And feels a thousand deaths, in fearing one

- Edward Young

…

Everything was white.

I was in the middle of nothingness, with a white so pure and crystallized, it was dazzling and brilliant.

It was quiet, but yet I could hear people talking. Little whispers of encouragement and conversations of newfound knowledge and questions. Whatever the voices were, they weren't talking to me. I was overhearing discussions from other people in this realm.

Wait a minute, what realm? I thought I was supposed to be in the house. I was supposed to look for the spirit.

Where was I?

Moving around, I felt panicked even though I was so calm. Is anybody there? I wanted to shout out, but what if no one heard me?

What the hell?

"Mai."

Turning, I saw Gene, wearing white, supposedly to match the room. Well, it worked, besides his black hair, he blended in.

"Gene?" I said. He was certainly the last person I had expected to see. Hold on – did that mean – "Am I dead?"

"Yes," Gene said solemnly. "Naru accidentally killed you."

My knees gave out from underneath me. Now that I was so close to the ground, it actually looked like solidified smoke. I'm glad it proved substantial enough to hold me.

Naru… killed me?

"I'm joking," he said, making me doubt my ears.

"Excuse me?" I said.

He was smiling. "Just a joke. You're not dead. No, you just managed to reach a very alternate state of higher-consciousness. Congratulations." He started clapping.

"I'm not dead?" I said. I had just finished computing that I was dead, to be told that I wasn't.

He laughed, the sound echoing, even though I was pretty sure there were no walls.

"Why am I here?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," he said. Kneeling, he grabbed my hands and pulled me up with him. "But I'm pretty sure you know why you're here."

Well, I was actually pretty sure I was dead a minute ago, so I wasn't really sure of anything right now.

Besides, I was distracted by watching him, and feeling his warm hands surrounding mine. I hadn't seen him for so long. It felt like a dream.

It was a dream.

I grasped his hands tighter in mine; savoring any time I had left. "I'm here, because of the spirit."

"Hm-hm." The noise he made sounded funny enough to make me laugh. "The spirit. You won't be able to meet her unless you have knowledge of her. Do you know who she is?"

"No, I don't… well, not anything besides she was a poor little girl from the outskirts of town. And she was used in a black magic ritual… right?"

"Yes… but who is she?"

I was at a lost. I had no idea. How was I supposed to learn? She wouldn't talk to Masako, so I couldn't know any personal information.

When I didn't answer, Gene helped me. "She was born Arabel Mrese, she was age nineteen and lived in a little town, nearly a day's ride from the nearest city. She ran a little shop with her family, and she adored the days her father and brother came home from the city, with flour, sugar and other things that were very scarce in their town, and allowed her to bake. She liked to go and pick flowers in locations that only she knew about, where the best and prettiest flowers grew.

"She had been very recently engaged, and nothing could suppress the joy she felt." Gene lowered his eyes to our entwined hands and ran his thumbs over the back of mine softly. "She had been picking flowers for her wedding bouquet the day that the coven picked her up."

I didn't realize that I had been crying until the tears started making little water marks on my clothes.

I didn't realize that tears would have essence here.

"Would you like to meet her?" he asked.

I nodded, but I was afraid. The spirit was trying to kill Toshi-san in this life, but Toshi-san had done horrible things to her in a past one. Arabel – the spirit – was trying to get even.

Pulling me by my hands, he led me to a stark wooden door. It had a smashed metal handle, and the carvings on the door were jagged and sharp.

The door had certainly not been there earlier.

I wondered if it led to Arabel's Akashic Record room.

We walked up close to it, and Gene waved me to go in front of him. I stretched out my arms and grabbed the deformed handle with both hands. It was cold.

It moved jarringly, and I had to shove the door with my shoulder to get it open. Inside, there was mellow-colored, meadow grass and trees, with subdued sunlight and hundreds of passive daffodils everywhere.

There was a girl standing in the middle of the clearing, all the soot disrupted around the area of her bare feet. She was swaying back and forth, moving her arms, dancing to her own rhythm.

I looked over my shoulder at Gene, and he was still right behind me (yes, I was indeed terrified he was just going to disappear). He gave me an encouraging smile, and then gave me a gentle push inwards.

The girl didn't acknowledge us as we moved closer, both of us leaving behind trails in the soot. Her eyes were closed and she continued to move in her own little circle. She had long, dark-blonde hair and a slim body. She had a thin film of the silt on her face. She was wearing a simple, grey dress which ended around her knees. The material swirled with her movements. She was beautiful.

"Arabel?" I said, softly. I was afraid to disrupt the silence.

I knew why now.

Her energy was so fragile, once you got close to her, even though it was hidden behind such a bold masquerade. It was made of delicate glass, and would shatter with just the wrong wording.

She didn't look at me. She didn't open her eyes.

I looked at Gene, and he just gave me the same look.

Could she not hear me? Or was she ignoring me?

I took a deep, steadying breath. "Arabel?" I said louder. Louder than I ever had in the presence of this spirit.

I felt something ripple, like a sliver running through the glass. Arabel stopped moving, and she opened her bright, dappled blue eyes, looking at me like we were old friends.

"Hi," I said. For lack of better words.

She gave a smile, which seemed careful. "Hello, Mai."

"You know me?"

"We've been well acquainted these last few days."

"Yeah…" I said, staring at her. "Arabel, why are you still doing this?"

A breeze blew and ruffled all the silt, blowing it into my hair and eyes, causing them to water. It also made me feel like sneezing, but I didn't think I really could. I actually didn't really feel the urge to breathe, either.

She touched a hand to her breast. "I don't know."

I hadn't really expected that. I had thought she would say 'for revenge' or 'because it's to help me move on' or something like that.

"Are you here to get revenge?" I asked, trying to clarify just in case her head was foggy.

"No," she said.

"Then… I don't understand why you're doing this. You hurt Eikou-san – badly – you've threatened us, you want Toshi-san dead."

She lowered her eyes. "The revenge on her is just a way to pass the time."

Her revenge was a pastime? "The time? To move on? We want to help you move on."

"But… but I don't want to move on."

"Why not?" Didn't she just practically say she wanted to? "You'd be happier there, instead of trying to kill someone who is innocent in this lifetime. I know she hurt you, and I'm sorry that she did, but the Toshi-san that killed you then is not the same Toshi-san now."

It felt really weird saying that.

"I know," she said softly. "She killed me… but I followed her. It's my fault, and that's why I don't want to move on." She clenched her hands together. "Mai, why does life always seem to hurt you, after it had been treating you so well?"

"I – I don't know, it's never really happened to me," I said. Heartaches and horror stories that I went looking for weren't like this. Not at all.

"I'm afraid," she said.

"Why?" Gene whispered into my ear, prompting me. He probably hadn't meant to send chills down my spine.

"Arabel," I said, steeling my confidence. "Why are you so afraid of moving on?"

She looked at me sadly. "I'm not afraid of moving on. I'm not afraid of the Other Side, I have seen its light and it feels warm and welcoming. But I'm terrified of what will come after." She had started crying, the crystalline tears turning grey as they picked up the fine dust from her cheeks. "What if when I come back down, I do it all over again? I don't want to be hurt. Not again…"

I didn't know what to say to her, mostly because I had never truly heard of this stuff before the case had started.

I was so lost, and felt so helpless, that Gene must have felt it.

"Arabel," Gene said, his voice soothing and comforting, as always. "You don't have to do the same type of life again."

It was such severe quiet, like it always is in her presence. The only sound was the sound of her sobbing.

"I don't…?" Arabel said.

"Of course not," he said, "look at what Toshi-san is in this lifetime. She had to grow into it, but you were already happy in your life. Believe it or not, you and Toshi-san have been together in a lot of lifetimes prior, either as friends or enemies. And that was the only way that you two could be together in that lifetime. And, admittedly, it scarred you. But it won't happen again with Toshi-san. In fact, I think that you two would make excellent friends in this lifetime. You remember you always loved to bake, right?"

She was quiet, as if she had to remember, and then she smiled. "Yes."

"Well, she is a caterer."

"Yes," she said. "She's being something that I had always wanted to be…"

"You can still learn."

"I can?"

"Of course."

She was chewing on her lip. "How?"

Unless I was mistaken, I had just heard the chirp of a bird.

"Arabel," Gene said, a bit more subdued than earlier. "Things that happen, people we meet, events that occur are things that you might have decided on even before the lifetime began. There are sometimes things you can't stop." He smiled at her, "But you can always learn from them, and grow, and you don't have to learn the same lesson next time."

"But how do I stop the repeat?"

"You already have." His blue eyes twinkled. "You've learned that it's something you don't want to create again, that you like having a simple life and don't need drama of your death to make you feel like you're worth something."

Her eyes had gotten wide. "Do I view death that way?"

"You've done it many lifetimes, always horrific. You don't need to do it again."

I felt the sun get warm and the dust shifted away, falling off of flowers and leaves. The grey mist over everything lifted, and the trees and grass turned bright green. I heard birds, and other things – the wind, the swaying trees, the shuffling flowers.

The silence was broken.

She laughed. Her dress was white, now. "I think I can try again," she said, her whole aura beaming and bright.

"Have a safe journey," Gene said, waving.

I waved to her, too. "Bye, Arabel."

She skipped through the grass (no dust stirred) and disappeared among the trees.

Gene was leaning on my back, his arms resting on my shoulders. "Good job, Mai."

"But, I didn't do anything." Wasn't that the truth. Gene was the one that made her see the light.

He was a medium even in spirit form.

"Yes," he said, "but her door only opened to you."

We were quiet as we enjoyed the scenery and the warm breeze. I remembered that it was cold down on Earth right now. That was going to be a shock.

"Gene," I said, "why haven't you moved on?"

"I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"The right moment." He breathed in the scent of my hair. He grabbed my hand and turned me around. Lifting my fingers up to his lips, he kissed my hand. "You need to go back."

I felt the tears start sliding down my cheeks. "But I don't want to."

"You still have a lot to live for, Mai," he said, "Don't waste it waiting for me."

I nodded.

He kissed my forehead. "Tell my brother I said hello."

"He'll call you an idiot."

"It's normal."

I felt everything shifting, falling back into a different time. The last glimpse of Gene I had was his smiling face.