Chapter Ten: In Love and War, All is Fair
I lay in bed trying unsuccessfully to sleep. Ever since we started sharing a bed, I hadn't slept well alone. Normally I did it only to replenish my energy-though truthfully one night without physical contact wasn't enough time to recover. Sleeping with my robe on helped prevent the energy drain, but it wasn't practical or one hundred percent effective. The robe was uncomfortable to sleep in, and we still ended up touching as we slept. Robes tended to shift around during the night, leaving skin exposed. And since Raistlin's health had improved so much, he'd been waking up the way many men do-sexually aroused. As any new lovers know, it's very difficult to resist each other.
At least when you're not fighting.
I can't say I wasn't warned, I thought gloomily as Raistlin continued occupying my thoughts, despite numerous attempts to think of something else. No matter what I tried to think about, it always led me back to him. Was he sleeping soundly tonight, or was he still sitting in the chair studying?
Sometimes, I thought, I'd really like to take one of those spellbooks and shove it up his-
My bedroom door opened, interrupting my brooding thoughts. Not much of a surprise. I'd half-expected a visitor tonight, though I knew better than to hope for much. Expectations led only to disappointment.
"Did I wake you?" Raistlin asked. He carried the Staff of Magius into the room with him, outshining the single candle I left burning. Call me childish, but I didn't want to be alone in the dark anymore.
"No. It's hard to relax in a haunted tower, I suppose," I answered.
Especially when you're upset with the master of that tower, I added silently.
Raistlin sat on my bed, his weight so slight I scarcely felt it.
"It seems I have wronged you yet again," he said with a sigh.
There were a lot of snarky responses I could have given him, but I showed some self restraint and waited for him to continue.
"It is understandable that you feel a connection with Dalamar, since you're both outcasts from your homeland. It's perfectly natural for you to be drawn to each other."
Wait. What?
This wasn't the heartfelt apology I was hoping for. I had no idea what it was supposed to be.
Before I could think of anything to say, Dalamar came into the room. He stopped just inside the door, looking more than a little uncomfortable walking in on our little scene.
"I asked Dalamar to help with an experiment," Raistlin said.
"What experiment?" I asked. "And why in the Abyss do you want to do it in the middle of the night? AND could you ever possibly discuss these things with me before? The way you go about things is just...rude."
"No one will force you to do it, but I thought you wanted to know more about your power," Raistlin replied. Of course he ignored everything else I said. I vowed to pester him about it later, maybe when he was trying to sleep. If he wanted to be an ass, I could be one, too.
"Dalamar is willing to endure a few more wounds in order to test my theory."
"What theory?" I asked.
Raistlin launched into a description of his theory. Essentially he believed my ability to heal would decrease if I tried to heal more than one person at once. He wanted to test it by seeing how fast I healed small cuts on each of them. All I had to do was touch the two guys I was attracted to at the same time. That wouldn't be awkward or anything. Good to know that Raistlin's idea of an apology was to do some experiments together. I would have settled for flowers, or a massage.
"You're not going chop Dalamar's head off and see if I can reattach it, are you?" I asked, half serious. I braved eye contact with the dark elf, expecting him to look angry, hurt, or back to his old seductive facade. Instead I saw uncertainty on his face.
"Of course not," Raistlin said. "The purpose isn't to give him an injury he can't recover from, but to see if anything slows your power."
"You've already given him 'an injury he can't recover from,' haven't you?" I shot back.
Raistlin didn't respond. Dalamar looked surprised that I defended him, but he stayed silent as well.
"Can we get on with it, then?" I asked rudely.
Raistlin stood on my left side, Dalamar came closer and stood on my right, though not as close. The archmage pulled a small knife from one of his hidden pockets, the same one he used in his laboratory for the hourglass pendant spell.
"We agreed to inflict the wounds on ourselves. Did you bring something, Dalamar?"
Dalamar took out a wicked-looking razor blade. "Yes, Shalafi," he said, keeping his voice low.
At least we all had on black robes, so the blood wouldn't make much difference to our clothes. Trust me to find morbid humor in any situation.
"Great. Who wants to go first?" I asked in a mockingly cheerful voice. "You can make it into a game."
Dalamar put an end to my dark humor with a single slash. He raked the blade across his own chest with such force that I knew it was too deep even before he finished. Blood poured from the wound, more blood than I'd ever seen before. The moment seemed to drag on in slow motion. I was frozen in horror at the sight before me.
"Idiot apprentice, why did you do that?!" Raistlin shouted. His words sent me into action. I ran to Dalamar and shoved my hands inside his robe, trying to heal the wound. Dalamar's only response was to fall over. I did my best to catch him, but all I really managed was to cushion his fall somewhat.
Glancing back, I saw that Raistlin looked genuinely worried about his apprentice.
"Can you do anything?" I asked frantically.
"You're the only one that can help him," Raistlin answered. "You need more skin contact. Open his robe."
I opened it enough to reveal his chest and stomach. Now wasn't the time to feel embarrassed. If I didn't put everything I had into healing him fast, Dalamar was going to die.
Modesty be damned. I flung my sleeping gown aside and pulled Dalamar's robe completely open. Wouldn't you know it-he was naked underneath. Thinking only of the urgency of the situation, I laid myself over him, allowing as much skin contact as possible. With all my will I focused my healing power into him, something I'd never tried before. The tingling sensation I was accustomed to became a hundred times stronger. The power radiated from me, driving my body temperature up as Dalamar's plummeted from the blood loss. Ignoring the strain this level of healing was putting on me, I willed the wound to close.
It took an immense amount of energy to slow the gushing blood and seal the gash he'd made, but my will was strong. When I felt the bleeding stop I allowed myself to relax a little, but I dared not cease all healing efforts until I was certain Dalamar hadn't lost too much blood. His skin felt so cold, and there was so much blood everywhere, we were both covered in it.
I shifted my weight so that I was no longer literally lying on top of him, but straddling him. It was only after the initial panic of almost losing him had subsided that I became aware of certain things: my breasts crushed against his chest, his arms wound around me, and that I was sitting in a very prone position on his half-erect phallus. It would have been fully erect if not for the blood loss, I suspected.
I flushed with warmth that had nothing to do with healing powers. Dalamar's eyes opened slowly. He wasn't focusing on anything, though, and he didn't respond to my voice, so I wasn't convinced that he was out of danger yet.
I maintained the skin contact with him, even though it was draining me rapidly. I could hardly hold myself up anymore, so I knew I needed to stop. His wound was definitely closed, at least. I tried to gently pull away from him, but Dalamar wasn't having it. With a grunt of protest he pulled me to the floor so that I was on my back and now he was the one on top. He mumbled something that I couldn't understand, and his eyes were still unfocused. I thought it best to relax and maybe he'd calm down, then I could slip away from him. I didn't want to disturb him anymore than I had to, after all he'd been through.
But instead of calming down, Dalamar kept me pinned under him, spreading my legs apart with his own. For someone recovering from the brink of death, he was very strong.
Raistlin called out Dalamar's name sharply, abruptly reminding me that he was still in the room, witnessing all of this. He must be furious. I'd seen his jealousy flare up before, and I could just imagine what this was doing to him.
"He's unconscious," I said, hoping that would keep Raistlin from doing too much damage.
"Behaving like his normal self, I see," the archmage hissed. Raistlin had definitely seen enough of this show. I needed to get Dalamar off me before he got us both in worse trouble. I was in love with Raistlin, but Dalamar was driving me mad with lust. It really didn't help that we were both naked and in each other's arms.
"Could you get him-" I started to plea for assistance, but Dalamar silenced me with a kiss. The naughty side of me took over then, and I surprised myself by returning his kiss. Just this once, I thought, and maybe Raistlin will stop doing this crap to won't remember any of this, anyway. Raistlin had been hinting that he wanted me to do it earlier, it seemed, and besides, none of this would have happened if Raistlin hadn't come up with his stupid experiment and practically forced me into it. For those reasons I decided to let Dalamar have what he wanted.
What happened next is blurred in my memory. Healing Dalamar had cost me dearly-I was losing the battle with my own consciousness now, hanging on by no more than a frayed thread.
I felt wonderfully warm and aroused, but my vision was fading to blackness and everything seemed to be getting farther and farther away. The last thing I felt was Dalamar, fully hard now and joined with my body. And he was looking directly into my eyes, completely aware of everything.
From far away I heard Raistlin's voice, but I couldn't concentrate on it anymore. I couldn't concentrate on anything. There was nothing more I could do to stay awake.
I'm sorry for messing things up, I thought, then I was gone.