Chapter 10

Sheelagh was on a mission. She was going to get her divorce.

"I want you to let me go." Said Sheelagh.

She had gone to see Patrick. She had had to. He wasn't being fair on either of them and he had to see that.

She and Des wanted to be married. They would be no matter what she though to herself.

She was going to make it happen.

"Well that's a shame because I don't think I want to let you go."

"Come on Patrick, you're being unreasonable."

He looked at her thinking how unbelievable she really was.

"I don't think I am. You are my wife. You're living with another man and having his baby. The kids told me. All this is going on while you're still my wife." He said to her. "Do you know how that makes me feel."

"No. and I am sorry if I am hurting you. It is not what I want to do. If you believe nothing else I say any more then believe that."

"How can I when you are carrying on like a whore?" he said to her furiously. She was his wife. She couldn't do this to him.

"I am not. I have left you. I am with Des now. I love him Pat. You're going to have to get used to it. I am not going to come back." She said to him. He had to get used to it.

"You will if I have anything to do with it. I am not giving up you yet." he said to her.

Shaking her head she sighed. He was so pig headed and bloody minded.

"You are going to be waiting a very long time." She said to him.

"If I have to then I will."

She shook her head. She wasn't sure she could handle him today any more.

"Running away."

"Going home." She shook her head. Looking at him for a moment she pondered all they had been through.

She had really loved him once upon a time.

Back in Ireland when they had been young he had been everything she had wanted and a bit more. She had lay in his arms for an age it felt and yet she hadn't wanted to move. She had loved him with such a passion.

An Irish passion he had said.

The day he had asked her to marry him had been such a happy one. She had so wanted to be his wife then. She had been so proud that he had been hers. That they were to be together.

She tried to figure out where they had gone wrong. Where did it go? All that love and passion and longing for one another.

"I used to love you so much Pat. I wish I still did at times. But I cant make believe. Not any more. Please don't spoil every memory. Let me go."

-

That afternoon had put an unsettling though in Sheelagh's head. She had fell out of love before. She could do it again.

Des had always been a risk and she had never been blind to that. He was fiery and passionate. He was changeable. She had learnt that in the time she had worked with him.

The only thing he had not yet changed in was his apparent affection for her. but anything with that man was possible. She had walked out on her old life in to a new one. But what if it didn't work out she thought to herself. That would be shattering.

If she fell out of love?
the doubts that plagued her she knew were irrational. If she thought like that poor Des was never going to stand a chance.

But she had to consider the future. And not only what she wanted to happen. But the realty of what might happen.

Making herself a coffee she went in to the living room. What did she want to happen she thought to herself. If anything in the rwold could.

She laughed at the image of herself and des in a country state with a gorgeous little girl with blonde curly hair and bright excitable blue eyes. Her and Des never having to walk and going on long walks through the country. Yes that was what she wanted. A happily ever after, Jane Austen style. She saw herself in long dresses and him in suits.

If only…

That was never going to happen. But maybe when they had enough money they could get out of the city. Buy a small cottage like the one she had grown up in Ireland. Get away from the crime of the inner city. She would like that for their child she thought to herself.

Would des still lover her when she was big with child she wondered. When she was fat. Drinking her coffee she thought of all the things that might go wrong. The good times with Patrick.,.

When had she lost the ability to trust as she had when she was young.

Des came in on time that night. The first thing he did was kiss her forehead. He still obviously couldn't believe their apparent luck. The divorce he said would work itself out in time.

"We are going too be so happy when it all comes through. You mark my words love. Nothing is going to destroy me and you. We've come through so much already. So don't you worry your head… It is all going to be fine."

She smiled. Maybe he had enough confidence for the two of them,. For the mean time he saw going to have to.

"Yeah you're right. And besides we should be looking to the future. So I was thinking I should ring the hospital. Book the first scan." She smiled.

"The babys."

"I think we should. I want to make sure the little one is ok in there don't you?" she asked.

"Well of course. I don't know I didn't really think about it." he said to her.

"That my love is what you have me for." She said to him teasingly.

"well make sure you stay that way then. Or the two of us are going to be lost." He said. "Shall I go down the chippy and get us some dinner."

She nodded. Fish and chips. That would be nice.

Over the next few days she made desperate attempts to shake off the doubts that had plagued her mind. She brought baby books and begun to read. She hadn't had a new born in such a long time and she wanted to prepare herself to be a mother again.

Des set about thinking about names both for a son or a daughter when she asked what he would prefer he shrugged. He had lived alone for so long he no longer cared. He just wanted to hold a healthy child at the end of the nine months.

The spare room would be turned in to a nursery of course.

Sheelagh smiled.

Maybe she would get a happily ever after, Des style.

-

Work was never enduing for the argent though. She found she had m ore paperwork than usual she thought to herself. Then she had been rather neglectful of her duties lately.

With the stress of the baby and the divorce she had had to make work take a back seat and avoid this being noticed by Gina gold. So on the Tuesday after that weekend when she had begun serious thought and preparation n for the birth of her child she stayed behind to get it down.

It was all petty things really, which only needed the signature of a sergeant.

Settling down at her desk at seven she had been sure to tell des that she was going ti be back late and so he shouldn't wait up for her. she had as long night ahead of her.