A/N: Hey sorry guys I've been busy. I know I updated Extraordinarily Ordinary before this...so sorry...ha...ha...ha...I LOVE you guys!

I knew gay kids got stared at a lot, like people actually thought they were some kind of alien or something. When Jude and I decided to hold hands as we walked down the halls of Anchor Beach, I expected some looks here and there, mixes between shock and disgust, and maybe a few gasps. But I wasn't expecting practically everyone to stare at us.

It was starting to make me rather uncomfortable and Jude must have noticed somehow, because he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. At least it makes me feel a little bit better. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, and Jude doesn't seem to be, but there's this tiny bit of worry nagging at me in the back of my head. What if my dad finds out? What if one of my soccer friends goes home and tells his dad about me and then tells my dad?

You're just assuming the worst, I try to tell myself. And I am, but the possibility of it looms above me like a balloon; if I let my grip falter just one bit, it will fly up and up, out of reach. Just one wrong move and my dad will find out, and then my life will fly up and up above me, my father making my life a living hell. And then I actually want to be that balloon. Drifting high in the air with no worries around me. To be free.

And the desire to be free, is only slightly fulfilled. Because yes, the whole school knows along with Jude's family, but my family still doesn't know, and that alone makes me feel so trapped, so suffocated, so scared, I feel like there's a black hole just waiting to suck me in. It's there and it can happen at any time, like a ticking time bomb with no time limit.

Jude stops at his locker and I stand with him, letting out a shaky breath, not knowing that the whole time I'd been holding my breath.

"You okay?" My boyfriend asks me, glancing at me, worry written all over his face.

I consider telling him how I'm feeling, but I don't want him to worry more than he already is.

"Yeah." I nod. "It's just a little overwhelming, is all."

"I know. Just ignore them, okay?" He tells me. "Don't let them get to you. They're gonna think what they want to think."

"Yeah...I just..." I heave a long sigh and say, "Nobody's actually saying anything, just staring. I mean they know, everyone saw us holding hands. It's getting me kind of worried, just thinking about what they're thinking."

"The point is." He tells me and gets out the things he needs for class. "We can't undo what we just did, and we can't change what people think. I like you and now everyone knows it. They can love me or hate me for it, I don't care."

I'm almost taken aback. Because this is Jude here. He's the one who wanted our relationship to be a secret. And now, it seems, the roles have switched.

"You're so taken with the idea of being out in the open. What changed?"

We start walking to my locker, which is just in the next hall over. He shrugs and says, "I don't know...Maybe it was how my family took the news. How...accepting they all were. I mean I know a lot of other people won't react like that, but it was a really nice start for me, y'know?"

"Yeah, I do."

I should feel the same way Jude does. I shouldn't care what people think of us, but that's just the thing. I do care what people think. A lot more than I should. I'd always been raised to be the best I could be, anything I did that was less than perfect was frowned upon. I was supposed to act a certain way so people had this certain image of me, that I was this golden boy that did no wrong. I cared what other people thought of me because my parents were the same way and that was just how I had been taught.

I always used to think that I wasn't like my parents, but who was I kidding? Everyone, in some way or other, was just like their parents. It was an inevitable because your parents were the ones who raised you, and you can't help but pick up some of their habits. Especially when it's basically force fed to you. But now I was old enough to understand and to not be like them. I was old enough to know what was wrong and what was right. I was old enough to know better.

"So do you think you're going to tell your dad anytime soon?" Jude asks as we stop at my locker.

I instantly freeze up and say through gritted teeth, "He won't let me hang out with you because you're gay. What do you think he'd do to me if he knew I was gay too, and with you? He'd probably think you 'converted' me or something."

A disappointed look falls upon his face. I feel sorry for him, because I too want to come clean, but I can't. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm really scared of what my father would do if he knew. And why should I feel that way? He is my father.

"Oh...okay." He says dejectedly.

I turn to him and give him a tight hug. "I'm sorry Jude, but now just isn't a good time."

He pulls away from me abruptly. "But when will it be a good time, Connor?" He sounds annoyed. Really, really annoyed.

But I can't help it. It's not my fault I don't have two lesbian moms. It's not my fault I have such closed minded parents.

And I hate the fact that I don't have an answer. I hate the fact that I don't know if I can ever come out to my parents.

A/N: Don't forget to leave a review :)