Fearless Chapter 10, a wrestling fanfic

Chapter 10: The Way I Loved You

"Hey AJ. Are you busy after school?" Jeff asked taking his seat next to her.

"I can ask John to watch Natalie. Why?" she asked.

"I want to show you something" he replied. "Something that I think will really help you."

"John" AJ jogged up to the senior. She stopped just short of him. He gave her a warm smile.

"What can I do for ya?" he asked. She looked at the ground for a moment debating whether it was a good idea to ask him to watch her daughter. He already did so much for her.

"Would you mind watching Natalie after school today? Jeff has some big life changing thing that he wants to show me."

"Sure no problem." He agreed.

"Really?" she asked a little surprised. She had no idea why he was so willing to take care of Natalie but he was.

"Yea. It's no problem I like having her around." He shifted his backpack from one shoulder to the other.

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek before jetting off to her next class. He placed his hand on his cheek where she kissed him and smiled. That had been the most unforced display of affection he had gotten from her in a long time.

"Jeff will you tell me now?" AJ asked still a little annoyed by the fact that Jeff would not tell her where they were going. He stopped at a red light and took a few seconds to look over at her. He had left school early and returned to pick her up at the end of the day. He had gone home and showered and changed his clothes. He was now wearing a tight fitting white wife beater and jeans. She could now see the full extent of the tattoo that took up his whole entire arm. She loved it. It was so different from what she had ever seen before. She wanted to run her finger tips along the length of it. She scolded herself for thinking that way. He had pulled his rainbow colored hair into a ponytail. She had never realized until then that Jeff was a very attractive man.

"I will tell you when we get there." He replied giving her a small smile.

"I see Natalie is here again" John Sr. frowned at his second oldest boy. It wasn't that he wasn't fond of Natalie because he was. He loved both Natalie and her mother like they were family. But he worried his son was getting a little too attached for his own good. "Might as well turn Stephen's old room into a nursery."

"Can we do that?" John got a hopeful look in his eyes.

"No. John you do know that you aren't Natalie's father right?" his father asked gently.

John put Natalie back into her carrier. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Of course I know she isn't mine. But that doesn't mean I can't love her as if she were. Orton is a monster and he doesn't deserve to have anything to do with someone as beautiful and innocent as Natalie or AJ for that matter."

"I know you feel very protective over both girls but John I am worried about you." His father admitted.

"What's got you worried Pops?" John asked. "Doing well in school and football and I still have the free time to help my friend out."

"I just don't want you to get hurt Johnny."

"AJ knows I love her and someday I know that she will be able to love me like I love her but right now she needs to work through her demons."

"Please for me just be careful." He begged the young boy.

"I will dad." John gave his dad a reassuring smile.

"Ok we're here." Jeff hopped out of the car and opened her door for her. She gave him a smile and looked around. They were standing in front of a red brick building. She frowned; this was not what she was expecting.

"Where is here exactly?" she asked confused.

"This is Life Support." He explained. Then he chuckled a little. "I know stupid name but that is what it is. People coming together with all kinds of different lifestyles and stories to support each other. It was either I come here or do jail time. I hated it at first but after time I realized that it was nice to have people who weren't judging me or expecting things of me. So come today, you don't have to talk but just listen and see if you like it."

"I can do that I guess." She agreed to listen. Not to tell anyone her story.

"Hey guys I brought someone with me today. This is AJ." Jeff casually strolled into the room and had a seat. AJ sat next to him. She felt a little uncomfortable.

"Ok guys where did we leave off last time?" An older man who's bald head shone from the florescent lights.

"I think Ken was talking last." Jeff spoke up.

"Ok Ken." Ken looked to AJ to be around her age. He had bleached blonde hair and a mischievous smile.

"Well my dad passed away and I guess it hit me harder than I originally thought. My dad was my best friend. We did everything together. He was always there for me but now he isn't. So I started drinking and doing drugs. Anything to kill the pain." AJ felt compelled to get out of her seat and give the young man a hug. But she remained seated. Startled by her willingness to give someone else physical contact even if it was just a hug. The guy who was sitting next to Ken slung his arm around him. "So my mom sent me here as a last effort. She did some research and found out about this and here I am."

Her throat burned to be able to speak. But she kept it closed. She listened to a few more people talk. People of all different ages with all different problems. One woman lost her husband and her young daughter in a car crash. Another man had a gambling problem and his family kicked him out. What really got to AJ was this young girl that couldn't be older than 11 talking about how she was sexually assaulted by her own uncle. AJ's eyes watered. If someone so young could cope with something like what she had been through then why shouldn't she.

"AJ would you like to speak?" The man running the session asked.

She opened her mouth to say no but something else came out. "I was fifteen and at a dance. My best friend tried to warn me but I didn't listen. I got mad at him and let this guy convince me to leave with him. He handed me a soda and something told me not to drink it but I did anyways. I wanted him to think I was cool I guess. Everything is really hazy after that. I found out later that he slipped the date rape drug into my drink. He raped me and then left me passed out on my best friend John's porch. Luckily John found me and took care of me until I came to. He wasn't sure what happened to me and I wasn't about to provide him with details. That following Monday he released a video tape that he had made of us all over the school's computer system. So everybody knew what had happened to me and called me names because of it. So I left to stay with relatives. But as if everything wasn't bad enough I found out I was pregnant because of that one night of stupidity." Tears spilled out from her eyes. "I have this constant reminder of that night and I have nobody to blame but myself. I hate my own daughter but I hate myself even more."

The young girl came to kneel in front of her. AJ looked into her hazel eyes. "If it is one thing that I have learned AJ it's that something like this is never the victim's fault. You were fifteen, a kid. Our attackers plan these things out. It was only a matter of time before he got to you. There was nothing you could have done. As for your baby, you don't hate her. If you did you would have had an abortion right away. You are still very hurt by what happened to you but if you let yourself heal you will see that you do love her. She may be a reminder of the worst night of your life but she is also all your hopes for the future." This girl spoke with such a maturity for her young age.

"Cassie is right AJ." The director agreed. "This person who did this to you has probably hurt other girls and by you coming forward and admitting what he did he was put away so that he cannot hurt anyone else. He cannot hurt you anymore."

AJ nodded. She knew these people were right. It had been what he family and friends had been telling her all along but she had been too bitter and blinded by rage to see that. "Thank you guys. You have given me perspective."

"So how do you feel?" Jeff asked. "I know it is only your first session but does it feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders?"

"Yea it does." She agreed. It really did. For the first time in a while she did not feel angry. She almost felt normal. "Talking about it helps. I can see that now."

"You know Ken goes to our school right?" he asked.

"I didn't but that's cool to know. He seems like a good guy."

"He is." Jeff agreed.

The stopped in front of her house. "Thanks for taking me to this Jeff." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I needed it."

"No need to thank me. I just wanted to help a friend in need."

"See you in school tomorrow?" she asked.

"You know it." She hugged him and got out of the car.

She made her way up the path to John's front door. She knocked and waited for someone to answer. John answered the door with Natalie in his arms. Her little girl giggled and gave her mom a toothless grin.

"Looks who's here Princess." John cooed to the baby.

"Hey baby girl." AJ took Natalie from John. The way she was holding the baby John could see a difference. "Did you have fun?" She kissed the top of her head. John raised an eyebrow. He had never seen AJ show Natalie affection.

"I'm guessing whatever Hardy took you to had a good affect on you." He commented.

"Yes. I know the rape wasn't my fault now and I can finally start to heal. I know you were telling me that from the beginning but I was too intent on being pissed off to let it sink in." She leaned in closer to him and softly kissed his lips. "Thank you for always being here for us." She began her decent down his front steps. He just looked at her surprised. He was definitely going to have to thank Hardy in some way.

AJ entered her home. She placed Natalie in her play pen and went to find her parents. She wanted to tell them about what had happened to her today. "Mom ... Dad." She called out. Nobody answered.

She opened the door to the kitchen to find her brother raiding the fridge. "ETHAN!" She exclaimed throwing her arms around his muscular frame. She had surprised him. He gave her a bewildered look. "What?" she asked.

"Who are you and what have you done with AJ?" He asked almost seriously. He hadn't seen his sister this happy in a long time.

"I had a good day today E ... that's it." She informed him. "Where are the parental units?"

"They went out for the night." Her older brother informed her.

"Cool. I'm gonna go start my homework you mind keeping an eye on Natty for me?" She asked.

"Since when do you call her Natty?" Now he was really confused.

"Good day remember." She laughed at him.

"Sure I'll watch her." He agreed. She ran upstairs to her room to tackle her assignments.

He just shook his head in amusement. "She's back."

It was late and AJ couldn't sleep. She kept tossing and turning in bed. There was something that she needed to do. She kicked the covers off of her and left her room. She then went into Natalie's room to check on her. She was sleeping soundly. AJ fixed her blankets before leaving the room. She quietly crept down the stairs to the first floor. The television was on. AJ peeked into the living room. Ethan had fallen asleep watching TV. Nothing new. She unlocked the front door as quietly as she could and stepped out into the cool night air. As John did to her more than a year ago she climbed a tree that faced his bedroom window. He was sprawled out on his bed with his mouth open. She laughed a little at him. She leaned forward and knocked on the window. He must not have heard her because he didn't move. She knocked again a little louder. This time he looked up. His eyes went wide as he went to let her into the room.

"You coulda broken your neck." He repeated something along the lines of what she had told him when it was him at her window. He helped her into the room. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong with you or the baby?"

"I wanted to give you something." She answered his question in a shy manner.

He looked at her amused. "You snuck out of your house and climbed up a tree to give me something? Couldn't it have waited till morning?"

"Not really. It's more of a night time thing." She replied.

"Ok what is it?" He asked. He didn't get where she was going with this.

"Me." She remarked.

He almost swallowed his tongue when he finally got around to understanding. His teenage hormones were in full force. But the rational part of his brain couldn't accept it.

"AJ ... you don't mean that." He reasoned with her.

"Yes John I do. I don't want to hate sex anymore and I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

"Are you sure?" He found himself asking.

"Is it this hard for all females to get you into bed?" she asked with a small giggle.

"Well ... no but you aren't just any female AJ." He justified. "I don't want to do anything that is going to make you worse rather than better.

"I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't want to be John. So please just shut up and kiss me already."

"Ok." He still wasn't completely ok with what she wanted but at the same time he was a teenage guy and it was killing him to be the one to rationalize this. "But if you get scared or decide that you don't want to then just tell me to stop and I will."

"I have no problem with that."

He went to kiss her but stopped himself. "I can't ..." He sighed. "I want to I just think it is too soon."

"I don't want to be afraid anymore John. Every guy I see I'm afraid that they are going to do the same thing to me. I need to know that it can be different. That it can be pure and loving. I'm scared to death right now but I will never truly be at peace till I know."

In a strange way he understood what she meant. He could sympathize with her. "If this is really what you want. Is it?"

"For the last time yes!" She exclaimed. His hand flew over her mouth.

"Shh." He commanded.

"Sorry." She whispered.

He went to kiss her again but this time he didn't stop. He body molded against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed his arms around her waist and guided her over to his bed. She fell backwards onto it and laughed a little. He went to remove her shirt and she tensed up a little. He looked at her. "I'm ok." She encouraged him to keep going. He slid the shirt off of her. His mouth sought out hers again. He let his hands roam around the exposed skin of her body. Randy had done that too but he had been rough. John's touches were light caresses. His mouth was hungry for hers but even so he was incredibly gentle. She broke apart from him long enough to help him out of his own shirt. Their make out session continued for a while. Neither person was in any rush. This was a special moment for the both of them.

"Are you sure?" he asked her one more time.

"Yes." She looked deep into his eyes. "I trust you."

He left the bed and crossed the room to retrieve a condom. On his way back he rid himself of his pants. This was the first time she had ever seen him completely naked. Gazing at his masculine form she was anything but afraid. This was how is should have been from the very beginning. He smirked when he caught her staring at him.

"Close your eyes and let me show you how a man is supposed to love a woman." She did as he told her.

"Thank you John." He propped his head up to look at her. She was half asleep drawing little pictures on his stomach with her finger tips.

"For what?" he asked.

"For always being there for me even though I didn't deserve it." She replied sleepily.

He wasn't sure how to reply to that. "I will always be there for you AJ. Whether you want me to be or not. I love you and Natalie more than anything else in the world."

"Remember when you told me that you wish Natalie was yours?" she asked him.

He remembered that conversation well. He replayed that exchange over and over in his head all the time. "Yea."

"I wish she was too." She admitted.

"As far as I am concerned she is mine. Nothing is going to change that. When I turn 18 I want to adopt her."

"John, you really don't have to do that." She told him. "Being a teenage parent isn't something that I would really wish on anyone. You have your whole life ahead of you and I don't want to stand in your way of reaching your dreams."

"I have no dreams without you and Natalie beside me AJ. I'm not planning on adopting her because that is what I think you need. I want to do it because I want her to be my daughter. I want her to always know that her daddy loves her no matter what. You were lucky enough to have Steve in your life. Let me be that for Natty."

"So you want to be a family then?" she asked him.

"I want that more that anything else in the world." He admitted.

He waited for her to reply to him. But silence filled the room. He was afraid that he had over stepped his boundaries. He was beginning to panic until he heard the soft sound of AJ snoring. She had fallen asleep. He calmed down immediately and wrapped his arms tighter around the person he loved and closed his eyes.