Gabriel was gone. For the first time in 12 years, Castiel didn't feel the distinct tug of the Archangel's powerful grace. All he felt was a shattering emptiness, something that he hadn't felt since his mother had smeared her own blood on the wall and sent him hurtling across the globe to a field in Japan. He never had imagined he'd feel it again. He didn't think it was possible. Humans were so utterly alone in this world, their souls left to wander the earth unaccompanied during their short lives, until they died and became part of something larger. Being human was being alone and Castiel had never felt his humanity more strongly than he did right now.

Castiel blinked a few times, silently screaming for Gabriel to return to him, sending out waves of prayer, begging the Archangel turned Trickster to at least send something back, but he still felt nothing. All he saw was Dean Winchester, standing in front of him with the strangest look on his face.

The hunter already thought he was some kind of monster and now he had seen his eyes. The eyes that gave him away, illustrated his otherness almost more than the wings that were currently fanned out around him, invisible to human perception.

"Dean." He said quietly.

"What are you?" Dean whispered. "What just happened?"

Castiel knew he had to get it together. He was already too wrapped up in his emotions, as he always had been. Right now he needed to stow them. He straightened up and flicked his wrist, slamming the door closed.

"Your brother wants to kill me." Castiel said. He straightened up, tried to overcome the emptiness in his brain, tried to keep it from overwhelming him.

"You're… I've never seen anything like you."

"Your brother, despite his own mixed emotions and denial about his own fate, was right about a few things. I am, by your narrow definition, psychic. I suppose you have realized by now that I am also not completely human."

"No shit." Dean snapped. He spun around and tried to open the door.

Castiel squeezed his hand into a fist and held the door shut from a distance. He sighed brokenly. "Dean, I'm not going to hurt you. I am not your enemy."

"Open the goddamn door, you freak!" Dean yelled.

Castiel winced involuntarily, which surprised him. No one had called him a freak in years. He was surprised that it still hurt. He didn't think he was capable of being hurt like that anymore. Accompanied by the lack of Gabriel's grace, it hurt more than it should.

"Dean." He said softly, approaching the hunter. "I wasn't lying about everything else. I am in trouble. Now… well, my father is gone. I am truly alone. I need your help. I know you don't want me dead like your brother does. Please, just listen to me. I need to know what is happening. I'm… alone."

"Somehow I think you can take care of yourself." Dean growled, stepping back.

"Not against what's coming. Please, I have no one else. Literally no one else." Castiel said.

For some reason, he was almost begging. He was trying to be gruff, trying to be steel, and it wasn't working. Now that Gabriel was gone and the angels were back, Castiel felt defenseless. The humans in his house were truly the only ones who could help him. When this thought occurred to him, Castiel foolishly reached out for Gabriel again. He didn't feel anything. For the second time in as many minutes, his humanity slapped him across the face.

"Please." Castiel choked. "I'm… alone."

Dean softened up again and Castiel could feel his reservations once again melting away like butter. Except Castiel wasn't working a trance and wasn't reading his mind. He could see it on Dean's face, in his stance. The hunter's body relaxed and he stepped forward.

"Are those tears on your face? Right below those freaky eyes of yours?" Dean asked.

Castiel hadn't even realized he was crying. He'd forgotten what it felt like.

"I suppose."

Dean reached over and ran a calloused finger below Castiel's left eye, thumbing away a few stray tears. "These tears, they're human. So tell me, what happened?"

"He left." Castiel gasped. He felt himself breaking under the other man's light touch.

"I know what that's like. It sucks. My dad ran off for months last year. We finally found him, just to watch him die." Dean murmured.

"I don't like it."

"So, you're alone and you need help. Do you need to be rescued? If so, from what?" Dean asked.

Castiel cringed a little bit at Dean's words. He was still tingling a little bit from the light touch on his face. He'd spent a lot of time with humans, but his purposes for engaging with them had always been duplicitous and self-serving. He got close if he needed information about a hunt or maybe when he desired sex or momentary companionship. Otherwise, humans were of little use to him. He flashed back to the previous evening, remembering how in his drunken stupor, he'd allowed himself to get lost in Dean's stories and in his smile. This wasn't like him. He had to reassert himself. He could not let Dean think he was weak or that he needed him in any way.

Castiel straightened up and cast a dark look Dean's way.

"The help I require doesn't involve physical protection. I need to know what to expect." Castiel said. "As you said, I am not defenseless. I can handle myself against demons, probably far better than you can."

Dean looked slightly outraged when he said that, but he didn't respond. He just stood there for a minute, ignoring Sam, who was yelling at him from outside the locked door. His silence began to bother Castiel so he spoke again.

"I would never hurt you." He said. "I don't hurt humans. I help them, just like you do."

"Humans." Dean said. "So you're confirming it. You're not human?"

"Mostly not, no." Castiel said. "I'm sorry if that disappoints you. My mother was human, but she's gone now. She threw me out when she realized what I was."

"Your father?"

"He's not human, but he's a good man. He raised me, taught me how to hunt, how to defend myself. He was the only one who was ever completely honest with me. Now he's gone because of what is happening here."

Dean just stood there for a minute, as if he were trying to identify the parts of Castiel that were human and the parts that were not.

"Call it a leap of faith, call it understanding daddy issues, but I'm going to trust you." Dean said finally.

"Thank you." Castiel said. "All I need from you is information and maybe I could be helpful to you as well."

Castiel moved forward and opened the door with ease. When they opened the door, Sam was standing there, holding a knife. It was their largest, sharpest knife, the one they used to disembowel wendigos and werewolves.

"Sam, it's okay." Dean said to him.

"Move." Sam growled.

"He isn't going to hurt us." Dean said to him. "He just needs help."

Sam shoved Dean out of the way and lunged at Castiel with the knife, a scream that could only be described as feral escaping his throat.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Sam screamed. "It won't work on me!"

Castiel's eyes widened and he moved his hand backward, sending Sam flying backward into a wall. It happened so quickly that Dean didn't have time to respond.

Sam scrambled to his feet and lunged at Castiel again, this time with almost super human speed. Castiel threw him backward again, sending the knife flying from his hand.

"Stop!" Dean yelled. "Sam, what are you doing? Castiel, don't hurt him!"

Castiel didn't respond, instead approaching Sam, who he had pinned to the floor. Sam was yowling like a banshee and flailing, trying to escape the half-angel's invisible grip. Castiel put one leg on either side of Sam and bent over and lifted the younger hunter off the ground by his collar. He squinted at Sam and suddenly, everything became clear. He couldn't believe he hadn't sensed it before.

Castiel bore his eyes into Sam's. He captured Sam's gaze and within seconds, the younger Winchester had a glazed expression on his face. Castiel dug into his brain. Sure enough, it was a tangle of self-hatred, confusion, and exhaustion. Sam was tired of fighting, sick of hunting, but he felt horribly guilty about the Devil's Gate, so he wouldn't stop. None of this surprised him, but this wasn't what he was looking for in Sam's head. What he was looking for was supernatural.

"Cas?" Dean asked. "Castiel! What did you do to him?"

Castiel released Sam and broke away from the gaze, but not enough to bring Sam out of his trance.

"Sam is fine. I just hypnotized him." Castiel said.

"You can hypnotize people? Why? How can you do that?" Dean asked.

"Your brother just tried to kill me."

"I… well, Cas, I was there. I don't know why. He's never done something like that before."

"Why? I know he doesn't trust me, but does he typically stab first, ask questions later? I have done nothing to either of you to warrant being killed and you said it yourself, you're the more violent one."

Dean shrugged again, but didn't answer immediately. "I don't know."

Castiel squinted at Dean and probed his mind, plucking the word "blood" out of the hunter's thoughts.

"I might understand why." Castiel said, almost to himself. "Dean, I'm going to do something. Once again, I promise it won't hurt Sam." Castiel said.

Before Dean could say no, Castiel put his hand on the side of Sam's face and began searching Sam's mind, soul and even his biology. He'd sensed Sam's otherness immediately, but he'd thought it was just the psychic ability that he'd heard the younger Winchester had. Clearly there was something more going on here.

Angels can pierce the veil and see beyond human faces and spells. They can recognize demons, angels and Gods with one look. They can see and touch souls. Castiel isn't as powerful as an angel, but he can see beyond these facades too. If a demon or a Pagan God walked in, he wouldn't recognize its true nature right away, especially if it was wearing a human body. Instead he would sense it, just like he sensed something with Sam.

Castiel continued searching Sam, until he saw it. He saw the reason for Sam's otherness and the root of his power. He saw it so clearly that his ego deflated immediately. He couldn't believe he hadn't sensed it before. He felt weak and powerless for missing it.

After a minute of trying to glean the extent of Sam's condition, Castiel pulled away. He knew he was wearing a grave expression. Dean was looking at him, looking equally curious.

"Is he okay? Wake him up."

Castiel turned to Dean. "Demon blood." He muttered. "Your brother has… demon blood inside of him. No wonder."

Dean's mouth fell open and before Dean could start firing off questions, Castiel placed two fingers on Sam's forehead. He poured his grace into Sam's soul, trying to wipe away the stain the demon blood had left on it. Sam was marked by the demon, physically repelled by angels, and physically conditioned to kill them. Angels were stronger than demons and Castiel knew he could overwhelm the demon blood, even if it was momentary. It took seconds and Castiel felt Sam's soul change. He brought him out of the trance. Sam blinked a few times. He looked around, more confused than murderous now.

"It's no wonder you tried to kill me." Castiel said to Sam. He bent over and helped him up.

"What… why did I do that?"

"The demon blood, of course. You have kilos of it pumping through your blood." Castiel said bluntly. He felt hypocritical about the disgust in his voice, but he couldn't keep it out.

Sam's eyes widened for a minute and then he looked away, his face reddening a little. It became painfully obvious to everyone in the room that Sam knew about the blood.

"What?" Dean said.

"The blood. I knew it. It's been… changing me." Sam said, almost to himself.

"You knew?" Dean screamed. "What the fuck, Sam? You didn't tell me?"

"There's nothing I can do about it." He muttered. "I didn't… I knew how you'd look at me."

"How could you do this? How could you not tell me? I had to find out from him? Another freak of nature? Is no one in this room normal?"

Castiel just blinked when Dean called him a freak for the second time that day, but Sam looked horrified.

"Shut up." Castiel snapped. "Sam, do you still want to hurt me?" He asked.

Sam shook his head.

Castiel just nodded.

Castiel took the brothers into the kitchen, which he had covered with protective wards against angels and demons. The living and bed rooms were angel proofed, but he'd only bothered to demon proof the kitchen. Gabriel was right. He was getting way too cocky. Sam had gotten close. Too close. The three of them sat around the kitchen table. Sam and Dean were both quiet.

"Sam, how did you find out about the demon blood?" Castiel asked. He pointedly ignored Dean, whose eyes were shining and fists were clenched, who was currently shaking with anger.

"During the spell." Sam muttered. He looked down at his feet, avoiding Dean's stare.

Castiel could sense Sam's shame and Dean's fury. Castiel didn't need to read their minds to know that Dean currently wanted to kill Sam and that Sam was perfectly aware of this. The tides of emotion coming from the brothers were nearly overwhelming, so completely human. It bothered Castiel more than he'd like to admit. It reminded him of how he was still at the mercy of his foolish human emotions.

"Tell me more about this spell." Castiel pressed.

Sam lowered his head even more. Castiel cocked his head to the side, trying to understand why Sam wouldn't talk about it.

"Would you prefer me to pluck it from your head? Would you rather me invade your privacy than be honest with your brother?" Castiel snapped.

"Yeah!" Dean shouted, sensing that Castiel was on his side on this. "You never told me any of this!"

"I needed to deal." Sam mumbled. "It was… well, you weren't there, Dean. It was horrible."

Dean just stared at his brother. "You lied to me."

"I did not lie to you! I just didn't feel like it was the right time to tell you."

The brothers began to yell at each other again, Dean calling Sam variations of the word liar, Sam calling Dean judgmental, Castiel's need for information completely forgotten. He stood there for a minute, watching the hunters scream in each other's faces, hurling petty, hurtful insults that made Castiel's blood boil. Finally, after 5 minutes of watching this apish display, Castiel was the one who lost it. He'd already had one of the most trying days of his life and now he had to witness this.

"Enough!" He hollered, letting his true voice seep out. It was a fraction of Gabriel's, but it got their attention.

"Holy shit!" Dean yelled, stumbling backwards as his voice reverberated through the small room. "You… that hurt my ears!"

Castiel shot him a nasty glare.

"You are behaving like children. I do not care about you or your daddy issues. Tell me about the fucking spell or I will tear it from your puny human brains!"

Sam and Dean just stared at him for a minute, their mouths agape. Castiel suddenly felt embarrassed, because now he was the one getting unnecessarily angry. He half expected them to try to kill him again and he half expected them to leave.

"Please." Castiel whispered. "I'm sorry for yelling. These demons, they've ruined my life, like they have ruined yours. I just need answers."

"Fine." Sam hissed. "Like you, I'm a freak. That's why he wanted us, because we were strong, because we're like demons. Azazel had us in a town, all of the children like me. He made us kill each other. I won. When it was over, he did a spell. It was a blood spell."

"What did you have to do?"

Sam just stared at him expectantly. Dean looked nervous again, less angry this time.

"I had to kill them."

Castiel nodded, urging him to go on. Maybe it was the trance or maybe it was just because he needed to get it out, but Sam Winchester spent the next 10 minutes describing what had happened prior to the opening of the Devil's Gate.

Sam told him how "special children" were coerced into using their powers on each other, killing each other violently. Their powers could control demons; create and destroy memories; move matter through thin air with just a look; and stop a heart with just one touch. Sam had held on until the end, escaping demons and the perils of the other special children utilizing his skills as a hunter. He didn't kill anyone until the end either. When he did, it was in self defense. When it was over, he wished he had been the one who died.

"The yellow eyed demon used a spell. A blood spell made me open the Devil's Gate. He gave me his blood, which I've had inside of my veins since I was a baby. It linked me to him psychically, allowed him to penetrate the Devil's Trap. I saw… I felt… the blood of every one of his victims. Every single one, probably thousands of them over the centuries. I felt their bones crack, their blood on my hands, smelled the burning of their flesh." Sam finished, choking a little bit.

He quit talking for a minute, and then looked down at his feet.

"I felt myself killing our mother."

Dean choked a little bit too, as if he were the one telling the story instead of Sam. Castiel searched Dean's mind for a minute and saw their mother, who had burned to death in a fire caused by Azazel. Sam hadn't been old enough to remember it, but Dean had.

"That's why the demons got out. It was me. If I had killed myself after killing Jake, none of this would have ever happened."

The three of them stood there for a minute. Sam's demeanor was strange, a combination of rage and sorrow, with a curious undertone that Castiel didn't immediately. Once again, he searched Sam's thoughts, which was easy to do because right now he was so open. Castiel didn't even need to put him into a trance. He recognized the emotion immediately, even though it was something he had never experienced.

It was a craving.

Sam Winchester was craving demon blood. Retelling the story, remembering the spell, the power, made him want it again. The very prospect of it made Castiel feel sick and it made him want to smite Sam Winchester on the spot.

"Did he tell you why?" Castiel said, his voice soft.

"No. Before he could, Dean killed him. He killed him to break the link." Sam said.

Castiel's eyes widened. Humans who could kill demons? Gabriel was right; these were not normal hunters. You did not want to be on the Winchesters' bad side. He reaches out for Gabriel yet again, wishing the archangel would appear and provide some real answers.

"He said one thing." Dean grumbled. "As he was dying."

"What?"

"She's free. Lilith is free. I've won."

"He opened the Devil's Gate to free Lilith." Castiel said slowly. "But why?"

Dean and Sam shrugged at the same time.

"One more thing." Castiel said. He turned to Dean, captured his gaze, trying not to be entranced himself by the unusual hunter. Within seconds, Dean's eyes were glazed over and he was hypnotized.

"You crave demon blood." He said to Sam, trying once again not to show his disgust.

Sam's face turned purple. "You read my mind?"

"Yes. You want it. You don't want to crave it, you don't know why you want it, but you do. The power, it has to be addictive."

"Dean?" Sam asked, his voice going a few octaves higher. "Why would you say that in front of him?"

"He won't know. He's out, comatose. He won't remember this."

Dean didn't move. He actually looked content, the lines on his face gone for the first time all morning.

"I don't know why. It's all I have thought about since the spell." Sam said, his voice breaking a little.

When he was younger, Castiel had thought there was nothing worse than an angel copulating with a human. He had abandoned that notion a long time ago. He knew that it was demons that were the abominations. Their blood, their evil, everything about them stank of sin. Sam Winchester had demon blood inside of him and now he was addicted to it. Did this mean that the younger hunter was an abomination?

A stray tear fell down Sam Winchester's face and he suddenly looked more like a boy than a man. He wasn't an abomination. He hadn't asked for this, just like Castiel hadn't asked for his wings.

These tears, they're human.

That applied to Sam Winchester too.

"I don't understand it either; the physical cravings you must be having. I've never heard of such a thing. But I think that I can stop it." Castiel said.

Sam just nodded a little bit, wiping his eyes. "Whatever you can do. I'll try anything."

Castiel stood up and went over so he was standing directly behind Sam. "This might hurt." He murmured.

He placed a palm on the back of his head and willed his grace into Sam Winchester's soul, just like he'd done earlier when Sam had tried to kill him. The urge to destroy angels was encoded into Sam's DNA and into his soul. Sam was physically tied to the demon blood. Light and dark were both fighting for influence in Sam's soul and body. Castiel had to overwhelm the power of the blood with his own grace. He didn't understand how it worked, but he suspected it was how he was able to heal minor human injuries and kill demons. His palm lit up with a radiant white light and seeped into the other man's soul. Castiel felt enormously clean whenever he did this, whenever he killed demons, the grace taking over completely, ridding his body of humanity for the briefest of moments. He let out a sigh of relief, which was at odds with Sam Winchester's howl of pain.

After 30 seconds, he pulled his hand away, confident that his grace had worked. Just as Sam's cries died down, Dean snapped back to life.

That had never happened before. No one had ever overcome one of Castiel's trances, especially when he worked them intentionally.

"Sammy!" He cried, he leapt out of the chair, to his brother's aid.

"It worked." Sam said in disbelief, completely ignoring his brother. "Castiel, it worked."

"What worked?" Dean shouted. "What did you do to him?"

Castiel just stared at Dean Winchester, mouth agape, amazed that the human had overcome his trance.

"He helped me." Sam said.

Now they were all staring at each other in disbelief. It was a house full of hunters, freaks, and weirdos. Was anyone human these days?

Rather than argue about their collective humanity, Dean and Sam left. Castiel was relieved to see them go, even though he had no idea what the hell was going on with the brothers.

From his window, Castiel watched the brothers drive away. He considered the new information he had and he felt sick. Sam Winchester was important, he was sure of that. He was a human being with demon blood— blood given to him willingly by an incredibly powerful demon who was loathe to even come to the surface to be among humans. Castiel had never heard of such a thing happening, and with an archangel for a father, that was rare.

He paced his small living room, trying to absorb what was happening around him. The Devil's Gate was open; the angels were back; Lilith was undoubtedly free and nowhere to be found; Sam Winchester had demon blood inside of him and was physically addicted to it; and Gabriel had severed their ties, so for the first time since he'd discovered his true identity, Castiel could not feel his presence. He had arranged the meeting with the hunters to get information. Unfortunately, this information meant nothing to him. All he knew was that it meant something terrible. There was nowhere he could run, nowhere he could hide. The angels or possibly even Lilith would eventually find him. He didn't know what to do.

So, for the first time in a long time, Castiel did as he was told.

He sat down on the couch, suppressing the urge to unsheathe his wings. He considered his job. Being a data analyst wasn't so bad. He knew a lot about computers and he enjoyed working with them. If he needed money like a normal person, the job would undoubtedly be monetarily satisfying. Santa Cruz was a nice place for humans to live—it was by the water and there were lots of attractive women, as Dean Winchester had stated during their little bout with normalcy the night before. Strangely, he hadn't minded the normalcy during his "date" with "Agent Angus Young." Maybe he could embrace normalcy and humanity. He could go back to school, get a real degree instead of just claiming the one that Gabriel conjured for him. He still loved physics and could probably finish a bachelor's degree in less than two years. Working, living in a house, going to school for awhile—he knew he could do it. After all, in the grand scheme of his life, which would undoubtedly be very long, the time he'd spend playing human would be minute, a couple of years in an existence that was potentially limitless.

"I'll have to do this for a year at most." He muttered to himself. "Maybe two years. That's nothing when you live as long as I do."

Castiel stared at the walls of his human abode. They were still beige. Beige and boring. He decided he'd paint the walls. He would liven up his human existence, starting with the walls of his home. He'd pretend he was a human for just a little bit longer. After all, Gabriel was probably right. This might be the only way he'd go unnoticed.

His wings twitched behind their invisible wall. He breathed and tried to remember what life had been like without them.