Late May, 1942, London
Arthur sat with Leon and Alfred at the table very quietly. It was a very somber night for the three of them, for it was Alfred's last night in London. No one really felt like eating. Instead, they all just pushed their food around their plates until Arthur asked if everyone was done. The replies were short and mumbled, so Arthur cleared the table.
Leon wasn't his usual self that night. That night, he was very quiet and tight-lipped. He kept his head down and wouldn't really make eye contact with anyone. It worried Arthur very much, and he had no idea how long it would last once Alfred left.
Alfred knelt next to Leon once they had all gotten up. "Hey, what's eatin' you, kid?" he asked, frowning. "You've been moping around all night. I know I'm leaving and all, but I promise that I'll come back to you. If you want proof, you can even give me something to bring back to you to prove it. And if I don't end up bringing it back, you can hate me forever. How does that sound?"
Leon immediately turned back into his regular self and bolted toward his room, returning moments later with a small rubber ball. "This is my favorite ball," he explained. "I really liked to play catch with it with Miss Victoria. Maybe you and Captain Williams can play with it." He shrugged and held it out to Alfred. "You better bring it back, Alfred. It's my favorite, and I want to play catch with you and Daddy."
Alfred slowly and carefully took the ball from the small child. "You got it, buddy," he said, ruffling Leon's hair. "I won't let a thing happen to this ball." He put it in his shoe by the front door so he wouldn't lose it. "And that ball will come right back to you, big guy. I swear it."
Leon smiled brightly. "Good! It better!" He grinned widely. "Because it's my favorite ball, and you're my favorite soldier! Just don't tell Captain Williams that!"
Alfred laughed loudly, causing Arthur to cast him an annoyed look. "Don't worry, I won't."
.
That night, Alfred sat with Arthur on the couch. Arthur was seated on Alfred's lap as Alfred's fingers absently traced arousing patterns on Arthur's upper thighs.
"Alfred," Arthur quietly stated. "Leon stays asleep once he's asleep usually."
That got Alfred's attention. "Hmm?" he asked, listening intently.
"This is the last time I'll see you for awhile," Arthur began. "So let's, uh…" He hoped he wouldn't have to continue and that Alfred would get the hint.
Alfred smiled and pressed his lips to Arthur's. "Where?" he asked, breath hot on Arthur's ear. He was so aroused that Arthur could now feel it from where he was sitting. How had he not noticed before that? Alfred just kept kissing Arthur, though.
"My bedroom," Arthur stated between kisses. "Let's go."
Alfred stood up, carrying Arthur to his bedroom. He remained kissing his British lover as he laid him out on the bed. His fingers unbuttoned Arthur's shirt with expert ease as he placed kisses down his torso, causing Arthur to moan softly, which made Alfred even more aroused than before. His tongue licked carefully at the waistline of Arthur's trousers.
Arthur moaned out, arching his back. "Alfred," he softly said. "Please, I need more." His trousers felt rather tight in the crotch. "Please." He began to unbutton his pants.
Alfred moved Arthur's hands away, shaking his head. "No, allow me," he said. His hands undid Arthur's trousers and pulled them down, revealing Arthur's fully erect member. He smiled and licked at it, relishing the moans from Arthur as he arched his back. "I need more of those beautiful noises from you."
Arthur was panting softly, feeling as if he were unable to control himself around Alfred. He sat up and shrugged his shirt off, tossing it aside. His fingers unbuttoned Alfred's shirt faster than Alfred unbuttoned his. He slid it from Alfred's broad shoulders and down his arms, tossing it aside as well. He took in Alfred's toned torso, running his fingers along it before kissing and licking it.
Alfred moaned softly. "Arthur, you are just…" He sighed out and ran his fingers through Arthur's hair. "Keep going…"
Arthur eagerly did as told. He managed to get Alfred's pants undone with no help from the American. His eyes stared longingly at his lover's length as it popped through his boxers. He took it into his mouth and licked all around it, Alfred's moans like music to his ears.
Arthur shimmied out of his pants as Alfred followed suit. "Alfred, I want you inside me one more time before you leave," he softly pleaded. "Please, please do this for me." He moved onto Alfred's lap and kissed him feverishly.
"Vaseline," was all Alfred said as Arthur reached behind himself and found the jar. Alfred coated his fingers in it. "Just let me know when."
"Now," Arthur responded. "I want you now." He bounced eagerly on Alfred's thighs.
Moments later, there were quiet moans that grew louder as passionate love-making ensued. Only this time, it was different than before. This time, it was being able to say goodbye. This time, they were expressing how much they really did love each other. This time was their last time for awhile, and they wanted it perfect, which it was.
.
Arthur snuggled with Alfred afterwards. He could barely keep his eyes open as they laid there. They had gone made love three times that night, and he was exhausted. All he wanted was for Alfred to hold him until he finally fell asleep. Though he wondered if that was something he wouldn't get.
"I don't want you to leave," Arthur softly told him. "I want you to stay here with me forever."
"I would give anything to be able to do that," Alfred sighed. "But we can't always get what we want." He frowned. "No matter how badly that want may feel like a need." His lips pressed to Arthur's damp forehead as he looked out the window at the stars. "But I will stay here until you are asleep."
"No," Arthur said. "I need to lock the door."
"I'll put your house key under the mat," Alfred told him. "It will be okay, Arthur. Please, just let me leave you like this. Let me leave while you're asleep. It won't hurt as bad for you that way." He held his breath. He knew it would hurt for him, though, yet his mind wasn't thinking about himself. "And I'll be sure to stop into Leon's room and say goodbye without waking him before I leave."
"Alfred…" Arthur's eyes glistened with tears.
"No," Alfred softly said. "Arthur, please don't cry. Please don't do this to me. I can't let you do this to me." He kissed Arthur's eyelids. "Please stay strong for me tonight. I need you to."
Arthur took a deep breath and nodded. He had to do this. He had to stay strong for Alfred, and he knew that he could. Even if he felt like he was dying on the inside. "I will," he told his love. "I'll stay strong for you."
Alfred smiled. "Thank you." He pressed another kiss to Arthur's forehead. "Why don't we get dressed? I'll get back in my clothes, and you get into nightclothes."
Arthur nodded and numbly dressed himself as Alfred did the same. His heart felt as if it may shatter at any given moment. His fingers were numb, and he was almost unsure of how he managed to get his clothes on himself. But somehow, by some miracle, he did it. He managed to get dressed and managed to crawl back into bed next to Alfred, who snuggled him and made him feel tired, no matter how hard he tried to fight it.
"Arthur, it's okay to fall asleep," Alfred insisted. "Don't deprive your body of something it needs over something like this."
"Something like this?" Arthur asked. He wanted to shake Alfred and ask him exactly what he meant by that! How could he even think to say something like that? What did he mean by something like this?! This was everything Arthur had! And now it was being taken away in a flash, just like Mei was! Arthur felt like his heart wouldn't be able to take it. He felt as if he were dying, but he remembered that he had to stay strong for Alfred. But how was Alfred not falling apart right now? How was Alfred remaining so strong?
"I'm making believe that you're in my arms, though I know you're so far away," Alfred softly sang.
Arthur closed his eyes as he listened to Alfred's amazing voice lull him to sleep. That voice was a singing voice like none he had heard before. It could charm anyone who listened to it, and yet it made Arthur feel special that he was the person Alfred chose to sing to. He began to slowly drift off into a dream world, a dream world where Alfred would stay with him forever.
The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Alfred's voice softly singing, "Making believe is just another way of dreaming, so until my dreams come true
I'll whisper goodnight, turn out the light, and kiss my pillow, making believe it's you."
.
Arthur woke the next morning to Leon crawling into his bed with him. He usually never noticed when his son did that, yet that morning he somehow noticed. His emerald eyes opened to find two brown ones peering back at him.
"Daddy," Leon softly said, "he left a note for me."
"Who did?" Arthur asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Alfred did," Leon said, holding up a piece of paper. He squinted at it. "I can only read my name, but I know it says Leon on the front, and nothing else."
Arthur was immediately wide awake. He sat up and held out his hand for the note, which Leon placed there. His eyes scanned through the note as a smile crossed his face. It was just like Alfred, being so thoughtful as to leave a note behind for Leon.
"What does it say, Daddy?" Leon asked, peeking over Arthur's arm and resting his head on the crook of Arthur's elbow.
Arthur read the note aloud as follows:
Dear Leon,
Goodbyes are always tough, aren't they, kiddo? I'm sorry that we have to say goodbye. But I made sure I had your ball with me when I left your house last night. That way, I'll always have it with me and can't possibly forget it. I'll bring it back to you at the end of this stupid war, I promise you. And like I said before, if I don't, you can hate me forever.
There are some things I want you to know. Your daddy loves you so much, Leon. And I know for a fact that things will not go back to how they used to be before I showed up, because he realized that what was happening was not what he wanted for either you or him. I am glad that you two have each other. I also enjoyed our time together. I had so much fun spending my afternoons playing with you and helping you with homework. There were days I felt like you were my kid brother or nephew or something. I know I will really miss you, and I love you a lot, Big Guy.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your family while I was in London, Leon. I will never forget the kindness you and your father showed to me. When I make my way back through Europe on my way back to America, I will be sure to stop by your house and give my regards. Until then, I'll write to you whenever I get the chance.
Thank you for the magic.
Love,
Private Alfred Foster Jones
Arthur blinked a few times to keep the tears from coming. Never had a piece of paper left him feeling so empty inside. He felt so torn apart and broken and didn't know what to do. But the last thing he wanted to do was lose it in front of Leon.
"Daddy, I'm really going to miss him," Leon said, sniffling. He didn't look up at Arthur at all as he said so, but Arthur knew he was holding back tears. "I think I want to take my bath before school."
"Need help running the water?" Arthur asked.
Leon shook his head. "I think I've got it," he said, getting up. "But thank you. I'll be quick." He quickly got up and headed out of Arthur's room.
Arthur just sat on his bed and finally fell apart. He cried out what he couldn't the night before. His eyes flooded over like a broken dam, and the only thing that could fix it was Alfred, the only thing he didn't have. He just didn't know what to do. His heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces and Alfred was the only thing that could put it all back together. Alfred was the only thing that could make things right again, but he was nowhere to be found. Nowhere. Arthur hadn't felt this alone since Mei died. His heart felt as broken as it had the day Leon was born.
Leon. That beautiful boy brought Arthur back to earth. Arthur had to stay strong for his son. If anything, Leon was worth the pain. It was worth enduring to see Leon smile, laugh, to see Leon happy. Anything was worth that. He had to stay strong for his little boy, like he hadn't for the past five years.
But how would he ever be able to manage any of this without Alfred? How would things be okay without that annoyingly charming American? How would Arthur's heart be able to take this? Would Arthur ever be able to recover if Alfred never returned?
'No,' Arthur mentally chided himself. 'Don't you dare think that way, Arthur Kirkland!' But it was so hard not to! Alfred had a dangerous job, but without that job, they never would have met. Why did everything have to be so complicated and hard? Arthur would never understand why the world had to be this way. And maybe, by this point, he just flat-out didn't want to understand.
.
Mid-June, 1942, London
Arthur sat back in the living room with a cup of tea while Leon did his homework after school one day. The mail had yet to arrive, and neither of them had received a letter from Alfred yet. They knew that war was a busy time and refused to lose hope. Both pairs of ears perked up at the sound of the mailbox opening and closing with a loud, rusty creak.
Leon sprang up from where he was sitting on the floor and Arthur stood. They both hurried to the door to find that it was a letter from Victoria. Leon frowned a little as Arthur scanned through the letter, eyes widening when he saw Alfred's name in it.
"Leon, they ran into each other," Arthur softly said. "She ran into Alfred."
"When? Where?" Leon excitedly asked, jumping around Arthur's legs as he walked back to the living room and sat on the couch.
Arthur frowned as he read the part of the letter concerning Alfred. "Some people were being mean to her at night while she was walking home from a class," Arthur told him, leaving out the part that they were grown, drunk men trying to get her to go home with them. "Alfred and his brother were in a building nearby and heard the racket being caused by it and stopped them. After that, they walked her home and made sure she was safe. She says now one, or even sometimes both, of them walk her home every night that she has a late class."
"That sounds just like what Alfred did for me!" Leon excitedly said, smiling. "He really is a nice person! Alfred is a real hero, Daddy!"
"He really is," Arthur agreed. Alfred truly was a hero in more ways than just one. "He's our hero, isn't he?"
Leon grinned widely. "Now he's Miss Victoria's hero, too! And Captain Williams!" He giggled happily. "This makes me so happy, Daddy! Alfred is the hero that he always dreamed of being!"
"He really is," Arthur agreed with a nod. He smiled at Leon. "How about we get ready for dinner? I'll go prepare it and you stay here and finish your homework, okay?"
Leon saluted Arthur like he and Alfred used to do when Arthur used to give this command when Alfred was around. "You got it, Daddy!"
Arthur smiled to himself, but his heart felt like it was breaking all over again. He left the room before he fell apart in front of Leon. He thought he would be happy to hear from or about Alfred, but why did it hurt so badly? Was it supposed to hurt like this? Why did everything hurt so bad every time he fell in love?