodded. "Well, i'm sure they'll get back together."

"Really?"

"Yep. I'm positive." He assured me wisely as we pulled into the Hooters parking lot.

Out in front, I a noticed the small, angry raven haired girl named Wendy protesting.

Of course.

She was holding a sign that read," Hooters sets The Women's Movement back 200 Years!" and she was marching around, screaming angrily like a Nazi.

Kenny and I leaped out of the car. "Wendy!" I called.

"Hi Kyle!" She waved and we met my the front entrance of Hooters. The she frowned, looking at Kenny. "Please don't tell me your eating here!"

I pointed at Kenny. "His idea."

Wendy glared at him, and he shrugged.

"So…Did anyone ask you to the dance on Friday?"

"Yep." She pursed her lips. "Stan did." Then she quickly shot me a sympathic look.

"Oh!" My heart sunk.

"But I don't want to go. I'd just rather use that time doing homework or something."

"What! C'mon Wendy! Go have some fun!" I gave her a playful punch on her arm.

"If you don't want to go with Stan, you can be my date." Kenny batted his eyelashes at her.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Thanks but no thanks. Besides, aren't you taking Bebe?"

"Yea."

Wendy gestured for him to talk more, but he didn't and she narrowed her eyes and turned to me. "Is…Eri-I mean…Cartman coming?"

"Yep." I said. "He has a date."

Wendy's jaw dropped and her shoulders slumped. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. Heidi-"

Wendy's eyes grew dark, and her mouth transformed into a permeant scowl. She ripped the sign she was holding, threw it on the ground, and stalked away.

"Wendy..?" I called after her. But she disappeared around the corner of the street.

Kenny grabbed my arm and dragged me inside the restaurant.

I would not want to be Heidi.