song for the chapter - mercy (acoustic) by shawn mendes

My room never seemed more safe than it did now. My mind was racing after the encounter with Kyle. Knowing he was a few doors down kept my anxiety up and ever present. He had caused enough trouble for me in the past and now, who knows what he would do.

The journal was clutched tightly in my hands as I opened it to the next page. I wasn't sure what Kyle needed me for. I could barely keep myself together, let alone do anything for anyone else.

Jocelyn,

Congrats on keeping your mouth shut. I'm surprised, honestly, that you did. Your friends are a bit suspicious though and that's a problem. You know how we deal with problems here.

First, I know you remembered everything. I guess my stupid fifteen year old self wasn't as good as he thought he was when it came to science. It's a shame. I could've finished this plan much easier if you still didn't know who I was.

Second, I know you lied to your friends about who I was. You didn't know better. So keep it that way. Any word to them about what happened in the past, and you're done.

Now, to deal with our problem. Your friends are suspicious of what you're hiding, Jocelyn. So, we lead them away from the issue. Break up with Henry and quit your job. Then, they won't be around. Simple as that.

Don't fail, Jocelyn.

The journal fell from my hands and onto the bed with a soft plop. No. There was no way I was going to break up with Henry because Kyle said so. I can lead them away from the problem. It's a better shot than me leaving. I opened the book again, rereading the page. A new sentence was at the bottom of the page.

P.S. No other options, Joce. You already failed to cover your tracks from Charlotte. She's caught on.

I slammed the cover shut and chucked the book far from me. Pulling my knees to my chest, I fought back tears. I couldn't quit my job and lose Ray's trust. I could kiss that job goodbye. But if it kept them safe...

Grabbing my phone from my nightstand, I slid my finger across the screen to unlock the device. I paused and sighed before clicking on the messages app. Henry's name was up top with a few emojis following it plus an unread message.

Hi love. I miss you and can't wait to see your cute face tomorrow for our ice cream date. I think Jasper is bringing Charlotte along so it's turned into a double date :)

I wiped a tear from my cheek before attempting to send back a half-happy message. Tomorrow was going to be awful and I didn't want to live through it. Locking my phone, I tossed it back on the nightstand before shutting the lights off. I buried myself in pillows, hoping to find some comfort in them.

I was about to lose the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Ice cream usually made me super happy. For obvious reasons, the cup in my hand did nothing but make me nervous. Charlotte sat next to me with Jasper and Henry across from us. My appetite was absolute gone. Instead, it was replaced with butterflies, preventing me from enjoying any of this day.

"Jocelyn? Everything okay?" Henry smiled at me, his eyes full of concern.

Forcing a nod, I smiled back, "Yeah. Do you think we could go on a walk?"

Henry glanced at Jasper and Charlotte before nodding. We both stood and threw our cups in the garbage before stepping on the path that went around the park.

"What's up? You always eat your ice cream." Henry shoved his hands in his pockets and looked over at me.

I shook my head slightly, "Just not feeling it today. Didn't sleep much last night."

Henry looked back towards the ground, "Gotcha. Anything I can help with?"

"Nope. Nothing's wrong right now. I'm okay." I focused my eyes on the people around me, watching a puppy chase after a frisbee.

Henry's hand grabbed mine as he pulled me to a stop, "Jocelyn. Is there something you need to tell me?"

I pulled my hand from his and let out a sigh, "Actually, Henry. There is. I um... I've been thinking and I think it would be best if we weren't together anymore."

"What? Jocelyn, did I do something wrong? We can fix this!"

Henry reached for me but I stepped back. My throat tightened as I started to speak again, "No, no. You're fine. I just don't have room in my life right now and it's getting out of hand. You're weighing me down."

I saw Henry pull his hand back, his mouth snapping shut. He took a step back from me with wide eyes. "Um...I should go."

With that, Henry took off running. Jasper and Charlotte tried to get his attention as he flew past but failed. I saw Jasper take off after his best friend before Charlotte turned to me, her eyes narrowing in a glare.

I never hated myself more than I did in that moment.

Every ounce of me hoped Henry didn't go running to Ray as I stepped into the elevator. I already wanted to burst into tears but I had to get this over with and I'd be fine. I could deal with Kyle on my own.

What I didn't expect was for Ray to be waiting for me the moment I stepped into the Man Cave. He looked fairly angry and I could only hope it wasn't towards me. I opened my mouth to start but Ray beat me to it.

"Why did you break up with Henry?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'll tell you why." Charlotte's voice took over before mine could. I flipped around to see her standing behind me, a smoothie clutched tightly in her hand. "Because he was weighing her down and she didn't have room in her life for him."

Even though she had everything right, I felt my heart clench at her tone, "Charlotte please-"

"No Jocelyn! You don't get to explain yourself. How could you do that to him? You were his world! He loved you to pieces and you step on top of him for selfish reasons? You were perfect for each other." Charlotte glared at me as she took a step forward.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean-"

"Didn't mean to what? Feed him lies? Make him feel like you cared? Jocelyn, you don't deserve Henry at all." Charlotte took another step, rage building in her features.

"I know. I deserve all of this but please-" I didn't want her to hate me. As much as I deserved the insults, I couldn't lose her altogether.

"Of course you deserve this Jocelyn! No wonder your mom hated you. She probably couldn't stand to have a lying disappointment for a daughter!"

At this point, Charlotte dumped the remainders of her smoothie on me. I heard Ray gasp at the action. My clothes were soaked and I could feel smoothie in my hair and on my face.

"Charlotte enough!" Ray's voice was loud and clear amidst everything else. I attempted to wipe the smoothie from my eyes but my tears clouded my vision back up. "Jocelyn, I think it's best if you leave."

Sucking up whatever was left of my dignity, I nodded, "Yeah. Um, I'll see you guys out there." I unsnapped my watch from my wrist and tossed it to him. I tugged my gumballs out of my pocket next only for Charlotte to rip them out of my hands. I bit my lip to keep it from quivering before turning on my heels and walking out for the last time.