Chapter 10: The reason why
That evening, after a long while of sitting by Neji's bed, a nurse came in. Sasuke looked at her anxious. Neji had been unconscious all night and Sasuke had been worried sick. What if something was really wrong with him? What if it was something really, really serious? What if he wasn't gonna wake up? Sasuke didn't even wanna think of losing someone else again.
"..Hello, you are the one who brought him here, right?" The nurse said, while she sat down, facing him.
Sasuke nodded. "Yes...what's wrong with him?" He asked softly, scared of what she might say.
She sighed softly.
"I need to take contact with his family about this, but well." She said. "I fear he is anorexic."
Sasuke stared at her in disbelief. Neji? Anorexic? It did make sense somewhere. But he had been eating...right?
"...Why do you think that?" Sasuke asked carefully.
"It seems that he has barely eaten anything, since, probably, a few weeks. He's missing a lot of substances he has to have." She answered. "And of course, he is very skinny."
"Yeah...He's been sick a couple of times...Is there any way to...cure him?" Sasuke asked. Neji couldn't go on living like this or he'd...die..
"As you can see, we've got him on an infuse and he needs to get some teachings about this." The nurse said. "We need to find out why he has it."
"..But he'll be ok right...?" Sasuke asked. He could only hope Neji would be fine. But he had to. He just had to be fine.
"I hope so." The nurse said. "He probably will. Most cases of people who are anorexic are alright in the end."
"...Then what if he's one of the others?" Sasuke asked, more concerned then he ever was.
"Well it could be deadly." The nurse admitted. "Are you a close friend of him?"
Sasuke bit his lips. "...I'm his boyfriend.." He softly said. If Neji would die he.. he wouldn't know what he would do. He couldn't lose Neji too.
The nurse looked at him full of compassion.
"Then I guess he will be fine." The nurse said. "Most cases of people who are anorexic want to be thin because some people think they are ugly."
Sasuke nodded. He just wanted Neji to wake up now and be fine. Be happy with how he looked. That he would want to eat. That he would stay there, with Sasuke.
"Do you have any idea of how he could have gotten this illness?" The nurse asked, looking at Sasuke.
"I don't know..." Sasuke softly answered as he kept staring at Neji. He wished for the nurse to just go. Just leave him alone.
"..Alright then." The nurse said, standing up. "..I'll check up on him in an hour."
Sasuke nodded. "Thank you.." He said and waited for the nurse to leave. Once she was gone, Sasuke grabbed Neji's hand and stared at him intense as if willing him to awaken right then and there.
But Neji didn't. It took a few minutes more. Ten to be exact. At that time, Neji let out a soft moan, while his eyes slowly opened.
Sasuke stared Neji as he woke up. At least that was a good thing. But his eyes turned from soft to stern. Angry even. How could Neji have done this in the first place? How could he have been so reckless?
Neji's eyes focussed now and he looked around, until his eyes rested on Sasuke.
"...I'm so sorry.." Neji softly said as he saw Sasuke's face.
"Are you stupid or something? Why did you never tell me? Why did you do it in the first place? Are you a fucking idiot?" Sasuke asked angry as he gazed at Neji.
Neji looked away now. "...I'm so sorry Sasuke..." Neji whispered. He felt so ashamed now.
"Look at me! What were you thinking!? Really Neji! Did you think this would help you!? Or me!? Did you think it would help one bit!? It doesn't Neji! It's fucked, I don't want you to ever not eat three meals a day! EVER! Do you understand that!?" Sasuke yelled furious. He had been so angry all day, but it wasn't really anger that drove him to yell. It was concern. Relief.
"...I j-just thought I was a freak, s-so.." Neji softly said, now finally looking Sasuke in the eyes.
"You should've told me Neji! You can't lie to me! You could have died Neji! Did you realise that!? Do you realise what that would've done to me! DO YOU!?" Sasuke yelled at Neji.
Neji bit his lip as he stared at his blanket. He felt tears in his eyes. He was so stupid..
"You could've died! You could've died and you could've left me too! Do you have any idea how much that would hurt Neji..? If I would lose you too.. I..." Sasuke started to calm down now. Or rather, break down. He just couldn't handle almost losing Neji too. His eyes started to water and for once in his life, he didn't care.
"..I'm s-so sorry.. I.. I've had it f-for a few years now.. Please forgive me.." Neji softly said. He kept biting on his lip.
"..You could've died too..." Sasuke whispered as he, for the first time after his parents died, let tears stream down his face. He bit his lips as he let the tears run.
Neji now let out a soft gasp. He stared at Sasuke, with a frown on his face, as if he finally realised what he had done. Then his lip started to tremble and he grabbed Sasuke's hand, trying to pull him closer.
"..I'm s-so sorry.. S-Sasuke.. I.. S-Sasuke.." Neji softly said, really needing Sasuke now.
Sasuke desperately kissed Neji's face a couple times before pulling him in a hug, still crying and sobbing. "...J-just...stop.." He begged Neji.
"..I'm s-so sorry.. I w-will... I will.." Neji sobbed, while clinging onto Sasuke.
"...Y-you could've...d-died.." Sasuke sobbed as he let all the tears come out that he kept away. He didn't care anymore. For once he could break down. Because Neji was still there, but Neji could have easily been gone too. And he couldn't have someone else he loved die.
"..I k-know.. I know.." Neji shakily said, while stroking through Sasuke's hair.
"..Y-you could've died...just like t-them.. I c-could've lost you too...I can't lose y-you too...it's already h-hard enough.." Sasuke cried as he held onto Neji even tighter.
"...I'm s-so sorry.." Neji sobbed. "..I'm s-so s-sorry.. p-please don't c-cry.. please.. s-sorry.."
"...P-please...don't m-make me lose you t-too.. I'll b-break if you die...I'll 'die' if you d-die.." Sasuke cried desperately, clutching onto Neji.
"..S-Sasuke you're b-breaking me with t-this.. p-please.. calm down.. p-please.." Neji sobbed, as more and more tears were coming out. "..I f-feel so b-bad..."
Sasuke kept quiet for some time, apart from the crying and sobbing he did. He just couldn't stop. Everything he had ever kept in, all came out now. He was so overwhelmed by it all he just couldn't stop crying.
"..I'm s-so sorry.." Neji sobbed as he felt himself becoming more and more tired again. He was already using too much energy while he should be resting now.
"..P-please just...eat..." Sasuke said after a while, once he finally started to calm down somewhat.
Neji nodded. "..I'm s-sorry Sasuke.." Neji whispered.
"...I l-love you so much Neji.." Sasuke said as he sniffed a little and then pulled back from the hug a little to look at Neji. He stroke over Neji's cheeks. Sasuke was so glad Neji was still there.
Neji's lip was still trembling and tears were still coming out of Neji's eyes.
"..Y-you shouldn't.." He sobbed, shaking his head. "You s-shouldn't..."
"..W-well I do...You're pretty Neji...and smart, and nice, and sweet and 'so' p-patient with me...You're everything I want Neji.. everything I need.." Sasuke said, calming down. He wiped his tears away before he wiped Neji's off too.
Neji kept shaking his head, while the tears kept coming out. "..I'm o-only hurting you.." Neji sobbed.
Sasuke grabbed Neji's head and made him look into his eyes. "You're not Neji...you're not.. You're making me happy...I was just scared of losing you but that's ok...It just came out now, it wasn't just you...I love you.. You're not hurting me at all." Sasuke said, trying to comfort Neji. He wasn't angry at him anymore. He was just happy that Neji was still there.
"..Y-you were c-crying.. a-and angry.. I j-just.. G-god I'm so t-tired.. confused..." Neji sobbed, shaking his head again. He was really confused about all this.
"I was crying because it brought out feelings I kept away Neji...And because I was scared of losing you and relieved you were still there...I was angry because of that too.. I get that you're tired.. this is too much for you now..." Sasuke said as he kissed Neji's forehead softly. "But don't you forget that I love you.."
Neji looked at him, still sobbing. You could see that he wasn't focussing, he was looking around wildly. It was obvious that he was out of it at the moment.
Sasuke grabbed Neji's head again. "Neji...go to sleep." He said softly and lay him down. He kept stroking through Neji's hair. He just needed his rest now.
Neji rolled onto his side now, pulling his knees up towards his chest and stared ahead of him, the tears still leaving his eyes, now without a reason.
"..I love you Neji.." Sasuke said and after that, he kept repeating it until Neji was fast asleep. He figured Neji needed the reassurance.
After a while of sleeping, Neji woke up, still in the hospital bed. When he opened his eyes everything was white. Slowly, as he blinked a few times, he started to see everything again. The first thing he spotted was Sasuke, sitting on a chair. Sleeping. Neji smiled while everything else came into view. Had Sasuke stayed that long with him?
"..Hey.." Neji softly said, as he pinched Sasuke's hand. Sasuke's hand had his own hand in it.
Sasuke moaned a little and moved his head before he opened his eyes. He turned it towards Neji sleepily and stared at him. "..You're awake.." He said softly and smiled a little.
"..You look cute.." Neji softly said, smiling at Sasuke.
"..Thanks..." Sasuke said, rubbing his eyes. He then looked at the clock. It was already evening. A good 24 hours later after Neji had fallen asleep. "..How are you feeling now?" He asked Neji. He was still sleepy and ready to just go back to sleep. But he wouldn't.
"..Better.." Neji softly said, pinching Sasuke's hand again.
Sasuke gave a soft pinch back and smiled. "Good. You slept for 24 hours or so." He said. "But that's ok, you needed it."
Neji nodded, while he sat up. Damn, he needed to move a bit more.
"The nurse said you could go home tomorrow if you were feeling better, but that she would make sure you could go to a therapist." Sasuke said as he stroke Neji's cheek with his free hand.
Neji nodded. "They think that I'm crazy now, don't they.." Neji muttered.
"No. Just that you need a little help with getting your self steam on track." Sasuke said. "Neji...how could you ever think you needed to lose weight?" Sasuke asked.
"..Well.. I just thought of myself ugly.." Neji muttered, a bit uncomfortable about the subject.
"Well why? You're so pretty Neji. Someone like you should never think he was ugly, so why did you?" Sasuke asked.
"..Well.. I just thought so.." Neji said, shrugging. "..I still don't think of myself as handsome or something.."
"Who told you you were ugly Neji? You're so, 'so' pretty. I just can't see why you would think that." Sasuke said. He just didn't get it.
"..They called me a freak on school so I guess that meant ugly hm.." Neji muttered.
"That doesn't automatically mean you're ugly Neji. They were probably just jealous because you look frigging good. Neji really...stop thinking that." Sasuke said as he kissed Neji on the cheek. "Be happy."
"..I think.. my eyes freaked them out.." Neji softly said.
"That can happen.. But Neji...they're the prettiest I have ever seen...the prettiest that have ever looked at me...And I'm really not just saying that.. I love your eyes...just like I love you." Sasuke said softly as he kissed Neji on his cheek again and kept his head close to Neji's.
Neji was silent for a moment and then smiled at Sasuke.
"..Thanks.." Neji softly said. "..I'm just so different.."
"Yeah and I'm mister normal. Neji being different isn't bad. It's what made me like you more then anyone else." Sasuke said.
"..Really?" Neji asked.
"Yes, really Neji. I love you for who you are. Because you cared for me and because you are different. I like that. I like it that you have your moments of being totally crazy and that you're concerned about me, even when you didn't know me and that you look at me with your pretty eyes and the way you laugh and everything else about that I forgot to mention." Sasuke answered and smiled.
"..But I lied to you.. so much.." Neji softly said, looking at Sasuke.
"I lied to you too...So we're even. Neji I really don't care as long as you're here and who you are." Sasuke said and looked back at him with a soft look on his face.
"..I only ate one pancake that time..." Neji softly said, while smiling a bit sadly at Sasuke.
Sasuke smiled. "...I see. Then you'd better eat two next time." Sasuke said and kissed Neji. He really didn't care that Neji lied. As long as they would share everything together from now on.
Neji nodded, while he kissed back and put his arms around Sasuke's neck. He'd never lie to Sasuke anymore. Never.
After a while of sharing another of their passionate kisses, Sasuke pulled back. "I love you Neji.." Sasuke said and then kissed Neji again.
Neji smiled as he sighed into the kiss. Yes.. he loved Sasuke too. He'd never want to be apart from Sasuke. They belonged together. They had to.
Epilogue
The wind blew. Two figures were standing before the grave of their parents, finally having have gained the courage to visit it. The older one turned to look at his little brother.
"I think we finally got everything straight again, right?" He said, with tears in his eyes.
"I think we do..." The younger said, tears already on his cheeks. They kept staring at the grave, for the first time after it was placed.
Itachi smiled. Yes.. everything was alright again. They could finally look at their parent's grave. They finally had the chance to cry over their loss. They finally were happy again. They were alive.