Hello.

You have gone really quiet! This is just a reminder that I'd love for you to review and tell me what you think. I've worked especially hard on this chapter and I'd love to know if you enjoy it. If you prefer to contact me on Twitter, go ahead - my profile name is Silverfoxpunk.

Although this is not a slash chapter, there is mention of what has gone before. So if this offends, you may want to skip this. I wouldn't advise it though.

Other notes: Things are about to get zesty for Caroline and there is some blood sharing.

PRESENT DAY

Chapter Ten: I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore

When the shock had passed, Alaric reacted fast. He stabbed Stefan's hip with a massive vervain dart and dragged Jeremy by the arm, naked, out of the room and down the stairs while the vampire screamed and writhed behind them.

He deposited the boy on the couch, ran back up the stairs and tightened Stefan's chains, whilst the vampire cursed, twitched and roared his complaint. Alaric quickly picked up Jer's discarded clothing and ran back down the stairs. He handed the boy his clothes and quietly said, "Get dressed."

Jer did as he was asked, his hands shaking.

"Did he hurt you?" Alaric's face was calm, but his eyes showed turmoil. Jeremy had never seen him so shaken up.

"I'm fine. It's not what you think." He said, grasping for an explanation, but finding none.

Ric ran a hand over his face and chewed his lip. He pointed up the stairs. "This has gone on long enough. He is dangerous." He emphasized the last word heavily. Whether it was a warning, a statement or a realization, it was hard to tell. Jer imagined Stefan upstairs, the vervain ripping painfully through his system, trying to listen to every word they both said. He wondered idly whether he were able to pull his jeans up by himself, or whether Alaric had dressed him.

His attention came back to Ric, who had his hands on his hips and was trying to reach him. His voice became different; less a friend, more an authority figure.

"Jer, you don't have to tell me anything. I know some people, have some numbers. I just need to go to the school and I can get them -"

"It's not what you think. I wanted this." He said. "I wanted him." Alaric went quiet. Chewed his lip again. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, but he was the angriest Jeremy had ever seen him.

"You are a minor. A child." He said carefully. "I don't care what you thought you wanted, he had no right." He turned away and paced slowly, running his hand through his hair. "It's almost dawn," he added, "I'm going to call Caroline and we are going to put an end to this." He wagged his finger in Stefan's direction. "He goes. Today."

"No! You can't do that!" Jer got to his feet in protest. "Where would he go? Back to Klaus? Klaus didn't want him - he abused him. He belongs here. With us!"

"Jesus Jer, what did he do to you?" Ric said, confusion in his face. "Look, I am not discussing this. The decision is made." He marched into the kitchen and Jer heard a tap running. There were splashes as if he was washing his face. When the teacher came back, he sat in the chair opposite him looking pensive. He was calmer, as though the shock had worn off allowing his thoughts to properly organize themselves.

"Look Jer, I think I know you pretty well. You are my family now. If Jenna left me anything, it was her love for you and your sister." He looked saddened, as if he had failed horribly at even that. "I just don't want you to get hurt." He said.

"I'm not hurt. I promise you, I'm fine." Ric cast his eyes over him and could see that externally at least, the vampire had not appeared to have left his mark.

"Whatever I walked in on, it did not sound fine to me."

"I was just upset because - because..." Oh God, how to explain this? There was no way around it. "Because Vicki and Anna suddenly appeared." He looked at the teacher, who reacted in horror.

"What?"

Jeremy sighed. This would take some explanation. He started at the beginning.

Once he had finished speaking, Alaric had called Caroline. He at least saved Jer the humiliation of calling Bonnie too. Caroline arrived make-up less and looking tired, she wore an old sweater and faded sweats. She listened carefully as the teacher relayed the gist of what had happened. He was careful not to say that he had found Jeremy naked, he just said that Stefan had been 'deeply manipulative', and that having him in their care was no longer tenable.

Caroline read between the lines. She looked shocked. Glanced at Jer, trying to decide whether what she was thinking was the truth.

In the end she didn't heed Alaric's warnings and she dashed upstairs, but rather than going into Stefan's room, she went to the attic.

In the attic, Caroline tossed things noisily aside until she found what she wanted. She tucked it into the waistband of her sweats, shot down the attic stairs and tore into the vampire's room.

Stefan lay practically naked in the centre of the bed, his jeans were around his ankles, his shirt undone and trapped beneath him. His wrists were red and sore from where Alaric had pulled the chains so tight that he could barely lay on the bed with his back straight.

How many times had she fantasized about seeing him naked? Just how many? But not like this. Nothing about this was right.

The scent of Jeremy hit her like a slap. She felt tears salt her eyes, but she shut them down before they could start.

"Well," he said looking at her, "you must forgive my appearance, I appear to be somewhat... indecent." He smiled wryly and she felt anger rise up inside of her like a tsunami.

"Arghhhh!" She yelled, rushing to him and slapping his face hard. Her fists pummeled his chest mercilessly. "You idiot," she screamed, "you fucking idiot!" She yelled again and again as she beat him, her words becoming just indecipherable.

Finally spent, she stepped back and listened to the sound of his cracked ribs mend and watched as the red welts slowly disappeared.

"I take it you are upset about the boy?" Stefan said carefully. She pulled from her waistband the small, silver framed picture she had found in the attic and thrust it into his face.

"Do you know who that is? Do you know her?" She said pointing aggressively at the image.

He examined the photograph with curiosity. His own arm was casually tossed around a pretty brunette with long brown hair, they were both smiling. The man stood on her other side had intense blue eyes that looked straight down the lens. He looked like he would rather be elsewhere.

He shook his head. No, he didn't know who she was.

"She is the love of your fucking life, Stefan. And that 'boy' you just screwed is her brother!"

"Oh." Stefan uttered.

"Damn right, 'oh'." She spat out angrily. "Goddamn it!" She tossed the picture at the wall and it smashed. "Why? Just tell me why?" Her knees buckled and she landed on his bed. "You could have had anyone you wanted, anyone at all. You chose him..." She said, her words fading into nothingness. Her eyes filled again with tears, but she would not give him the satisfaction.

He looked at her with a curious expression on his face.

"You would rather it had been you?" He asked. She looked at his face. Then just as quickly realized that she could no longer bring herself to talk to him in his current undressed state.

With shaking hands she leaned down and carefully helped him into his jeans and roughly buttoned his shirt.

"Thank you." He said softly.

"Christ, it smells of sex in here." She said, not being able to bear another moment of his searching eyes. She jumped up and flung open a window and felt herself retch. A residual human response to her anguish.

"You didn't answer my question, Caroline." He said quietly.

"Me, Alaric, Bonnie. Dammit, anyone but him!" She leaned against the window sill and took deep breaths that she didn't really need.

"No Caroline. I don't think so. I think you wish you had been in his place. Just you."

"You're so fucking arrogant!" Caroline shouted at him, and rushed from the room, slamming the door hard behind her.

She couldn't face going back downstairs to the 'told you so' look of Alaric, or face Jeremy under any circumstances.

She pushed her way into the first door she found, slammed it closed and slid down it. She let the tears flow.

In his room, Stefan listened to Caroline cry. He alternated between listening to her and the prolonged discussion between Jeremy and Alaric. Jeremy was telling the teacher how he knew his own mind and the teacher was telling Jeremy that the situation was abuse by any other name.

He thought about the blonde, about how he had moved through her dreams, plying her with fantasies that made her ache for him.

He thought about the picture she had shown him. The pretty smiling brunette in his arms, the man stood next to them both.

He listened to Alaric tell Jeremy that he would call Damon and tell him to bring Elena straight home. He said it was wrong to let them stay on holiday oblivious, when Damon's own brother had brought such trouble into this house, and that Elena had to find out sometime or another.

Stefan felt the chains cut into his wrists and the vervain made him woozy. It felt like it was pushing every bit of blood right out of his system. He shifted his back on the mattress, but failed to bring any comfort.

"Hey!" He called out. "Hey, I need blood!"

Nobody answered. He felt irritation at his confinement.

Where was this so called 'love of his life', if she was not here at his side? Why was she on holiday with this man they said was his brother?

Why did the blonde weep so hard for him? Why did he feel bad for what he had done to her?

His mind began to repeat her name, over and over again like a mantra as the vervain chased around his system.

Caroline.

Caroline.

Car-o-line.

And with that, the fog suddenly cleared.

"Alaric! Alaric!" Stefan yelled at the top of his lungs. "Alaric, get me out of these fucking chains! Please!" He sounded so needy, so anxious - so desperate to be forgiven.

In her room, Caroline lifted her head. She brushed her running mascara away from her eyes with her sleeve and listened.

"Alaric, please! It's me! I remember everything. Jeremy! Jeremy, it's me, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. Can you hear me?" Stefan shouted desperately. He fell back and closed his eyes.

Oh God, the mess he was in. Jeremy. Caroline. He wanted to die.

When Caroline opened his door, she entered the room slowly, slipping through the slightest crack - her face anxious and her hands remaining on the door knob behind her. She leaned back on the door and closed it gently.

When she saw him, filled with pain and remorse, she knew the Stefan she loved had returned to her.

He sat as upright as he could. Begging her forgiveness with his eyes.

"Oh, Caroline! Care, I'm so sorry. For everything."

Her heart flooded with overwhelming pity, she rushed to him and flung her arms around him.

"What have I done? What have I done?" He asked her.

He pressed into her shoulder, riddled with guilt for hurting them all so deeply. It was everything, all that he had done with Klaus as well as the current mess he was in. The killing, the blood, the sex and the violence. The memories rushed into his head with the ferocity of a volcanic eruption.

Caroline held him tight. His face was lost in her sweet smelling hair - his cheek damp with her tears. He wanted to hold her so much, but he could not. As if reading his mind, suddenly she let him go and at vampire speed she ran to each corner of his bed and released his chains.

He fell back onto the mattress, rubbing his wrists as they healed. Then she was in his arms again, crawling into his lap, pulling herself into his body. And suddenly he was kissing everything he could reach.

If you had asked either of them how it happened, they wouldn't have been able to tell you. They were so flooded with emotion that their movements came without thought.

Caroline pulled her sweater over her head, his hands helping her. Her soft hair fell onto his shoulders as she bowed her head to him. His hands moved on her back pulling her down into a deep kiss. Soft and warm, her tongue slid against his, her hands holding his face.

His hands drifted over her cool, perfect skin, his fingertips unhooked her bra as they reached it. They slipped around her body and squeezed her naked breasts, felt their weight and curve in his hands. She broke the kiss, tipped her head back and moaned, grinding her pelvis down onto him as he rose up against her. He smothered his face in her chest. Let his mouth move across her until it engulfed a nipple. He sucked hard and teased the gathered ridges with his tongue. His fingers found her open mouth as he did so. She sucked on them as she moved.

He groaned against her, his teeth came and he bit sharply down, making her gasp. He drew blood from her breast as she moved against him. He licked it then kissed her, so she tasted her own blood.

His hands caressed her buttocks, he grabbed and tore her sweats apart at the seams. He yanked them off her body, making her thighs tremble with the friction. That drove him wild. Her pale-pink panties went the same way as the sweats. She cried out as he pushed fingers into her. He turned his fingers this way and that and quickly found her g-spot. She gripped his legs with her hands and arched her back, coming quietly, riding his fingers until her climax passed.

When she regained her full senses, she leaned forwards and undid his button fly. She sat up on her knees so he could wriggle beneath her and remove his jeans. She tore at his shirt and the buttons clattered across the wooden floor. He shucked the shirt from his body and flipped her over so she was beneath him. He pushed slowly, teasingly, into her body. She hooked her legs around him as he began to move inside of her.

They found a steady rhythm, until he withdrew. He flipped her leg up so that it rested on his shoulder and pushed deeper inside her. She clawed at his skin and her vampire face came. She dropped her leg and scrambled to maneuver so that she was astride his lap once more. He held her tight against him as he also sat upright and she rocked down onto him. Their speed increased and she leaned into his neck. He leaned against hers too and by unspoken agreement, he bit down hard into her throat and she did the same. They came together.

They fell back on the bed. A tangle of limbs, a mess of bodily fluids.

Her face had changed back to normal, but his was slower to recede. She looked at him, ran a finger over the threaded veins under his eyes.

"This wasn't how I imagined it would be." She said quietly, thinking of all her fantasies.

He crumbled suddenly, feeling her words pierce his heart. He had let them all down terribly, unforgivably.

For the first time in fifty years he burst into tears.

She held him tight and let him cry.

When he walked into the living room holding Caroline's hand, Alaric took a step back. Jeremy got to his feet. They both looked deeply shocked that Stefan was free.

"Whoa! What the hell, Caroline?" Alaric said.

"It's okay." Stefan held out placating hands. "Please don't worry. I'm myself. I won't hurt you." Alaric looked daggers at Caroline, she in turn looked at her feet.

"I asked Caroline to bring me here, so I could talk to you."

Alaric's breathing was shallow.

"Please Alaric, I want to talk to Jeremy. In private."

"Not a chance." The teacher shook his head.

"What if I volunteered to be chained again?"

"Didn't make a damn bit of difference last time. I stay and hear what you have to say, or it doesn't happen." Stefan looked at Jeremy, met his eyes. The boy was quiet, his cheeks devoid of color.

"I understand. I have given you no reason to trust me. Please, can't we all sit?" Stefan asked. Alaric and Jeremy sat down slowly. Stefan sat next to the boy and Caroline stood behind Stefan, she gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"I'll leave you to it." She left them alone, but he knew she would listen in. How could she not? Her leaving was more just to put the men at ease. She walked back upstairs.

"Jeremy." Stefan began, reaching out to place his hand on the boy's knee.

"Don't touch him Stefan, or I swear to God..." Alaric said, leaning forwards and indicating a stake that had appeared in his hand as if by magic. Stefan dropped his hand quickly. He wasn't looking to make trouble.

He returned his gaze to Jer, the boy's big brown eyes were so reminiscent of his sister, it was hard to remember that technically she was his cousin. Perhaps it was Jer's mannerisms that reminded him of Elena? He winced. That thought increased his sense of wrongdoing tenfold.

"Jeremy. I love you." Stefan began quietly. Alaric shifted in his chair. "But the love we shared tonight was the wrong kind of love." He said stiltedly. He paused. "Do you understand?" The boy said nothing, but his brow remained furrowed. "I ask for your forgiveness, even though I don't deserve it. I manipulated you, toyed with your emotions, your youth; I forced you to be a part of a something you didn't ask to do. I took away your right to choose."

"I knew what was happening to me." Jer insisted, "You may have been able to do those things, but what you said to me was true. They happened because I wanted them to. I'm not a child, Stefan."

"No, you aren't." He agreed, "No more than I am a man. It is a sad truth that my natural inclination is to exploit you for my gain. I'm not proud of that, but it is what being a vampire is." He paused, wondered how to get through to him. Lofty talk of what it meant to be a vampire wasn't gonna do it. He sighed, started again. "Jeremy, you are generous to a fault, kindhearted, smart. I knew you were grieving and feeling disempowered. The worst part of me knew I could use that. Do you understand what I am saying? I took advantage of you." He repeated. Stefan felt the boy's pulse run faster through the seat they shared.

"I know you're sorry. But I'm not." Jeremy said. Alaric looked up, he looked as surprised as Stefan felt.

"Jer -" Alaric interrupted warningly, he had a 'don't say anything you may regret' tone to his voice.

"I mean it." Jeremy said forcefully, aimed at the teacher. He returned his gaze to Stefan. "Sure, at first I didn't want anything to do with you. Thought the whole thing was some sick joke. But then I realized, I'm surrounded by people. People who never stop talking at me, telling me what to do, what to wear, eat, drink, how to act. People who just want something from me. Constantly. But not you. You made me feel, I dunno, in control I guess."

Alaric's eyebrow moved an infinitesimal amount, but Stefan saw it. The teacher was even more tense now than he had been a moment ago, and the vampire wondered if he regretted his insistence on bearing witness to this conversation.

"Jer, I haven't been in my right mind." Stefan told him, "I was playing games. Silly games. I wasn't thinking of you, I was thinking of myself. My pleasure, my escape." He looked down. Felt shame burn right through him. Even now, he could still smell Jeremy on his skin, feel where he had been inside of him.

"It's fine, Stefan. I get it." Jer looked away, his words were strong, but his body was shaking. "You never really wanted me. Don't beat yourself up about it. I really don't care." His lips clamped together.

Stefan wanted to touch him, but he looked to Alaric first, when Alaric didn't react he laid his hand gently on the boy's knee.

"When the blood controls me, I have appetites that have no equal in the human world. I chose you because you were looking for answers, wanting freedom. Because of that I could control your dreams, your fantasies. It's not really a question of being attracted to you. I simply used you. And I'm so sorry for that." He met the boy's eyes.

Jeremy flicked his own eyes away to the corner of the room. Vicki was sat there, watching, listening. He wondered how much she had heard? He briefly wondered where Anna was. He turned back to Stefan.

"Look, it's no big deal." He said, not convincing anyone that he meant that. "Let's just forget any of this happened." Jer got up and walked slowly from the room. He paused only to look down at the ghost who haunted him. Her eyes were filled with tears.

As the door front closed behind Jeremy. Stefan looked at Alaric and the teacher glowered back.

"Thank you. For letting me speak to him. I know you didn't want me to."

"He would only have come back to you to seek answers."

"Perhaps."

"But let me get this straight, if you ever go near him again, so help me God I will finish you."

Stefan nodded. "You don't need to worry. I'm leaving. I won't come back."

"I thought I knew you, Stefan, I realize now I don't know you at all." Alaric uttered.

They stood staring at each other in an uneasy truce.

"He's hurting. He'll need your support." Stefan said nodding towards the door.

"Yes, I realize that. Thanks for making his life just a little bit worse." Alaric said sarcastically. The vampire looked at his feet. "So, where will you go?" The teacher asked, "Assuming I let you walk out of here of course."

"Far away. Indonesia, Australia perhaps."

"Good."

"Before I go, I have to ask you one last thing. A favor. I need blood, the vervain - it weakened me-"

"You are unbelievable." Alaric interrupted, shaking his head, but he went down to the basement anyway, and came back with two bags. Stefan thanked him and sucked them both dry. Caroline walked down into the room, her eyes red.

"You're leaving?" She said, her face distraught.

"I can't stay." He said. "Not now." He brushed a curl behind her ear.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something else, Stefan fell violently to floor and began twitching.

"Stefan! Stefan! What is it?" She shouted falling to her knees and reaching out to him. "What's happening?" She placed her hand on his shoulder as his body went into seizure. Alaric came closer too, but kept a healthy distance.

"The blood!" Stefan rasped. "The blood! Chain me up again. Do it now!" He shouted.