Chapter Ten:
Less than thirty minutes later, Beverly, Dr. Selar, and Beverly's head nurse, Michelle, were inside surgical room one ready to begin the delicate surgery they had outlined.
The genetic mix that made up Shannara Rozhenko was difficult for even a medical doctor to understand. The laws of science predicted that Klingon and Betazoid codes could not be successfully integrated. Klingon anatomy involved a system of redundancies unlike any other known sentient species. Controversially, Betazoids had a far weaker intrastructure, while possessing superior mental abilities. Yet the little girl had defied the odds.
Now it was up to Dr. Beverly Crusher and her staff to overcome the next hurdle. Starfleet Medical had given their approval of the outlined procedure, but Beverly still had to fight off nagging doubts. Although she had no trouble adjusting back to a full- time routine, Beverly could not forestall her fears that her regeneration would somehow effect her performance. She had assisted a few surgeries since returning to duty, but this would be her first as the chief surgeon.
Shannara had been demonstrating some innate empathic abilities which were believed to have been prematurely activated during her interaction with the Akodians. As for any Klingon redundancies, some had been detected while others were impossible to pinpoint- -until they were needed.
No matter how nervous Beverly felt inside, ever the professional, she kept a steady hand as she began the procedure. The trick of the grafting process was locating healthy, unused brain tissue to replace the damaged areas that had been controlling motor and cognitive functions before the accident. No sentient being used more than ten percent of their actual brain capacity, so finding the unused tissue was not the problem. Successfully grafting and encoding the information stored on the damaged sections of the girl's brain would be a medical breakthrough if not an outright miracle. Beverly had every intention of performing that miracle on this special little girl.
"Michelle, prepare 10 ccs of zorcodiezine," Beverly ordered as she checked the girl's vital signs.
Michelle filled a hypospray with the anesthetic. Doctor and nurse locked eyes as their Vulcan colleague lowered the stasis field. Then they were galvanized into action. The nurse handed Crusher the hypospray and the doctor quickly administered it.
"Heart rate and blood pressure lowering," Dr. Selar said. Anxiously, Beverly waited for the drug to take effect. "Heart rate down to thirty-eight." They could not risk it lowering further. Crusher almost gave the order to raise the stasis field when Selar informed her, "Heart rate increasing to 42. . .45. . .stabilizing."
Beverly reached out and brushed the girl's long curly hair with her fingers. Fortunately, modern medicine no longer required the removal of hair before brain surgery.
"Okay Sweetheart, we're ready to begin."
In the adjoining room, Worf and Deanna Rozhenko clutched hands and prayed silently for their little girl. Alexander sat next to them and yet a great distance still hung between them. He could not forgive himself, and his parents could not yet deal with him.
Across from them, Lwaxana and Captain Picard were sitting together. What little they did speak was offered in whispers. None of them really wanted to talk, Alexander was sure.
They knew the surgery would take hours, and yet they stared anxiously at the closed door to the surgery room, waiting for the news.
Alexander both wanted be there and not to be there. He had never been so uncomfortable in all his life. He thought about his sister, the way she had been before the accident, and remembered her smile whenever he went to pick her up out of her crib. Her little hands raised up in the air, she would plead for someone to take her out of her confinement. On several occasions when not answered soon enough to her liking, Shannara had tried to climb out on her own, once even banging her head, resulting in a large purple lump for her troubles. She hated being trapped and Alexander could only imagine how much worse being trapped in a coma made her feel.
He tried to block out these thoughts, to concentrate on something else. So he thought about the one person in his life not Present: Rosa.
He wondered where Rosa was and what she was doing. He had stopped by her quarters earlier to find her not there. He had opted not to ask the computer for her location. Their last encounter having been their animalistic coupling the night before, Alexander feared that he had ruined Rosa's life, too.
Getting up, he wandered away from his parents to afford them some privacy. He thought about what Counselor Bennett had said earlier about forgiving himself. Maybe if Shannara pulled through this, he could. He glanced back at his parents. Deanna had her head in his father's lap and his father was gently running his hand through her hair. Deciding they wouldn't notice his absence, Alexander left the infirmary to find Counselor Bennett.
Not thinking, Alexander walked in to Bennett's office to find the counselor with another patient. "I- -I'm sorry," he stammered, feeling ashamed. "I should have buzzed the annunciator before walking through your waiting area." I'm so incompetent, Alexander thought. I'm just making one blunder after another.
Once Bennett recovered from his startled state, he said, "It's more my fault, really. I forgot to reset the override command on my doors." He turned toward his patient, who was dabbing at tears with a handkerchief. "Will you be all right, Marla?"
"I think so," she responded, getting up from her seat. "My time's up anyway. I'll schedule again for next week." She left the room without looking at Alexander.
"I know you said I could come by any time, but. . ." Alexander began, "are you busy?"
"That was my last patient for the day. And my invitation is still open. What can I do to help you this evening?"
"Starfleet Medical approved my sister's surgery," he said as he took the seat Marla had vacated. "Dr. Crusher and Dr. Selar began the procedure only a little while ago. I was sitting there in the waiting room with my parents, and it was like we were in different sectors of the galaxy. I wanted to comfort them, tell them that everything would be all right. Dr. Crusher is the best doctor I know, but nobody knows for sure that this brain graft is going to work. If she dies, I wouldn't blame them if they didn't want me around anymore. I wouldn't want to live with me." Alexander caught his breath, but it didn't stop the flow of tears.
"Have you been getting any sleep, Alexander?"
"At night, I can hear Deanna crying through the thin walls. I cry, too. How can any of us sleep through all of this?"
"Alexander, may I tell you a story about a little seven-year old boy?" Bennett began. He paused until the boy nodded. When he finished telling the young Klingon the story he had shared with Deanna only two days before, Bennett added, "We all disobey our parents from time to time. You need to accept that fact, so you can learn from your mistake and grow from the experience."
"It's too damn high a price to pay just to learn a lesson! Why does my sister have to pay for my mistake?"
"I agree." They stared glumly at one another. "You should pray for your sister's safe recovery, but you also need to reopen communication with your parents. They are good people, and I think with a little time, they will realize that you are hurting as much as they are."
Somehow, Alexander felt a modicum of comfort from the counselor's words. "I guess I should tell you something that happened between Rosa and I. You see, I went to talk with her and well, we didn't really get around to talking. I didn't mean for it to happen. I just didn't know what to do or say, and I don't think she did either."
"I do understand your problem, but only you can solve it. Until you are able to break the silence barrier, you will probably continue to suffer the same feelings of guilt and inadequacy."
"And Rosa, I imagine she's feeling the same way." Alexander had a mental image of Rosa sitting in the darkness of her quarters, afraid to come out. "I hate thinking about what this is doing to her."
"The fact that you are considering her feelings shows promise. You obviously have a strong desire to resolve this situation."
"Yes! What she and I did was a very bad thing, but she doesn't deserve to be punished forever for it."
"I think if you search deep within yourself, you'll decide that you don't either."
Slowly Alexander nodded, deciding that maybe if his sister pulled through this, he could forgive himself.
"You will have to excuse yourself now, Alexander," Bennett said looking at his chronometer. "I have an appointment scheduled for this time-with my wife. I hope you decide to come tomorrow with your parents, so we can all talk together."
"I will be here," Alexander promised.
"I'm glad you decided to come," Alexander said as Rosa approached his table wearing a sleeveless one- piece mini-skirt.
He had asked her to meet him in the cafeteria, figuring they were safer in a public place. Their eyes locked, both of them trying to gauge how the other was feeling. The eclectic music of the cafe somehow heightened Alexander's fears-and his sexual tension. Why did Rosa always wear such provocative outfits?
"I want to resolve this as badly as you do," she admitted. "And I'm ready to really listen." Sitting down, she reached for his hand. "I can see everything so clearly now. We must stop punishing ourselves."
"I agree. Our guilt has been punishment enough. Nothing we do or say to ourselves will help the situation." He paused. "She's in surgery right now and probably will be for the next couple of hours yet."
"I hear Dr. Crusher is one of the best doctors in Starfleet. She won't give up on your sister."
"We won't give up on my sister."
"Of course not."
An awkward silence between them followed, and Alexander wondered if they weren't relapsing into their earlier routine.
"I don't think we were as ready for a relationship as we thought we were," Rosa said.
"That's for sure. So what do we do now?"
"What I would like is to go back to the way we were before the accident," Rosa replied. "But I think we both probably realize that that is impossible. Too much has happened to quickly, and we must either move forward or back off."
"Which do you prefer?"
"It isn't a matter of what I prefer. We have to decide what is best. The way we are now is not healthy."
"We're talking now. Isn't that the way to begin healing? Can't there be a way for us to grow together? I don't want to say goodbye to you!"
"Alex, two days ago, I was a nervous wreck. I was distraught, practically in a daze. I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I thought it would be better to end my life. I almost went through with it."
I should have realized she was in trouble, Alex internally chastised himself. "What stopped you?"
"I had reached the railing, and I swear to you that I jumped. Someone grabbed me. He came out of nowhere, like my guardian angel. He even seemed to know why I wanted to die. He told me life would get better, and for some reason, I believed him. I still feel guilty over what we did-that will never change- but at the same time, I've come to realize that letting it ruin my life isn't right either. We have to forgive ourselves and move on."
"Our separate ways?"
"I don't know. . .probably."
Bennett met his wife, Paula, and their two children for lunch at the small cafeteria on Deck 7. He tried to act casual, but immediately she noticed he wasn't behaving like his usual self.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
Realizing he had been staring at his food, he set his fork down on his plate and looked up at his wife. "It's a patient, I'm afraid. I wish I could discuss it with you-with anyone really. I believe in the ethics of confidentiality and normally, it doesn't bother me keeping it all inside."
"But this one's really thrown you for a loop." Understandingly, Paula grasped his hand.
He glanced across the table at his three-year old daughter, who affectionately offered him a french fry. He smiled warmly at her. Tammy wasn't much older than the poor little girl lying in a coma and fighting for her life. His five-year old son, Jamie was sitting beside him, and Bennett wrapped his arm around the boy.
"Being with my family helps."
Why was the surgery taking so long? Not having control of a situation always bothered Worf, but what frightened him even more was the realization that he just wanted this to end. Was he preparing to say goodbye to his daughter? How would Deanna react if she knew what he was thinking? Worse, how was she interpreting the feelings she sensed in him now? To his surprise, she reached out and grasped his hand. He began to wonder what she was thinking, feeling.
As Worf peered into Deanna's glossy brown eyes, he remembered how happy they had been. They had busy work schedules, but they enjoyed their quiet evenings with Shannara. Before Deanna and then Shannara entered his life, Worf had never seen himself as a family man. Even with Alexander around, he had been far too serious, never smiling and always requesting double shifts. While a part of the man he was remained-would always remain-a part of him, he had been compelled to play silly games, like piggyback riding, with Shannara.
He missed the sound of her giggles as he bounced her around the living area of their quarters. He missed teaching her how to do little everyday things like putting on her shirt. Most of all, he missed comforting her when she got a scrape or her feelings were hurt.
"Worf," Deanna said. It was the first word she had uttered in a long while. "You're anxious for this to end." She was not asking, nor accusing. She simply stated what she could sense from him.
"Yes. It is better to know the outcome no matter the situation, then to spend one's time fretting away the hours."
She offered no response. Worse, her eyes grew distant as she contemplated his words. Silently, they continued to wait for Shannara to come out of surgery.
As her nurse wiped Crusher's sweaty brow, the doctor prepared for closure of the incision. While her hands remained steady, inwardly, she felt dread. How could she, a mere mortal, perform this miracle?
The room grew slightly dimmer. Beverly looked upward for the cause of the disturbance. Her nurse favored her with a perturbed look.
"Is anything wrong, Doctor?"
"Did you see?" Beverly asked. "Did either of you see it?"
Selar's only response was a raised eyebrow.
"Doctor, please," the nurse pleaded.
Fortunately, Beverly snapped back to her senses and finished the closure with her laser scalpel. After ensuring that the young patient was stable and then removing her surgical garments, Crusher motioned the other doctor to the far corner. Now that the surgery was finished, Beverly was shaking visibly. She could not let Worf and Deanna see her like this!
"Dr. Selar, could you speak to her parents for me? I need a few minutes to collect myself. I'm sure with your Vulcan composure, you can handle the situation."
"How do you wish me to explain your absence?"
"Tell them. . .tell them. . .Oh surely you can think of something!"
Selar nodded her ascent and went out to the waiting room to talk with the distraught parents. Beverly peered down at Shannara, still deep in a coma. As far as she could, tell the surgery had been successful. Yet it could still be some time before they knew the girl's prognosis.
As she watched over the girl, Beverly had a feeling someone was overlooking them both. "Wesley," she said. "Please, let me know it's you!" She turned full circle, but saw no evidence that substantiated her feeling of being watched. "If you're here now, please help this little girl. Her family loves her and needs her. She deserves to live."
She waited for a long moment, trying to hear a voice in the silence. Taking several deep breaths, she managed to calm down enough to stop shaking. Finally, she braced herself to go talk with Worf and Deanna. After calling her nurse back into the room to monitor Shannara, she left.
As Beverly approached them, Worf said, "Dr. Selar told us that Shannara made it through surgery, but that she may remain in a coma for a considerable time."
"She is stable," Beverly told them. From behind her, Jean-Luc stepped up to them to stand beside Beverly. "I realize it is getting more and more difficult to wait."
"If there's anything I could do. . ." Picard began futilely.
"May we see her?" Lwaxana pleaded. "Maybe if I could get close to her, I could reach her telepathically again."
"Soon. We should wait for the anesthesia to wear off first to make sure she remains stable. Then I would wholeheartedly recommend that you spend time with Shannara. Continue to tell her stories, sing to her, and most importantly, let her know how much you love her and need her to come back."
"She will come back to us," Deanna said with conviction. "She will."
Beverly prayed the family could not see any doubts in her eyes, but locking stares with Deanna, she knew her friend sensed her fears. How exponential the terror must be for the mother. If we survive this day, the doctor thought, let us have the strength to meet tomorrow's challenges.
She turned toward Jean-Luc, her Mr. Resilient, and he offered her a shoulder to lean on. Maybe together, they could survive.