Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the dialogue - they belong to the wonderful Julie Kagawa. I'm just playing with them a little bit ;)
The 'Last' Kiss
I pull Meghan through the Market, glaring at the more persistent vendors who won't take no for an answer. My mind is still reeling from the news that Rowan isn't dead. On the one hand, I'm not a kinslayer – although that doesn't change the fact that I fought Rowan with the intent to harm or kill him. On the other hand, Rowan's alive. And he won't be best pleased that I've managed to best him in a fight and escape with Meghan. I'm not entirely convinced it's a better situation to be in than if he were dead.
We push through the crowds until we reach the dark tavern on the edge of the docks. As we approach, a drunken goblin staggers out of the doors, still clutching the tankard of alcohol before vomiting up the contents of it's stomach and promptly falling face first into the mess he's made. Lovely. The Unseelie, once again selling themselves to visitors from the other court. I step over the drunken goblin, rolling my eyes at the scene before ducking through the still swinging doors of the tavern. I pay no attention to the rest of the fey in the tavern, moving swiftly towards the bar where the dwarf that works the bar is standing, cleaning glasses. Although if you can call spitting into a glass cleaning it, depends on your viewpoint.
"You shouldn't be here Prince," he says quietly. "Rowan's got half the city lookin' for you. Sooner or later, the Thornguards will show up an' tear the place apart if they think we're hidin' you." Of course, all bar owners are concerned about the possibility of the Thornguards showing up – when Rowan's in a foul mood, he often takes it out on the unsuspecting Unseelie below the castle. Random searches are not uncommon in the bars and shops in Tir Na Nog and, normally, I'd have some sympathy for them. I have to put up with Rowan because, like it or not, he is my brother. No one else should have to deal with him too. Unfortunately, today, I couldn't really care less about what happens once I get Meghan out of here.
"I'm looking for Sweetfinger," I say, equally as quietly. "I need to get out of Tir Na Nog tonight. Do you know where he is?" I watch Meghan pull herself up onto a bar stool beside me out of the corner of my eye. The dwarf behind the counter watches her too, throwing a scowl her way.
"If I didn't know you better Prince, I would accuse you of goin' soft. Word is you're a traitor to the Winter Court, but I don't care about that." He puts the tankard down on the counter and leans forward conspiringly and I can feel myself shutting my emotions down; the cold, hard mask springing into place without me even realising. "Just answer me this, is she worth it?"
"Would this be considered payment for finding Sweetfinger?" I ask coldly. It doesn't matter that I came to this bar often after Ariella died, drowning my sorrows in tankard after tankard in a desperate attempt to bury the pain the loss of the beautiful girl in my life. It doesn't matter, that it was usually this very dwarf that picked me up off the counter and ensured I made it back to the castle in vaguely one piece. In Tir Na Nog, bargains and deals and treachery are all anyone cares about – even well meaning bar tenders like the dwarf in front me (one who's name I'm almost certain is Arsot, though it's been a while since I've been here and the last time…well, I don't really remember much about that night). 'Arsot' snorts at my question, and I have to hold myself back from rolling my eyes at his flippant nature.
"Yeah. Sure, whatever. But, I want a serious answer, Prince." I pause for a moment, thinking about how I feel about Meghan – how I've cared for her since the first time we met at Elysium, and how that care soon turned into the one thing I swore I would never allow myself to feel again. Love. Is she worth turning my back on my court, my family, my home?
"Yes," I murmur quietly. "She's worth it."
"You know Mab will tear you apart for this."
"I know." It's a hard thing to forget, when you're running for your life from the woman. Arsot shakes his head at me, his expression turning to one of pity.
"You an' your lady problems. Worse than the satyrs, I tell you. At least they're smart enough not to get attached." Anger boils in the pit of my stomach at his words. Despite everything that's happened, Meghan is not to blame for it, not really. And I will not feel guilty for falling in love again – for letting Meghan remind me what it is to be loved. And I wouldn't change falling for her – never, in a thousand years will I regret that.
"Can you find me Sweetfinger or not?" I ask, my voice like ice even to my own ears.
"Yeah, I know where he is," Arsot says, scratching his nose. "I'll send someone out to fetch him. You and the Summer Whelp can stay upstairs until he shows up." He's helping us escape. I chant in my head as I push myself away from the counter and turn to Meghan. He doesn't mean anything by it – you've heard Mab call Meghan that and worse in recent days. Even so, I can't quite get rid of the icy tone in my voice.
"Lets go," I tell Meghan, who obediently hops off the bar stool.
"Who's Sweetfinger?" She asks as she follows me across the room, towards the stairs. I keep my gaze firmly on the staircase; knowing without looking, that all the patrons of the bar are shying away from our approach. Good. The last thing we need is to be stopped by a drunk goblin who's mouth has run away from him.
"He's a smuggler," I reply, pausing at the bottom of the stairs and motioning for Meghan to go up first. Not that I don't trust the Unseelie in this bar, but… "A goblin, to be specific." I continue, as I follow behind her. "Instead of smuggling goods, he smuggles living creatures. He might be the only one who can get us out of the city. If we can pay his price." That was my next concern. Sweetfinger is well known for his outrageous prices in exchange for the simplest of deals. In our haste to leave the castle, I didn't exactly have much time to grab anything valuable to trade with. Once we reach the top of the stairs, I gently push past Meghan to lead her to one of the rooms at the end of the corridor. I push the door open to reveal a simple room, with a cage containing a group of fireflies to light the otherwise dark room, and two small beds. Meghan walks in and I follow, shutting the door behind us and leaning against it. I eye one of the beds for a moment, wanting nothing more than to collapse onto the bed, pull Meghan close, and sleep away this nightmare of a day. Unfortunately, that isn't going to happen.
"Are you alright?" Meghan whispers after a moment and the memory of the last words I'd said to her echo back through my mind, making my heart ache. I want nothing more than to take them back but I can't. This is how it has to be. I know that. So, instead of pulling her into my arms like I desperately want to, I just nod and rake my fingers through my hair in frustration instead.
"Get some sleep," I say quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace we seem to have stumbled on in this room. "I don't know if we'll get another chance to stop after this. You should rest while you can."
"I'm not tired," she protests and I don't rebuke the statement, though we both know it's a lie. Instead, we stand there in silence, staring at each other. Each of us wanting to say something to break the tension between us, but neither of us really knowing what to say. A couple of times, I make to say something, to apologise for my harsh words earlier, to explain or beg for forgiveness – I'm not sure which – but each time I start to speak, I lose my nerve and stay silent instead. When, I finally master the courage to say something, we end up talking over each other.
"Ash-"
"Meghan, I-"
Before either of us can get any further, someone pounds on the door, making both of us jump. I curse myself silently for such a blatant show of fear before taking a deep breath to calm myself and to cut myself some slack. When what remains of your family is out for your head on a platter, I think you can afford to jump at sudden noises. As long as no one outside of the human girl you love sees, you should be relatively safe.
"Prince Ash! Sweetfinger is downstairs, waiting for you."
"Tell him I'm on my way," I call, as I push myself off of the door. "Wait here," I say, turning back to face Meghan. "It should be safe. Lock the door and try to get some rest." With that, I open the door, revealing the goblin on the other side and, without looking back, step out into the corridor and close the door softly behind me. "Let's get this over with," I say to the goblin, who grins at me and hurries down the corridor, leaving me to bring up the rear. I'm taken back down to the bar; to a table shrouded in darkness and smoke in the back corner. I sit down facing Sweetfinger and try to draw as much courage as I can from my drained body. It's strange to think this morning, I still had Sage to mediate the bickering Rowan and I partake in over breakfast. Now, it's all lost to me. It's a sobering thought. I shake my head to clear it and stare at the goblin across from me.
"Can you do it?" I ask him, my voice as sharp as the ice daggers I use to fight with Goodfellow. I don't have time for pleasantries. While I'm down here, Meghan is alone and unprotected.
"I can. Sweetfinger can get you and the girl out of Winter undetected. For a price." Here we go.
"What is it that you want? You should know I don't have much left to give."
"Do not worry Prince. You carry one thing which will be payment enough." I raise an eyebrow at the goblin. I'm fairly sure I don't have anything of much value to a goblin with me. The thought does cross my mind that he wants Meghan – she's certainly beautiful enough to attract the attention of a goblin. Luckily for Sweetfinger, and my sanity, he quickly dispels that notion.
"The ring that you carry in your pocket, Sweetfinger will take that as payment for your travels." My hand automatically goes to my coat pocket, where the ring that Ariella once gave me lives. I remember the day she gave it to me, all those years ago.
We were a few weeks into what the humans deem as fall and I had, once more, ridden to the mansion where Ariella resided with her father, instead of playing the good little son for Mab as she met with high up Lords and Ladies in the run up to Elysium. That's why Sage and Rowan were born first after all. She meets me on the front porch as she always does and I barely pull the horse to a stop before she bounds down the steps to meet me. I jump down chuckling as she wraps her arms around my waist, squeezing tightly.
"Hello," I say with a smile.
"Hello," she replies, though her voice is muffled because her face is pressed into my coat. I sigh as I read into her actions and wrap my own arms around her.
"Was it that bad?" The previous evening, her father had hosted a dinner party, one where Ariella is shown off as a prophet in order for her father to gain more social status in Tir Na Nog. Ariella told me about previous dinners yesterday, so I know she was worried about last night.
"As per usual, I was asked to predict something that would happen to one of the Ladies that attended," she says, letting go of everything but my hand as we walk to the stable to pick up her horse before escaping. "As usual, I couldn't do it. I caught vague glimpses but it was all so cloudy. Needless to say, father wasn't impressed." I stiffen at the implications of those words. Ariella's father is definitely not a kind man and it's a wonder Ariella has turned out the way she has with a father like hers.
"I'm sorry," I murmur, bringing her to my side. She sighs.
"It's not your fault," she pulls away to tack up her horse, and I watch her work in silence. She turns to look at me briefly as she works and laughs.
"What?"
"Oh Ash, you do make me laugh. You're so protective of me that if my father saw the look on your face right now, he'd probably be frozen in fear for all eternity." I roll my eyes at her, but relax slightly at the sound of her laugh.
"He deserves that much and more for how he treats you. Will you please consider coming to live at the castle with me? Mab would have no problem with it – having you there would mean I'd be around more for her to use so it would be a win-win." She laughs again.
"Somehow, I doubt my father would see it that way."
"He wouldn't be able to say no. Not if Mab was ordering you to move in." She leads the horse from it's stable and presses a kiss to my cheek as she passes.
"Careful, Your Highness, if people hear you talk like that, rumours may spread." She teases.
"Let them talk," I growl.
"Tell you what," she says with a small smile, "I'll make you a deal." I raise my eyebrows at her in curiosity. She reaches into her saddle bag and pulls something out. She holds it in her hand, a small, wistful smile on her face. I watch her in fascination for a moment, before she shakes herself out of whatever daydream she's immersed in. She holds her hand out, revealing a small, golden ring with a ruby inset on top. I take it from her, holding it to the light and watching it sparkle. "That ring was my mothers. It's one of the only things I have of hers that father hasn't taken from me. If you promise to let the matter go for the duration of our adventures today; then you can take that with you when you leave tonight. And I will follow to reclaim it." My heart stutters as her words sink in.
"You mean that?" I ask, hardly daring to believe it. "You would really come to live in the castle?"
"I don't want this life Ash. I don't want to be a secret; hidden from everyone until my father deems me fit for public viewing. I want a life with you and yes, living in the castle won't be easy but you'll be there. And that's worth everything." She pauses, a glimmer of mischief sparkling in her eyes. "So, Prince Ash; do we have a deal?" I smile at her, slipping the ring into my coat pocket.
"I do believe we do."
This ring, the ring that I have carried in my coat pocket since that day, the ring that she left me to keep safe. That is what Sweetfinger wants. Of all the things he could ask for, of course he has to ask for that. I remember Ariella's face that day, bright and earnest as she imagined what her life would be like once she was out from under her father's thumb. And then, I think of the girl upstairs, who sacrificed everything in order to uphold her end of the bargain. A girl who protected me when anyone else would have run and left me to die. Would Ariella understand? I think she would. I hope she would. But, there is something I can do to ensure I honour her beloved ring.
"You get the ring, if we get out of Tir Na Nog safely, without anyone noticing. Until then, these will have to do." I pull out a handful of coins from my pocket and put them on the table, hoping my gamble pays off. Sweetfinger eyes the coins greedily and I can almost hear the cogs in my tiny little brain working.
"Deal," he says after a pause, his bony fingers grabbing at the coins easily. With his attention for the moment diverted, I take the opportunity to let out the breath I'd been holding. At least this way, I have a contingency plan if Sweetfinger doesn't uphold his end of the bargain, and it will give him some incentive to hold up the deal. I stand from the chair, as Sweetfinger counts the coins in front of him.
"I'll go and get Meghan. We'll meet you here shortly." Sweetfinger just nods in agreement, too busy with his winnings to bother about me now. I roll my eyes before heading back upstairs to where I left Meghan. I push open the door and step into the dimly lit room, my gaze falling on the sleeping girl. I smirk at her. I thought you said you weren't tired Your Highness I think wryly. I take a step forward to wake her, but pause, watching her sleep. She's exhausted and it's only going to get worse in the coming days. I sigh as I come to my decision and place the dark cloth next to the cage over the top, blocking the light. I kneel next to the bed, stroking stray strands of white blonde hair out of her face gently.
"I hope you know, that if I could, I would stay with you Meghan Chase," I murmur softly. I know she can't hear me, but the words need to be said. Even if I am too much of a coward to say them to her face when she's awake. "I meant what I said, in the Iron Kingdom, you've made me feel alive again. You've made my life worth living, and, I wish things were different as much as you do. Maybe even more. But they aren't, and you don't belong here Meghan. Not in this world of treachery and deceit; you're too pure for that. If I can stop you from being tainted like every other god forsaken creature in this world, then I will know that I've saved you in some small way. Even if you hate me for what I have to do, at least you can go away and lead a normal life, with your family. Like you deserve." I sigh again as I watch her shift in her sleep, taking in the glamour coming off of her as she dreams. Downstairs, a glass breaks and, as much as I might like to let her sleep a while longer, we have to go. It might take the Thornguards a while to come and check the Tavern, but they will eventually. I curse myself for losing sight of that. Right now, it's more important to get out of here quickly – she can rest once we're out of here. I shake my head to clear the last of the drowsiness that's begun to edge its way back into my body. I pull myself up to sit on the edge of the bed and gently shake Meghan awake, biting back a smile as she groans and slowly opens her eyes.
"Meghan, wake up. It's time," I say gently. As soon as her eyes are fully open, I start to stand up. I need the physical separation between us right now, knowing that all too soon, she's going to be gone and I'm never going to see her again. Unfortunately, Meghan doesn't seem to have the same thought process as I do, and she leans forward sleepily; wrapping her arms around my waist to prevent me from standing. My heart thumps at the contact.
"No. Stay." She groans and I shiver at her words. I wonder if she knows how badly I want to do exactly what she's asking of me.
"You're not making this any easier," I whisper.
"Don't care." Of course you don't. She tightens her hold on me and I give in to her, half turning in her arms to play with her hair again. Without realising, I seem to dig up some of the courage I thought I'd lost earlier. Enough at least to say;
"Why am I so drawn to you? Why is it so hard to let go? I thought…at first…it was Ariella, that you remind me of so much. But it's not." I pause for a moment, comparing the two girls in my head. "You're far more stubborn than she ever was."
"That's like the pot calling the kettle back," she whispers, making me smile. She does have a point. I sober once more and rest my forehead against hers.
"What do you want of me Meghan?" I plead with her.
"Just you. I just want you." I knew she was going to say that and I close my eyes in defeat.
"I can't do that." She knows I can't do that.
"Why not?" She demands, a hint of the spark that initially drew me to her starting to show through her sleepy demeanour. "Who cares what the courts say? We could meet in secret. You could come to my world; no one would see us there." There are times where I love her naivety. But I shake my head at her proposition.
"Mab already knows. Do you think she would let us get away with it? You saw how well she reacted in the throne room."
"Please," she whispers in my side. "Don't do this. We can find a way around the courts. Please." She tightens her grip on me. "I love you, Ash."
"Meghan," I say quietly. I love you too is what I want to say. Is what I should say. "You don't…know me at all. You don't know what I've done…the blood on my hands, both faery and mortal." I pause for a moment to collect myself. She needs to know, I'm not good enough for her. No matter what she might like to think. "When Ariella died, everything inside me froze. It was only through hunting—killing—that I could feel anything again. I cared for nothing, not even myself. I threw myself into fights I thought I would lose, if only to feel the pain of a sword blow, the claws tearing me apart." I know she's crying. Even without looking at her, I can hear her trying to stay quiet as I talk but I still know. "But then you came along," I tell her, catching a tear on her cheek. "And suddenly…I don't know. It was like I was seeing things for the first time again. When I saw you with Puck, the day you came to the Nevernever…"
"The day you tried to kill us," she interrupts and I wince. Yeah, I'm never going to forget that moment.
"I thought fate was playing a cruel joke on me. That a girl, who could have been Ariella's shadow, was keeping company with my sworn enemy—it was too much. I wanted to kill you both. But, then I met you at Elysium, and…"
I close my eyes, remembering that night. The first time I got to hold Meghan in my arms. The first time I realised that this girl was Trouble with a capital T. And I liked that about her. "And everything I thought I'd lost forever came trickling back. It was maddening. I thought about killing you several times during Elysium, just to stop what I knew would be my downfall. I didn't want this, to feel anything, especially with a half-human girl who was the daughter of the Summer King." He snorted ruefully, shaking his head. "From the moment you stepped into the Nevernever, you've been my undoing. I should never have agreed to that contract."
"Why?" She asks.
"Because no matter what I feel, I can't fight centuries of rules and traditions, and neither can you." I tell her gently.
"We could try-"
"You don't know the courts. You haven't been in Faery long enough to know what could happen, but I do. I've seen it, centuries of it. Even if we get the scepter back, even if we manage to stop the war, we'll still be on opposite sides. Nothing will change that, no matter how much you wish it wasn't so. No matter how much I wish it was different." We sit in silence for a moment, before I gently pry her hands away from my waist and stand up. "Come on. We should go. Sweetfinger and I made a deal. He'll get us out of the city through the goblin tunnels that run beneath it. We'll need to hurry—Rowan's Thornguards are still scouring the streets for us."
"Ash," she says, pushing herself upright. "Wait. Just one more thing we have before we go." I frown at her, knowing this isn't going to end well for either of us, but I don't have the heart to tell her no.
"What do you want?" I ask warily. She stands in front of me and I can see nerves shining in her eyes.
"Kiss me," she says. I raise an eyebrow in surprise. Of all the things I was expecting to hear, that wasn't it. "Just once more and I promise it will be the last time. I'll be able to forget you after that." I almost laugh at that, because we both know it's not true. Neither of us will ever forget. "Last time I swear. It's the least you can do. I didn't get a proper break up you know." Her tone is light but I can hear the desperation in her words. What she doesn't know is I need this as much as she does. The only problem is, I'm not sure I'm going to be strong enough to leave her if I do as she asks. I glance at the door, debating on just walking out, but even as I think it, I know it's not a possibility. I sigh and step forward, intending on just giving her a chaste kiss; enough to satisfy the both of us but still leave me with some functioning brain cells. Of course, I didn't take into account how badly I want her. From the moment our lips touch, I need more. She digs her fingers into my back and, in return, I pull her close, holding her tightly against me, revealing in the feeling of having Meghan here with me. Her fingers work their way into my hair and she bites down on my lip, making me groan with need. I need to pull away, to stop this, but I can't. I don't want to. Eventually, I manage to pull away from her, though I can't quite convince my fingers to let go of her shoulders.
"Don't ask me this again," I say roughly. Because if you do, I won't be able to stop. She doesn't say anything, and I manage to pull myself away from her completely, walking out of the door without looking back. I don't make it far though; simply resting my head against the wall outside of the room. I knew it from the moment I took her hand at Elysium. Meghan Chase is Trouble with a capital T – and I don't want to let her go.
I had a lot of fun writing this scene so I hope you all like it. This is what I've dubbed the 'last' kiss - also known as the moment my heart started to break for Meghan and Ash. It was interesting to see Ash's POV of it so I hope I've done okay. Let me know what you thought about it in a review guys and let me know if there are any more scenes you want to see. See you soon guys xxx