Chapter 10: Confessions
I feel the bed dip next to me as I will my sleep-filled eyes to open only to see the absolute prettiest sight ever, Brittany.
"Morning," she greets me sounding chipper and very much awake.
"Mm. Morning," I mumble, my voice still filled with its morning rasp. She offers me a sweet smile, handing me a cup of coffee. I urge myself to sit up and grab the cup from her as I bring it to my lips, taking in the smell of the fresh brew aroma fill my nostrils. My eyes close as the first taste touches my lips and when I open them I see Brittany's eyes glued to my chest, a sly smirk creeping on her face. I look down to see what has caught her attention when I realize that I am very much naked, and my boobs are on full display. I quickly grab the sheets that are wrapped around my waist and pull them above my shoulder to cover myself, suddenly feeling extremely shy and very much exposed under her intense gaze.
"Hey! I was enjoying the view!" She exclaims through a playful pout.
I roll my eyes, keeping the sheet high on my chest. "What time is it?" I ask her as I set the cup on the nightstand closest to me.
"6:30," she replies.
I groan at her response, throwing myself back against the pillows and covering my face with the sheets. "So early," I whine, and I feel the bed shake under me as I peak my head out just enough to see Brittany silently giggling at my childish antics.
"Well, we need to get ready. Puck is leaving to pick up the car for us. We leave in an hour," she tells me as her laugh subsides. "I figured you could use some caffeine, grumpy."
"I'm not grumpy! No one should be awake and energized at this time but thank you, it's helping," I tell her. "I need to shower."
"Want some company?" This girl is insatiable. I continue to stare at her, only my eyes poking out of the sheets as she wiggles her eyebrows at me. There is no way I can deny this girl anything, so I bashfully nod, noting that I am still exposed under the covers. "Can you work fast, Lopez?" She challenges, and I already feel the wetness pool between my legs, furiously nodding my head, my heart pounding in excitement as I watch her saunter off towards the bathroom. It isn't until I hear the water running that my brain starts to work, and I jump out of bed faster than ever before.
An hour later, both of us clean and refreshed, we meet up with Sugar and Puck outside the hotel next to the car he rented. I look at the convertible with the top down and shoot Puck an approving smile.
"What do you guys think?" He asks, clearly proud of the choice he made.
"I love it. Can I drive?" Brittany asks as she walks around the car admiring the white Mustang.
"I don't think so, Pierce. I'm driving," Puck insists and I see Brittany start to pout. I would love to see her drive this car. I can just picture the blonde with the top down, wind in her hair, wearing her aviator sunglasses, looking like a complete badass; a sexy badass. The pout must work on Puck, which doesn't shock me because have you seen it? It would make anyone cave.
"Fine. How about we split the drive?" He suggests, and Brittany seems to be more than okay with that as she skips to the passenger side of the car yelling, 'Shotgun!' Sugar and I get comfortable in the back as Puck loads up the trunk with our bags before settling in the driver's seat.
The drive through Paris is beautiful and I know the rest are enjoying it as well because there is a comfortable silence in the car. About a quarter of the two-hour drive in, Sugar pipes up from the seat next to me, suggesting we play a car game.
"Let's play the 'Categories' game," Sugar says.
"What's that?" I ask her since I've never heard of it before.
"Someone will say a category and we'll keep going until someone messes up. So, let's say I pick 'Cars'. I would say, 'Ford', then Puck can say 'Mercedes', and we keep going until either someone blanks or repeats something already said. It's fun and easy and it'll pass the time," she explains.
Brittany picks the first category and I'm not at all shocked when she says, 'Disney Princesses'.
Puck starts with 'Cinderella' and I follow with 'Snow White', Sugar quickly saying 'Jasmine'. The category goes around one more time until Puck stays silent for too long trying to think of another Disney Princess, ending that round. Puck goes next and chooses 'Sex Positions'. Of course, typical Puck. I hear Brittany giggle from the front seat as she makes eye contact with me through the rear-view mirror as I feel my cheeks flush. Sugar goes first, 'doggy style', and I say 'missionary' followed by Brittany, who says 'sixty-nine'. I look out the window at the last thing as my mind shifts back to last night.
FLASHBACK
We all drunkenly stumble into the elevator and see Puck and Sugar off as we reach their floor. As soon as the doors shut, my body is pushed against the mirrored wall and Brittany's lips hungrily attach to mine, her tongue pushing past the slight opening of my mouth effortlessly as it massages against mine so deliciously. She pulls away from my face giving me a dazed smirk. "Your room or mine?" She husks against my lips.
"Yours," I moan, wanting to get there as soon as possible, remembering what she promised me back in the bathroom.
We both stagger into her room, our lips never parting and our hands roaming against each other's bodies, both desperate for any kind of physical contact. She rips my tight dress off of me and goes to quickly undo my bra, slipping the straps off my shoulders and throwing it haphazardly somewhere behind us. My hands start to play with the hem of her shirt, desperate to feel her bare skin against mine. Once we are both left with nothing but our underwear, we move toward the bed, the back of my knees hitting the edge which makes me lose my balance for a second as my body falls flat against the bed. I scoot up higher, Brittany following as her body hovers over my own. Her kisses trail down my body and when she reached the skin above my belly button, her fingers hook and pull my underwear swiftly, ridding me of the last layer of clothing from my body. I can already feel the heat building up between my legs in anticipation as I wait patiently for her to dive into me with her magical tongue. She leaves the lightest kiss on my center before moving back in but this time aggressively sucking against my most sensitive part as a loud moan escapes from me.
"Yes! Oh god, Britt," I breathe out. "That fe-feels so, ugh, good. So fu-fucking good."
She hums in approval which just heightens my arousal as the vibrations from her throat make its presence against me. She is barely on me for more than a minute, licking with conviction when I feel my body tense unexpectedly, as a wave of pleasure rolls through every crevice of my body. She continues to lick and clean up everything I have to offer as I let out a loud sigh, my body continuing to roll into her mouth and trembling. I feel her leave one last kiss against me before she scoots up my body so that our faces are now level with each other.
"How's that for an apology?" She asks smug grin and all.
I don't have enough energy to reply so I try and nod, a lazy and satisfied smile gracing my swollen lips.
"Ready for round two?" I don't even have a second to gather myself or regulate my breathing when Brittany jumps off me to pull her own underwear off and find her place on top of me again. "How do you feel about sixty-nine?"
"San! Santana!" Sugar's voice pulls me out of my daydream, my eyes looking like a deer caught in headlights, I'm sure.
"Huh! Yeah!" My eyes drift between Sugar and Brittany's, which I can still see in the reflection of the mirror, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. "What?"
"You lost, Lopez! How could you not think of any other sex position? I can seriously go on for hours with that category," Puck says from his spot behind the wheel.
"Oh, uh, yeah I guess not," I mumble, still flustered from the images of last night flashing through my mind.
"Mhm," Puck hums, "Whatever you say. Want to switch Britt? We're about halfway."
"Yes!" The blonde cheers looking adorable as always. Puck pulls over on the side of the road to get out of the car. Brittany decides that since we've stopped this would be a good time to get out, stretch our legs and take pictures of the scenery. "Hey," she whispers to me. "Call shotgun."
I giggle at her playfulness and know that this will piss Puck off, making it all that much more fun. Plus, of course, I want to sit up front with her, the image of her driving running through my head again. "SHOTGUN!" I yell out of nowhere and run toward the passenger door, as I quickly open it and hop in, immediately putting my seatbelt on.
"What the hell! That was not the deal!" Puck screams as he leans over me trying to undo my seatbelt. His arm is so close to my mouth as he works on the belt, so I bend forward with little effort while he's distracted and give him a playful bite. "Ow!" He screeches grabbing his arm. "You're violent, Lopez!"
I shoot a devilish smirk in his direction. "Should teach you a lesson. Don't mess with me!" I tell him trying to keep up my badass demeanor. He raises his hands in defeat and climbs in the back seat. As Brittany is the last to get situated, she leans across the center console and gives me a wink.
"Nice move, San. I like a girl that can play dirty." It's extremely difficult to not see the double meaning in her chosen words and I know that I look flushed, and Brittany just giggles knowing what her statement did to me. I sigh and look ahead in front of me; this is going to be a long drive.
An hour later we arrive at Deauville, a little town that Camille recommended. Brittany drives around to find a café before we settle by the water for the day. After we are well and fed, we head toward the beach. The weather is perfect to be outside. Luckily, we left early enough to reserve a spot near the water since we heard this is a popular place to be in the summertime. We each set up our towels next to an umbrella just in case we want to take a break from the sun. I pull out the bottle of tanning oil that I brought with me and start lathering up, flashbacks of the time Brittany rubbed suntan lotion on my body, her hands soft against my skin. It's crazy to think how hot that made me just having her hands on my body in a very innocent way. Now, I know the exact feeling of having her hands on every inch of my body in the most intimate way. I continue to rub the oil on my skin, making sure to not miss a spot so that I get an even tan. I roll up my shirt so that I can rest my head against it and lean back, Sugar lying next to me. Puck and Brittany run toward the water the second we get there and are splashing around and throwing the football that Puck picked up on our way. I close my eyes and relax, soaking in the warmth of the sun.
"San," Sugar speaks up from her spot next to me. "What's going on with you and Britt?"
My heart skips a beat thinking about me and the beautiful blonde. "Um, nothing really."
"Bullshit. I saw your face in the car. You were in your own world, and how convenient when Puck picked 'sex positions'." I can practically see the smirk on her face even with my eyes closed. "You guys are totally getting down and dirty all the time, aren't you?" She questions.
My body heats up with the thought of Brittany's naked body and how perfectly her skin feels against my fingertips, and how delicious she tastes in my mouth, and…
"See? That look!" She is now sitting up to face me.
"What look?" I ask innocently.
She quirks an eyebrow at me. "That look. Come on, San! Give me the scoop! I already know you guys slept together. What could be worse? Plus, it looks like you can use a person to talk to."
She's right. It would be nice to talk to someone and with the time difference, it's hard to talk to the one person I would normally go to. I lean up against my elbows, "We've been having sex, like everywhere," I confess.
"Hell yeah!"
"Yeah. And it's fucking awesome!" I exclaim, unable to contain my excitement.
"Did you talk to her about it?" She asks, remembering the last time we spoke.
"We did. I brought it up on the train to Paris. She kind of made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. Like, yeah, we're having sex! It was a very Brittany-like comment."
"What else did she say?" She inquires.
"Basically, that we are attracted to each other and we should have fun and enjoy whatever time we have left continuing to have fun. Let whatever happen, happen," I shrug.
"And you said you were cool with that?" She continues to question.
"Well, yeah. What else was I supposed to say? I really enjoy her company, Sugar, and I didn't want to take a chance of ruining that just because we gave in to our urges." I tell her honestly. "Plus, we totally had sex in the bathroom on the train," I smirk.
"Shut up!"
"Mhmm… And Puck almost caught us. I was freaking out but Brittany being Brittany, totally played it off." Sugar let out a laugh, I'm sure imaging what she could have possibly come up with to talk herself out of that situation. "Last night, actually, after we, you know…" I don't know why I'm suddenly shy about it. "We talked. Like a lot."
FLASHBACK
We are both lying on our backs, completely exhausted and out of breath. God, that was amazing. I wish we had been doing that all along! As our breathing regulates, I lean up a little to look at her angelic face. She looks so relaxed and beautiful in this lighting, every freckle on display.
"Hey, Britt?" She hums a response as she lazily opens her eyes to meet mine. "Can I say something?" She clears her throat and looks at me with concern. I give her a reassuring smile so that she doesn't worry too much. "I think you should go visit your dad."
She closes her eyes and sighs. I'm worried that I've overstepped and want to start apologizing for even bringing it up and ruining this moment but the words are caught in my throat as she speaks up.
"I'm scared, San," she mumbles, and I can barely hear her. I can see the tears start to well up threatening to escape her mesmerizing blue eyes. I quickly put my hand over hers, desperately wanting to let her know that I am here for her.
"What are you scared of?" I ask just as quietly as she, not wanting to disturb the quietness in the room.
"Seeing my dad, meeting his girlfriend," she starts to say as a single tear falls, staining her soft cheek. My finger is quick to wipe it up as I encourage her to continue. "Scared of the memory of my mom being erased in my dad, in my house and in me," she whispers the last part and my heart breaks.
"Britt," I say but she doesn't move. "Britt," I say a little louder and lift her chin gently so that she is looking into my eyes as I try to pour all I can into one look. "That could never happen. Even if your dad moves on with his girlfriend or someone else, the memory of your mom will always be there. She lives in you Britt, in your heart, and in your dad's heart. That can never be erased."
She gives me a small smile as another tear falls. She doesn't speak but just stares into my eyes and I see them soften further as she continues to stare. I get lost in them and my heart aches at the beauty in front of me and I know that I have just fallen further for this girl. Not just her beauty, because Brittany is beauty personified, inside and out. She breaks our stare and tucks her chin as she moves her head to my shoulder. "Thank you, Santana, for listening to me and just being there for me. You are a really good friend."
Thankfully, she can't see my face as it falls slightly at her declaration of 'good friend' but this is not the time to overthink and be selfish, so I squeeze her body closer to mine and give her a soft kiss on the top of her head. "You're welcome, Brittany. I am always here whenever you need. And for the record, you're a really good friend too."
"Britt has really opened up to you," Sugar says after listening.
"Yeah. Sugar?" She looks at me waiting for me to continue. "I think I'm in love with her," I confess so quietly as I utter those words for the first time.
She just gives me this knowing smile and puts her hand on my shoulder. "Yeah. I know. Question is, what are you going to do about it?"
I look out into the water and watch Puck and Brittany splashing each other and goofing off. I can clearly see Brittany falling back into the water in a complete laughing fit. I love her. I'm in love with her.
"I need to tell her. Even if she doesn't feel the same, I would never be able to live with myself thinking 'what if'," I tell Sugar with confidence.
"Get your girl, San."
We spend the rest of the day enjoying the outdoors, switching between diving into the water and relaxing on our towels. We even play a fun game of 2 vs 2 football. Of course, I'm on Brittany's team, although I don't think I would have complained much if we were on opposite sides, seeing as that would give me full reign to tackle and be tackled by her. It's later in the afternoon when we pack up our things and start to make our way back to the car. On our way back to Paris, we stop to grab a bite to eat. Once we arrived back at the hotel, Puck leaves to return the car while the rest of us go to our rooms to wash the sand off our bodies and call it an early night. We all have a big day ahead of us seeing as it's our last full day and night on this trip.
I wake up the next morning feeling very rested as I slip out of bed and into a warm shower. I change into shorts and a casual t-shirt, slipping on my tennis shoes since we'll be walking a lot today on our tours. It's the final day in France and our final day on this trip. The last month has flown by, I can't believe it's coming to an end. I think back to everything I have been blessed to have experienced and it has been one of my biggest journeys of life, so far. The places I've seen and the friends I've made are priceless and will remain with me forever. I continue to get ready as I keep reminiscing on all the best parts of this trip, a warm feeling encompassing my entire body. As much as I am going to miss this and everyone around me, I know I'm ready for the next chapter of my life. I throw my hair up into a ponytail and grab my satchel, making sure I have everything I need before I head to the lobby, knowing we need to be down there soon. I make my way to the front of the lobby and see that the rest are already down there waiting as well.
"Morning!" I chirp. Everyone looks refreshed after a good night's sleep.
"Morning!" They greet back simultaneously.
"Do you know where we're headed to first?" Puck asks about our scheduled tour.
"We're going to Champs Elysees first then we go head to the Arc De Triomphe and finish at the Eiffel Tower," I tell them, listing off the places from the itinerary that I've read multiple times and memorized. Yeah, still a nerd.
"The best part of our tour! I brought my camera bag with me to get a lot of footage," Brittany says showing her bag.
Walking outside, we see a huge double-decker bus waiting for us, one of those buses with the top level open for us to see the whole town while driving. I've always wanted to ride on one of these and now I am even more excited for our day ahead. We all get situated, Brittany finding herself next to me with Puck and Sugar in the row directly behind us. Brittany grabs her camera immediately when she realizes that the top of the bus will give her a great view. I love watching Brittany with a camera in her hand. It's like she was born for it, the way she sees the world through the lens is breathtaking.
The bus slows as we near our first destination so we can take in the surrounding area. It parks so that we can walk around the different shops and cafes. We spend the next couple of hours roaming around, walking in and out of shops, picking out souvenirs and in between being 'interviewed' by Brittany. Next, we head to the Arc de Triomphe, one of the most famous monuments in Paris. On the drive, I look out at the scenery and enjoy the stillness I feel in my body with the wind blowing in my face. I make the decision to tell Brittany how I feel at the Eiffel Tower. I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but that's what I've decided will be my grand gesture but with that decision made and the reality of it, panic starts to take over, the stillness now completely gone. I try and shake away that feeling so that I can be present and enjoy everything around me and it only slightly works.
The view of Champs Elysees from the Arc is amazing. I know Brittany is getting great footage today as she continues her 'interview' style video, making us all laugh with her questions. We take plenty of pictures of the monument, as any tourist would, and hop back on the bus for our final destination. As we approach the Eiffel Tower, the first thing that goes through my mind is 'Damn, it's even taller in person!' Our tour guide hands us our tickets to access the top and suddenly I feel my heart start to pound and my palms start to sweat. I am freaking out. How did I not think about the fact that we would be going to the top until now? I feel my breaths become shorter and faster, almost going into a full-blown panic attack when I feel a soft warm hand on the small of my back.
"Breathe, San. It's going to be okay. I'm gonna be next to you the entire time," she says softly to me, successfully starting to calm me down. "And if it gets to be too much, I'll come back down with you, okay?" I nod, not able to trust my trembling voice.
We enter the very crowded lift as it starts to move to head for the top. I feel my palms start to sweat as the time passes but try and remember to keep my breathing even, so I don't embarrass myself and pass out. I mean, there are freaking young kids going to the top. I can do this. After what feels like ten hours, the doors of the lift open and my eyes pop out of my head at the knowledge that we've reached the top and I need to now will my body to remember how to walk. As promised, Brittany doesn't leave my side, one hand still on my back with the camera in her other. I barely take a step when I feel my body freeze, unable to move. I can't get myself to move to the edge and enjoy what I assume is one of the best views I'll ever see in my lifetime.
"Open your eyes. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. You're safe." And with those promising words, I open my eyes not to see the view, but to look back at the one person who has managed to steal my heart. I nod and take another shaky step forward, all while looking Brittany in the eye's, trying to hold on to all her courage. I'm not exactly sure how or when it happened, but I turn my head just slightly and see that I have made it to the edge where they have telescopes lined up for visitors to use. I give Brittany a victorious smile, proud of my progress I've made in just a few minutes. "See? Not so bad. Plus, isn't this view worth everything?"
Yes. Yes, it is. I want to tell her that the view is not the only thing worth being here for right now, but that's for when we've reached ground level. No way I would profess my love to her at this height because what if she doesn't feel the same way? I would have nowhere to run or hide. We take pictures, me wanting the most, just to show my parents and Quinn that I went to the top without dying or fainting because without evidence none of them would believe me. We decide to take the stairs down the last half of the way to enjoy the scenic route. We make it to the bottom, all of us slightly out of breath but all still on a high from the rush of being up there.
This is it. I take a deep breath and turn to Brittany, trying my best to act casual. "Hey Britt, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Yeah, one second," she tells me. "Hey, Puck! Can you grab another battery from my bag? It's on the bus!" She shouts over to Puck. She is fumbling with the battery she currently has, so she can switch it out. She hasn't put the camera down so I'm not at all surprised that she needs a new one this soon.
I see Puck running toward Brittany with what she asked for. Brittany tries to reach out for the battery when Puck pulls back his hand. "What the fuck, Pierce?"
"What?" Brittany says defensively, clearly not sure why he is yelling.
"Why haven't you told us you got in?" He questions waving an envelope in her face. I notice that he isn't yelling because he's angry, but more out of excitement.
"That wasn't for you to see! And I don't know, I just wanted to enjoy this time with my best friends and not think about not seeing you guys for a while," she says through a shrug.
"Come on, dude! You should've told us! I'm so freaking proud of you, Britt!" He says enveloping her in a huge bear hug.
"What are you talking about, Puck?" Sugar asks wanting to be involved in whatever is going on.
"Britt got into the film program in London!"
"WHAT?! Britt, oh my god! Really? How long have you known? We need to celebrate!" Sugar shouts as she joins them in a group hug. At that piece of information, I feel like all hope I had of me and Brittany gets shoved out the door, like the caret being ripped out from under my feet. As they all leave the big hug they were wrapped up in, Brittany turns to me with a look I'm not quite sure how to read. I kick myself into action, realizing I haven't congratulated her.
"Congratulations, Britt! This is an amazing opportunity. I'm proud of you!" I tell her as I embrace her in a warm and strong hug. I feel her let out a breath of relief against me.
"Thanks, San. I'm really excited but also nervous as hell," she says through a shy smile. "Wait, what were you going to talk to me about?"
Shit. I forgot about that, what with all the commotion that Puck bombarded us with and now with this information of Brittany going to London, I can't tell her. I can't be selfish, no, I have to let her go, she needs to go to London without thinking about me or anything that I might say. I smile at her and shrug her off, "Nothing important, Britt. Just wanted to thank you for helping me face my fear up there."
"Oh," she says not fully believing me. "No problem. I knew you could do it."
"Guys! Where are we going? Drinks! We need drinks! We need to celebrate this, Britt," Sugar says.
The bus ride back to the hotel is quiet as I get lost in my thoughts, so happy for Brittany. I can't even imagine where this opportunity is going to take her in the future and it's something she's dreamed of, something she deserves more than anyone.
We get ready and meet back in the lobby to head out for early drinks to celebrate. We find a cute bar near the hotel and sit at an available table.
"First round on me, in honor of my best friend getting into the film program of her dreams! Cheers!" Sugar shouts as we all raise our glass to Brittany.
"So, Britt. Do we ask for your autograph now? Or will you still remember us when you're famous," Puck jokes which elicits a huge laugh out of Brittany.
"Shut up, Puck. I would never give you my autograph because knowing your ass, you would sell that the first chance you got!"
"Yeah. You're probably right! What does everyone want? I got the next round," he says as he gets everyone's order and heads to the bar.
I know I'm being quiet and apparently so does Brittany because she glances at me every chance she gets, although I never make eye contact. I have another drink with them when it becomes too hard to be around.
"Hey, guys. I think I'm going to head back. I have the earlier flight tomorrow morning back home," I tell them not completely lying since my flight is at 7 am. "Congratulations again, Britt."
I hug each one of them, telling them that we should keep in touch when we're back in Lima. I get to Brittany last and pull her into a hug that I wish would never end. I take in her scent one last time, not knowing exactly when I'll see her again. "Thank you, Britt. For everything." I look at her. She gives me a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes like it normally does. "I'm going to miss you. Kick ass in London," I say and leave, not able to stay any longer without tears escaping my eyes.
When I get back to my room, I pack everything, checking around twice to make sure that nothing is left behind. I lay out my clothes and passport for the morning, so I don't forget seeing as I am not a morning person and I have to be up and functioning at an ungodly hour. I slip into sweats and lay on my bed staring up at the ceiling enjoying the quietness of my room. I brush my teeth and wash up and pull back the covers, ready for the night to end. I try not to dwell on the aching feeling in my heart, but it seems to be consuming my every thought. I try and hold on to the fact that I will see her again, one day. But that day seems so far in the future, so far that it almost doesn't exist. I am broken out of my sadness when I hear a knock at my door. I roll my eyes, only now remembering that I forgot to put up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign. I open the door ready to yell at whoever is at my door at this hour, most probably some drunk person knocking at the wrong door. Not the first time that happened to me on this trip. But when I open the door, my mind goes blank, because standing in front of me is Brittany.
We both stand at the entryway, neither making any sign of moving. I want to ask what she's doing here, but my brain stops working as we stare at each other, hesitant to make a move.
"Hi," she finally whispers so quietly as if she's afraid to speak.
"Hi," I respond just as quietly.
She hesitates but moves forward and connects our lips. This kiss, although still intense, doesn't have that playful feel the rest of our kisses have had. It's passionate and slow, it's exploring yet familiar. She doesn't try to move things further along, seemingly content to just be kissing and worshiping each other's mouths. We start to move into my room, the door closing behind us so that we are now standing in the middle, the bed so close yet feeling like the last thing on our minds. Any other time, she would have already had me naked and probably screaming her name, but not this time. This time I feel the energy shift in the room. This isn't who can get the other naked faster. Everything feels different.
She breaks the kiss but keeps her face close to mine, as if she is soaking up everything that is in front of her. She slowly opens her eyes and looks deep into mine. I find something different in her eyes. Not lust, but hesitation and sadness. This isn't the confident Brittany I've grown to love. She takes my hands in hers, never breaking eye contact, as she pulls me slowly toward the bed. I feel her hands tremble in mine, cautious of her every move. She sits and tugs me so that I am straddling her hips. She lifts her head to connect our lips as they delicately brush against mine. Her hands are resting gently on my back holding me in place as my arms wrap around her neck. God, it feels so good to be close to her. Her hands move from my back to my thighs and she lifts so that she is carrying me and turns us around to lay me on the bed, her body never leaving mine. She continues to kiss me never leaving my lips. Normally, she would explore my neck and jaw, but she seems to be content right here, not making any attempt to move from my lips. My hands are rubbing up and down her back as her tongue massages gently against mine. Time seems to slow down as our kisses continue but I feel Brittany hesitate to do anything else. I already know that something has shifted in both of us, I can feel it in the way her lips are moving against mine as if she is trying to tell me something but without words. And I am almost positive that it's exactly what I have been wanting to tell her. She separates herself from me and takes in a deep breath, her eyes opening slowly as they bore into mine. No words are needed because I can see it flowing out of her stunning blue orbs. I want her to know that whatever she is feeling, I am feeling too, my heart swelling with love and fear. I run my hands against her back to comfort her and assure her and slowly flip our positions so that I am nestled between her legs. I bend to close the small gap between us and leave a long and gentle kiss to her forehead. I see her eyes soften at the gesture and her body starts to relax under me. I lean up on my knees, making sure my gaze never leaves hers, and slowly pull my shirt off my body. This isn't about sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex is awesome, but this is so much more than just the physical benefits. I've never been good with my words and expressing emotions, but I need to show her what she means to me and if this is the last chance I'll have, I want to make sure she understands.
As soon as my shirt is off, her eyes divert down my exposed body. They move slowly as if she is taking a mental image of me and normally this would make me uncomfortable but being here in her presence makes me feel a calmness I've never felt before. I lean down to move my lips against hers, not able to take the separation anymore. My hand slips around her hip where her shirt has slightly risen making it possible to feel the warm skin under my fingertips. I move my kisses to her cheek and down to her jawline as I make a path down to her neck. My kisses are soft and delicate and purposeful. I slide my hand that rests on her hip up to feel more skin but it's not enough. I look into Brittany's eyes almost for permission to remove her shirt as she responds with a shy nod. I grab her hand to help her sit up as my hands go to the hem of her shirt unhurriedly removing it up and above her head, and oh god, she's not wearing a bra. Her skin is glowing, and the sight of her bare chest makes my breath hitch. The second our bodies are pressed together, a spark flies. I take my time, as I map every inch of her skin with my lips, starting from her collarbone and moving to the valley between her breasts. As I move further down, her body arches up into me, a low moan threatening to escape her. When I get to the top of her jeans I sneak a glance, silently asking for permission once again. When I get the okay, I delicately start to remove her pants. Once I have them completely off, I continue my initial journey starting from her ankle and up her calf to her knee, worshiping every inch, the entire time keeping my gaze on Brittany, and her on me as she watches my every move, love pouring out of my eyes. Every kiss is a confession of love a confession of adoration, a confession that for now must stay inside.
I finally reach the one area I've been dying for, and the same area I know she has so patiently been waiting to be touched. I nip the corner of the pink boy shorts and start to drag it down with my teeth, switching to my hands once it reaches her knees to remove it the rest of the way. I stay there, not moving as I take in the gorgeous woman lying in front of me, completely surrendering everything she has. I quickly remove my pants as well and crawl up the bed so that my whole body covers hers. She sucks in her bottom lip in anticipation of my next move and without being able to resist any longer I take in her swollen lips between mine, poking my tongue out slightly wanting approval to enter. She parts her lips enough for me to slip in. As we continue our exploration I move my hand down to massage her breast, eliciting another moan. This turns me on even more as I feel the heat between my legs intensify, but I push that to the back of my head. This isn't about getting off, this is about showing her how much I care about her, how much she means to me, and ultimately how big my love is for her.
She starts to squirm under me; I know she needs more. I shift my body down a little so that my face is hovering over her other breast, my left hand still massaging her other. I give it a light kiss before sucking it between my lips and grazing my teeth against it. I can tell how much she is enjoying this by the sounds she is making and the small twitches in her body. God, I love how her body reacts to my touch. It's so addicting to watch and I can't believe I'm so lucky to experience this. Deciding that I have spent enough time adoring her chest, I slide even further down so that I am facing her most intimate part. I can see the wetness coating her center and can practically taste her already. I lick my lips and give her a loving smile before having my first real taste of her sweetness on my tongue. It's a tentative lick but when I move in again I flatten my tongue and move from her entrance all the way to her sensitive center as I suck on her bundle of nerves. Her hips rise slightly from the bed, so I move my hands to rest on her hips settling her back down, each of her legs finding their spot over my shoulder. Her hand moves next to her side gripping the sheets under her and I feel the urge to intertwine my fingers with hers, and without resisting, I take hold of her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. As much as I am enjoying this and could honestly spend hours down here lapping up the essence of Brittany, the thing I crave most tonight at this moment is to watch her face as I bring her to her tipping point. I leave one last kiss on her center and move back up immediately attaching our lips. We both moan into each other's mouths, her taste on my tongue mixing between us.
"Please, Santana," she whispers against me.
"What do you need, Britt," I ask her soothingly.
"You," she adds, her voice shaky with uncertainty, mixed with pleasure.
It almost feels like the outside world doesn't exist and it's just me and Brittany surrounded by this bubble, in this moment, where there is no heartache or distance or complications. Just me and Brittany. I move my hand to her center, running my fingers through her folds to coat them with her wetness before pushing in only a little.
"Ungh," she groans which stirs me on.
I re-enter her again, going in more until I can't go in further. The way her muscles contract around my fingers, pulsing and massaging as I move in and out of her is the most addictive thing I have ever felt. After a few slow pumps, I add a second finger and hold my place deep inside, enjoying the throbbing before moving again. Her moans become more frequent but not too loud as if she is afraid she will burst the bubble around us. She suddenly wraps her fingers around my wrist stopping all movement and I shoot a glance at her, my eyes wide, afraid that I've done something wrong.
"I want to feel you, too," she says with a smile, clearly noticing the fear written all over my face. I nod in understanding and remove my fingers to take off my underwear. As I shake them off my ankles, I immediately resume my position inside of her as she snakes her hand between us, entering me without hesitation. My body falls against her as we start to breathe into each other's mouths, my movements in her wavering only for a second. We are both moving in and out of each other in a perfect synchronized rhythm and I can feel myself wanting to burst, being so worked up already. I hold off for as long as I can, wanting to come at the same time. I start to work a little harder when I feel her muscles start to contract more, squeezing my fingers inside when we both snap, reaching our desired climax. Our bodies are riding a wave against each other and our mouths are moving against one another in a sloppy kiss. Our breathing is rapid and neither one of us want to move, trying to take in everything that we are both so clearly feeling, wanting to stay in this moment as long as possible.
When we finally start to come down, I remove my fingers first as I hear a whimper escape Brittany at the loss of being filled. She does the same and I quickly roll off her pulling her with me, so she is curled into my body, head resting on my chest and arm draped across my waist, our sweat mixing together. This is the most blissful feeling that I can ever remember feeling. The three words keep replaying in my head and are threatening to seep out of my mouth as my hand mindlessly rubs up and down her back. I don't know how much time passes as we both lay in a comfortable silence.
"Britt," I murmur, not fully trusting my voice but she doesn't respond. "Britt?" I try again and that's when I realize her slow deep breathing. She's asleep. I pull her in even closer, if possible, and grab the blanket at the foot of the bed careful not to disturb her. I leave one last kiss to her temple. "I love you, Britt," I state confidently in a low whisper before falling into a deep and peaceful sleep.
The next morning comes all too quickly. It's still dark outside when I open my eyes, dreading the fact that I have such an early flight. I look over and see the blonde peacefully asleep in the spot next to me. I take a moment to take in all her beauty, the way her chest rises and falls with every breath, the way the sheets are thrown over her waist, leaving her soft pale skin and perfect curves exposed for me to see, before I quietly slip out of bed. I gather my things and take one last look around the room, making sure that everything is packed before I walk over to the pen and paper on the desk and scribble out a quick note. 'Good luck in London, Britt. You are going to do amazing things one day. Call me if you're ever in back in Lima. -Santana (614) 555-5743.' I leave it on the nightstand next to her phone and give her the lightest kiss, breathing her in one last time before turning around and leaving, back to Lima.
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