Jackson drove up to Meredith's house for the dinner party not really looking forward to the rest of the evening. After parking his car, he stayed put a little longer. He didn't want to go inside just yet. He needed some time with his own thoughts. He saw light coming from the living room window and he could make out April's silhouette. He sighed.

It had been five days since the confrontation he had with her, five days since the last time they talked. They saw each other a few times around the hospital – in the ER, the hallways and the attendings' lounge. But apart from patient reports and work talk, they hadn't said anything else.

He didn't know how to process the things Nathan told him. April left him to go to Jordan and she saved lives there. Hell, she saved a baby from becoming an orphan. Everything she did over there was incredible. Of course he was proud of her.

But she was able to achieve all that at his expense. While she was out there keeping soldiers from dying, she was letting her marriage dissolve into little pieces. While she was operating on hearts, she was chipping away at his. She couldn't just expect him to casually forget about that part. How was he supposed to feel about all that? How was he ever going to reconcile those two truths without going completely insane?

Realizing he wasn't going to find the answers in his car, he gave up and finally forced himself to make his way to the house.

"It's going to be a long night, might as well get it over with," he thought to himself as he rang the doorbell. Meredith opened the door.

"Hey!" Meredith greeted.

"Am I late?" he asked her.

"No, not at all. You can set your coat over there. Can I get you a drink?"

"It's fine, I'll help myself," he said, walking toward the kitchen.

As he was about to pass the bathroom, the door suddenly opened and out walked Nathan. Jackson knew he was going to see April that night, but he didn't expect to see Nathan. This was Meredith's dinner party for their group of friends. Had Nathan got accepted in their little Grey-Sloan gang while he was too busy trying to act all professional with April during the past five days to notice it?

"Hey," said Jackson, who wasn't able to hide his surprise.

Nathan, who seemed to know what Jackson was thinking, replied, "Hey, man. My mother-in-law has Sam tonight, so Meredith invited me to come. She thought I needed a break from all the diaper changing, which I guess might be true."

"Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Well, I'm headed to the kitchen. Be seeing you around," he said.

He continued to walk to the kitchen, dead set on getting himself a glass of whiskey. It was going to be a much longer night than he expected. When he reached the kitchen, April had just entered from the dining room.

And when they made eye contact, neither knew who should be the first one to say something.

April knew that Jackson was coming, but that's all she knew at that point. She was okay in the hospital; there were protocols and patient charts to save her from saying anything that would make him mad at her again. Outside the hospital though, she was totally clueless. She wasn't supposed to go to the party. The last thing she wanted was to be in a room with a husband she's slowly losing. But Arizona convinced her to.

"If you're not going for your sake, then go for Nathan's," Arizona had told her. "It's his free night. Who knows how long it's been since the man had something to drink?"

So she went. While she tried to convince herself that she wasn't waiting for Jackson to arrive, she came up with a plan. Since he walked out on her, she had decided not to talk to him unless he talked to her first. It was her safest option. She just got too scared that she'd say something to piss him off again. She didn't even know if he was still angry at her or not.

The more she thought about that day, the more she saw everything she did as a mistake. Maybe she should've knocked on the on call room door and tried to continue their conversation. Maybe that's what Jackson wanted. Or maybe she shouldn't have left Nathan and Jackson to talk on their own. If she were there, she would've been able to explain herself better or at least keep Nathan from saying something that upset Jackson. Did Nathan even say something that upset Jackson? Or was Jackson upset because she ran off to treat that stupid bloody nose? And when they had their little talk outside the supply closet, maybe she should've started with something else instead of, "He's just a friend, he's just a friend, he's just a friend." Maybe he really did think they were just friends and her saying that made him suspicious.

Arizona told her she was thinking too much into things but that didn't stop her. That's what she was excellent in – overthinking. She drove herself crazy with all the what ifs and the shoulda woulda coulda until Arizona, who was at the receiving end of all her thoughts, had enough.

"Okay, this –" Arizona said, waving her fingers at April's panicky state, "isn't helping. If you're so scared of messing up again, then just don't talk to him until he talks to you. Let him make the first move."

So for the next few days, April did just that. She only talked to him to tell him which ER bed he was needed for a consult or to give him updates on the patient he was checking on. She even called him Dr. Avery because, well, that was kind of how they were treating each other – colleagues.

Now, standing in front of Jackson, outside the hospital walls and without their scrubs or white coats on, her resolve began to waver.

"I don't even know what Maggie was going to do with this," Amelia said, referring to all the ingredients on the kitchen counter. She was frantic. Maggie left all of a sudden to go to the hospital and neither she nor Meredith knew how to cook. "Should we order pizza? Let's just order pizza!"

"I can cook," April volunteered, turning her back to Jackson. If she had stayed there any longer, she knew she would crack. She needed a distraction.

Jackson needed a distraction. April was in the kitchen cooking with Arizona, Jo, Amelia, Meredith and Alex - the latter two having their own little talk. And Nathan was in the living room having a conversation with Bailey. He turned around and saw Stephanie sitting by the fireplace.

"You look like you rather be anywhere else but here," Stephanie grinned at him.

"Stephanie is better than nobody," he thought.

So he sat across from her and started making small talk. With his back facing the kitchen, he didn't see April eyeing them warily.

After some time, Nathan entered the kitchen and went to April.

"What's cookin, good-lookin'? Oh wait, that's me," teased Nathan.

"Ha ha, you ass," April glared at him.

"Smells good in here. Do you need me to help with anything?" he asked.

"No, Nathan, it's your night off," she said. "Go mingle and socialize."

"Yes," Arizona piped up. "Go talk to Penny. She's a delight! She's smart, she's funny, we have a crazy amount in common... Oh God, maybe I should date Penny."

"No," said Alex.

"Ill-advised," Amelia agreed.

April shot a look at Arizona and turned to Nathan. "Go talk to Penny before Arizona asks her out."

Nathan raised his eyebrow, "Will she actually do that?"

"She's drunk. She can do anything," April answered, as she took a sip of her liquor.

"Well, that's like, what, your third glass? You're not too far behind either," Nathan said.

"Jackson is here so I get to drink," April hissed. "Sam isn't here so you get to socialize."

"With Pretty Penny!" Arizona said happily.

Jackson and Stephanie continued their conversation in the living room as they helped set up the table. While they did that, Jackson couldn't help but hear the conversation Nathan was having with Penny and Bailey at the far end of the room.

"She actually knocked the guy out?" Bailey asked, totally surprised.

"Yeah, he was the new guy so he didn't know how much she really hated being called Plastic Kepner," said Nathan. "He didn't even have a chance to duck. The second he said it, April whirled around and just flat out punched the guy in the nose. It was glorious."

The three of them laughed. "I never knew Kepner had it in her," said Bailey.

"You and I both," Nathan replied.

"I did," Jackson thought.

Just then, Meredith called out, "Dinner's ready."

"Has anybody seen her? Penny?" asked Stephanie.

Apart from Meredith, Alex, Callie, Penny, Owen and Amelia, everybody was in the kitchen trying to process what had just happened. They were all in shock. And since the people who planned the dinner were either having a checkup in the hospital or having a meltdown upstairs, the guests took it upon themselves to clean up.

"I think she was waiting on a cab," answered Jackson, who found himself doing the dishes with April.

"Am I supposed to do anything? Because Callie is my ex. But on the other hand, you know, she's my ex," Arizona prattled. "So I'm guessing that means no?"

Nathan cleared his throat, "Well, I'm the new guy here and I don't have any connection to Meredith's husband, so maybe I should be the one to see how she's doing?"

Everyone looked at each other and said a unanimous, "Yes."

After Nathan left to go find Penny, April spoke up, "I feel bad for her. She was ambushed tonight. It wasn't right."

"She's a resident, you know," Stephanie said.

"She's like us," Jo added.

"Yeah, well, that could've been any of us," Jackson uttered.

"It was me," April said, staring blankly in front of her as she rinsed the plates, remembering what had happened years ago. Jackson looked at her, not liking where she was headed.

"My second year I made a stupid mistake. I missed an airway and I killed a child's mother."

Jackson couldn't help himself. "Okay, you didn't kill anybody. It was a mistake."

Ignoring what Jackson said, April continued, "I still pray for her. Every night I pray for her family."

"Well, that stuff is never one person's fault," Jackson tried to reassure her.

"Some things are just your fault," she said. She wasn't thinking anymore. She just let out whatever it was in her head, not realizing that she was doing it. "Some things you screw up and you can't take back no matter how hard you try. Some things you pay for the rest of your life."

Unbeknownst to her, Jackson was taking every word she said to heart. It was the first time he had heard her talk that way – like she was waving the white flag. He didn't know what to make of it.

When all the dishes were done, she turned to Jackson. "That's the last of it. I got to get her home," she said, pointing to Arizona who was now subdued but still very drunk.

"You're not driving either," Jackson said immediately.

"No, I know," she told him. "Nathan brought a car. He'll drive us home."

"Where is home exactly?" he asked timidly, unsure if he had the right to even ask. He had to know though. It bugged him every single day not knowing where she went home to.

"I moved in with Arizona a few days ago," she said. "So that's home right now."

"Oh, okay," Jackson said. After a short pause, he added, "Your dinner was excellent tonight. Thanks."

Just then, Nathan walked back in, taking April's attention away from Jackson.

"I couldn't find her, maybe she already found a cab," Nathan told her. "You ready to head out? Arizona looks like she's about to pass out. And I still need to pick up Sam."

"Yup," she replied. Turning to Arizona, "You ready to go?"

"Mm-hmm," Arizona said, as she slipped out of the stool she sat on and almost fell to the floor.

As the three of them walked to the front door, April didn't see Jackson watching her, trying but failing to convince himself that he didn't want to be the one to take her home instead.

"I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to shut it off," Callie told Jackson. They were outside the house, talking.

"Shut what off?"

"How I feel…about her. I don't even know if I want to."

"Well, even if you want to, I'm not so sure that you can." Jackson said.

"I'm not so sure I can," he thought.