"Well now, that's different." Nana said as soon as I closed the door.

Her statement didn't sound like a judgement, simply an observation laced with curiosity. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was waiting for an explanation but had probably figured most of it out.

"I needed a change." I told her honestly. "I need a few changes I think and this seemed like a good way to start." Her eyebrows rose as she waited for more information. With a sigh, I dumped my bag on the hall table and walked to join her on the sofa. Then I told her everything.

When I finished, Nana reached out and ran a lock of my hair through her fingers. It now only reached just above my shoulders and I could see the regret she was trying to hide – she had always loved my hair – but there was something else on her face too.

"Nana, what is it?" I asked softly.

As her eyes filled with tears she said, "Oh my dear, you look so much like your mother – I remember the day she came in with her hair chopped off. Of course, she did it our of spite for me, not the love of a boy, so it didn't suit her the way it suits you. If you're sure about leaving your feelings for Tuck behind then I have to tell you – it won't be easy. You'll have to see him at your brother's wedding, whenever that comes, at my surprise birthday party next week…."

"How did you know?" I asked disbelievingly.

"Ah, child, your grandfather could never keep a secret from me. We can talk about the party later; right now I need to know how you are, really." Her concerned gaze touched my heart and I reached for her hand.

"I know that it'll be hard but it won't be any more difficult than the last ten years have been. This is the first time I really have been committed to giving him up. I can get through this Nana, I know I can."

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I could hardly believe my Nana was turning eighty. Eighty! I was busy in the kitchen – usually Nana's domain but she had been banished for this occasion – and our friends and family would be arriving in less than an hour. The kitchen was filled with delicious smells ranging from savoury to sweet, from chicken to frosting. With the sun gracing us with its presence and the guy on TV that morning promising it would be a cloudless day I was hugely relieved: it meant FDR and Grandpa could set up the tables outside rather than me having to clean inside. Earlier, when FDR arrived with Lauren, I was decorating Nana's cake so we shouted our greetings through the door – no one was allowed to see it until it was finished – but he still hadn't seen my new hairstyle. I was excited about his reaction but also nervous.

As I worked piling sandwiches, sausage rolls and various other buffet foods onto huge plates, I listened to Nana and Lauren talking in the next room. They were chatting and laughing and, admittedly, making me rather jealous. I pulled my lip between my teeth and bit down. My brother was happy and I tried to tell myself that that was all that mattered but a part of me still resented what she had done to him and to Tuck.

And there he was again, Tuck, finding his way into my thoughts no matter what I did. I hadn't realised what an integral part of my life he was until I started trying to cut down on him; he was an addiction. The smallest things reminded me of him. Whenever I thought about him I thought about the almost-kiss and when I thought of that it made me want him all over again. Not seeing him and, for the most part, ignoring his phone calls was helping – I was getting better at controlling the rush of emotions that swelled whenever his name flashed up on my phone. The Universe though, it seemed, was conspiring against me in whatever ways possible.

"It's only us." a stressed but achingly familiar voice called as the front door opened.

"Marvellous." I muttered.

I heard Tuck, Katie and Joe greet Nana and Lauren. They spend a few minutes catching up which, for the most part, I ignored as much as I could, focusing instead on the tasks at hand. Suddenly, as I carefully removed the quiche from the oven, there was a firm knock on the kitchen door which caused me to jump in fright. The quiche flew forward and luckily landed flat with a loud thud on the counter; I lost my grip on the baking tray which allowed it to slide up to rest on my forearm before falling to the floor with a loud clatter harmonised by my cussing.

"Jess are you alright? Sweetheart, let me in." Tuck said from the other side of the locked door.

Suppressing a groan of pain I replied "No one's allowed in – the cake isn't finished. It's just a burn, I'll be fine. Besides, you shouldn't have scared me like that."

"Jess-" "I said no Tuck" I interrupted resolutely.

He sighed and mumbled something I couldn't catch but raised his voice to ask Joe to go into the garden with him to help. As I ran my arm under cold water I brushed some stray hair from my face – it was just long enough to tie out the way but not every strand quite made it. The cold water began numbing my skin and soothing the painful sting. Where did Nana keep the first aid kit again? I already knew I wasn't going to keep my arm cooling for the recommended time: two minutes and some aloe vera would have to do.

Patting my arm dry, I was crouching to look through the cupboard under the sink when the door leading outside was slammed open. This made me jump again and hit my head on the counter top.

"For f…ouch!" I said, my voice taut with pain and frustration.

I turned, fully expecting to shout at my idiotic brother for scaring me half to death, and was faced with a dumbfounded Tuck; which left me dumbfounded. I was the first to recover and spoke while I rubbed my now throbbing head.

"Twice in ten minutes? Thanks." I bit out sarcastically.

"Jess, I am so sorry love. I didn't mean to scare you…again." His eyes were jumping between my red arm and my hair. "What did you…?"

Without finishing his question Tuck closed the gap between us and reached behind my head. A gentle tug was all it took for my hair to fall around my face.

"Jess? …. When? …. Why?" A profound frown took over his forehead as he tried to take in the difference.

"Last week," I admitted quietly. Unexpectedly, I felt embarrassed by my rash decision and his current scrutiny. I forgot all about the pain lacing my head and the fact that I was wearing ratty clothing covered in everything from honey to flour. "I just…I need to change some things and thought this would be a way to start that."

"Please please don't tell me this was after…what happened at my apartment?" Tuck asked.

He boldly reached his left hand out and ran it through my hair; it remained resting on my neck with his thumb just by my ear. I tried to scoff, to tell him that it wasn't, but our promise made me hold my tongue. I focused on the buttons of his black shirt to avoid his eyes.

"Jess?" Tuck coaxed. The distress in his voice reminded me how to talk.

"It was an impulsive decision. The scissors were right there and everything that Katie said was running round my in h-"

"Katie?" Crap. I hadn't meant to let that slip. "Is she the reason you've been avoiding me or is it the other...thing?"

Honesty is the best policy.

"It's both. I'm female Tuck: I can't handle things like that. As Katie rightly pointed out: you two are back together and making a go of things. You've wanted your family back together for as long as it's been apart and I…I couldn't get in the way of that." I admitted.

"God, Jess, I'm sorry." He was hugging me before the first tear slid down my cheek. "I shouldn't have put you in that position and I'm sorry it hurt you. It isn't a choice between you and Katie, Jess, and I can't lose you from my life.

"I know." Was all I could manage to say.

The light blue frosting on Nana's cake caught my attention and gave me the perfect excuse to avoid the place our conversation was surely heading. I stepped out of Tuck's embrace and folded my arms, wincing slightly when the pain reminded me it was burned.

"You have to close your eyes and leave – Nana's cake isn't done and you can't see it." I told him.

To my surprise, he laughed. Affection danced on his face and he leaned forward to kiss my cheek before dutifully closing his eyes. Not even one protest though that should have been an indicator that he had other things on his mind. Biting back my own smile, I laid my hands gently on his arms and steered him to the door.

"No more frights, okay?" I said as I gave him one last push into the courtyard.

"I can't promise that. Oh! I forgot to say – I love your hair."

I sighed as I closed the door behind him.

TmWtMwTmWtMw

"… Happy birthday to yooooooou."

We all finished at different times and in many different keys but Nana was smiling as brightly as the tears shining in her eyes. It took four tries for her to blow all eighty candles out. When you have a family as large as ours it requires a cake large enough that that many actually fit quite nicely. As everyone clapped and Nana was offered a knife to begin serving her cake, someone behind me gave a lock of my hair a sharp tug.

"FDR grow up." I sighed.

I knew it was him because he had already done the very same thing a dozen times. When I'd walked down the stairs in my new dress (which Gemma had been drafted in to help me find) my brother didn't manage to say a word for almost two minutes – a record, we all thought. Lauren jumped in straight away with a compliment as we had come to a silent understanding that we would try to leave certain things in the past; namely the slap which I had never apologised for. FDR eventually recovered enough to tell me that I suited the old style better but, hey, this one wasn't too bad either.

"I really have no idea what you're talking about." FDR said before he bumped my shoulder lightly with his.

"You know, for a spy you really are a shockingly bad liar." I commented.

"I love you too."

"Mmmm-hmmm. I'm gonna clear some of the plates. Save me some cake?" I asked.

"I'll do my best." FDR replied jovially. He'd had a few beers so he threw his arm around my shoulder for a hug and kissed the top of my head. "You're amazing."

"I know!" I chirped.

I detangled myself and walked away to the sound of his chuckling.

TmWtMwTmWtMw

The house I grew up in isn't small: there are lots of big rooms, hallways and multiple entrances into some rooms. Sound also travels well in it. A long hall stretches from the garden to the living room and from there you can go into the kitchen. Balancing a few serving dishes and some empty bottles wasn't easy or quiet but the noise didn't interrupt the two people arguing in the room ahead of me.

"…having a good time here. What reason are you going to give for leaving? Don't spoil his day too Katie, leave him here."

"Fine! I hope you enjoy the rest of the little party with your "family" – they always did come before Joe and me." Katie snapped a few moments before the front door slammed.

I stood frozen in place as Tuck muttered more curse words than I could ever remember him saying, Katie's car door closed and the sound of the engine disappeared down the gravel drive. Unable to do anything else, I counted to one hundred before taking a deep breath and continuing up the corridor. Tuck was sitting on the sofa but didn't look at me when I walked in.

"How much did you hear?" he asked. He sounded weary but not angry.

"Just her leaving. Sorry, I have to put these down." My arms were beginning to shake because of the weight.

After the dishes were on the counter I turned to go back to Tuck but he was already in the doorway. I jumped.

"You're going to give me a heart attack!" I joked. His lips twitched at my attempted humour so I probed. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"There isn't much to tell really, it's over." He came to lean on the counter next to me.

"What was it about?" I asked tentatively.

Tuck sighed and ran his hand down his face. "You." he admitted.

Fully taken aback, I was about to deny it and ask for the real reason but things began to fall into place. Tuck wouldn't have just let Katie away with trying to come between us. I pushed myself off the counter and began pacing. My mind was buzzing but all the thoughts weren't good ones.

"Did I not tell you just hours ago that I didn't want to come between you? Tuck this isn't even the first time she's warned me away from you! Before you were even married she told me to stay away but I ignored her. She isn't the reason I've been avoiding you this week, hell! for months!"

"Jess please, I don't want to fight with you too." He caught my hand lightly and turned me to face him.

"Oh, bite me!" I snapped in frustration.

Fully intending to resume pacing, I was taken aback when Tuck's arm wrapped securely round my waist and pulled my back firmly against his chest. The shock expelled the air from my lungs. The fingers of Tuck's left hand brushed my temple then slowly down towards my neck, gathering my hair and pulling it aside. That, combined with the way his breath played across my exposed shoulder, raised goosebumps over my entire body. I couldn't keep my eyes from closing. My mind was fuzzy as his body shifted behind mine, his head lowering gradually towards my exposed neck. I couldn't think; I couldn't move; I couldn't breathe. Slowly, so very slowly, he bit down on my neck. His canines were sharp but not painful and the pressure combined with the warmth made my knees go weak. I inhaled sharply and let the breath out shakily. His lips closed over my skin, warming it instantly and just as quickly he released me. His heartbeat matched mine – I could feel it on my back as we stood, unmoving, figuring out what to do.

"Is that what you had in mind Sweetheart?" Tuck whispered.

His lips were barely a millimetre from my ear and brushed against it as he spoke. I was so used to his voice – I thought I knew all its variations – but I had never heard him sound like that. It was deeper than I'd known before, with an uncharacteristic hint of gravel that wasn't usually present. I forced myself to swallow whatever feelings were rising within me.

"I-I...I need to go...do...a-a thing. The party. I need to…uh…get back to the party." I stammered.

He didn't resist as I pulled away from him and walked to the door without a particular destination in mind. I threaded both my hands through my hair and shook my head.

"You can't do things like that to me." I blustered. "You have no idea... God why can't I just get over... Why have I always been so damn in-" I scrubbed my hand over my face to stop myself from talking. "God Tuck, seriously?"

"So damn what?" Tuck asked quietly.

I froze. Having practically forgotten he was there I felt instant panic over what I'd been about to say. I began backing out of the door.

"Jess, what were you going to say?" Tuck said louder this time.

"It doesn't matter!" I insisted.

"Like hell it doesn't, what were you going to say?" Tuck responded whilst following me into the living room.

"Nothing, I didn't mean anything." I said.

I was about to open the door to hall that would lead to the garden – just seconds away from escaping – when Tuck caught my hand and trapped me between him and it. I had nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. My eyes began to sting and I bit down hard on my lip as I looked determinedly at his chest. He wasn't letting me off that easily though; I realised this when his index finger and thumb gently grasped my chin and forced me to meet his gaze. He was so damn close! His left hand was still holding mine and he gave it a reassuring squeeze. His right arm rested against the door just above my head.

"What was is Jess?" he whispered.

I closed my eyes and sighed. This was it. Once I told him how I felt things would change between us, no matter how much we didn't want them to or what promises we made. Gathering my courage, I looked into his steely blue eyes and thought about how I'd always considered them to be more blue than grey. How many times had I looked into those eyes and wished I could say what I was about to?

"Why can't I just get over you? Why have I always been so damn in love with you?"

Much love and thanks,

I hope this has been worth the wait.

Liv.