Far away
When Sam regained consciousness her first thought was this was just some horrible nightmare and that it would go away.
"Sam, Sam," Carly spoke to her through tears, "are you alright?"
Sam sat up on the couch that they had taken her to. She looked around the room and then it sank in once again, Freddie's plane had gone down. She began to weep again buried her head on Carly's shoulder, "I c…cc…can't take it Carly," Sam said between sobs, "I can't stand the thought of Freddie not being in my life anymore. He has to be alive, please let him be alive," Sam's last words came out as the more of a plea from a small girl instead of a woman.
"I know Sam," Carly wiped tears from her own eyes, "We need to get to the hospital and tell Noel before she sees it on the news."
Carly offered Sam her hand and helped her get up off the couch. Carly had never noticed just how small and delicate Sam really was, till this minute. Her eyes were red rimmed and there was no sign of the fire that always seemed to burn in them. Sam looked like a ghost of her former self. Her shoulders were slumped forward and she held her head down making eye contact with no one.
The wind and snow wore both of them down by the time they reached the car and they sat in silence. Carly put the keys in the ignition and was about to turn the engine over, when Sam's hand touched hers and she stopped and looked at her friend.
"We need to be real careful about telling her Carly," Sam's voice sounded like it was coming from the bottom of her soul and her eyes were dull and vacant, "She told me last night, she has cancer, a tumor the size of a pineapple and they can't remove it without killing her and she's beyond treatment. That's what she wanted to talk about last night, that and she wanted me to give Freddie time to grieve for her and then go after him. She knows, has known, that I love him. She wanted me to make sure he wasn't alone…," the rest trailed off into another round of sobs.
Carly felt a new wave of tears flow down her own cheeks as she placed her hands on her best friends back, this wasn't how their lives were suppose to go. This wasn't what was supposed to happen to them, they were going to be immune to all the horrible things that happen in the world, which was just how she had thought it would go. No one died young of cancer or of plane crashes. Broken hearts were fixed because the true love of your life would fall into your life, pain was just cuts and bruises, and everything would always workout, which was just how it was supposed to be. None of this fit the plan that Carly had seen as how her life would go. They would find a cure for cancer, Freddie would be fine and rescued by Bigfoot, Noel long lost brother would appear out of nowhere and Sam would fall in love with him, and Carly would finally meet and fall in love with Nathan Kress that was how it was to be. Not this messy people dying, people unhappy bullshit!
Carly began to slam her hands on the steering wheel and screaming at the top of her lungs, "Goddamn, son of a bitching motherfuckers, this isn't right, we brought laughter to the world, we made it a better place, and this is what we get?" Carly was now kicking and hitting anything within her reach, her left hand shattered the driver's window breaking her hand and cutting it deeply at the same time, "We are iCarly Goddamnit, we have fun and laugh and no one ever gets hurt and everyone laughs and smiles at the end, we're supposed to lead a charmed fucking life, where we all get at least part of what we want and grow old together as friends! I can not; I will not accept this shit as right. Freddie had better be alive or I swear to God I'll kill him! Noel had better be cured by a great looking doctor that Freddie likes so that when Noel falls for him, Freddie doesn't get hurt and then he turns to you and you two have six point eight kids, who all look like him and act like you, and I better meet a guy who has all his shit together and has a huge cock, and then we have eight point six kids, and we raise them together and they marry one day! I refuse to accept this load of shit that fate has dumped on us Sam! I love Freddie Benson like he was my brother and Goddamnit I need him to lean on, I need to tell him what a bitch I've been to him and how deeply sorry I am that I let him down, I need to tell him that my life would be so fucking dark that I couldn't face it if he wasn't there to help me and let me lean on him! Sam I never told him I'm sorry or that he means the world to me. What if he died not known that he has a special place in my heart and that he would always be my other brother? FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK MMMMMMEEEEE FFFFRRREEDDDDDDIEEEE PPPPLLLEEEESSSSE DON'T BE DEAD," Carly screamed till her voice went out and not even a whisper of sound could be heard, and still she screamed. She then slumped behind the wheel and let the tears flow.
Carly's outburst pulled Sam out of her internal exile and back to the present. In the entire time Sam had known Carly, she had never seen her lose it till now. Sam got out and went around to the driver's door and opened it. She could tell that Carly's left hand, besides being cut, was broken badly. She got her out and into the passenger side and then sat down in the driver's seat, closed the door (glass falling in on her) and started the car and pulled out. The missing window caused problems driving, snow blew into the window and made it harder to see and so cold that the heater wouldn't help keep them warm. Sam got Carly to the emergency room and as soon as she dropped her off ran to Noel's room. As she opened the door she saw her face and heard a familiar voice on the T.V. that was on, "This is a repeat of the N.T.S.B. press conference just ten minutes ago," the picture switched to the beautiful blonde woman that had talked to Sam and Carly earlier, "My name is Macy Bennett and I'm the agent in charge of this matter, at ten-forty local time this morning a Pear Corporation private jet reported problems with the electrical system, seven minutes later the pilot reported that a fire had broken out in the cabin, after that all contact with the crew by radio was lost. The jet then began a steep and rapid descent from twenty-seven thousand feet till it was lost somewhere near or over Mount Hood in Oregon. We had had no further word from the jet since that time. I'll take a very few questions at this time."
She pointed to a reporter near the back of the mob, "Yes sir, you have a question?"
"So you do believe that the plane has crashed?" he asked.
She looked disgusted at the question, "Yes," she pointed to a woman near the front, "You have a real question?"
"Do you have a list of the passengers for us yet?" the woman asked.
"Yes we do," Macy brought a sheet up in front of her, "Pilot Dan Tanner, Co-pilot Charles Damon, Hostess Karen Ladd, Pear C.E.O. Stan White, Pear Vice-president Max Carter, Pear president of Marketing and Research Sara Roberts, Pear head of Human Resources John Barnes, and Pear Vice-president of Research and Development Fred Benson," Macy lowered the sheet of paper, "We will have all this in the press release for you, You?"
A woman at the rear spoke, "Will the weather factor into the search and rescue?" she asked
"Yes, the weather service has told us that the current storm should pass by in the next twelve hours, we won't be able to send out parties till then. Last question, you sir."
The man in the third row spoke up, "Do you expect to find any survivors in the wreckage?"
Macy's eyes flashed fire as she answered him, "That has got to be the dumbest fucking question I've ever been asked. Is this your first assignment or something? I'm not going to answer that silly question," she then stormed off the riser and walked back toward the meeting rooms that were now serving as offices for her and her group.
"Jesus Noel, we wanted to tell you before you found out this way," Sam said low as she watched Noel's brave front begin to crack, "I'm so sorry honey."
Noel seemed smaller to Sam and for the first time really looked ill. Sam walked over to her and wrapped her arms around Noel's shoulders as Noel began to talk, "How can he be gone Sam?" she asked sounding like a hurt child, "How could the best thing that has ever happened to me be taken away from me just when I needed him the most, and before you two got a chance? It isn't fair to do that to us, why would God do that to the two of us? I'm a dime a dozen in this world, but Fred was one of a kind. This world needs more of him not less." Noel and Sam both gave into the sobs and held each other as they did so.
.
Fred staggered back with three more large logs of wood to the lean-to that he had built with a small piece of the wing and tail section. He looked at the now twenty pieces of wood he had brought to the small shelter and knew they needed more, but the broken ribs, two of which poked through his right side, told him he had made his last trip.
He had been thrown, seat and all, on impact and had slammed into the right side bulkhead. He heard the ribs snap and felt his right arm give. He had felt a sharp pain in his chest and found breathing very painful and blood in his mouth when he coughed. He managed to get out of the seatbelt and felt the plane shake and then noticed water coming in. He checked on the others and found that Stan was the only other survivor of the crash. Stan's legs were horrible crushed under the heavy computer table and he was trapped. He kept telling Fred to leave him and get out but Fred told him to shut the fuck up, and through the pain managed to move the table and drag Stan out onto what was a frozen lake that was melting from the heat of the crash and the weight of the plane. He dragged him off the ice and found a piece of the tail section and a small piece of the wing and made the shelter. He then returned to the plane and as it sank grabbed the emergency kit and as many blankets as he could find and took them back to the shelter as the plane slipped beneath the ice. He had then gathered the wood till he plopped down on one of the blankets and started a fire with the matches and paper from the kit.
"I'll have to try later to get more wood," Fred groaned as he covered himself with a blanket and tried to warm up.
"We got enough for at least twelve hours, after that I don't think either one of us will be alive to care," Stan told him, "Till the storm blows over, they won't be able to send help at all. Any food in that kit?"
Fred laughed once before his ribs exploded in pain and his chest did also, "You remind me of Sam, what with the looking for food no matter what's going on around her."
"Listen, it's none of my business, but if I don't ask my kids will kill me, why aren't you and Sam an item?" Stan asked him as he huddled into his blanket.
"You'd have to ask her, she seemed to think of me as a friend only," Fred smiled at him as he began to shiver, "I've spent most of my life cleaning up after boyfriends for her and Carly both."
"Friend zone huh," Stan laughed, "I spent my high school years in the "geek" zone, then when you hit your forties and have more money than God, you become a stud that every girl "really" wanted but "was to afraid to talk to" then. The twentieth reunion I finally got to tell this one girl, who treated me like shit, what I had always wanted to tell her when she came on to me, "I know I'm a geek and no stud, but I fucked Anna Nicole Smith twice, and after her, you look like Jason from "Friday the 13th", so I'll pass."
Fred smiled and did his best not to laugh, "We're still close, so it's not like that, I just got overlooked. I've got a great fiancé now, I met her in England," Fred began to cough and as he did blood came out of his mouth and he yelled with pain.
"Shit Fred, take it easy son," Stan urged him, "Fuck Fred, those bubbles mean that you've collapsed a lung. This is very, very, bad!"
Stan began to crawl closer to Fred and turned him over, face down, and began to softly pat on his back, "I got you son, can't let you choke on the blood," Stan ran one hand to Fred's head, "Christ boy, you're burning up.
Stan pulled his blankets over and wrapped them around the both of them and held Fred as the coughing subsided and he fell silent and began to shake uncontrollably. The wind howled outside the shelter and Stan began to wonder if surviving the crash was such a lucky thing after all.
.
.
Sam awoke the next morning in an awkward position in what they said was an easy chair, but felt more like a medieval torture device, and found herself with a crick in her back. She finally was able to stand and she looked at Noel. She looked so beaten down and tired that Sam would have cried if she had any tears left. She looked over at Carly in the other chair in the room and knew she had slept a little better because of the pain pills they gave her for her shattered left hand. Besides the breaks it had taken ten stitches to fix the gash in her hand. They had told her she may have to have surgery later to fix her hand if it didn't heal right. Sam stretched and went to the bathroom. After using the toilet Sam washed her hands and then splashed water in her face before she stepped back into the room. She felt a vibration in her pocket and pulled her phone out and answered even though it show up as "unknown caller" because it might be news about Freddie, "Hello?"
"Hello Sam, this is Mike Kaiser, you know from "The Black Hole", Fred's friend," Mike reminded her, " and I'm so sorry to hear about Fred, and want invite you and Carly, and Noel to the gym tonight for a candle light vigil for Fred. We'll sing some songs have a prayer service, and we'd like it if you girls would come."
"Noel is sick and can't make it but Carly and I would like to come," Sam told him, "Is this your cel phone number that you called me from?"
"Yes it is, why?"
"Can I send you two songs that I'd like you to play for me tonight, and dedicate them to Freddie from me," She asked.
"Sure, I'd be honored to do that for you," he told her, "It starts at six tonight.
"We'll be there," Sam said, "and thank you," she told Mike as she hung up and then texted her song choices to him.
After the news of Fred, the doctor decided to keep Noel a few more days, just in case. The three of them sat in the room in silence, each lost in their own thoughts of Fred. At eleven 'clock Sam went alone to the airport to see what was happening on the search and rescue. She found Macy and asked her, "Any news on the search?"
"Ms. Puckett, I hate to tell you this, but until this storm blows over we can't even send out search parties. I'm not one for blowing smoke up someone's ass so I'm going to be blunt with you, I've investigated thirty-eight crashes and have never found anyone alive at any one of them. If, and that's a big if, someone survived the crash, with this weather and the cold, they couldn't last long. You and your friends need to be prepared for the very real possibility that the next time you see him will be to identify the body."
Sam drove back to the hospital in tears. She didn't hit them with the facts as hard as Macy had her, but she did tell them that the outcome was bleak at best. Sam and Carly left the hospital at about five-thirty and headed to the gym.
They were both shocked to see the huge turnout. It looked like every student at Washington State University had shown up for the event. They were escorted in to the gym and given a candle for the walk to the center of the quad later that night. The Dean took the stage and began to speak,
"We are here tonight to honor a young man who has touched all our lives. From the turn out tonight, I think we can all see that he was a very extraordinary young man, well liked and loved by all that knew him. Right now Dr. Rick Hurst is going to lead us in a prayer."
Dr. Hurst walked to the mic. and began to speak,
"Will you pray with me, Lord we come to you tonight with heavy hearts. We are grieving the loss of our brother Fred Benson. He touched many lives and helped many people during his short stay on this earth and we are missing his presence here and hope that he is at peace in your arms tonight. We can't understand your plan and we trust that this is part of something much bigger than ourselves. Lord we ask you to send your love and strength the families and friends of all the victims of this crash. Help them to see that they are not alone and grant them a measure of peace in this darkest of hours. Be with the searchers as they look for the victims and keep them safe from harm. As always Father we pray in your son's name, Amen."
As Dr. Hurst left the stage Mike and his band walked out. Mike looked somber as he began to speak to the crowd, "My name is Mike and this is my band the Zombies. Fred was a very good friend to me. He never failed to help when I needed it and he never asked anything in return. He played with us sometimes and you could tell that he was having a blast," he looked down and saw Sam and Carly, with tears in their eyes, "Fred was one of those people that could make you feel better just by talking to you. He was something very rare today, a true gentleman, and we should all be thankful for the short time that his life touched ours."
Mike stepped back and turned around to the band for a minute and wiped his eyes. He turned around and spoke again, "Sam Puckett has asked us to play two songs dedicated to Fred's memory from her, so here we go," they began to play a tune and Carly looked at Sam and reached out to pull her closed as Sam laid her head on her shoulder and wept quietly.
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
Carly could feel the tears roll down her own face and felt the huge hole open in her heart where Freddie had been.
Sam couldn't feel much of anything but a sense of profound loss and regret. She would never know what they could have been or how far they could have gone together and that was what was killing her a little every second every hour.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
So far away
been far away for far too long
So far away
been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
The crowd stood quietly as the band began to play the second song. Sam leaned heavily on Carly when it started to play and Carly finally understood the true depth of Sam's love and loss of Freddie and her heart ached for her friend.
How do I,
Get through the night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
[ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/l/leann_rimes/how_do_i_ ]
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything real in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Real in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?
The dean took the stage again and told the group that it was time to walk to the quad. Three thousand people walked in silence and stood in the snow as they all said one final goodbye to Fred Benson.
.
As the dawn broke over the mountains, Stan White woke up and noticed the sky was clear and the snow had stopped. He looked at Fred who was shaking so hard that Stan imagined he could here the broken ribs rattle in his body. He crawled over to the logs and grabbed two more and put them on top of the others in the fire. He then crawled back to Fred and began to check him out again. He still had blood with tiny bubbles in it coming out of his mouth, his right arm was twisted into an awkward position, he had two rib bones sticking out (the cold had probably saved him from bleeding to death), and he was running a very high fever and was in and out of consciousness and probably wouldn't last another night in this cold. The cold water he has waded through to get the emergency kit and blankets that had made him sick.
Fred's eyes snapped open and he began to shout, "The taco truck Carly look out, I'm her bacon. But you love bacon Sam and you just called me bacon, so what does that mean? Mom you got to get better so I can marry Noel and have germ free babies."
"Easy son," Stan took some snow and rubbed it across his forehead to cool him down, "The cavalry should get here soon just hold on. I got you."
Fred seemed to snap out of the delusions and said to Stan, "Listen Stan, you here that? It sounds like a helicopter, help me up I've got to shoot off one of those flares!"
"I here it son," Stan moved enough so that Fred could get up. Fred stood up very shaken and grabbed the flare gun and fell back down again. He then crawled out of the shelter and fired the flare. One minute later a Mountain rescue 'chopper flew over head and sat down as close to the tiny shelter as they could. Fred never saw them land, he had passed out again. After looking them over, the medics loaded both men on the 'chopper and radioed ahead, "This is rescue six, we have two male survivors, one critical condition, we need to get to the closest hospital around which is Glory," the radio then was filled with shouts and the sounds of people rushing to do things and the unmistakable sound a shock machine charging and then the shout of "clear" and then the sounds of relief from the crew.
"He's flatlined on us once, have the whole trauma stand by our ETA to Glory Hospital E.R. is ten minutes."
"Roger that, they are standing by," the dispatchers voice said.
.
Well I did a little better on the post time here. I hope you like the story so far. Still more to go, so thanks for hanging in there with me. As always, let me know what you think.
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