All I Wanted was Love

Chapter 10

Machines beeped around her as Brittany gently opened the door revealing one of her worst nightmares inside of the room. It wasn't the fact that he had been hurt that had scared her, it was the fact that she was in such close proximity to him after what he had done to her. She didn't want to relive that memory, but it felt like no matter how hard she tried she couldn't help it from coming. One minute she was in the hospital surrounded by those dreaded machines and the next she was on the cold hard streets of New York reliving her worst nightmare.

A warm hand took her own as her and her boyfriend walked down the crowded streets of New York just talking and laughing. He had seemed like he was in such a good mood that she hadn't thought much when he pulled her into a dark alley and pressed the full length of his body to hers. What the hell was going on here?

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked looking at him wildly.

"Don't act so innocent Britt, I know you're stepping out on m. Who is he, huh? Who is the guy that's fucking you."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

His fist slammed against the wall causing her to flinch. What had given him such an idea?

"You know exactly what I'm talking about Brittany, stop acting like you don't."

Brittany looked at him puzzled.

"Please tell me what I'm doing wrong, Britt, What have I done to make you hate me so much?"

"I don't hate you Rich, I love-"

The fist struck out so fast that Brittany didn't expect it. Her eyes widened as his breath cam in fast.

"Don't you ever lie to me bitch. Who do you think you are? Well I'm gonna teach you exactly who you are."

Brittany closed her eyes as the fist struck out at her and she exhaled bringing herself back to where she was in the hospital.

Richard opened his eyes and looked at her with narrowed eyes.

"Where the hell have you been, you stupid bitch?"

Brittany flinched flabbergasted about why she was so surprised about his reaction. After all this wasn't the first time he had let his anger out on here. It just had took her so long to see him for who he really was, but she would be damned if he spent a moment at this hospital without listening to exactly what she had to say.

"You know around."

"Don't play games with me Britt. I came back to get you and you weren't there. Where did you go?"

"That's really none of your business."

"So I was right. You were cheating on me."

"Actually I wasn't, but nothing I'm going to say is going to convince you otherwise so you just keep on thinking what you want to think and I'll be as far away from you as I can be trying to move on with my life."

"So that's it, huh? One mistake on my part and you're leaving me?"

"We were already over the moment you decided to lay your hands on me."

"You think you can escape me that easily? Do you think you can forget who you are that easily?"

"I can sure as hell try."

"And what are you going to do when you realize that you're the scum of the earth, Huh? Are you gonna come crying back to me about it, because I don't take back stupid bitches like you."

"I guess I'll figure it out along the way. And make no mistake Rich, Someone will love me again."

"Who would ever love a girl like you?" he asked his voice dangerously low.

"I would." a voice said from behind her and she saw Santana leaning against the door frame.

"Seriously? Have you turned into a lesbian on me, Britt? I had no idea you swung that way."

"It's none of your business if she does or not. Brittany can date whoever she wants now that she's single again."

"Whatever. Don;t come crawling back to me when you figure out that this is just a faze. Who knows maybe I'll take you back and hell I'd even let your girlfriend in on it. I've always wanted to try a Latina."

"Than go find one that can put up with your ignorant ass. Come on Britt, Let;s go."

"You'll never find anyone like me Britt, Just remember that."

"Thank God for that." Brittany said taking Santana's hand and going out of the room with her never looking back at the one person she thought she had loved.

Thirty minutes later, Santana and Brittany were seated across from each other at a table at a nearby restaurant. The scent of comfort food filled the air as Brittany munched on a fry careful not to think about what just happened. But the harder she tried to push that thought away the more it tried to crop it's nasty head up.

"Are you still thinking about what happened?" Santana asked looking at Brittany with concern.

Brittany nodded as Santana reached out her hand.

"It'll be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Because there was a time when I was like you and thought that things wouldn't be okay."

"Yeah? And when was that?"

"When I came out to my family."

Brittany sucked in a breath. She had never really heard about this story before and knew better to ask, but here Santana was ready to lay it all out just to make her feel better. She took her hand and squeezed.

"You don't have to tell me these things just to make me feel better."

"But I want to, because for some weird and strange reason, I want you to know everything about me."

Brittany nodded not trusting her voice. She was still in shock that Santana would trust her with this part of her life, but if she wanted to tell her story than Brittany would listen with an open mind and an open heart. Whatever Santana needed Brittany would be there from now on.

Santana inhaled a shaky breath preparing herself to tell the story that Brittany knew was difficult for her.

"It all started when I was thirteen, I always knew I was different somehow. I didn't soon over boys like other girls in my grade did and than it happened-"

"What happened?"

"I met a girl."

Brittany knew that something like this would happen, but Santana had never mentioned much about her dating life besides Quinn. It would be nice to know more about her even if Santana did want to keep their relationship strictly platonic.

"What was her name?"

"Her name was Alice."

Brittany scanned the names of everyone in Santana's life that she had met or mentioned in long talks with Kurt and Blaine, but the name Alice had never popped up. Brittany was starting to wonder why. And than she replayed Santana's words as she turned them over in her head holding on to one word in particular. Was. As in past tense. Something had happened to this Alice girl and that's why Santana had never brought her up, because this Alice girl, Whoever she had been to Santana, Brittany knew one thing for certain. That she was no longer alive and Santana knew exactly what had happened to her.

"What happened to her?"

"All in good time. For right now I would like to talk about the good before I relive the bad."

"I understand. "

Santana reached for her hand under the table and squeezed it when Brittany placed hers in.

"Thank you for understanding. As you may know this is very hard for me to talk about and with good reason, but just because what happened with Alice still hurts me to this day doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve to be remembered. Alice was such an amazing person. She was so strong and full of light that she was someone I truly admired. She was everything and than she was nothing at all. She was here one moment and just gone the next. The worst part of it all was that it was my fault. Alice was taken from the world too soon and it was all because I wouldn't stop loving her."

This time Brittany squeezed Santana's hand. Santana was the strongest person she had ever known and she hadn't even heard the full story yet.

"Tell me what happened to Alice."

"When I first met Alice, she was the first girl in our school to ever come out and not give a shit what other people thought about her. I had always envied that about her. I wanted to be her so bad. Wanted to accept the part of myself that I let no one else see. She made it look so easy, but I knew it also had to be hard for her too. She never showed it though. Refused to let anyone ever see her cry. I hardly knew her until the day that our chemistry teacher assigned us together to be lab partners. I swear that that was the best and the worst day of my life."

Brittany nodded wondering what it would be like if she had had a high school sweetheart. She had met Richard in her freshman year of college and had dropped out two months later. In high school she had only had numerous amounts of dates but no one caught her eye more than Santana was at this precise moment. The way she talked about Alice, like she was still alive in her heart, was the way that Brittany wished someone would talk about her. She only wished she would find that one day. Who knows maybe one day Santana would change her mind and give her a chance, but if she didn't she at least wished she could find something similar to what she had always dreamed of.

"At first I was reluctant to work with Alice, after all she was so strong and full of confidence that she intimidated me a little bit, but as soon as I got over my intentional fear we started to slowly, but surely get along. She used to have the best jokes. Sometimes it pains me that I don't remember them as well as I used to, but she always knew exactly what to do to make me laugh again. Sooner or later we got so close that I felt like she would be the first one I told about my secret. She was so understanding about the fact that I liked girls, but didn't know exactly how I felt. She helped me sort through my feelings and eventually our friendship became something more. "

Santana looked away as if lost in thought as they brought their food out. The waitress smiled at her and she smiled back not in a flirtatious way, but in a way you would smile at a stranger if they were having a bad day. As soon as the waitress left, Santana turned her full attention to Brittany continuing her story .

"We were such idiots pretending that we would never get caught. Pretending that everything would be just fine between us and that nobody would ever know what occurred between us, but than it did. You see my family is extremely homophobic and I tried my best to keep it from them, but one day when me and Alice went to the woods for our daily make out session, my father caught us. I remember him being so furious that he dragged me up by my arm and punched me to the ground to make sure that I knew that I was nothing but uncultured swine to him. When Alice saw me get hurt, she did the one thing that had cost her her life. She turned my dad around trying to get him to calm down to love me for who I was and than he punched her. He punched her so hard that she had lost her balance and had hit her head on the nearby log that we had been making out on. I raced to her so fast that it seemed like time stood still. I tried to wake her up, but she wouldn't respond when I called her name. She was gone and it was all my fault."

Brittany quickly grabbed Santana's hands squeezing them in hers as tight as she could.

"It's not your fault. Your dad killed her not you."

"She would still be alive if it wasn't for me loving her Brittany. My father may have made her fall, but I was the one to sign her death certificate."

"She loved you."

"She died because she loved me."

Brittany bit her lip. How could she convince Santana to stop blaming herself when she had spent years doing so. It just wasn't fair that people like Santana spent their life feeling guilty while people like Richard hardly felt guilty at all.

"She would have loved you regardless of if you two would have dated or not. Believe it or not Santana you;re actually a more lovable person that you would like to think. "

Santana flashed her a brief smile, but Brittany could tell that there was still a great amount of pain in her eyes."

"It's not your fault Santana and you shouldn't put a pause on your life because of it. "

"Who says I've stopped living my life?"

"No one I can just tell."

"Well what do you suppose I do with myself?"

"How long has it been since you've been on an actual date?"

"It's been a while."

"Did you want to go on one say next Friday?"

"Depends are you asking?"

"It's fine if you say no. I know you said you wanted to keep our relationship strictly platonic, but I think you should actually give it a try before you shoot it down like it's nothing."

"You're right. I should."

"Really?"

"Really."

Brittany squeezed her hand and at that moment in the confides of this small diner, Brittany felt as if she was ready to begin again.