Here is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever come up with! Try not to take this one too seriously please; it's mostly just meant to be funny. Begin!

Note: AU! Use your imagination for how old the characters are supposed to be in this one because of the subject matter being more mature.

~Normal POV

"On Thursday, I ate rice pudding. The end."

The students of Mr. Remora's class swiftly wrote down the details of their teacher's pathetic excuse for a story. Well, most of them did at least. There was one person in the class who couldn't have cared less about the subject. Her name was Carmelita Spats. The red haired bully sat at the back of the classroom. Rather than paying attention to the words from her superior's lesson she was busy thinking of ways to mess with a couple choice people in the room.

Right in front of her sat a girl named Violet Baudelaire who Carmelita hated with a passion. Violet was an orphan and a relatively recent transfer to Prufrock Preparatory School at only several months ago. Carmelita couldn't stand her for being so much prettier than her, though she's never going to admit it.

"Stupid, cakesniffing orphan! How dare she be prettier than me! She's homeless and poor! Ugh, I'm way better than her in every damn way!"

Carmelita turned her attention to another person she despised: a boy sitting to the right of Violet named Duncan Quagmire. Duncan had been at the school for much longer, over a year to be exact, and he was an orphan too. But since the Baudelaires arrived, Duncan and his sister got moved up to the broom closet instead of the orphans' shack. This made Carmelita especially frustrated because she couldn't tease them for living in the shack anymore.

As Carmelita sat there pondering ways to ruin the lives of the orphans she detested a thought crossed her mind. Ever since those Baudelaires moved here, she noticed they've been excessively close to the Quagmires. It wasn't hard to see how quickly they had become friends. They sat together at all their meals, walked to class together every day, and she would see the Quagmires visit the Baudelaires at their shack daily after class. They also sat together at Vice Principal Nero's mandatory violin recitals.

It wasn't just Violet and Duncan that she despised; there was also Violet's brother, Klaus, and Duncan's sister, Isadora. Klaus was a know it all who read way too many books, and Isadora was a stupid poet who always makes smart ass replies to Carmelita's bullying. Then there was Violet and Klaus' one year old sister Sunny. Carmelita glanced at a red mark on her hand where the baby orphan had bitten her; which had resulted from a few days ago when she told Isadora Quagmire that she was ugly and no guy would ever want to date her. Carmelita had of course thought she was right, but the stupid orphans didn't agree with her obvious correct assumption.

As Mr. Remora droned on with his boring stories, something happened that caught Carmelita's attention. She watched as Duncan carefully reached across the aisle between the desks and gave Violet a note.

"Passing notes in class, huh?"

Carmelita briefly considered telling on them right away, but thought against it. Perhaps they would get caught on their own and get in trouble! She watched as Violet turned to Duncan with an interesting expression at the note. Was that... red on her face? And why was her smile so flirtatious?

Violet wrote down a response to the note and passed it back to him while Mr. Remora wasn't looking. Duncan grinned, with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he hurriedly replied to the note and passed it to Violet once more. Carmelita definitely sensed something was different about the way they were looking at each other. She knew they were friends, but this was new. She watched Violet giggle quietly at the paper before writing her reply.

Carmelita started to get morbidly curious. If she told on them right now they would be forced to read the note out loud to the class or suffer detention. But part of her wanted to see the note just for herself. Especially since it could be used as blackmail later! Maybe she could get Violet and Isadora to admit that she was prettier, smarter, and better than both of them. Or she could get Duncan and Klaus to do her homework for her. Or make Sunny be her slave for a month if her sister doesn't want to get in trouble.

For the next several minutes, Carmelita watched as Violet and Duncan had their note-conversation. Violet's flirtatious smile remained every time she looked at Duncan, and he looked back her with a charming smirk. Not that Carmelita thought he was "charming," that's just how he was looking at Violet.

"Ok, something happened between them. There's no doubt about it!"

Before Duncan could hand the note back to Violet, Mr. Remora had called on her to answer a question. Carmelita saw Duncan hiding the paper under his desk as he froze in place, hoping they hadn't been caught. Violet answered Mr. Remora's question without fail, proving she had been paying attention after all, and Carmelita saw an opportunity. She slowly reached out, while Duncan kept his gaze on the teacher, and slipped the note out of his hand before he could give it to Violet. Carmelita grinned as she clutched the paper. They hadn't even noticed! How stupid! She quietly opened the note, eager to read whatever juicy details were contained within from her enemies.

Duncan- Hey gorgeous, are you free tonight for some more "quality alone time?"

Violet- Oh, you know it! And we get the broom closet tonight! Klaus and Isadora are spending the night in the library and I've got Sunny in daycare for the night. It'll be just the two of us. 3

Duncan- You've thought of everything. Klaus and Izzie are going to the library?

Violet- Yep, he'll respect her don't worry. And he never stopped respecting her... even after we walked in on them last week.

Duncan- Ugh, don't remind me. He may be my best friend, and he's the only guy in the world I'd trust with Izzie, but that doesn't mean I want to think about the image of them making out. I'm looking forward to tonight though, love, how are you so perfect?

Violet- Well I am your girlfriend!

Duncan- So true and I wouldn't want it any other way!

"Oh, my god... the cakesniffing orphans are dating?!"

Violet- So... do I get special treatment tonight?

Duncan- Only if you promise to behave. Last time we damn near got caught because you couldn't keep your cries of love quiet!

Carmelita's jaw dropped, "They're not just dating! They're fucking! And apparently so are Klaus and Isadora!"

Violet- Shut up! You're making me blush! And as I recall you weren't exactly keeping your feedback down last time either!

Duncan- I think you're cute when you're embarrassed.

Violet- You got the uh... you know... supplies right?

Duncan- Stolen directly from the boys' dormitory and hidden in our closet. There's always a guy with a full box. I'll slip some to Klaus before he and Izzie head out.

Violet- It's always nice to be prepared.

Duncan- What time?

Violet- 10:00, you picking me up from the shack or are we going to meet you at the closet?

Duncan- We'll pick you guys up. Klaus and Izzie can split from us on the way back.

Violet- Sounds like a plan honey.

Duncan- You know it, love.

The note ended there. Carmelita could not believe what she had just read. She grinned evilly. This was priceless! They were going to get into so much trouble for this! She grabbed her pen and wrote something down on the bottom of the paper deviously. She admired her handiwork for a moment before reaching out and poking Violet in the shoulder. Violet flinched and looked back at her with a scowl. Carmelita took the momentary distraction to put the paper on her desk with her other hand.

She watched as Violet glanced apprehensively at Duncan, who had also noticed what was going on and looked just as nervous. How did Carmelita get their paper? Violet carefully opened the note and her face turned even paler than it already was with sheer dread at the one damning word that Carmelita had added to their secret exchange:

BUSTED!

"Mr. Remora! Violet and Duncan have been passing notes!"

Mr. Remora snapped to the back of the classroom where the three were sitting. Violet and Duncan's faces had turned dark red as Mr. Remora demanded to see their paper. They refused, saying they would accept punishment willingly. Carmelita watched in smug glee as he assigned the two of them detention. However, her enjoyment was halted instantly when a boy who sat beside her spoke up.

"Actually, Mr. Remora, Carmelita stole the note from Duncan and wrote a reply to Violet on it. So, technically, she was passing notes too."

Their teacher's face reddened with anger, "You can join them, Miss Spats!"

Violet and Duncan smirked at Carmelita, "Karma is sweet."

~Later that day, in detention

Violet and Duncan sat beside each other once more in the detention classroom while Carmelita sat behind them. The teacher in charge of detention that day had stepped out for a minute and the three students were left alone.

"So... you cakesniffing orphans are fucking, huh?"

The two blushed a shade of deep crimson and Duncan shouted, "Shut up Carmelita!"

Violet turned around to look her in the eye, "Why do you care what we do anyway? We're dating, so what? It's none of your business."

Carmelita laughed, "Oh, please! I knew you losers would end up together! I placed a betting pool on you the first day you met."

Duncan rolled his eyes, "You did not."

Carmelita reached into her purse and pulled out a small wad of money, "Yeah, I did. I collected it at lunch."

"Well you wouldn't have gotten in trouble if you hadn't stolen our note," Duncan said.

"I had to be a good student, didn't I?"

"Yeah, well Miss Good Student: you're in detention too," Violet retorted.

"Only because of stupid Jess ratting me out; I'll get back at him later."

Suddenly the door flung open and Klaus and Isadora were shoved inside the room by Mrs. Bass and the school librarian.

"Get in there and sit down," Mrs. Bass screeched, the two quickly obeyed and sat in front of their respective siblings. Violet and Duncan fought to hold back their laughter. Carmelita was smirking with delight.

"The library is a place for learning," The librarian said firmly, "Not a place for two teenagers to make out in the poetry section."

"You're lucky you came to me, Miss Pine," Mrs. Bass said, "These two hardly ever pay attention in my class; I have no idea how they manage to pass every test."

Miss Pine nodded, "We're going to inform Mr. Fisher, immediately and you two better stay in here until detention is over."

Klaus and Isadora nodded their response as the two adults left the room slamming the door shut behind them. Violet and Duncan broke down laughing instantly earning glares from their respective siblings.

"Klaus Baudelaire got kicked out of a library! I think Hell is about to freeze over," Violet said between giggles.

"In the poetry section, sis," Duncan said, "In the middle of the day?"

"Shut up Duncan!"

"So, what are guys in for," Klaus asked.

"Carmelita told on us for passing notes," Violet answered.

The red haired girl laughed, "Yeah now I know that the cakesniffing orphans are fucking in the orphans' shack all night long!"

Duncan turned to her with a smirk, "You know something Carmelita? I think you wanted us to end up together."

"Yeah you won't stop talking about it," Isadora added with a sly smile.

"Admit it," Klaus said, "We're your OTPs, aren't we?"

Carmelita's jaw dropped at the accusation. She didn't speak for the rest of detention, and the others could only sit there in silent amusement. Even though she never answered the question it was pretty obvious that the answer may have been: yes. And it was Carmelita who went around school the next day telling everyone about these long time romances that had been going on. Strangely though, people didn't seem to want to join her in mocking them.

~The End!

Ok, so this AU is very loosely based off a scene from Austere Academy. The Baudelaires go to Vice Principal Nero to tell him that Count Olaf arrived, but not doing it outright, they try being subtle and trick him into getting suspicious. It doesn't work obviously, but Vice Principal Nero says, "Next you're going to tell me that Count Olaf is disguised as your boyfriend; what's-his-name, the triplet." Violet blushes, and says Duncan isn't her boyfriend. Always been one of my favorite moments because it implies that they've been hanging out enough during those first 11 days at the school for people to assume they were dating. I like to joke that Carmelita was the one who started the rumor because she secretly thought they would end up together and wanted to hide it by teasing them about it. Plus, Violet and Duncan were stated to have always passed notes in class, and with Carmelita sitting behind Violet that whole time, that means she saw every exchange between them.

In short: Carmelita definitely was a Dunclet and Kladora shipper.