Hey everyone!

A massive thank you to all those who reviewed the last chapter! I really appreciate it and will be taking your reviews on board.

This chapter may ask more questions than answer them, but Gabby is still a big mystery to Matt and he knows little about her past. It won't be easy for Gabby to tell him everything, if she tells him at all, Matt may have to refer to other means to figuring her out. And Matt also has secrets, secrets that Gabby will become more aware of in the coming chapters.

I hope you enjoy this one! There's also a little surprise thrown in for you all!

oxoxox

Dawson

"Did you just voluntarily give Matt coffee?" Shay asks with a baffled tone as I try to balance her coffee, as well as Kelly's and my own, in my hands.

I narrowed my eyes at her for making a scene out of this, "To save him nagging me for coffee, that's why."

The teasing look in her eye was tempting me to throw the hot liquid into her lap as I plopped down beside her, "Yeah right, that's why you two have stopped arguing so much lately."

Matt shrugs this off when Shay looks at him, "I still think that she's a bitch."

I glared at him, "And I still think that you're an asshole."

Kelly ruffles my hair, "You still holding a grudge Gab? Come on, that can't be fair to the guy!"

I shake my head, "I'm not holding a grudge..."

Matt laughs from the arm-chair, "Nah, she just hates me," he says, giving me a quick look that told me that he was really amused at the fact that he was teasing me. Thinking that I'd be getting him back for this, I nod my head.

"Too right."

"...So Kelly, who's this cop chick you're hooked up with?" I ask a few moments later and watch as Kelly turns to glare at Shay, as she'd been the one to tell me about this cop.

I nudge his stomach lightly, "Come on Kel, you can tell me."

He lets out a breath of air, a twinkle in his eye that I never got to see enough of as he began to talk about her. Whoever she was, I knew that she was special to him. More than just a booty-call and a few hook ups, she meant something to him.

"We're taking it slow," he answers, focusing anywhere but my scrutinizing eyes. I laughed at him.

"That's code for 'I really dig this chick' Kel, who is she?"

"It's Erin..." he answers with a soft look in his eye as he looked down at me and I couldn't meet his gaze for long before I looked away. I felt Shay rest a hand over mine.

They all came rushing back, the memories of that night flooding my mind like a dam had been broken. Erin knew, she knew everything, she was there.

"Erin's a really great girl Kelly," I murmur quietly, acutely aware of Matt watching Kelly and I with a look of deep confusion in his eyes. Wondering why all of a sudden I couldn't meet his eyes.

"I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how and Shay said that I needed tell you. So that's why she told you that I was dating someone to get you to ask me... She didn't want to keep you in the dark and I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how," Kelly explains, running his hand back and forth my arm to comfort me.

I nod my head, straining to keep the tears at bay, "I get it. It's okay..."

"Who's Erin?" Matt finally asks, probably feeling kept out of the loop. I look up at Kelly and tell him with my eyes not to tell Matt, I didn't him, or anyone, to know.

"She works with my brother at District 21... I've known her since I was eighteen..." I explain before I can't take no more and I stand and head for my room, pangs of buried guilt finally resurfacing and hurting me more than ever.

I could feel Matt's eyes on me as I walked up the stairs, hearing Shay explain, "They had a big falling out a few years back and they haven't talked since."

I lock my bedroom door behind me, throwing myself onto the bed as the tears began slipping down my face. I wasn't sure that I could face Erin after six years, after everything I'd said and done. There had been a few times where I had to be around her due to Antonio working with her and staying friends over the years. Times where I'd seen her after visiting everyone at 21. I knew that Shay and Kelly were still friends with her, but they never really mentioned her to me.

But I'd never expected for Kelly and her to get together. Truth is, I should've seen it coming. It had been obvious for years.

I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing her. Erin was tied to that night, tied to it until the end of time just as I was. She was a constant reminder of what happened. Could I deal with seeing her with Kelly? Here? At the apartment?

I would have too, if she'd found happiness with Kelly then she deserved it. I was the one at fault.

"Who you calling?" Matt asked casually as I grabbed the house phone from the coffee table. When I was in my room earlier I'd heard Kelly leave, presumably to see Erin, and Shay leave too, heading out for a date.

I'd emerged when I thought it was safe, but I found Matt on the sofa watching TV and I wasn't going to cower away from him, he didn't know about that night nearly six years ago. He didn't need to know.

"The hospital," I answer quickly as I dial Lakeshore's number and Matt looks up at me with genuine concern.

"Checking up on the kid from yesterday? Dawson no," he says as he gets up and tries to take the phone from me. I push him away as the line connects.

"Dawson, I'm serious. Don't do this to yourself," Matt says as I explain why I was calling to the man on the other end of the line.

"You're the paramedic who brought him in?... Okay, just hold on a sec..." the man sighs and Matt gives up on pulling the phone from my hand.

"I'm sorry miss, we lost him earlier this morning..." I murmur a thank you and hang up, the phone slipping from my hand.

I was so numb that I couldn't cry, even though I wanted to. Matt seems to understand as he exhales slowly, kneeling down beside me. I stare out the window, watching as a street light flickered quickly, the light hurting my eyes. When I feel Matt's hand rest on my knee, I slowly look at him, his face was full of concern and sadness.

"It wasn't your fault," he says quietly, those beautiful blue eyes full of honesty.

I shake my head, "I've screwed up so many things."

Matt's hands cup my own, "I don't believe that."

I laugh darkly, entranced by our hands intertwined together, "You've known me for a few months Matt and we don't even get along. We're using each other for sex - don't you see how screwed up that is?"

"I know that you're a good person and it's not screwed up... it's human."

More tears trail down my flushed face, "Kelly didn't tell me about Erin because he didn't want to make me feel awkward. But the truth is, he's not gonna want to bring her home in case I run into her. Their relationship just became a whole lot more complicated because of me..."

My hands were so warmed in Matt's and I wanted to push my body closer to his, I wanted his arms around me, but I didn't dare move, "What happened between you and Erin?"

I shake my head as tears run down my fast much more quickly, "She did nothing wrong... It was me, Matt..."

He pulls my head into his chest, rubbing a now free hand in circles on my back, "What happened?" he murmurs as I sob into his shirt.

"I blamed her... for everything..."

"Gabby-"

"She's the reason I'm not dead, Matt."

There was no way that Matt could be anymore confused if he tried, but I couldn't speak about it. I couldn't. It hurt too much, and I couldn't let him in. I whisper a 'thank you' against his chest and bolt out of his arms and up the stairs, hiding away in my room.

Hiding from everything.

Severide

"You told her?" Erin asks quietly as she fiddles with the buttons of my shirt, resting against my chest. My arm was wrapped around her back as we lay on the sofa, no longer watching whatever was on the TV before us.

I nod as I take a sip of my beer, "Shay didn't want to keep it from her any longer and I can't say that I disagreed."

Moments passed before she spoke again, "How did she take it?"

I sigh deeply, "She was upset with herself."

"I want to talk to her," Erin says with determination, her raspy voice echoing in my head. I clutch her hand on my chest, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"I don't think that it's a good idea Erin, not right now..."

"Why?" She questions fiercely, "We can make it right. I think we both need that."

I frown, Erin had a point, a good point, she always had, but Gabby wasn't ready, "Gabby's fragile Erin, she's not who she was before. She does a good job hiding it, but she's hurting."

Erin sighs sadly, pained creases appearing in her forehead, "Her parents were killed six years ago Kelly, she needs to deal with it or it'll ruin her forever..."

"I know," I murmur, unable to meet her eyes for a moment, "I think something happened to her in Denver."

"Like what?" Erin answers, dropping the subject for now at least.

I shake my head, "I don't know, all I know is that one minute she never wanted to come back to Chicago and the next, she's moving in with us. Something happened, maybe something with her boyfriend."

Erin hears the hidden message in my words, like she always did, "You want me to do some digging."

I nod, "If you can, please."

Erin reaches up and presses a kiss against my lips, "If it'll help Gabby, then yes, I'll do it."

"Thank you," I answer quietly, placing my beer on the floor before I pulled Erin up and onto my lap, kissing her fiercely and passionately.

Somehow, I had to find a way to help Gabby, to help her and Erin reconnect.

"Otis, man, you're so gonna lose this bet," Cruz mocks as he helps Mills out in the kitchen. Otis sulks and drops his newspaper on the table, turning in his chair to argue back.

"Don't be so sure of yourself, Cruz."

A loud huff of distaste escapes from Mouch from behind me on his couch and I swivel my head to look at him, "Please tell me that you two are not betting against Casey."

Otis rolls his eyes, "We're not betting against him, we're betting on how much he'll pass the test by. I say 80-90% and Cruz says 90-100%, we're only betting on how smart he is."

After Hines had retired last week Matt had filled in for him while the he waited for the results of his Lieutenant's exam. I was sure that he'd ace it, but we could only wait and see. Matt had gone to collect his results half hour ago and now we were waiting, hoping for good news.

Mouch rolls his eyes, "Tell him that when he's your Lieutenant."

Herrmann chuckles beside me, "Nah, Cruz and Otis are too scared of him for that..."

"Hey!" Cruz exclaims with a wooden spoon in his hand, "You guys have seen what kind of punch he throws!"

Mills looks at Cruz with confusion, "Who did Casey punch?"

"Ted Griffin, he's an internal investigator that was talking trash about Casey's family. Casey had enough of it and lost it," I explain to Mills, but this only leaves him with more questions.

"What happened to Casey's family?" Mills asks innocently and we guys look at each other, knowing looks of sadness and loyalty to our brother. Now wasn't the time to explain further.

Then Boden entered the room, hands on his hips with an unreadable expression on his face.

"So Chief? You heard from Casey?" I ask with expectation and we look all look up at him. Shay bounces up beside the Chief, a look of excitement on her face.

Chief nods a grin spreads wide on his face, "He passed, with a 97," he says for Cruz's benefit, who cheers loudly, "Otis you owe him 100 dollars," Chief chuckles, obviously aware of their bet.

"When Casey gets back, he's officially your new Lieutenant on Truck."

Herrmann rasps a quiet chuckle, "He's been our Lieutenant for a long while now Chief."

Boden pretends to act confused, "Hines had been training him up for months!" I laugh at the Chief, who shakes his head with a cunning grin.

"Just don't tell him that... Oh, and I've got something else to tell you all."

We look at him with confusion and curiosity, before Macaulay appears by his side, "Macaulay is moving to New York with his wife. Starting next shift you'll have a new PIC."

Shay swats Macaulay, "Damn, why didn't you tell me? I'm gonna have to get used to someone new?"

Macaulay looks exasperated, "I sure doubt that."

"Why?"

Chief then takes over, "Gabriela's joining 51."