Finn – Friday
Why was Josh staring at Isabelle? Why did he keep giving me evil looks and/or the cold shoulder. I mean, I know we weren't ever friends, but what was going on? What was his problem? I hadn't done anything to him. Except maybe take Issy. But I still didn't get it. Josh had hated Issy. And Issy hated Josh. Since when did he suddenly care about her? I just didn't get it.
"What do you have now?" Issy's voice broke me from my thoughts. And I realised everyone was getting up. I stood quickly, picking up my books.
"I have English Lit. You?" I asked her, as we made our way out of the classroom.
"Maths. Crap!" Issy exclaimed. "I have a test. I totally forgot. I didn't study at all."
"Hey, don't worry," I told her, taking her hand. She looked at me with a smile, then quickly looked around uneasily. I followed her gaze and saw Josh walking behind us. He had a stony look on his face and his jaw was set. Issy quickly looked away from him and back to me. "You will do fine, you always do," I said, referring to the maths test. She gave an uneasy laugh. I squeezed her hand and then let go. "I am down this way. I'll see you later?"
"Yeah, sure," Issy nodded and moved away. I turned toward where my classroom was, and I had only taken two steps when I felt something slam into the back of me, sending my books – and me – flying. I managed to stick my hands out in front of me, before I fell flat on my face, as I tumbled to the ground. I got up quickly and spun around. Josh. He was walking calmly beside me, as if nothing happened.
"Josh!" I called. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Nothing," Josh said, turning to face me, tall figure towering over me. "Why? Is there something wrong?"
"I know that was you," I said icily. Jake was standing a little behind Josh, looking worried.
"Come on, Josh," Jake said. "Just leave it."
"No, I want to know what Josh has against me," I said. Then Issy was at my side, taking my hand and dragging me just out of earshot.
"Hey, Finn," she said in a soothing voice. "Don't worry about Josh. He is just being a pain. You know how he is."
"That doesn't mean he needs to take it out on me," I said.
"Yeah, I just… I don't want to see you get hurt," Issy said, taking my hand. I sighed.
"Sure, I'm sorry."
"It's okay. It wasn't your fault. Just… be careful."
"I will," I said, then gave Isabelle a peck on the lips before turning around, to collect my books. Once I had stood, I took a quick glace at the scene. People were milling around – no doubt waiting for a fight or something to gossip about. Josh was standing about ten metres away, by Jake, staring at Issy. Issy was looking back at him, and I could have sworn I saw a slight shake of her head before she said,
"I have to go," and turned away. I watched Issy leave, then made my way to the classroom, ignoring Josh's gaze.
"So you and Issy are together?" Ethan asked during woodwork after recess.
"Yeah, sort of," I shrugged. I hated it when gossip was on me. But I guess that is just what happens when you go out with someone at your school. You are hot topic until the next hook-up or break-up.
"Cool," Ethan nodded. It was obvious he wasn't used to these conversations. But then, neither was I.
"When did you ask her out?" Martin asked.
"Um… yesterday."
"She is pretty cool," Liam said. I didn't really know what to say. This conversation was awkward enough. "Now we just have to get Martin to get enough guts to ask Stef out."
"Hey," Martin said, sounding offended. "She is coming to the party with me next week."
"But only as a friend," Liam teased.
"Yeah, well you I don't see you with the balls enough to ask Hayley," Martin
shot back. Liam's usually smiling face dropped and it became dark.
"Shut up," Liam hissed. Whoa. That was a new development. "I don't like her."
"Yeah, right," Martin said with a roll of his eyes. I almost laughed. But I held it in. I was just glad the conversation had been steered away from me.
Isabelle – Friday
The classroom began to empty. It was fourth period and everyone was eager to get to lunch. I packed up as fast as I could. But I had talked to the teacher and got stuck being polite. Josh on the other hand packed up slowly. The teacher left saying,
"Just lock the door behind you." I nodded and stood the moment he left. I needed to get out of here. I wasn't about to be left alone with Josh in a classroom. Not a good idea. Especially if I was backtracking already. I picked up my books and almost ran to the door. But when I was a few metres away I felt Josh's strong hand on my arm. He spun me around, my books flying from my arms, and brought me close to him, taking me into an incredible kiss that made me fall into his arms as my knees buckled beneath me. It was only a quick kiss and soon – too soon for my liking – had Josh pulled his lips from mine and held me in a hug. And as much as my body screamed to kiss him again I forced myself to say no.
"How are you?" Josh asked, as if we were just having a normal everyday conversation and we hadn't just kissed. I wanted to say I was completely melting over him, but I couldn't. And I wouldn't. I felt so guilty about yesterday. For Finn. He had been so good to me, and what had I done? Cheated on him. Twice now.
"What the hell did you think you were pulling today with Finn?" I asked – still not moving from my place in Josh's arms – but trying to sound angry. I felt safe when I was with him. I felt right. But I felt guilty too. Really guilty.
"It was an accident," Josh said with a roll of his eyes.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I said, frustrated.
"Look, I'm sorry. But he was being annoying."
"He was holding my hand!"
"Yeah, and I found that annoying," Josh said irritably.
"Well, technically he is my boyfriend," I told him.
"Huh?" Josh asked.
"You knew that!" I said, exasperated.
"But I thought…"
"Look," I said, pulling away from Josh's embrace. "I have to go. I need to see my maths teacher about my terrible attempt at a test today. Can we do this later?" I have to say I said it with a whole lot more confidence than I felt at that moment. Actually, I felt a little sick.
"Fine," Josh said releasing me. He had annoyed, determined look on his face, and his lips were pressed together. "I'll see you later then." Then he picked up his books and walked out of the classroom. I didn't move. I didn't watch him leave. I took a breath and closed my eyes, counting to ten. Then I picked up my books from the floor and left the classroom.
"Don't mean to pry," I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned to see Jake, looking hot as usual, leaning against the outside wall of the classroom, arms crossed over his chest, looking intently at me. "But what exactly is the deal with you and Josh?"
"Nothing." I found myself going into defensive mode. Which I guess was kind of stupid because Josh would have told Jake. Wouldn't he?
"Because I think there is. And Josh sure as hell hasn't said anything," Jake said indignantly. I watched him carefully, looking for something.
"Why wouldn't he have told you?" I asked.
"Because… because… I like you," Jake said softly, losing the usual confidence in his voice.
"What?" I squeaked. What was wrong with the world? How did I mange to have the resident hot player like me, as well has the hot new surfer and the guy I fight with? This isn't right. I never get guys. What is going on? What alternate universe was I in? Why is this so screwed up?
"But from what I can see, I think you guys are pretty much together," Jake said looking at his feet.
"No," I said quickly. "We are not together. I am with Finn."
"Finn?" Jake said looking quizzical. "Then why the hell were you just pashing Josh?"
"I… well… actually it was him pashing me," I said lamely.
"You didn't exactly try too hard to push him away."
"Yeah… well…" I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say to the best friend who had a crush on me? Well, Josh is a good kisser and I am a sap. I don't think so.
"You like him?"
"I…" And this was the first time I had been directly asked. I had no idea how to answer. Did I like him? Did I like him? But even when I was with Josh, and every cell in my body ached for him, I still thought of Finn and how I was betraying him. Did that mean I liked Josh, or just liked kissing him? "I don't know." Because I didn't.
"Right…" Jake said. "And what do you plan to tell Josh and Finn?"
"I don't know." Because I didn't.
"That is a good plan," Jake said sarcastically. And then I began talking. I told Jake about everything. Everything. From the first week of school. The day Finn arrived, the day of the assignment. Kissing Josh and going out with Finn. Everything. And it came out easily. Jake was quiet as I told him the story. He made faces every now and again. Anger came trough I few times, but he stayed quiet. When I finished, a silence descended over us and felt tears begin inside me. I blinked them back, but it wasn't working. And they spilled over. I dropped my books and brought my hands to my face, desperately trying to wipe away the tears. And Jake hugged me. It felt weird but nice. And he held me as I cried. When I was done I pulled away and smiled at him.
"Thanks," I said.
"No problem," Jake answered.
"I am sorry."
"So am I?"
"Why?"
"Because Josh really likes you," Jake said sincerely. "He hasn't said it, but I can tell. And… well… from what you have said, I think you like him too."
"I… I just don't know."
"I think you do. Just be careful, Issy."
"Sure," I nodded. "I'll try." The bell went and I picked up my books again.
"I have to get to class," Jake said. I nodded again and said,
"Thanks." Jake just nodded and moved away. Even if he was a player, he was a good guy. A better guy than I ever gave him credit for. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad if Rachael went out with him. I still just couldn't believe that he liked me. I mean. He had always joked but it was never real. Now it just seemed surreal. I watched him round the corner before I stood up and brushed myself off. I was a mess. A giant mess. I needed to get to a bathroom to clean myself up. And I was going to be late for my next class. I looked to the sky. It looked like it might rain. I didn't mind. I liked rain.
Josh – Friday
I was walking towards the office when I saw Issy. She was alone – which for her was not very often. She had her head bent, hands in pockets, walking slowly. I watched her for a moment before making my way towards her. I took her by the waist and held her in my arms as she took a sharp breath in. She looked at me and smiled, before nuzzling my shoulder. We were behind the old storeroom so there was no one around. I could smell her hair and I took a deep breath. Then Issy pulled away and looked at me, blue eyes studying.
"Josh," Issy sighed, as if she was about to say something huge. "This whole thing is really annoying me."
"What is? Me kissing you?" I said in a low voice. Issy's mouth opened slightly, and I saw her blush. She turned her head and tried to regain herself.
"No," she said, still not looking at me. "Not that part." I smiled. I loved it when she got speechless.
"What then?"
"Sneaking around. I hate it. I feel terrible," she said, finally looking at me again.
"So?"
"So…" She looked like she was struggling for words. I frowned, not understanding what she was getting at. "Maybe… I don't know. We just shouldn't do this at school."
"What does that mean? Not in front of Finn?"
"I don't know," Issy said looking at the ground.
"I'm not going to be that other guy," I said, suddenly angry. "You're not going to use me like that just because you like me kissing you."
"I'm not using you," Issy said weakly.
"If you keep going out with Finn, then yes, you are using me."
"I… I…" Issy stuttered. It began to drizzle and I watched the small drops of water land on her hair, settling like little diamonds.
"Issy," I said to her. "You're driving me crazy. I've told you how I feel, but you keep…" I took a breath. "You go out on dates with Finn, but you make out with me in empty classrooms and out the back of your house. What do you want?"
"I… I don't know, Josh," she said taking a breath.
"You can't have both. And if you keep doing this you'll have neither," I said angrily.
"I'm just confused," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "Finn is so sweet, but when you kiss me…" It began to rain harder, soaking Issy's hair and clothes. Her fringe stuck to her forehead and her tears flowed with the rain. My God, she looked so beautiful. Sad, but really beautiful. I reached up to push some of the wet hair out of her face. She turned her head away and whispered,
"I don't know." I dropped my hand.
"Close your eyes," I told her. She looked at me with a slight frown. "Trust me." She nodded and closed her eyes. I put on hand on her waist and the other around her back. She rested her head on my shoulder and I whispered,
"Who do you want?"
"I don't know," she answered. She tried to pull her head away but I put it back and said,
"Keep your eyes closed." She did. "Imagine you are lost. It is night and it is raining. There are empty streets around you and you are scared and cold and wet." I paused. Isabelle still had her eyes closed and I could still hear her crying. The rain was soaking through my thin school jumper but I didn't care. I had Issy. "Who do you want to be there? Who do you want to find you and tell you it will be okay? Who to you want to hold you and kiss your hair? Who are you thinking of now?"
"I…" Isabelle began. She lifted her head off my shoulder and looked at me with her cloudy blue eyes. She had red rims around her eyes from the tears but she still looked amazing, rain dripping off her nose. "You Josh. I want you to be there."
"What about Finn?" I asked.
"Josh, I don't care about Finn. All I want is you. Only you," she said. And then I was kissing her. I brought a hand into her wet hair and she slid her hands over my shoulders. With my other hand I pulled her into me. I moved my lips down to her neck, remembering the other night. She said my name softly and gripped the back of my neck. I was so desperate to move further down into her school dress but stopped myself. I pulled away from her.
"What is it?" she asked.
"We are at school," I said a little out of breath. "Perhaps we should tone it down a little."
"Oh," she said disappointed. "What do we do now?" We still hadn't let go of each other so I leant down so our foreheads were touching.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Finn?"
"But you said…" I trailed off in realisation. "You aren't going to leave him, are you?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"He's been really good to me," she said looking down. I pulled away from Isabelle, anger boiling up in me.
"Shit, Isabelle," I almost shouted. Isabelle cringed. "What the hell do you want from me? You just told me you didn't care about Finn."
"Do you really think this would ever work?" Issy said anger working its way into her voice. "We fight all the time. We hate each other. We call each other names and shout. Look at us now! Do you actually think this will work? Ever?"
"But have you ever thought that this is passion? Our fighting is passion."
"It is just fighting, Josh. It is, what it is."
"You… you don't feel… anything for me?" I asked.
"I… I… I don't know, Josh. I don't know what I feel for you. But I know what I feel for Finn."
"Oh," I said sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Of course. You love Finn, don't you? That is why you sneak out here to kiss me and tell me you only want me, right?"
"See, what I mean. We fight all the time. We can't even have a conversation without fighting."
"Jesus Christ, Isabelle," I shouted. "I love you!" That was when she took a step back.
"Love?" she asked.
"What did you think? Gee, Isabelle, I have loved you since Year 9," I told her. Isabelle took another step back.
"You hated me."
"I thought I did. But I didn't. It just took me some time to realise it. And it was easier hating you. Everything was fine when I hated you. It wasn't until I worked out I loved you that things became screwed up."
"I… I don't…" She stopped. "Love?"
"Do you love me?" I heard myself ask.
"I… I… love?" she thought aloud. "I… don't…" The bell rang loudly around the school grounds. Isabelle looked at her feet then said quickly, "I have to go." And she was gone. I was left behind the old storeroom, in the pouring rain, alone.