Disclaimer: I still don't own Naruto.
Give till there's nothing left, value in every breath,
You need to realize that bleeding is a luxury.
Sakura did not need to turn to know that it was Itachi who had spoken. She should have been able to predict that he, of all people, would find her like this again. Not only was this the training grounds where she had first met the Uchiha heir, and he was likely to use this area frequently, but he also seemed to have a knack for finding her every time it felt like she could be alone to have a good cry. It was unfair of him, really, to continuously be bugging her, each time she decided to show some sort of weakness.
She heard him get closer, as he intentionally stepped on a dried leaf, so when he suddenly stood behind her, she would not be startled. This was not what she wanted. Sakura needed to be alone, to process what had happened, but he was so determined to invade her privacy. Another sob tore through her throat, and even when he was so close that she could feel the heat radiating off him, she did not turn to face him.
Something in her ignoring him bothered Itachi, and he was unsure why that was. That feeling he was learning to abhor was rising his chest, making him want to reach over, grab her by the shoulders, and make her face him by force. He was uncertain of what had happened to her, since she refused to make any response to his question, but he could tell that it had been something bad.
He now was familiar enough with this strange sensation in his chest to know that he could not leave until he knew just what was bothering her. For reasons he could not yet ascertain, Haruno Sakura appeared to matter to him. To what degree, he did not know, and the reason for this feeling still seemed to elude him. For a moment, he stared at her back, realizing she was wearing the smock medics often wore while in surgery. Something had to have occurred at the hospital, to put her in such a distressed state to be crying.
"Ha-" He had to correct himself. "Sakura, tell me what happened at the hospital."
She gave him little response besides a shake of her head, meant to be a negative. He was not going to take no as an answer, though. He tried to be gentle, really, in curling his long fingers about her small arms and twisting her around. He was flabbergasted by the vast amounts of blood covering her, from her face, to her arms, down her slight form. She was bathing in the crimson liquid, and if he even touched her, he would be washed in it as well.
"Sakura," he murmured, "who's blood is this?"
When he saw the pitiful expression on her face, he did not care about the blood as much. She met his gaze, as if to ask him to say no more, because she was not ready to share anything. Silently, he agreed to not question her further, at least not for the moment. When she had calmed down, she would probably tell him anything he wanted to hear.
Meticulously, he took one arm, unrolling the gloves she had up to her elbows, and discarding them both. It hardly mattered that she had worn them at all, because the blood had managed to seep in from the seam, and she was still covered in the blood. Carefully, he reached behind her to untie the operating frock that she had put on to prevent the blood from getting on her clothes. Of course, to remove it from her, he had covered himself with the blood, so when she helplessly sought his warmth, it had proven itself pointless.
She pressed her body against him in a way that he found hardly appropriate, but when she wound her arms around her this time, he knew what he was supposed to do, and did not hesitate to return the gesture. He could not believe that she was so willingly taking comfort from him again, not caring what it would look like. No one was going to discover them this deep in the forest, but it hardly concerned him either way.
For a few minutes, she was content in smothering herself into his chest, unintentionally wiping off the blood from her cheeks. He did not mind so much, even though this shirt happened to be white, and the stains probably would not come out again. He was not sure if this was simply her way of releasing her anguish, or if she wanted him to know her thoughts, but after a good ten minutes, she seemed to turn hysterical, and he hardly knew what to do with it.
"It was my mother," she started quietly. "This isn't the first time she's had a miscarriage, either. It's become habitual with her, and even I was not born under normal circumstances. I didn't know until today, but I was born prematurely, which probably is why my stupid forehead is so goddamned huge." Sakura continued, her voice gaining volume.
He remained mute, knowing it was best that she got this out now, rather than her bottling these feelings up.
"I was the only medic on shift that was capable of giving her a fighting chance," she blubbered, "and I failed her." Sakura grieved a moment longer. "I...I should have been able to save her!" She hollered, hands gripping his shirt tightly. She buried her face again, unable to look up.
"I was trained by Tsunade! I should have been able to handle something like this, but I'm just a fucking failure!" She shouted, "I'm so goddamned stupid! I couldn't even handle something like this! I still can't even protect the people who matter! Why the hell did I become a medic to begin with, if I can't do this much?"
Itachi's hold tightened around her as he squeezed slightly, hoping to give her that comfort she so desperately needed. He wanted to tell her that it was not true, that she was one of the best medics he knew, but at the same time, he was well aware what it would look like. She would just assume he was talking out of his ass to help her feel better about herself, and he did not want her to think that.
"I'm just an idiot, to have become a ninja to begin with," she added angrily. "But what if my mother's problem is somehow hereditary?" Sakura asked anxiously. Itachi did not like where this was heading, but did not know how to prevent it. "What if I can't ever have children because of it? Maybe that's a good thing, because I would have just fucked up my own kids like I have my own life, but what if I want to have children one day? Is that no longer possible for me? My mother was always asking for grandchildren, and what if I'm never able to provide that?"
Her onslaught of questions were not directed towards him, and he knew that, but somehow, they seemed to pester Itachi. As if he wanted these things for her. While he did not like what that implied, he also did not appreciate what Sakura was doing to herself. He had to stop her before she broke completely, and she was heading down that path rather quickly.
"Sakura," he whispered in her pink locks, only to be ignored.
"I don't know what I'll do if I can't have kids! No man wants a woman who is unable to conceive, and-
Irritated to say the least, he pulled her up, so she looked into his eyes. "Sakura," he seethed, leaning down to speak into her ear, "you need to shut up."
Sakura was so shocked, she actually listened to him. He had never had called her anything but Haruno, except for the one time he had called her by her given name when comforting her for the first time, so for him to do so now felt strange. She was not sure if she liked the way his tongue seemed to curl over each syllable, his tone smooth and velvety. She did not know what it meant, either, that he had told her to shut up. He had never been particularly rude. Standoffish, yes, but not rude to her face; not blunt like that.
"Excuse me?" She breathed, staring up at him. His eyebrows pulled together in a glower, making all her muscles tense. He had never given her such an intense look before. It had only been that of annoyance, but this time, he was enraged, and she did not know what she had done to cause that. Did he think she was seeking compliments? That she was saying these things about herself in the hope he would say otherwise?
"Don't say that about yourself. It will only make matters worse, and you damn well know it."
Another first. Sakura had never before heard him curse, and had just assumed he was too uptight to swear.
Itachi still had no idea why he even bothered. If she wanted to fall into the pits of despair, who was he to stop her? She had every right to be miserable, if that was what she wished to do. So why did it upset him so much that she was tearing herself apart over this? He just could not bear to see her do this to herself. It was simply unacceptable.
He let out a heavy sigh at the amazed look she was giving him. She probably could not believe what he was doing, which he could not blame her for, because he could not either. Itachi could only conclude that he had finally become insane. It had certainly taken long enough.
"You can't expect yourself to be perfect, Sakura. If it had been any other woman who had lost their child, you would have accepted that it had not been possible for you to do anything but save the mother. So don't do this to yourself."
She already knew this, but to hear him say this sparked something in her. Fury turned her vision red, her fists clenching as she pulled away from him. "I'm sorry if I can't be as objective as you are, Uchiha, but that was my mother, and I couldn't save my own sibling! Can you honestly expect me to act as if nothing happened, and that I should be fine with an unnecessary death?" She snarled, taking a step back.
Itachi took the step between them, pulling her fists up from her sides. This was not the reaction he had anticipated, but it was understandable that she would interpret him in such a cold, calculating manner. He had become good at hiding his emotions, and never let anything slip through his carefully placed, blank wall of defense.
"No, Sakura," he whispered, unbending her fingers from their fists with painstaking care. "It is perfectly rational for you to wish to grieve the early death of your only sibling, and I can understand your justification in believing you are to blame, but I will not allow you to trample yourself over this."
She opened her mouth to say more, to tell him to fuck off, and that this was none of his business anyway, but when he looked at her with all the compassion he could possible hold, Sakura found herself muted by its potency. She could not interrupt him, knowing he had more to tell her. She was not sure why, but it did not feel right to speak without letting him do so first.
"Now, listen to me. One day, you will have children, if that is what you want, and you cannot tell yourself otherwise. You are a perfectly capable medic, so don't give up your duties because of what happened to your mother."
A thoughtful silence arose as he lifted a hand to her face, wiping what blood away that he could, pressing two fingers to what he supposed to be a larger than average forehead. "As for your other, outlasting concern, I would not call your forehead stupid."
Again, all was silent. She had nothing to say anymore, because it no longer felt relevant. Pathetically enough, she sniffled, her eyes blurring as they teared up again. She bit her lip, looking down to hide her face in shame. No one had ever said anything so...beautiful to her, and she was not sure how to respond. Perhaps most girls would not have considered that his scolding was all that lovely, but she always had been different.
Suddenly, she felt so tired, so exhausted by the eventful day. Part of her wanted to crawl into bed and sleep, but she knew she could not return home. Not yet, when all she wanted was to hide from everything she knew. She did not deserve the comfort of her own home. There was no where else that she could possibly go, though, and so she guessed that she was going to have to manage.
Itachi observed the kunoichi, catching her as she began to lose her balance. She must have lost much more chakra in the Operating Room than he had originally thought.
"You must really think I'm an idiot, right, Itachi?"
For a moment, he froze, because of the sound of his own name on her lips. It was the second time she had ever dared call him anything but a sarcastic Uchiha, and it sent a wave of heat he could not comprehend through his veins. He had given up on trying to understand why Sakura always gave him the most unusual sensations, though, and allowed his mouth to curve upwards in a satisfied smirk.
"No, not at all," he practically purred, lifting her into his chest while keeping a sturdy arm under the soft bend of her knee, and the other holding her back straight and upright. She seemed to gulp in response to this, too uncomfortable to meet his gaze. He was fine with this, especially when she instinctively wrapped an arm around his neck to stay in place. Why this gave him such inexplicable pleasure, Itachi did not know.
With ease, he turned, leaving the forest to enter the busy streets of Konoha with little show of discomfort.
Mikoto, being a worthy kunoichi in her time, and the mother to two, very infamous shinobi, was rarely taken by surprise. She had seen her fair share of blood and gore, and was not one to cringe at the sight of it. Itachi and Sasuke had returned home multiple times with troublesome wounds that should have put them in the hospital, and so she had plenty of experience with patching people up when necessary.
However, when her eldest son, drenched in blood, walked through the threshold of her clean-swept home with a kunoichi, equally wet through, draped in his arms, she could not help that her breath caught in her throat. It did not appear that either were injured, so that put her ease for a moment, until she had to wonder how they had both gotten soaked to the bone, if they were not hurt.
"Itachi-chan! What on earth happened? It looks like you both rolled around in a slaughterhouse!"
Her son did not give her any answers, before carefully handing her the sleeping kunoichi. "Okaa-san, could you please help Sakura bathe? I do not see it appropriate for me to do so." He said calmly, before gently moving pink strands of hair from her dirty face. She blinked up at him for a moment, both bewildered and shocked, before nodding her head.
"I want some sort of explanation after I get her cleaned and in bed." Mikoto said sternly, before carrying off the small female. Itachi watched as they disappeared around the corner, heading in the direction of the guest bathroom. He lifted the collar of his casual, white tee, his nose crinkling in disgust. His mother had been right, because he certainly smelled as if he had rolled around in blood.
Without further thought, he made his way to the other bathroom with every intention in completely cleansing himself.
He could hear the water running in the guest bathroom as he passed it, his mother already preparing a bath.
Mikoto heard as her son passed the bathroom, and she could not help staring down at the sleeping Sakura he had brought home. She was beautiful, and from what she could tell, had attracted the attention of Itachi. It was adorable, in the innocent sort of way, that her son had not felt at ease with undressing her and washing the delicate female himself.
It did not bother Mikoto at all, because she was becoming rather convinced that Sakura was very likely to one day become his bride, and eventually, Itachi would have to bed her. Chances were, he already wanted to, and that was his reasoning for not cleaning her up himself. Itachi was much too respectable to dare take advantage of a woman.
She smiled at the thought, slowly lowering the filthy kunoichi into the warm water. Taking a soft cloth, Mikoto dipped it into the water, dabbing it onto her face. She nearly giggled when Sakura stirred, nearly screaming at her surroundings. Mikoto could hardly blame her; it must have been strange to suddenly wake up, naked, in a bath, and the mother of a man who was very possibly courting her wiping her face with a washcloth.
Embarrassed, the kunoichi, lifted her hands to cover herself, though there was hardly a point, which she seemed to realize after taking in the situation a little better. "I'm sorry, Mikoto-san, but how exactly did I get here?" She asked anxiously.
Mikoto laughed with good humor. "Itachi-chan has not told me what happened, but he handed you over to me, so you could bathe. I don't think he thought it proper to do it himself." She answered, giving her a wink for good measure. Sakura blushed at the idea of waking up to find Itachi leaning over her with a cloth, wiping away blood and grime, but immediately brushed the thought from her mind.
Sakura cleared her throat. "Thank you Mikoto-san, but now that I'm awake, I think I can bathe myself." She said.
The Uchiha matriarch nodded her head in agreement, giving a bright, warm smile. "Of course, Sakura-chan," she answered, standing up. "There is a set of yukata in the cupboard above the toilet, and since I have a feeling you will want to fall back asleep soon, you can take the spare room across from Sasuke's. If you aren't up for dinner, I'll leave leftovers in the refrigerator."
With that said, Mikoto left the young woman to her own devices. The spare room was always prepared for guests, since whenever someone did stay the night, it was rarely planned. She instead returned to the kitchen, where she had left a pot of miso soup on the stove. Itachi would have to return eventually, when he had cleaned himself up, and she would get the explanations then. Mikoto, much like her son, was a very patient individual, but when she wanted something nothing stopped her from getting it.
She stirred the pot of miso, before putting the lid back on, and stepping to the refrigerator to take out ingredients for dinner. Five minutes after she had put fresh fish on the frying pan, Itachi had emerged, looking as if he had taken a through shower, and found a new set of clothes to dress in. He had been about to sit down at the table, undoubtedly to brood, when she waved him over to where she was standing.
Mikoto could not leave her cooking, but she was under the impression that the subject she was about to touch was sensitive, and she wanted to be able to make eye contact with him. Much to her aggravation, he jumped up to sit on her clean counter, inching away slightly from the hot stove range. She supposed she could allow it this time, but only if he was willing to share what had happened.
He was quiet though, even if he knew what she wanted to know, and it appeared that he was going to need some prompting. "Itachi-chan, are you going to tell me precisely why you and Sakura-chan returned home looking as if someone had dumped a quart of blood over you two?"
Itachi sighed, and she could easily tell that he would much rather not tell her anything, even if it meant not getting a warm meal. Not that she would ever prevent her son from eating, but it was, at times, a wonderful threat. She was well aware of how much Itachi loved her cooking. It appeared, however, that she was not going to need to use that sort ultimatum.
"She was at the training grounds when I got there. I found her like that, and had to take the over-wear she had put on earlier when in the Operating Room. I ended up getting the blood on myself by removing her gloves and smock. All I had known was that it was still...fresh." In all the years of Itachi returning home, drenched in the blood of someone he had killed, Mikoto had never seen him grimace in revulsion. Not until now, had she seen such a thing.
He let out a long, shaky sigh, running a hand through his still-damp hair, before meeting her calm gaze. "It was her mother. She had a miscarriage, and Sakura was the one who had to deal with it. She had gone there, of all places, afterwards. She was horrified, and I don't know what she could have done to herself if I hadn't found her there."
"Why there, of all places? Why does that matter, Itachi-chan?"
He paused, uncertain if he should really tell his mother what the place meant. He could not think of any real reason to not tell her, though. "It was the place where I first met Sakura, when she was still in the academy." He replied quietly.
Itachi really did not want to hear what his mother believed this meant. She would probably jump to conclusions, and say something ridiculous, like Sakura had wanted him to find her there. Which he knew was not true. "I didn't like seeing her like that, and I couldn't let her go home, not after she said such terrible things about herself. She might have hurt herself, intentionally or not." He hesitated for a moment, knowing his mother would want to know what Sakura had said about herself.
It felt somehow personal, and that he should not share such things with her. It had worried him though, that Sakura had thought so poorly of herself because of the notion that she would be incapable of bearing a child. He may not have been a medic, so his theory was not worth very much, but Itachi did not believe that Sakura was likely to miscarry because of her mother's problem. Of course, his mother would probably know better, being a woman, and having given birth to two children of her own.
"Sakura is now under the impression that she is infertile, and that no man would want to involve themselves with her because of this assumption." Itachi muttered, his dark eyes staring down at the floor beyond his feet. He heard his mother gasp in surprise, and was unsurprised when she gently placed a hand on his knee.
"What do you think about this, Itachi-chan? Do you believe this as well?"
He looked her square in the eye. "No, I do not," he whispered. "I already told her she would bear a child."
It was dark. Sakura had to think for a moment about where exactly she was. The sheets were much to silky to be her own, and she knew of only one who owned something so exquisite. The Uchiha main house. Nothing was good enough for them, and she realized that the matriarch had helped her get into a bath earlier. Sasuke's mother-Itachi's mother-had seen her naked, had stripped her herself. Somehow, this felt completely different from if she had run into Mikoto at the bathhouse.
Slowly, not wanting to dizzy herself, Sakura sat upwards, holding a hand to head. She was dehydrated, and her blood sugar was low. Sakura could not tell what time it was, but it was probably some time early in the morning, just past midnight. Her chakra reserves were still wavering slightly, but that was probably because she needed some sort of sustenance.
Huffing, she stood, recalling that she had gone to bed in the pale, blue yukata Mikoto had kindly provided for her to sleep in earlier. She pulled the material closer and tied the obi a little more securely around herself, in the chance that she ran into someone. She really did not want to give a certain Uchiha heir a view. Sasuke she probably would not have minded so much, since all the members of Team Seven had bathed together, and they really had no reason to be uncomfortable around each other.
Trying to be as quiet as possible, she slid the shoji screen open and slipped into the hall. Across from her, she could tell that Sasuke was still asleep, and could even hear his soft snoring. Itachi's room was still as well, which really did not mean much, but satisfied her nonetheless. Avoiding creaks in the smooth, wood flooring, Sakura crept along, knowing this hallway well enough to not make much sound.
She slid into the kitchen with grace, sneaking to the refrigerator, where Mikoto had told her that she would put leftovers, should she not make it to the dinner table. Sakura was pleased to find a plate of onigiri, prepared with the extra rice, pickles and salmon, each wrapped together with a strip of nori. Grinning to herself, she stole the plate from its place on the top shelf, and took it to the table.
Rather pleased with herself, she counted a grand total of ten on the plate, before clapping her hands together enthusiastically and whispering itadakimasu into the dark kitchen. Nothing could ruin this moment, of that she was certain. She devoured the first with fervor, enjoying the saltiness of the salmon, before snatching a second, practically moaning with pleasure at how marvelous it tasted. It was a good thing she was alone.
It was not until about half way through her third, however, that she realized how wrong she really was, because there was a faint chuckle she recognized all too easily. Her head lashed around violently, coming face to face with an extremely amused Uchiha Itachi, who could hardly contain his subdued laughter when seeing her full, chipmunk cheeks, and the grains of sticky, white rice sticking to them. Embarrassed at being caught shoveling her meal, she struggled to swallow the mouthful of onigiri, and once having choked it down, he had already gotten her a glass of water to follow it.
Feeling that he was making fun of her with that muffled chuckle, she gracelessly took it from him, only nodding her head in thanks, before draining it completely. She set it back down with a clink, before meeting his dark, smothering regard with very little confidence. His scrutiny of her was not as cold and clinical as she had expected, and much to her surprise, she could read into his genuine concern, and it made her feel almost childish, compared to him. His life was neat and orderly, perfect, even, while everything she ended up touching fell apart, leaving her in shambles.
"You feel better now?" He asked tenderly, his eyes softening with his gentle tone. Sakura had to wonder, for a moment, what right he had to look at her like that, but she did not dare question it. It made her feel light and pleasant, so unlike any other sensation she had ever gotten while around the Uchiha heir.
"A little," she admitted quietly, looking down at her hands, where she had rested on her lap. "Thank you for not letting me go home. I don't think I would have been able to handle it, being alone." She continued self-consciously, making her inquire herself silently. He had never calmed her before, not like this. What was with this Uchiha?
He sat down next to her, his stance utterly casual as he reached for the plate of onigiri and snatched one for himself. "I could not allow you to return to your apartment, knowing there was a possibility, however slight, that you could somehow hurt yourself. I hope you do not consider it presumptuous of me, to bring you here, when I could have given you to a closer friend."
She shook her head, a weak smile only just barely lighting her eyes. "If you had given me to Naruto or Ino, they would not have been able to keep themselves from asking what the hell had happened. They probably would have blamed you, and I don't want them to do that." She breathed, unable to meet his stare. Sakura was almost afraid of what she would find there, if she dared to look.
Itachi chewed thoughtfully, questioning her comment. She did not want them to blame him. What in the world did that mean? Was she concerned for him, as much as he was for her? He had to shake his head of such traitorous thoughts, because it honestly did not matter what she thought about him. It was not going to change anything. Was it? He did not need to be examining everything she said to him, because it was surely going to run him mad.
"Why would that bother you?" He could not help asking.
Instantly, her head shot up, and her bright, green eyes met his with a force he had not anticipated. "Because it isn't true. It wasn't your fault." She returned righteously.
Again, he was amused. Sakura was such an interesting kunoichi, truly a rare breed. His curiosity piqued, he reached his free hand, almost touching her face, before wavering for a moment, and instead peeling the grains of rice from her cheeks. Her reaction to that, and his eating the rice, was positively delightful. Stunned, she had stared up at him with a sort of innocence he was unable to not find captivating, before the most beguiling flush reddened her pale cheeks.
Instinctively, something swelled in him uncontrollably, an urge to do something he had never done before almost overpowering. He could sense that he was practically emanating masculine gusto, and while he would have predicted her shying away from him, she did the unforeseeable, instead deciding to inch closer to him. A certain pride he could not understand seeped from his bones, pushing him to move for her, to wreathe her with a heat that was beating in his ears.
He was not the sort to do this kind of thing. His experience in such areas were nonexistent, and he suspected that Sakura was not very different, in this case. That urge was not going to leave him though, and would fester in his chest, if he let it be. Tentatively, he pulled her forward by the shoulders, observing her as her green eyes hazed over in the heat of the moment, those dark, rosy eyelashes fluttering as her eyelids drooped slightly.
Itachi did not know what he was supposed to do with the dazed female in his grip, but dropped his face closer to hers, his nose just barely grazing hers. Unconsciously, he tilted his face, nearing closer to those rosebud, plump lips, watching heatedly as they parted. Slowly, he hovered over her mouth, listening with desire as she sucked in sharply, eyes closing completely. Strangely enough, he wanted this, craved it with an unfamiliar hunger.
He came so close, he almost felt the warmth of her soft lips against his. It was then that he heard the creak of someone carelessly stepping down the hallway, heading in their very direction. Despite his yearning for her, to taste her so throughly, he could not, knowing someone was going to walk in on them. He would have to wait to do this again at a later date, when he was certain no one would interrupt.
Itachi redirected, pressing his lips to her broad forehead instead, before releasing the tempting female, and downright disappearing from the kitchen.
It suddenly struck her, what had almost just happened. She could have very easily been kissed by Uchiha Itachi. She was not yet certain if she should be feeling this disappointment or not, that Itachi had not kissed her lips, like he had been about to. The unwanted reason for his not doing so, quickly made itself known when Sasuke groggily entered the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning. She had to prevent herself from frowning up at him.
"What was his royal bitchiness doing down here, besides hogging all the onigiri with you?" He grumbled, taking Itachi's place at the table. The difference in company was astounding, and she was shocked at herself, for preferring the previous Uchiha's presence to her own teammate's. Sakura did not at first respond, mutedly watching as he, much like his brother had, reached across to grab an onigiri from the plate.
He grunted. "So, what the hell just happened with my brother?"
Abruptly, she stood, not sure what to even do with herself. It sort of slipped, without her thinking. "I think I almost just kissed Itachi."
Sasuke's jaw slackened in incredulity, his eyes wide and horrified. When she realized just who she had told that to, she turned wordlessly, leaving him to the plate of onigiri, and the worst information she could have ever bestowed upon him. He was never going to let this go, and she already knew it. It was only a matter of time before he told Naruto, and then all hell would break lose.
Sakura carelessly slammed the shoji screen to the guest room shut, not caring who heard her cry of indignation, even if she tried to stifle it in her pillow. Why did her life have to be so goddamned complicated? It so was not fair.
AN: It's official. I have no life. But who cares, really? I'm not sure when the next update will be again, but I can promise it won't be nearly as fast as this one. (sorry!) This one was kicking my ass, and would not leave me alone until I had it all out.
Thank you for the wonderful reviews! It is much appreciated. :D