A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews, follows, and favorites! Means a lot! :) On with the story... Warning for mentions of rape, nothing extreme, just putting it out there to be on the save side.

Amanda's POV

"You are getting a second chance, 'Manda, you can look at this situation as one of the worst things that has ever happened to you or you can see it as a second chance." Her sad smile, saddens me.

"Do I need a second chance, Detective? Did I screw the last two years up so bad that it's a good thing that I forget what all happened?" I let out a sob and I feel her grip tighten on my arm. My hand squeezing her in return.

Realization downed on me. Mixed feelings started to make their way through my mind, It's been two years. I never told anyone because… Because there was no baby? What happened? I look up to the brunette that's sitting next to my bed. I have to go, I have to find out what happened. I couldn't have aborted my own baby, could I? I need to leave, now. I need to. My breathing is getting shallow and I feel drops of sweat forming on my forehead. Suddenly a hand on my arm pulls me out of my panic.

"Amanda, take it easy. You'll be alright." Her eyes find mine and immediately a sense of calm falls over me. I take a deep breath.

"That's it, there you go. Deep breaths." There's something so familiar about that voice. My breathing is going back to normal and my body temperature is lowering. I take another deep breath and realize that her hand is still on my arm. Her thumb absentmindedly stroking my arm.

"What happened," I swallow, "Did I lose my baby?" I turn my head to look at her. Her face is one of concern, one of compassion, and one of hurt.

"I don't know, Amanda, I don't know," She shakes her head gently, her eyes filling with tears. I reach for her hand with my own and hold it. We must have gotten pretty close, if she's sitting next to me, crying.

"It's okay, I was a private person." She nods in confirmation. I continue, "Maybe I don't want to know what happened," She nods again before she speaks.

"You are getting a second chance, 'Manda, you can look at this situation as one of the worst things that has ever happened to you or you can see it as a second chance." Her sad smile, saddens me.

"Do I need a second chance, Detective? Did I screw the last two years up so bad that it's a good thing that I forgot what all happened?" I let out a sob and I feel her grip tighten on my arm. My hand squeezing her in return.

"No, not at all. Not at all." She bends forward, towards the bed. "You had it rough, I'm not going to lie to you. But clearly I didn't know all of it." I lower my head in disappointment. Not in her, but in me. I know why I became so private, and why I decided to not share my personal life with my colleagues. But they don't. I must have seem so cold.

"I'm so sorry for shutting you out." I look her in the eyes. Wanting her to know how much I mean those words. She just smiles sadly. "Why don't you tell me about the last two years? How's Franny?" I give her a small smile in return. Trying to lighten the subject, hoping in my heart that she doesn't just have bad things to tell me.

"I have Franny, most of the time, she's been moving between me and your partner Fin. She's going to be so excited to see you," A genuine smile appeared on her face. She's probably just as anxious talking about this as I am. The moment I mentioned my pregnancy, I knew I dropped a bomb on her. Shock had been on her face, unbelief. Before my thoughts stray I hear her speak, A voice so familiar but so unknown at the same time, "The day you started at SVU we were up to our necks in this horrible case…"

A couple of hours later

It was nice to have someone to talk to. She told me mostly about work, cause that's all she knew. This was fine with me cause I don't think I could handle more bad news right now. I'd been listening but my mind kept wanderin' off. Wonderin' about the baby I lost, what had happened. Wonderin' if he knew, not only about the baby, but also about where I was. Every now and then I picked some stuff up, she told me about my sister, and about how she screwed me over. Which is no surprise. We always had this strange love/hate relationship. But no matter what, she'll always be my sister. The only reason they knew about her was because I basically got arrested for the murder of her boyfriend. That's great.

She told me about Fin, Amaro, Munch, Cragen, and how badly they wanted to see me. I told her they could come over later today, my headache was killing me and I figured I should get some sleep. It's alot to take in. I know these people are supposed to be my family, my friends. But I have never met them, at least, I can't remember them. The doctor told me that there's a big chance I'll never remember and I shouldn't get my hopes up. Part of me wishes I couldn't remember for more than two years, the truth about my baby could be ugly. Part of me wishes I could remember 'cause there's a lot of feelings going on that I can't place. Every time Olivia touches me, a powerful surge would rush through my body. Had I been crushing on a straight woman again?

Olivia's POV

I left the room and started walking through the long hallway, that led to the exit, after telling Amanda what all happened the last 2 years. I tried to keep it positive but some things just had to be told, or she had asked about it. Like the situation with her sister. I didn't want to tell her, afraid of how she might react. Afraid it might make her upset and hurt all over again, like she was when it just happened. Again, I hate myself for not being there for her the way I should have been. It was hard to realize that I only know her professional life. There's this whole other Amanda that I don't know anything about. How did we even think we could be dating when we don't even know each other? But then I think back to our kiss and the intimate moments we shared… there was a reason why we considered it. Just thinking about it makes the pit in my stomach flutter. There is also the fact that we'd been trying to open up, before she got shot she had confessed her love for me. Asked me not to break her heart, the memory still haunted me. Now, she doesn't remember. Now, she doesn't even know me. My heart aches, realization dawning on me. This could be a second chance but it could also mean that Amanda will never feel that way about me again. That she won't fall in love with me, that I'll never feel her lips against mine again. I stop when I feel tears threatening to fall, I lean my back against the wall. Hold my head in my hands and slid down. I don't care who walks by, who sees me like this. All I care about is the woman laying in that damn hospital bed and the feelings that she might never get back.

"Detective?" I quickly wipe my cheeks before looking up. It's Amanda's nurse, the one who basically took care of me as well. She brought me meals and woke me up whenever I dozed off, afraid I would lose track of time and show up late for work. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head as I stand up, taking the hand she's offering me, "yeah-" wiping away a stray tear that's rolling down my cheek, "yeah, just... you know... relieved she woke up and she seems to be good," she gives a small smile.

"She has a good partner in you, detective, I'm sure deep down she knows that," she starts to walk away but stops and turns, "don't lose hope, Olivia, some people get their memories back."

She's right, just because she doesn't remember now doesn't mean she never will. I take in a deep breath, and quickly fix my hair before I continue my walk down the hallway. I turn left and exit the hospital with a smile on my face. Amanda's awake and that's all that's important.

At the Precinct

"What's a girl got to do to get some attention around here," I chuckle. I had been standing there for a solid minute and they still hadn't noticed me.

"Wow, aren't you in a good mood, Detective" Fin smirks and then continues, "we're all catching up on our paperwork." his smirk turned into a face of confusion. "Why are you in such a good mood?"

"Amanda woke up!" I practically yell. Nick and Finn are instantly on their feet, ready to grab their coats. Than it sinks in that I have to tell them that she doesn't remember. "Guys, settle down." Fin's face falls as he notices that my mood suddenly changed again. "Take a seat, I'm going to get Cragen, I'll explain everything when we get back." I nodded at their confused and concerned looks and walked over to the sergeants office. I stepped down as sergeant as soon as they told me Amanda was in a coma, Cragen was happy to come back. I knocked on his door and opened it, "Sir, do you have a minute? I have something to share with you and the boys." I nod towards the squad room. I leave and wait till he also made his way over.

"Amanda woke up," once again I saw their faces lit up, "but... uhm... well, I'm just going to come straight out with it. She doesn't remember the last 2 years," Fin's mouth literally falls open and Nick just looks even more confused than he was before. Cragen's head is hanging down and when I looked closely I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I continued, "the last thing she remembers is taking the job but according to her, she didn't make it here yet.

Fin was the first to react, "she doesn't remember us?" I shake my head and he now too, lowers his head.

"Will she remember?" Is Nick's first question.

"The doctors can't say that for sure. Some do, some don't, we'll have to stay hopeful," I nod my head.

"How is she, though? Is everything, you know, working?" Fin speaks up again, his eyes filled with tears and his hands gesturing towards his upper body and legs.

"Everything seems to be functioning fine, her reflexes are good, and she has feeling in her legs. Her state of mind, too. Honestly, I don't know how she's holding up right now but she seems calm and she would like to meet you guys." both Fin and Nick's face's light up.

Cragen clears his throat, "you told her about us?" He had been surprisingly quite.

"Yeah, she wanted me to fill her in on the last two years, so I told her about you guys. Left out the really bad stuff, doc says it might be too much for her right now. We don't want to mess with her head. She asked about her sister so that's basically the only thing I told her. I told her what great of a detective she is and about Franny. Keep it light for now, okay?" They all nodded their heads.

Amanda's POV

Mean time at the hospital

Just after Olivia left I called my friend in Atlanta. I needed to know what happened to my baby.

She told me that I had lost it just after I arrived in New York, that I had went to the doctor and they had told me I lost it due to stress. She told me that my "one-night-stand" never even found out I was pregnant. That's what I told everyone, I had an one-night stand and got pregnant. That's not exactly what happened but no one needs to know. It's what makes me good at my job, it's what thrives me to go to places someone else would never go, just to catch the guys who hurt other people.

I would never abort my child but these circumstances were different. The moment I found out I was pregnant was one of the hardest and toughest in my life. I was pregnant with some asshole's baby, the father of my child was not someone I was willing to be attached to for the rest of my life. He had hurt me, in the worst way possible. I started shaking, just thinking back at what had happened. Tears started streaming down my face and it became harder to breathe. Flashes of images hit me like blows to the head. His hands around my neck. My head started throbbing. The sound of his belt buckle. My heart was racing. The sharp pain that shot through my body as he invaded me, invaded my hopes and dreams and destroyed them, invaded me as a person. Everything turned black.

Olivia's POV

We turned the corner that would lead to Amanda's room. The boys were bantering about how they would introduce themselves. It is hard, having to introduce yourself to someone you've known for 2 years without getting to personal. A sound makes me look up from where I was starring at my feet, nurses are running into Amanda's room and some red light is blinking above her door. I throw my arm in front of the guys, "wait here," they follow my gaze and don't ask any questions.

I run towards her room when I see her nurse walking out of the room. "Annie!" I yell to get her attention, "what's going on?"

She walked over towards me, "She lost consciousness, we're not sure but it looks like she had a panic attack."

My mind is running a thousand miles per hour, "is she going to be alright?" I place my hands on hips, breathing out to bring my own heart rate back to normal.

"We won't be sure till she wakes up, again, unfortunately. This combined with the severe head injury she suffered 3 months ago-" she sucked in a short breath, "we can't make any promises, Olivia," she said with a sad look in her eyes.

I let my hands fall next to my body. Not again, we just had her back. She had been fine when I left her, what had gotten her so upset that she had a panic attack? I feel a stray tear, once again, trail down my cheek. I wipe it away before turning towards my team members who are impatiently waiting for me. Once I reach them, they already know I'm coming to bring bad news. Luckily it's not as bad as they might thought it had been.

"I'm afraid now's not a good time. She uh... she had a panic attack and is- is unconscious at the moment. She'll wake up but they don't know what the consequences might be." I swallow hard before passing the boys and walking fast towards the exit of the hospital. She can't do this to me, she can't leave me. Not like this, not without knowing how I feel about her. Not knowing that I want to get to know her so much better. All these months I've been so afraid to lose her, then she wakes up and pulls a stunt like having a panic attack! I can't believe I'm mad at someone who took a bullet to the head for me. These days, I don't even know how I feel anymore. It's been one hell of a ride and I have a feeling that it's not going to get any better anytime soon

Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think! :)

- B.