A/n: This would be the "more dark" I was referring to at the end of the last chapter. It's gonna be a rough one... (*angstangst*) Read on!

Warning: Contains adult subject matter and some light swearing.

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
-The Fray

Chapter 10 - Vienna

The next several weeks were surely the hardest of Izzie's life. George, her best friend, her person, the one she talked to the most about everything, was gone. Her mother was gone too, she had no job, she was still hiding a massive secret from her husband – the husband who she felt like she couldn't talk to about any of it. She felt like a shell of herself, wandering in and out of the days of the week, numbly and without direction. Her pregnancy was beginning to slowly show so she started wearing baggier shirts and letting people assume she was simply gaining weight. She didn't know how to deal with this and felt like she had no one to turn to.

Alex, to his credit, was trying. Even if he hated it, he had to recognize just how much George meant to Izzie and that she was taking his death extremely hard. He tried to be there when she needed to cry and would just hold her and not offer any words, as he simply didn't know what to say that could possibly comfort her. On the days the world was just too much and she struggled to get out of bed, he attempted to make supper for them or go out and buy the groceries needed. Sometimes he asked Meredith or Cristina to come over and take care of Izzie if he was going to be late at the hospital. He offered a couple times for her to talk to him about how she was feeling, but she didn't know how to begin with him so she simply didn't, and he tried not to pressure her.

She felt isolated and alone, and knew she couldn't keep the secret of her pregnancy any longer. Finally one evening when Cristina came over, Izzie decided she had to tell someone. It was already way out of hand, seeing as how she was basically three months pregnant and the only person who knew was Dr. Carr at the hospital.

"Hey," Cristina sat down on the edge of the bed. "I brought Chinese." She held up the bag of take-out with a sad half-smile.

Izzie turned and looked at her friend with watery eyes. "Cristina, you're the first one I told about... my cancer."

Cristina's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "You're not about to tell me something like that again, are you? Some deep dark secret? Because - "

Izzie cut her off, sitting up on the bed. "I have no one else to tell."

"What about Alex? Since he's your husband and all…"

Izzie shook her head.

Cristina went from slightly annoyed and wary to worried, immediately fearing the worst. She studied her friend momentarily, then gave Izzie the slightest of nods to let her know she was ready to hear whatever she had to say.

Izzie inhaled shakily then said, "I'm pregnant. Alex doesn't know. And... I couldn't... I… I had to tell someone."

Cristina's brow wrinkled a little in confusion. "Isn't this a good thing? You shouldn't even be able to have kids – that's why you froze your eggs."

"I know. And it... is a good thing – it's a miracle, actually. It shouldn't have happened."

"So... what's the problem? Does Alex not want kids? Is that why you haven't told him yet?"

Izzie almost chickened out as she looked her friend in the eye. She'd been trying so hard to keep everything in, to close up and only deal with one thing at a time. After all, she'd still been in the process of dealing with her mom's death when she'd learned of the pregnancy and George's death back-to-back. It was far, far too much. Keeping it a secret was almost easier in some ways, because it was like she didn't have to deal with it. Except as her stomach began to slowly grow, she was being forced to deal with it.

She struggled with her words for a few moments, trying to explain to Cristina what had happened. Then with tears in her eyes, Izzie explained that the baby was George's and poured her heart out to Cristina. Her friend was clearly shocked but listened patiently without interrupting until Izzie had finished.

"I'm sorry," Cristina finally whispered.

A solid minute or two of silence passed between them with Cristina not knowing what else to say and Izzie feeling somehow immensely relieved that someone else finally knew her secret. It was her who broke the silence first.

"I... I didn't know who else to tell." Izzie sniffed.

"And you haven't told Alex yet, at all?"

Izzie shook her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "How could I? He and George never got along all that well, and Alex and I were on such bad terms when I came back... I... It'll crush him to hear I..." She buried her face in her hands, wondering not for the first time, how exactly she'd managed to come to this point in her life.

Cristina tried to digest everything, overwhelmed by the information her friend had just shared with her. She had no clue what to say, what kind of advice to give. The only thing she was sure of was that Alex had to know before things got any further.

Izzie wanted to protest but knew Cristina was right. It was bad enough that she hadn't told him for this long and the longer she left it, the worse things were going to get.

"You better tell him soon," said Cristina later that night when she was leaving. "And you really need to find someone else to tell your scary, life-altering secrets."

Izzie smiled a little watching her friend go, desperately hoping she wouldn't have any more scary, life-altering secrets to tell. And then she started dreading the moment when Alex came home and she would have to tell him the truth.

Thankfully she didn't have to wait long before he came home. He came straight in, threw a quick hello her way and then settled at the table and immediately began working through a pile of papers. She knew he had a big case at the hospital he'd been working on for almost a week and it was very important, but since talking to Cristina, she knew she could not put off talking to him a single night longer.

"Hey," she said and slid down into the seat across from him.

"Hey. You feelin' better?"

She almost winced – Hardly, she thought – but answered, "A little."

They were quiet for a few moments.

"Alex, can I talk to you?"

"Right now?"

She felt a flash of irritation at him – he had offered at one point to be available to talk whenever she needed him. Well, she needed him now. She forced the irritation away – that would be a bad way to start off.

"Look, I know you're busy with this big case, but... it's important."

Something in her tone must've gotten through as he looked up quickly at her, worry creasing his features.

"I... I don't really know how to say any of this, so..." She twisted her hands on top of the table. "But I..." She sighed, wishing the words that could somehow make things better between them would come. "Alex, I'm sorry I left so suddenly before. But with mom, and my job... I... it was too much. It was all too much. I just couldn't be here and see all of you and be reminded of everything. I handled it badly. I-I just needed time to clear my head. I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was – I'm sorry I told you not to come after me." She reached out to touch his hand. "You're my husband and I should've let you come be with me."

"Damn right." He said hotly and pulled his hand away.

She sat back, surprised by his angry tone. "What?"

"I said damn right."

"I got it the first time. I - look, I'm apologizing here, Alex, and I - "

"Yeah, I heard you. Doesn't make up for the fact that people were constantly asking me where you were and I had no idea." He glared at her. "I'm your husband. You said it yourself!"

This was not starting out at all like she'd intended.

"Well, I'm sorry if the death of my own mother made you look bad!" She shot back before she could stop herself. "Heaven forbid you go through a tough few weeks, after all you've been through!"

"Oh, don't turn this around on me! It's not just you disappearing. It was O'Malley showing up and saying he'd seen you. He goes off to the goddamn army and you start acting weird whenever I tried to ask you what happened while you were gone. What the hell, Iz?"

"Don't bring George into this – " She warned but he plowed on.

"Why the hell didn't you marry O'Malley then if he's the only one who you'll talk to? Did you call him, huh? Did he come to your damn rescue like he always does?"

"He came for me because he knew I couldn't handle everything! Where were you?"

"You told me not -

"Too busy trying to climb the hospital's corporate ladder?"

"So me trying to provide for you is a problem now?" Alex slammed his hand on the table with such force that it made Izzie jump. "Dammit, Izzie!"

A silence so loud it hurt her ears formed between them as Alex stared down at the papers on the table before him and Izzie tried to find something to say. She hadn't meant for this to turn into another fight. She'd probably made this into the worst possible moment to tell him.

He spoke first with a heavy sigh as he rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But you… you're here, Izzie. You've had probably the worst year anybody can imagine, with cancer and your mom and everything, but you're here. You've survived that stuff. You need to start acting like it."

She blinked. "I… I need to start 'acting' like it? What is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean," he began, his voice adopting that defensive tone from before. "I know it's been tough, but you're not the only one who's had to deal with stuff. You're not the only one who's got it hard, who had to deal with your sickness. And you're not the only one who's grieving for O'Malley."

"He was my best friend, Alex! I think I have a right to be sad because he's dead, for God's sake."

"That's not what I said - "

"That is what you said, that's exactly what you said - "

"I'm talking about you acting like a zombie all day every day – you're not even you anymore!"

"My best friend died, Alex!"

"Yes he did! He died, not you. Dammit, Izzie, you're not the one who died!" he shouted.

Their argument raged on from there. It was the type of argument that trumped all of their previous arguments by a mile. The type where they both would shout for a while, lose track of what started them shouting, and start to calm down only to ramp back up. The type where everything they've ever had an issue with was somehow dragged into it. The type where she started to feel dizzy and emotional the longer it went and he got redder and redder in the face.

Eventually somewhere in the midst of it all, though it surely couldn't have been a worse time, she managed to blurt out that she was pregnant. At first he'd been a bit confused, then asked her about getting her eggs and his sperm from the hospital and why hadn't she told him about getting an artificial insemination. She'd said she'd never gotten anything from the hospital like that and he became overjoyed for a moment, saying it was a miracle after all her cancer treatment. And then she'd had to explain when exactly she'd gotten pregnant.

It got, if possible, even worse after that. The argument raged on and thinking back on it, she was hazy on the details of what was said and by whom. He yelled, she yelled, he apologized, she cried, he said something, she said something and then they were yelling again. If they had had neighbors within a few miles of the trailer, she was sure someone would've called the cops on them by now.

Almost three hours later, they were both nearly hoarse from the shouting match. The argument had reached its worst peak and she fled the trailer with a hot face, him hollering after her. She didn't listen and simply jumped in the car and drove away, half-blinded by tears. She drove fast and aimlessly for a little while before realizing she needed some place to stay for the night, since there was no way she was going back to the trailer. She decided against Meredith's, as then she'd have to explain to Meredith and Derek (and whoever else might be at the house at that time) what was going on and there was no way she felt like doing that.

She drove a little while longer, trying to decide what to do, as her adrenaline finally began to recede and her emotions were calming down. She came to a stop in front of a tall apartment complex with no particular plan in mind, except hoping her friend was at home and hopefully awake at this time of night.

Cristina's eyebrows moved high on her forehead when she opened her door. "Izzie?"

"Can I stay the night?"

The best part about staying with Cristina was that she didn't ask too many questions. She made up the couch for Izzie to sleep on, and Owen, who had been over for dinner and a movie, fetched some extra blankets from the hall closet. Cristina had shot him a warning look when he'd asked if everything was okay and he hadn't asked anything further after Izzie's curt, "Of course not".

Owen offered to make her some food if she was hungry or a drink if she was thirsty. Izzie declined but thanked him for the offer anyway. Cristina told her to help herself if she did end up getting hungry and took a moment to point out things of importance in the kitchen as well as reminding her there were more blankets to be found in the hall closet should she get cold. Izzie thanked them both again, especially for Cristina for letting her stay. Her friend assured her it was no problem at all and compassionately reminded Izzie that Alex was a jackass, even if they were married, so it was bound to happen at some point. Izzie of course didn't really find her words to be particularly comforting, but couldn't help a small smile at them anyways.

The pair bid Izzie goodnight and closed the door to the bedroom and a few minutes later she could hear Cristina and Owen continuing their movie. She snuggled down into the couch, clutching a pillow close to her chest so she could muffle her crying.

Sometime in the night, she shifted onto her side and a sharp stab of pain woke her up with a jolt. She blinked rapidly in the darkness, disoriented that she wasn't in the trailer. It took her mind a few seconds to wake up and remind her why she was at Cristina's. She tried to shift and get comfortable again when another stronger stab of pain sliced through her and she cried out. That was when she realized her legs felt wet.

Her heart began to race and she fumbled for the lamp on the end table. Just as she managed to flip the switch, another wave of pain hit her, worse than anything else so far. She cried out again, clutching her stomach.

Owen flung open the bedroom door. "Izzie? What - "

She held up a shaking hand that was sticky with blood. "Something's wrong."

He saw the blood soaked couch and called for Cristina.

When she opened her eyes, for a few minutes she found it very difficult to remember what exactly had happened. Slowly, it came back to her in pieces. The fight with Alex, sleeping at Cristina's, waking up with pain and blood, Owen carrying her to the elevator and then out to his car, Cristina speeding them to the hospital, faces hovering over her as she was placed on a stretcher and rushed to an O.R....

She moved her hand to her stomach, afraid of what she wasn't going to feel but already knowing it to be true. She'd had a miscarriage.

She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream and thrash. She wanted to curse to the heavens that it wasn't fair, that nothing in her life had been at all fair for so long and why, God, why did this have to be taken away from her too? This one piece of goodness, of life - this one last piece of George.

She'd heard the term "rock bottom" before and had always thought she'd known what it meant: the lowest possible level, the worst one could feel, the most awful situation. Now, as she curled up a little tighter in the hospital bed, staring at the blank wall with her back to the door, she realized she never really understood the term, not really. But she does now: the lowest possible level, the worst one could feel, the most awful situation.

A tear or two slid down her cheek and soaked into the pillow and she simply felt numb and raw and exhausted. Life had been steadily taking absolutely everything away from her and she felt like she couldn't do it anymore. There was nothing left in her to fight anymore. Cancer had beat her down and she'd only just barely been back to being on her feet again when she'd been brutally knocked down with her mother's death. She didn't think she'd even managed to get to a kneeling position when she'd been slammed back down with George's death and now this.

She didn't think she could take any more. In fact, she was quite sure of it.

I give up, she thought. Please God, I have nothing left. I give up.

She drifted off to sleep eventually, with dark and depressed thoughts weighing her down like a horrible, black anchor.

It was night time again when she opened her eyes next. Her back was to the door, but when she heard a little movement behind her, she realized someone was in the room with her and she turned around in the bed to see Alex. He was blankly staring at an open magazine in his lap with red eyes. He looked up when she turned.

They didn't say anything for a long time. It was probably a good hour, in fact, where she stared at him and he stared back, then she'd look away or pretend to go to sleep and he'd pretend to read his magazine again for a while before she'd open her eyes and he'd look up, and they'd return their gazes to each other.

Finally, it was her who spoke first.

"I should've told you sooner." She whispered hoarsely.

He nodded a little. "I-I'm glad you're okay."

A few quiet minutes passed and she studied the pattern of the blanket by her forearm.

"I was dying," she began quietly. "You were just doing the right thing, because we were together and I was dying and I wanted that dream wedding. You meant your vows, I know you did. But... I was dying. And then I wasn't." She moved her eyes to meet his, seeing a similar feeling of sadness, defeat and understanding without the usual flare of anger. "We were never meant for this."

He clenched his jaw, wanting to protest. But he couldn't argue when he felt the same way. "You made me a better person," he said. "Most days." He added with a soft, humorless chuckle.

"He was there all along. You just wouldn't let him out." Izzie smiled just a little.

He returned it but guiltily averted his gaze.

There was a lot of unsaid things between them, a lot of apologies that probably should have been said. Somehow, however, they felt they were past that. They were past talking, and especially after their explosive argument, they were past simply apologizing. It was to the point where they both had finally come to the same realization: that they weren't meant to be married, that it wasn't working, that it was time to move on. That somewhere along the way they'd fallen out of love or that maybe they hadn't been as in love as they'd thought. It was hardly an easy realization and it'd taken them this long and a whole lot of heartache and yelling to come to it, but at least they were here. Maybe, in some tiny way, she wasn't quite as "rock bottom" as she felt.

She'd almost fallen asleep some time later when she heard him murmur, "I'm just glad you're okay."

She felt anything but "okay" but knew she would be in time. Everything that happened would eventually be behind her, even if it took a long time. And it probably would take a long time. It wasn't going to be easy, it wasn't going to be simple or nice, and there were going to be days when she just wouldn't be able to face the world or get out of bed or pretend like things were getting back to normal. Things would never be normal, they would never be like they were.

But someday, someday she would be okay.

"So we're saying maybe someday?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we're saying maybe someday."

A/n: That was a real dark and heavy one folks, but I promise there is light on the horizon for Izzie as she moves on from everything that's happened and things wind down. :) And I also promise that sometime soon, I will get to those review replies - I have been (and will be for several more days yet) most occupied with the Lost Finale and the party I'm having! :D Anyways, more soon!