Ten.

The Tuckers stayed at Caroline's longer than they'd intended, but it was time well spent. Olivia was willing to sacrifice later bedtimes for the fun they had playing cards and trading friendly barbs. When they finally had to say goodbye, Caroline, as usual, demanded they not stay away for too long and it was Brooke who promised she would be back the next weekend.

"I really love this," she said earnestly.

"You're just so far away Grandma!" Sarah interjected. "You need to move to the city."

"Hmph. You need to get out of the city every once in a while so you can keep it real."

Sarah burst into laughter and collapsed into Brooke. "She said keep it real."

Ed and Olivia packed up their brood and began the drive back home. Both were in exceptional moods. They joked about the chair, and Ed mentioned Brooke discovered it but quickly deduced the damage was the result of the heavy tubs. Olivia laughed. Ed smirked. Another secret, just for them.

Ed was turning off the parkway when Olivia took a call from Chief Dodds. She didn't do much talking—there were many uh-uhs and mmhmms and I understands. When she ended the call, her demeanor was significantly less cheerful.

"Haveta go in?"

"No…"

Ed let his hand drift to her thigh, "Then what's wrong?"

"I have to send Carisi undercover."

They were almost home. Ed mumbled a "damn" under his breath but waited until the kids were in bed before delving further into the topic. To his delight, though, the topic was discussed in the Jacuzzi tub.

Olivia's idea.

"Mmmmm, this is so nice," she leaned back, requesting a kiss which he was more than happy to provide.

"Yeah it is."

"I almost don't want to talk about work."

"I want you to."

Olivia summarized the Chief's proposition. Computer crimes had stumbled upon a site on the dark web where users were apparently boasting of "conquests" which seemed to fit the description of the recent Murray Hill rapes.

"They think it's some type of underground brag board and the users aren't necessarily connected. They're one-upping each other. Which explains the escalation." Olivia paused. It seemed strange to have this conversation while sharing the bathtub with her husband, "And since Carisi was the only one not on scene when we took the initial calls, he's a great UC."

"Seems like a pretty good set up."

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?" Ed asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's too soon…I'm not sure he's…ready."

"Liv, everyone, including you, officially says he's ready."

"There's more to it, Ed."

He sat up so they could face each other as much as possible. "What is it baby?"

Olivia winced. Squeezed her eyes closed. Opened them again. Ed's eyes were still on her.

"I'm having a hard time being his commanding officer right now."

"That bad?"

"Ed, he shot and killed a man."

Ed knew about her heart-to-heart with Carisi, but Tucker had a hard time feeling sympathetic for a criminal. Olivia acknowledged the difference between Carisi and Ed. Ed wouldn't think twice or feel remorse after taking someone out. Carisi was agonizing, questioning, replaying, and wishing there would've been some other way out if it.

"It was a good shoot."

"In his eyes, he was playing God."

"The guy's crimes took God out of it."

"I tried to make that point. I'm not sure it landed. And…you know what? I don't know if I'm hesitant because he's family or because he's a member of my squad and just been through this."

"Maybe both."

"Maybe." Olivia settled back into Ed's chest. "Would you be…would you say something if Dodds wanted me to go undercover?"

"Depends."

"On what?"
"You know on what, Liv. The job. The circumstances. The time."

"So you would say something."

"If it were a dangerous assignment, if I felt weird about it, yes I would."

Olivia shot up, sloshing water over the sides of the tub. "Who would decide dangerous?"

Ed wasn't anticipating such a defensive response. "I…would hope we would make that decision together." He twirled a damp piece of hair. "But ultimately…I trust your decisions…so if you thought it was something you needed to do, I wouldn't object."

Olivia dipped her head into his chest. "The thing is," she murmured, "I don't think I would do it."

"And you won't have to," he rasped, "You're the boss. You have a full squad. You don't have to do that stuff anymore."

"But I'm about to ask someone else to."

Ed tangled his fingers in her hair. "They signed up for it. Just like you did when you were younger. Just like I did. Like everyone did." He kissed her. "We've paid our dues, Liv. You gotta realize that."

…..

Sarah playfully ran her fingers through Patrick's chest hair as she took in the view of lower Manhattan.

"This is a perfect place," she said in a raspy voice, "I wish I could find something like this."

Patrick groaned. "You have to go in this early? I don't have an appointment until noon."

"I really need to make an appearance. I'm good…but not that good…yet."

"Why don't you quit your job and marry me?"

Sarah laughed, "Why don't you let me leave and meet me and Noey later on?"

"Noah?
"Yes. I'm getting him today after school. We're going to get a mani pedi and then a drink."

"This is your five year old brother?"

"Yes."

"He can go to day care or something, can't he?"

"I'm picking him up from school," Sarah said, sitting up, "And we're having a nice afternoon together."

"So you're gonna go to work and then go hang out with a little kid."

"Yes," Sarah replied, sitting up, "And, as I've said, he's my brother."

"Just seems like a lot of work."

Sarah found her clothes and started getting dressed. "I promised I would get him today. Other than my work, which I also have to attend to, he's my priority." Sarah gave Patrick a poignant glare. "He will always be my priority."

…..

"Good morning, gorgeous." Ed kissed Olivia's cheek and swatted at her behind on his way into the closet.

"Morning." She approvingly eyed his naked backside. "Going in late today?" Olivia had already showered and got Noah up and parked at the coffee table for breakfast and juice. The babies were still snoozing.

Ed reappeared in sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. "Yeah, have a lunch meeting. I'll take Maggie and Wyatt around ten. You want coffee?"

"No…I'll get some on the way in."

"Sure?"

Olivia smiled appreciatively. "I'm sure. But thank you."

Ed leaned against the vanity. "Feel any better about Carisi?"

"I do," she replied, taking a deep breath. "He's gotta move forward and we have a dangerous ring of rapists out there. Maybe…in a way, this will end up being good for him."

"He'll be fine, Liv. And Brooke will be, too."

"If she doesn't kill me."

"She'll understand," Ed pulled her close and rubbed the small of her back. "God, I hope she leaves that kid alone."

The last thing Ed and Olivia talked about before falling asleep the night before was Brooke's relationship with her former student. Ed scolded himself for neglecting to tell Brooke he'd met Kyle's grandmother, and he also lamented Kyle's inaccurate assumption that Brooke had anything to do with their eviction. Olivia did her best to assuage the undeserved guilt consuming him, and she, too, was alarmed Brooke had been meeting with her former student.

"Me too," Olivia said softly though deep down she had a feeling Brooke would have trouble abandoning Kyle. She put her palms on his chest. "Sweetie, I really have to get a move on here."

"Okay," he kissed the tip of her nose and glanced down at her chest. She had not yet put on a blouse and was wearing only a simple black bra.

Olivia let out a little chuckle, "You know what that reminds me of?"

"What what reminds you of?"

"That little look you just gave me."

Ed raised his eyebrows and let his eyes droop. "I always look at you like this."

"But it reminds me of the time you bought me a drink in that bar…after Amaro's dad was arrested. You snuck a little peek then."

"And you're just now calling me on it?" He asked with mock incredulity, smirking and clasping his fingers against her skin, not quite ready to let her go.

"I guess I was a little distracted by, uh—"

"How irresistibly handsome I was?"

"More like how nice you were."

"God I loved that night. I remember wanting to kiss you so badly I couldn't stand it."

"I remember being a little…confused."

Ed made a smacking noise, "Ah, you were into me."

"I didn't say I wasn't," she cocked her eyebrow, suddenly not so concerned about getting to the precinct early. She leaned up and kissed him. "I've been into you ever since then. And I always will be."

She expected him to go for another, deeper kiss, but he pressed his forehead against hers and intoned, "Liv, last night when you asked me about you going undercover…"

"I'm sorry I reacted that way."

"No, no, you were right. It's just…the times I saw you hurt, in danger, it nearly killed me. Maybe sounds a little selfish, but I don't want to go there again…see you in peril again…I refuse to let anything bad happen to you. So, a UC assignment, Liv? It would scare me. I wouldn't demand you say no, but it would scare me."

Ed rarely displayed such raw emotion, at least, not this type of sentiment. He had no problem pouring his heart out when the topic was how much he loved his family, but Olivia wasn't sure she had ever heard him verbally admit to being scared.

Her fingers tenderly stroked the back of his head. She remembered his face when he took her statement after Lewis killed himself. She heard his voice asking if everyone was okay after Joe Utley learned Ralph had been apprehended. She recalled him leading her away after Utley was killed—the way he kept his arm around her until they got to the car and then radioed for a path to be cleared so they could get to the hospital as quickly as possible.

"I don't want you to be scared," she said in a throaty voice.

"I can handle it…if I have to, but honestly? I'd rather not have to."

"I promise you. I would never make a decision knowing it could hurt our family. Hurt you. The job isn't my whole life anymore. You are."

They kissed and fell into a tight, secure embrace which lasted until they heard Noah calling for them.

"Mommy! Daddy! Babies need ya!"

Ed loosened his grip and kissed her once more. "Sure ya don't want any coffee?" His eyes practically pleaded with her to accept the offer, so she did. At the moment, giving her husband that bit of satisfaction outweighed anything in the world.

…

At the nail salon Sarah read a People magazine, holding it with one hand, and Noah played games on her iPhone while their feet were scrubbed and buffed. Noah's manicure took no time at all, so he had the use of both hands and he swung his arms around, acting out the moves of his avatar. Sarah warned him about dropping the device into the water and Noah merely giggled in response.

"Noey! It's not funny! I would have to get a new phone."

"I won't drop it."

"Promise?"

"Promise!"

"So, how was school today?"

"Good."

"Whadja learn?"

Noah kept his eyes glued to his game, "Ummmm, graphs."

"Graphs? Wow."

"Yup. And some reading."

"Both useful skills. Aren't you going to ask me how work was?"

"How was work?" Noah asked robotically.

"Oh, it was quite boring today actually. A lot of work on the computer. And a few phone calls."

"You talk Spanish?"

"Not today. A whollllle bunch of English."

Noah giggled again. His legs jerked and some of the water splashed. "That tickled!"

The woman working on his foot shot him a quick smile and continued running the buffer along his heel.

"Ope! Sare bear! Got a message!"

"Who's it from?"

"It say P-a—"

"Ugh. Patrick. Ignore."

Noah swiped the notification away and continued playing.

"Noey, do you like Patrick?"

He shrugged and made a "meh" sound.

"Yeah, that's about the way I feel right now."

"Sare Bear, I'm hungry!"

"We'll get something to eat after this. Hey—how are you doing on your art supplies? We're right by DaVinci. Want to get some new stuff?"

"Yeah!"

"You can draw with your left hand okay?"

"I can use this hand, too," Noah held up his right arm, the cast now had so many signatures very few of them were actually legible. The part between his thumb and index finger was worn and nicked.

"Are you supposed to use it?"

"Uh-huh. Just can't go like this," Noah put his palm on the seat but didn't press down.

"Well, I'm proud of you. You handle adversity well."

Noah frowned at the unfamiliar word.

"It means when something bad happens or if you get hurt, you don't get sad."

"Nope! I'm not sad. I didn't cry."

"I know. I was there. So," Mischief crossed Sarah's face, "Who helps you at school when you can't use that hand?"

"My friends and my teachers."

"Which friends?"

Noah looked upwards and twisted his lips. "Mia and Nathan."

"What does Mia do?"

"Holds my paints and opens my bags at lunch."

Sarah was grinning uncontrollably, picturing these scenes and desperately wanting to witness them in real life.

The next time I pick him up I'm going to ask if they need volunteers.

"Hmmm," Sarah mused, "Sounds serious. Is Mia your best friend?"

Noah leaned back in the oversized, plush leather chair, and smiled sweetly. His reply was tinged with exasperation. "Sare Bear, you my best friend!"

…

The undercover assignment flattered Carisi, and he accepted without question, considering it an order rather than an option. He worked with the department psychologist and Rollins on a profile and they got him set up with identification and a virtual presence. The strategy was to stage an assault and subsequently have Carisi take credit in the dark web chat rooms, earning him an invitation to the sites the real rapists used which could then be dismantled by TARU and computer crimes.

"So it's mostly online," Carisi said, taking a bite of his cheeseburger. "And should be resolved pretty quick.

Brooke wasn't so sure. "So you have to pretend to rape someone?"

"Not exactly, well, yeah…"

"And how exactly is that going to go down?"

"I'm not supposed to get into specifics," Carisi replied, "It's, uh, the goal is to bust the guys behind the string of rapes in Murray Hill."

"You told me that already," Brooke snapped.

"Brooke I can't," Sonny held out his arms helplessly.
"I know…sorry…I just…there's a lot going on. Like, are you sure you're really ready for something like this? It seems like you shot that guy and it's had absolutely no effect on you. And that's so…not you."

Other than the night of the shooting, Carisi hadn't said much to Brooke. He chalked everything up to "doing his job," and the two of them hadn't had much alone time since then. Despite Olivia encouraging him to talk more with his wife, the moment seemed to have passed.

"I want to put it behind me," Sonny answered. "If I don't, I can't do my job."

"I get that…but…are you really okay?" Brooke looked into his eyes, searching for angst or sorrow but he stared back at her resolutely.

"I'm working on it."

"Alone?"

Carisi pressed his lips together and his eyes darted around the restaurant as if he were searching for an answer among the patrons. "It's probably the worst thing I've ever had to do," he said slowly, "But I think Liv had the best point—I may have pulled the trigger but that guy killed himself."

Brooke assumed he'd spoken at length to Olivia about the shooting, but him quoting her stung. "So, Liv, the shrink, Rollins…they all get full disclosure and I get 'I want to put it behind me?'" Embarrassed by her petulance, Brooke stared at the table. Perhaps it was unfair to add a jealous wife to everything else facing Sonny, but she couldn't stop herself from making the comment.

Sonny dropped the French fry he was about to eat. "I really want to leave it in the past, Brooke. You're my normal. Please realize that. I don't want the memory of shooting him to permeate my whole life, okay? And I don't want you looking at me and seeing me as a…killer."

Brooke's stomach flip-flopped, but she managed a weak smile. "Well now I feel like a bitch."

Sonny grinned, glad the tension was short-lived. "And I certainly don't want you to think you're a bitch. Because you're not. I should've said this to you earlier…but I…I hadn't worked through it myself quite yet." He grabbed one of her hands. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They finished their meals and took the long way home, strolling hand-in-hand. The undercover operation was commencing tomorrow. Brooke still hadn't told him about Kyle, but she decided that could wait until the squad caught the men terrorizing Murray Hill.

…

Maggie saw Olivia first. She zoomed across the rug and expertly pulled herself up against the half-door separating the infant day care playroom from the main hallway. Soon she and Wyatt would move on to the toddler room, yet another milestone to be celebrated, but not one that came without a hint of melancholy.

She flexed her knees and did the closest thing she could to jumping. When Olivia poked her head over the edge, Maggie squealed and gave Olivia her most excited smile—a grin that was becoming unmistakably hers—she stuck out her jaw and her little lips curled back, revealing her top and bottom teeth.

"Hi my sweet girl!"

Maggie tried to scale the door, desperately trying to get a grip on the faux wood with her pink t-strapped crib shoes.

"C'mere, sweetie." Olivia picked her up and one of the attendants opened the door. She gave her thanks and asked Maggie, "Where's Wyatt? Where's your brother?"

Maggie alertly turned her head back and forth. Once she laid eyes on Wyatt she screeched and squirmed.

"Is that him?" Olivia said, "Yes it is! There's Wyatt! Wyatt! Come here, sweetheart! Time to go!"

Upon hearing his name, Wyatt's head shot up. Like his sister, as soon as he saw Olivia he made a mad dash for her. She scooped him up and kissed his cheeks.

"It's a beautiful day, sweet twins. Mommy brought the stroller."

"Need any help?" The attendant asked.

Both Olivia and Ed were experts at juggling two babies at once by now, and she declined. She grabbed the twins' bags, and once they were seated in the stroller, she put on their jackets, kissed them both on top of their heads, and walked out into the sunshine.

….

Sarah and Noah met Olivia and the twins in the park. Olivia had stopped at home to change and grab a few toys and a blanket, and they were set up in a semi-shaded spot near the ball fields. Noah spotted them first and sprinted over. Olivia didn't see him until he crashed into her from behind, giving her an enthusiastic bear hug.

"Hi sweet boy!" She said, a bit choked but grinning nonetheless.

"Hi Mommy! Hi babies!" Noah gave them both hugs, but then frowned.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"Don't have my ball."

"They miiiight be in the stroller."

He immediately brightened and hustled to the stroller where he found his football and his soccer ball. "Thanks, Mommy!"

"You're welcome. Very polite. I love it."

"Gonna kick the ball," Noah said, "Then Sare Bear can throw the f'ball."

"Stay close sweetie."

"Kay!"

Sarah sat cross-legged on the blanket next to Olivia and held out her hands. "What do you think? Too dark?"

Olivia held her wrist and examined Sarah's fingernails. "No. I like it." She angled it toward the sun, "Is it blue? Gray?"

"Combination of both, I think. I never get something this…punk…but Noey likes it."

"I get that every once in a while…but I haven't had my nails done in a long time. Probably need it."

"Livvie, you always look perfect."

"Ha!"

Olivia's phone pinged.

"If you have to go I'll watch the kiddos!" Sarah offered enthusiastically, apparently forgetting how exhausted she'd been the last time she babysat all three Tucker kids.

"I don't. It's your Dad. Just telling me he's on his way home and picking up diapers on the way."

Olivia stared off into the distance, purportedly at Noah who was practicing his soccer moves a few yards away, but Sarah recognized there were more thoughts running through her head than the actions of her five-year-old.

"Livvie?"

She flinched ever so slightly, "Yeah?"

"Y'okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking about how nice it is to get a text like that."

Now it was Sarah's turn to make a face, "He's going home and buying diapers? Yes…that's sexy."

Olivia pretended she didn't pick up on Sarah's sarcasm. "It is, isn't it?"

"Livvvvvie, gawwwd," Sarah put her head on Olivia's shoulder.

"You don't get it, Sare," Olivia said, "This is all still new to me. All of it. Even buying diapers….and when we talk later we'll be annoyed at ourselves for not going to Costco over the weekend. And it's still…all so…"

Sarah finished the thought, "Perfect…because you never thought you would have all this."

"Any of this. So," Olivia grabbed Maggie who was plucking handfuls of grass. She brushed them away before they went into her mouth. "Yes. I love getting texts like that. But you know what is kinda funny?"

"What?"

"Your Dad texts in complete sentences. With punctuation. And doesn't use any shortcuts. It's adorable."

"Omigod, omigod, omigaaawwwwd that is adorable! I wouldn't know. His texts to me are like, one or two words. But that is soooo cute. And you know what else is cute? These freaking babies. C'mere, Wyatt!"

He was closest, so Sarah snatched him for a quick snuggle. "Okay, okay, I know ya wanna move." She let him go and pouted, "He's usually the one who likes to cuddle."

"Not so much lately. They're both getting ready to walk, I think."

"Wyatt's prolly pissed because Maggie crawled first, so he's going to walk first. But I'm pissed that neither one of them will say Sare Bear yet."

"They haven't said Mommy or Mama either."

"Oh, Livvie, they will. Probably when you least expect it."

"Of course," Olivia gazed at her little ones and then took a glimpse at Noah who was obediently staying close to the blanket.

"Livvie, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"You don't have to answer."

"Okay."

"Did you know Noah was yours when you found him?"

Olivia pressed her lips together contemplatively and was silent for a minute. "You know…I have held so many babies in my career…so many. Sick, abused, malnourished, neglected…products of the worst imaginable circumstances. But the second I laid eyes on Noah—I knew he was meant for me. That's why I went to every family court hearing…I guess…we were just meant to find each other."

Olivia's phone pinged again and she laughed as she read the message.

"Daddy again?"

"Yeah," she said, trying not to become emotional, "Double checking on the diaper size."

Sarah was in the middle of another omigawwwwwd when her own phone rang.

"Ohhh….shit."

"What is it?"

"It's my mom…she collapsed at work, they just had to rush her to the hospital."

….

#Tuckson